Living Maintenance - Having a very tough time...




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CherryPie99
02-15-2013, 05:32 PM
Hey all!

I haven't been posting in chat this week because I am in a very bad place emotionally. Please feel free NOT to keep reading if you don't want to see a total pity party.

DH and I went to visit his niece and her husband over the weekend. I ate like a total PIG all weekend, including what must have been at least 2000 calories worth of trail mix in one sitting. I also did not exercise for 2 days in a row other then walking a few miles one of the days at a leisurely pace around downtown Albany.

I came home prepared to get back on track and have done pretty well all week and still am 2.5 pounds above my "red line" weight. I was really discouraged this morning and then we went to visit a rehab place that we refer to and they greeted us with a HUGE lunch spread. My weakness- free food! - I stuffed myself there, INCLUDING a piece of carrot cake - BTW - I don't even LIKE carrot cake!!

I am in total relapse mode. I am ashamed and discouraged and I feel like a total and complete FRAUD. I've had thoughts creep into my head like - oh well, maybe your weight was too low and 5 pounds higher is okay. To me this is like the alcoholic saying 1 beer ain't so bad.

Part of this I know is complete and total cabin fever. But just today the Judge that I work with and who is trying to lose weight called me his inspiration and I just wanted to cry because I know that it is all bullshit.

Anyway, I guess I've rambled on enough - thanks to everyone who is still reading....

Jen


elvislover324
02-15-2013, 05:46 PM
I'm not in maintenance and don't have any advice but just wanted give you hugs. :hug:

Your success story was one of the first ones I ever read when I joined 3FC and you are such an inspiration to me.

One bad day doesn't mean you have to give up, it just means you are human!

You are an amazing person and have given so many of us helpful advice. I hope one of us is able to help you now.

losermom
02-15-2013, 05:46 PM
Jen, we all have times like these. :hugs: The important thing to remember is that you can put it behind you. 2.5 lbs may seem like a big deal now, but in time you will get past it. Focus on taking really good care of yourself. Now is the time for some non-food pampering.


krampus
02-15-2013, 05:50 PM
Starting Weight: 344

2.5 pounds above my "red line" weight

did not exercise for 2 days in a row

Imagine reading your post at 344 pounds. Could you even imagine?

I think every. single. maintainer has struggled with/is struggling with being a little higher than "goal weight." Are we all relapsing frauds because we overeat a bit on a weekend away or have a bad day?

As far as exercise goes I know it's addictive and I feel itchy and guilty if I miss a day or two. But trainers and doctors DO recommend occasional breaks, "refeeds," things of that nature - for physical AND mental health.

Show yourself the same kindness and empathy you show others! You deserve it!

traveling michele
02-15-2013, 06:46 PM
I'm so sorry you are struggling. Yes, we maintainers all have days/weeks/months that we are experiencing what you are talking about. Heck-- sometimes in one day I go back and forth between being proud of myself and being disgusted with myself. I also went on a trip around when you did-- for 24 hours-- and, yes-- I came back 4 pounds up. Realistically I knew I didn't really gain four pounds... But has it come off? Only two so far... I know it is so very frustrating.

But, listen to what Krampus said. Can you imagine your 344 self reading what you wrote??? You probably would have wanted to smack her-- and thought-- what does she have to complain about?! Right!?!?!?!

Obviously, you can take off the 2.5 extra pounds. Who cares if it takes 2.5 months? (you do, I know). The important thing is to think about WHY you lost weight and how much your life has changed. Don't let the 2.5 become 25 or more.... I know you won't. You are terrifically inspirational. I love reading your blog.

I had a co-worker comment on how awesome I look today. I am not happy with my weight at the moment. I had to step back and not say-- oh-- but I want to be 8 pounds lighter-- she wouldn't have wanted to hear that. She was giving me a true compliment. She meant it, just like the law partner when he said it to you.

Hugs to you.....

LRH
02-15-2013, 07:51 PM
Be kind to yourself. You have accomplished something amazing and are human! I admire you--even if you are 2.5 lbs above your red line.

bargoo
02-15-2013, 07:56 PM
Jen, Do you think I never have days, weeks like this ? Of course I do, only I pig out on things like soda crackers and butter, lots of butter or my favorite Winter Wheat Bread with butter, lots of butter and honey. Do you think I kick myself around the block for doing it? I sure do. What do I do about it ? I don't beat myself up over it and as soon as I come to my senses I get right back on plan.
I have confidence in you that you will get back on track. Do not be discouraged or ashamed you are human and you will overcome this.

lin43
02-15-2013, 09:22 PM
Every maintainer has and will go through the same. I think the main difference between those of us who prove the longterm stats wrong and those who are part of those stats are that we don't let that negative inner voice discourage us to the point that we give up. Instead, we keep putting one foot in front of the other. I had an epiphany this time around when I lost weight: I realized all the other times I had yo-yoed, the main reason I regained is that I gave up. At some point when I would relapse, I would get discouraged and throw in the towel and, ultimately, regain everything I had lost.

This time, my attitude is different. At some point in December or so, I posted on the Weight Loss Support forum that maintenance was easier than I thought. I must have jinxed myself because no more than a few weeks later, I seem to be struggling. I know I've gained 2-3 pounds, but I can't seem to get 100% back on track. But you know what? I refuse to give up. I am still calorie counting, exercising, etc. , and I am 95% back on track. Ultimately, I know I will power through this, and you will, too!

Don't panic. Trust yourself. One or even several relapse events does not mean that you will throw away all the habits you've cultivated since you lost.

ChrisMohr
02-16-2013, 10:20 AM
Hi Jen,

I've had a bad eating week too... money worries triggering mild depression followed by self-medication with too much food... Then I feel I should quit the maintenance support group because I gained a few pounds when I said I would lose weight. So I feel like a failure and a phony unworthy of the nice people I've met here on this site. Sound familiar? It's nice to know other actual human beings have these setbacks too. Thanks for your openness.

Mudpie
02-16-2013, 05:32 PM
Hi Jen,

I've had a bad eating week too... money worries triggering mild depression followed by self-medication with too much food... Then I feel I should quit the maintenance support group because I gained a few pounds when I said I would lose weight. So I feel like a failure and a phony unworthy of the nice people I've met here on this site. Sound familiar? It's nice to know other actual human beings have these setbacks too. Thanks for your openness.

I've been in the same place for about 2 weeks. And I've never actually hit goal weight again since 2008. But I still am a maintainer - just temporarily derailed. I am getting back on track this long weekend. We go forward, then back. And then forward again. This is for life. So change will be your only constant.

It's frustrating as heck sometimes but dealing with it gets easier over time.

Dagmar :dizzy:

CherryPie99
02-16-2013, 07:02 PM
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words and the support. Chris, bargoo and Dagmar - I wouldn't wish this miserable feeling on anyone, but it does mean a lot to know that other people that I admire go through the same thing at times.

This winter has been very hard on me, and I know that boredom and cold contribute to this in me.

It's not the weight as much as it is the mental part of this. I feel like I am obsessed with food right now and I just want to eat and eat and eat.

Jen

Steph7409
02-16-2013, 10:09 PM
It's not the weight as much as it is the mental part of this. I feel like I am obsessed with food right now and I just want to eat and eat and eat.

Get out of my head! This has been me all week. Today is the first day I've shown even a modicum of restraint. I ate to the point of feeling sick yesterday and then ate some more. What is that?? I don't want to be that person anymore, ever.

It helps to know that others are struggling, especially when those others are people who have had long-term success maintaining their weight loss. It shows me that we can choose not to give up, as Lin said.

Spring is (technically) only 32 days away. Hang in there, Jen!

losermom
02-17-2013, 10:25 AM
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words and the support. Chris, bargoo and Dagmar - I wouldn't wish this miserable feeling on anyone, but it does mean a lot to know that other people that I admire go through the same thing at times.

This winter has been very hard on me, and I know that boredom and cold contribute to this in me.

It's not the weight as much as it is the mental part of this. I feel like I am obsessed with food right now and I just want to eat and eat and eat.

Jen

Winter is so hard! When I become obsessed with food and just want to eat I try (try is the operative word - I don't always succeed) to do one of 2 things:

1. Take a nap. Sometimes I need to hibernate to get through it.
2. Force myself to go out, usually to meet a friend. I know it seems counter intuitive when we all want to stay inside and avoid the cold. But socializing is super helpful for me.

Spring will come for all of us again. :hug:

Megan1982
02-17-2013, 05:10 PM
Winter is so hard! When I become obsessed with food and just want to eat I try (try is the operative word - I don't always succeed) to do one of 2 things:

1. Take a nap. Sometimes I need to hibernate to get through it.
2. Force myself to go out, usually to meet a friend. I know it seems counter intuitive when we all want to stay inside and avoid the cold. But socializing is super helpful for me.

Spring will come for all of us again. :hug:

I think these are great suggestions. I also wanted to mention for #2, if you can come up with anything active (again, I understand it's hard in the cold) it's especially helpful for me when I'm trying to stay away from the food. e.g. meeting a friend at the dog park, taking a walk with DH, even bowling is focused more on activity than food. That way I try to catch up with friends in a way that's not food-focused. You've already been given great advice, but I also wanted to give you a :hug:.

Mudpie
02-18-2013, 06:45 AM
I think these are great suggestions. I also wanted to mention for #2, if you can come up with anything active (again, I understand it's hard in the cold) it's especially helpful for me when I'm trying to stay away from the food. e.g. meeting a friend at the dog park, taking a walk with DH, even bowling is focused more on activity than food. That way I try to catch up with friends in a way that's not food-focused. You've already been given great advice, but I also wanted to give you a :hug:.

Unfortunately I'm outsidewalking all day in the cold so #2 is an option I really don't want. I do take a nap (or try to) when I get home and it really helps (if I can actually sleep for about 20 minutes).

I wish I could find something non-strenuous to do inside during the evening. I find reading too hard (too tired to concentrate) and TV puts me to sleep. i have no friends or social contacts really so I can't call anyone.

It gets a bit easier in spring but this winter has been a particularly stressful one - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I really hope to find some moments of peace after the house closes and the money is in my bank. Then the crazy old man can't touch me any more. And i won't have 2 houses to supervise. That will lift a big burden off my shoulders.

Right now I'm accepting that I'm gaining weight. It's the lesser evil.

Dagmar :tired:

celigirl88
02-18-2013, 10:53 AM
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. But you have to just keep remembering how far you've come. Imagine yourself a couple years ago and think of what you've accomplished. Did you think you would be where you are today? Don't beat yourself up over a couple of "cheats" - we all have them. Just continue thinking of what you've done and how you ARE an inspiration to people and how many people look up to you and think that they can achieve what you have.

Ija
02-18-2013, 10:56 PM
Jen, you may have temporarily gained back a couple of pounds, but you've kept off over 200. You are phenomenal!

We all struggle... unfortunately, we can't erase our histories --we can only establish new behaviors, new thoughts, and new patterns that we faithfully return to after a lapse instead of giving up. That's maintenance!

berryblondeboys
02-18-2013, 11:12 PM
You are not a fraud.... You are human.

And it is scary. I SHOULD be in maintenance now. Should have been for about half a year. And I was doing so great and then something just overtook me. I even KNEW I was overeating, but at the moment, I didn't care. I was still exercising, it's cool... I can take the weight off again..

I stopped coming here. I stopped blogging. I stopped stepping on the scale, I stopped writing down my food for the day. If I didn't face it, then it wouldn't have an effect right?

Well... sure... 2 months of neglect of "just exercising" led to a 20 pound weight gain! So here I am, battling to get back down to 175 again when I was there in Dec. 2011!!!! My lowest weight, 165 seems so FARRRR Away.

So... I get it. I do. But you came here - you talked about it - that's more than many do... means you are a fighter!

And you are right - this is so much more than calories in and out. It's a total mental game.

milmin2043
02-19-2013, 02:47 AM
I have also gained about 10 lbs. from thinking that I could just run and keep the weight off. We are human and we are in this for the long haul. It's never going to be really easy for most of us. It truly is a journey though. I believe that these little bumps in the road are learning experiences. I came here tonight to get inspiration from some of the nicest, kindest people I have ever known, anywhere. As usual, I wasn't disappointed.

CherryPie99
02-19-2013, 10:13 AM
You know, when I weighed 200 pounds and would see someone on here complaining about being 120 I seriously wanted to reach through the screen and pound them. I know that's terrible, but it was how I felt.

How did I become one of those people?

I know that I am my harshest critic and I tend to see what lies in front of me rather then what I have accomplished. It's something I'm working on!

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. I had a really productive long weekend and am feeling much better today!

We are in for a cold snap - AGAIN - which will depress me, but starting this weekend it looks like temps are easing into the high 30's low 40's - it will feel like a heat wave!!

Jen

traveling michele
02-19-2013, 11:08 AM
You know, when I weighed 200 pounds and would see someone on here complaining about being 120 I seriously wanted to reach through the screen and pound them. I know that's terrible, but it was how I felt.

How did I become one of those people?

Jen

Totally! My eldest dd has a big weight issue and I have to bite my tongue not to discuss my weight in front of her. We are extremely close and talk multiple times a day but she certainly doesn't want to hear if I'm struggling to take off 5 or 10 pounds.

Fortunate
02-19-2013, 11:21 AM
i wish there was something I could say to help but to be honest im in the same boat as you........
I really hope you start feeling better - the main thing is you have noticed your behaviour and are aware of it, therefore you wont slide too far down the regain slope.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find your happy place again!
One slip up (or even many) doesnt mean you should give up, it just means you are human and we are not perfect - so, you slipped up - brush yourself off and try again, you only fail when you stop trying.

Shannon in ATL
02-19-2013, 11:54 AM
Hey Jen, I'm late to this thread but wanted to pop in.

We are all our own harshest critics, aren't we? You have done such a fantastic job and accomplished so much, and there is nothing wrong at all with worrying about slipping back. Don't let it paralyze you though, you can get past this. A few bad days doesn't make you a failure, it just makes you human. And getting past those bad days and moving back into your healthier habits can be done.

CherryPie99
02-21-2013, 11:01 PM
I wanted to bump this thread because so many of us seemed to be struggling with similar issues last week. I want to check in and see how everyone is doing this week!

I've had a decent week. I haven't been on track eating wise 100%, but certainly better than last week. The obsession to eat has faded a bit and I haven't eaten any high calorie junk like cake.

Tomorrow the temps are supposed to be in the low 30's and sunny, so I should be able to get in a noon run, which will help my mood. I am smidge below my redline weight - I hate that such small fluctuations seem to be able to effect my emotional well being so greatly, but that appears to be where I'm at.

So the dark hole I was mired in last week is easing. How about everyone else?

Jen

Nina1979
02-22-2013, 06:38 AM
Jen, first of I have read your story and find it very inspirational. I am far from my goal and sometimes it seems unatainalbe.
One thing I finally realized is that I cannot let a bad day, week or even months let me stop me from continuing to lose weight and live a healthier, happier life.
I can relate to your winter blues - as I call it. I find I want to eat much more this time of year and just hunker down on the sofa. Once spring comes my mood lifts and it's much easier to motivate myself to exercise and eat better.
So I guess I am telling you and myself (and others who struggle, especially this time of year) to hang in there and lighter days are not that far away.

saef
02-22-2013, 08:36 AM
I just fell into that hole this morning, Jen. I'm tired and jetlagged, and just learned yesterday that the hearing with the zoning board to approve our flood wall has been adjourned, for the third time, into April. And April is a month of heavy, all-day rain, and was the month in 2007 when the apartment flooded for the first time since the complex was built. So I got out of bed this morning at 4:20 AM, weighed myself & found that two pounds I'd lost on vacation were back. Nevertheless, I dressed for the gym, ate breakfast and then found myself feeling so tired, I could not make myself get up out of my chair. I'm here at my desk. I've got a meeting at 8:30 AM that I need to make notes toward. I am feeling wholly inadequate today but trying to remind myself I can still get to the gym when work ends this afternoon. If I can find some motivation between then & now.

bargoo
02-22-2013, 08:54 AM
My day is not starting out well, didn't sleep last night and got on the scale to see an increase of 2.2 pounds.

CherryPie99
02-22-2013, 10:40 AM
Saef - you've had SO MUCH going on I can't believe you are still STANDING let alone going to exercise at the crack of dawn!! I hope that things slow down a little and let you catch your breath! :hug:

Bagoo - Why do scales exist to simply torture us??

Jen

bargoo
02-22-2013, 10:54 AM
Bagoo - Why do scales exist to simply torture us??

Jen

Because that's their job ?

Shannon in ATL
02-22-2013, 11:18 AM
I'm also in a hole this week - TOM is looming on the horizon and the early symptoms this week have been particularly vile. Hormones are flaring, food cravings that I've not done a good job of resisting are beating me, I'm tired and irritable, just about everything on me aches for some reason or another. A thunderstorm right over my house kept me awake last night - between the thunder cracks and the car alarm that the thunder kept setting off I was up until almost 3 and back up at 5:30. DSS's birthday party is coming up, which is always an exercise in stress and anxiety and resentment at having to pay for most of it leading up to it and then tense the entire time when XW and I and our families are in the same place. I'm not rolling with things right now.

I'm really glad that you are doing better though, it gives me hope. :)

krampus
02-22-2013, 02:30 PM
Jen, glad to hear you are feeling better and back under redline. So far this week is pretty good. I've resumed overdosing myself with Vitamin D and am excited about above-freezing temperatures.

I am thinking about resetting my redline to 124 but that's scary!

bargoo
02-23-2013, 08:36 AM
My fondest desire is to eat like normal people. I'd like to eat potatoes and gravy and buttered biscuits and a piece of pie and not even give a thought of what the scale might say. Believe it or not, there are folks like that, but I am not one of them. If I want to maintain I must continue to plan my meals and continue to count calories, every day. I accept that most of the timne, but sometimes I rebel and when I do I pay for it in numbers on the scale.

ChrisMohr
02-23-2013, 09:48 AM
You know, Bargoo, I drink like a normal person. One glass of wine a day, occasionally two drinks on a special occasion. Many times I have wished I could EAT in the same way, where I naturally just eat what I need, a bit more on special occasions. But it ain't like that. Like the alcoholic who can't drink, I have to deal with my eating fixation just like all of us here. And I too rebel against it sometimes. Oh well. I can totally relate, it's what I have to deal with... and I can't be like those people who don't have to think about eating and just maintain a good weight all their lives!

berryblondeboys
02-23-2013, 09:54 AM
My fondest desire is to eat like normal people. I'd like to eat potatoes and gravy and buttered biscuits and a piece of pie and not even give a thought of what the scale might say. Believe it or not, there are folks like that, but I am not one of them. If I want to maintain I must continue to plan my meals and continue to count calories, every day. I accept that most of the timne, but sometimes I rebel and when I do I pay for it in numbers on the scale.

This will be me. I will never be able to eat "normal" again.

Of course I guess I created that... I probably wouldn't have such sugar issues/carb issues if I would have eaten more reasonably.

But what came first? The sugar problems which escalated the carb eating, or the too much carb eating that created the sugar problems? What came first? The chicken or the egg? Have I ALWAYS been sensitive to carbs or was it created?

Whatever, I simply know I cannot indulge in more than like ONE cookie day... and probably not even every day. I did that the last two Christmases and the first time it resulted in a 14 pound gain (after 5 weeks of planned off time) and this fall (November through the first days of Jan.) it resulted in a 27 pound gain.

That is a LOT of weight really fast and I didn't even feel like I was going crazy!

I will have to count calories and watch carb levels forever because if they get out of balance, I lose control of rational thoughts on food.

Steph7409
02-23-2013, 03:55 PM
Thanks for bumping this thread, Jen. As always, reading everyone's posts here is very helpful. There's so much information and support here.

I tried very hard to get back on track with my eating this week but I was just ridiculously hungry - stomach aching hungry, not just eating-compulsion hungry. I wasn't eating huge amounts of food but it was maintenance level or slightly higher, just to make the pain go away. Some of my clothes are feeling tight so I'd really like to get back to where I was a couple of months ago - an astonishing 10 pounds lighter. I really got off track. :mad:

As so many of you have discovered for yourselves, the strategies that helped me lose weight are still necessary to maintain. I mustn't forget that.

CherryPie99
02-23-2013, 06:06 PM
I gotta admit, I am totally in denial on this one. I want so badly to just eat like a normal person and have not accepted that this will not happen!

losermom
02-23-2013, 06:20 PM
My fondest desire is to eat like normal people. I'd like to eat potatoes and gravy and buttered biscuits and a piece of pie and not even give a thought of what the scale might say. Believe it or not, there are folks like that, but I am not one of them. If I want to maintain I must continue to plan my meals and continue to count calories, every day. I accept that most of the timne, but sometimes I rebel and when I do I pay for it in numbers on the scale.

I'm not so sure that eating like this every day is so "normal". It is this "normal eating" that got us into the position that we found ourselves in and why this country is in the midst of an obesity epidemic. Instead of lamenting the fact that I can no longer eat the way I once did (and managed to get myself up to 250 lbs at one point), I prefer to consider the way I now eat as my new normal. I feel much better physically when I eat this way. I'm not saying that I don't eat poorly sometimes, I certainly do, but now I pay much more attention to the way I'm feeling. :)

saef
02-23-2013, 06:23 PM
I believe that maybe sometime in my childhood, during a faroff Edenic period, I ate like a normal person.

But then I ate like a fat woman.

And now I feign eating like a healthy, athletic woman who's indifferent to food because she's got more interesting things on her mind. I'm not that woman, but I try to mimic her behaviors. Problem is all the internal uproar that reminds me it's a never-ending effort. Sometimes I worry I'll become exhausted and unable to keep it up.

I'm doing okay today, but still not running at full power.

krampus
02-23-2013, 07:10 PM
My weird desire to appear "laid-back" and "nothing is off limits" and "not a dieter" has manifested itself in an interesting way - I know I eat healthier than basically all my friends, but in social environments I end up talking about/eating food far more than everyone else, so their idea of me is "wow, she is an eater."

My behavior itself is "normal" - I eat when I am hungry, mostly healthy food with exceptions for dessert, alcohol and occasions. I go to the gym for what people would consider a "normal" amount of weekly visits. But I am of course vigilant and feel like I have failed if I gain 2 pounds. How is that failure? "Normal" people weigh more in the winter and fluctuate in a range.

I'm sure that as soon as I write this I'll go and eat the entire half gallon of ice cream in my freezer - but I really do think that maybe I have achieved "eating like a normal person."

lin43
02-24-2013, 08:28 AM
I believe that maybe sometime in my childhood, during a faroff Edenic period, I ate like a normal person.

But then I ate like a fat woman.

And now I feign eating like a healthy, athletic woman who's indifferent to food because she's got more interesting things on her mind. I'm not that woman, but I try to mimic her behaviors. Problem is all the internal uproar that reminds me it's a never-ending effort. Sometimes I worry I'll become exhausted and unable to keep it up.

I'm doing okay today, but still not running at full power.

Love this post! I would say my "Edenic" period of normal eating was pre-high school. During that time, I was a skinny kid, liked candy and sweets like any other kid, but never obsessed about food. During high school, looking at Glamour magazine and such, I began to get the idea that I needed to be thinner, so I started dieting. Even during that time and in college, though, I wasn't heavy (just a bit curvy---as is my normal shape), and even though I paid more attention to food, I wasn't obsessed. It seems like my obsessiveness with food & dieting worsened throughout the years---almost in sync with society's increasing obsession with dieting.

I love your comment about feigning eating like a normal person. I try to do that, too, but I'm always aware that the way I think about food isn't normal.

JenMusic
02-24-2013, 11:38 AM
I have pondered the whole "normal eating" bit ad nauseum. I was ALWAYS an overweight/obese kid who LOVED eating. I remember eating all the time. Sure, my family didn't do formal desserts very often, but there was always junk in the house and it wasn't really regulated.

In 7th grade my school sold candy bars for a fundraiser. I won an award for being one of the top sellers - of course, I had secretly eaten (and paid for out of my allowance) at least 20-30 of those bars. I remember walking to the stage in front of the school when the awards were announced and wondering if everyone could figure out my shameful secret.

I have no personal concept of what the naturally thin people consider "normal" and don't think I ever can, really. Instead, I eat for health and how and my body (and jeans) feel. Occasionally I get whiny and frustrated about it and occasionally I just suck it up and deal. It is what it is. Sigh.

traveling michele
02-24-2013, 01:09 PM
Jen,
Those childhood memories can remain the sharpest. I took dance classes as a child and was always self-conscious about my size, comparing myself to those with dancer's bodies. Every year at recital time, we had to have costumes sewn. My mom didn't sew so we had to hire a woman to sew mine. I distinctly remember being 5 or 6 and her measuring me. She made all these comments about how large my bum was and how hard it was going to be to make my costume. I was mortified. I know now that I wasn't really overweight at that point-- just larger than the thin kids-- plus I've always had larger thighs, calves, etc.

Shannon in ATL
02-24-2013, 03:12 PM
Oh Michele, I remember childhood dance class as well. I was always self conscious about my size, and in looking back at pictures from those recitals today I was slim and couldn't see it. Just had a little pooch tummy, which I'll never get rid of. BDD beginning...

JenM - i have that same memory with girl scout cookies.

I don't know what normal eating is anymore. I can't say if I'll ever do it again, but I doubt it. I'm not sure I've ever done it up to now, honestly. I've been food obsessed forever, just in different ways.

Ija
02-24-2013, 08:50 PM
In 7th grade my school sold candy bars for a fundraiser. I won an award for being one of the top sellers - of course, I had secretly eaten (and paid for out of my allowance) at least 20-30 of those bars. I remember walking to the stage in front of the school when the awards were announced and wondering if everyone could figure out my shameful secret.

Wow, I did this year after year in school... I ate more chocolate bars than I ever sold. I remember the bus rides home after we had gotten our goods, the waiting in agony until I could tear into the box of candy at home before my parents got home from work (the year we sold Reece's peanut butter cups in the huge 4-packs was especially bad). I would eat two or three of them every day. Sometimes I think it's a miracle I survived childhood...

This is somewhat off-topic, but thinking back on it I can't believe we were forced to be junk-pushers at such a young age!

Sheila53
02-24-2013, 10:25 PM
i have that same memory with girl scout cookies.


Me, too. My mother was cookie person one year, so she had all the cookies for my troop. She stored them in my closet. :dizzy: They didn't have as many kinds when I was a kid, but the boxes were bigger. Looking back, I do wonder how I paid for them, but I must have.

So many little secrets about food. . .

Mudpie
02-25-2013, 06:27 AM
Me, too. My mother was cookie person one year, so she had all the cookies for my troop. She stored them in my closet. :dizzy: They didn't have as many kinds when I was a kid, but the boxes were bigger. Looking back, I do wonder how I paid for them, but I must have.

So many little secrets about food. . .

I was a slim kid until I was about 8 or 9. I don't quite remember how the transition happened. I do remember helping my friend sell girl guide cookies but I wasn't interested in eating them. I wasn't really aware that I had become a "fat kid" until one year at summer camp. Kids traded clothes back and forth and suddenly I didn't fit into anyone else's stuff.

The following year - I was 11 I think - I went on my first diet before camp and fit into everyone else's clothes again. That summer I stole candy from all sorts of kids who had it in abundance. It still embarrasses :o me to admit that - 45 years later! I was keenly aware that I was doing wrong but couldn't seem to help myself and craved sugar constantly. Of course I didn't eat dessert at mess and I bought cigarettes instead of treats when we went to the general store (yep I was trying to be cool at 11).

I still recall one kid at camp asking me if I was taking speed. I said yes, to further up the cool factor even though I had no idea what "speed" was :yikes: How dumb was that? :o

Dagmar :dizzy:

traveling michele
02-25-2013, 11:32 AM
What kind of camp allowed 11 year olds to buy cigarettes?! Why were they even available!?

Megan1982
02-25-2013, 11:54 AM
Occasionally I get a stark reminder of not only why I don't eat normally, that I can't even recognize normal eating. 2 book club meetings ago we all helped ourself to dinner. It was roasted pork, rice, and lentils. Usually I eat a big portion of a non-starchy veg to help fill me up at home, and seeing there wasn't one here, I tried not to be piggy with my portions. I was feeling pretty proud of my plate. It looked like everyone else's (yes, I do check other people's plates at events to make sure mine looks "normal"). The book we read was actually about an overweight woman. We talked about it and someone casually said "well we don't eat like this every night" and responses were things to the effect of "no, that meal was delicious but huge!" I was dismayed and thought to myself, no wonder I have weight problems.

Like many of you, I was always self-conscious of my weight from a very young age. (I remember when I was 6 thinking I was huge.) Looking back, yes, I was chubby, but not that huge. Why do adults have to even say things like that to make kids self-conscious? I didn't blow up until middle school.

krampus
02-25-2013, 03:18 PM
So much for being "normal..."

Boss gave me a VERY SQUISHY frosted brownie, on premises he had already had half and doesn't want to eat more. It is sitting on my desk staring at me. I want to throw it out but he might be insulted so I think I'll hide it and give it back to him at the end of the day. My heart is RACING noticeably because of a stupid brownie.

Mudpie
02-25-2013, 04:48 PM
What kind of camp allowed 11 year olds to buy cigarettes?! Why were they even available!?

They weren't. And we were "forbidden" to possess or smoke them. Again it was the "cool" factor. One other girl and I would run ahead (surprising since we were "smokers" - LOL) to the general store when the entire group went, and we would quickly purchase out ciggies and hide them in our shorts. Since we smoked about 2-3 per day one package went a long way. Our counsellors were young people - they didn't much care what we did so long as no one told the uber kommandant. :p

Dagmar (the life of crime started early :dizzy:)

CherryPie99
02-26-2013, 09:34 AM
How is everyone doing this week? Any light at the end of the tunnels?

I am feeling great today, but the crappy and weather that has been out west is heading towards us and I can already anticipate that sabotaging this good run that I am on!

Jen

bargoo
02-26-2013, 09:45 AM
Morning Jen, and anyone else that is up. I'm doing pretty good have stayed at 117.8 for the last several days that is a little bit more than I started the month with. That at is not a bad weight but of course more than my vanity weight. The only way I can control my weight is by constant effort. I have known this for a long time, but I still want to kick and scream and stamp my feet like a small child. I don't want to work at it, I want it to be easy .Hah ! If it only it were so.

Sheila53
02-26-2013, 12:04 PM
The only way I can control my weight is by constant effort. I have known this for a long time, but I still want to kick and scream and stamp my feet like a small child. I don't want to work at it, I want it to be easy .Hah ! If it only it were so.

+1

Occasionally I'll have a pity party, too, especially as others around me dig into their delectable desserts. But then those people are usually overweight and diabetic. It's amazing the number of people in my age group who are diabetic or prediabetic. Watching my father go through that was a real eye opener for me.

CherryPie99
02-26-2013, 12:49 PM
Good point, Sheila. I think in America "normal" eating has become stuffing processed crap in your mouth and becoming overweight and having health problems.

In that case, maybe I don't want to eat normally...

Jen

Shannon in ATL
02-26-2013, 01:46 PM
Morning Jen, and anyone else that is up. I'm doing pretty good have stayed at 117.8 for the last several days that is a little bit more than I started the month with. That at is not a bad weight but of course more than my vanity weight. The only way I can control my weight is by constant effort. I have known this for a long time, but I still want to kick and scream and stamp my feet like a small child. I don't want to work at it, I want it to be easy .Hah ! If it only it were so.

Another +1 to this. I want to not have to worry, I want to not go into a panic mode because I have a vendor lunch scheduled and don't know what to order, like today. After an unexpected lunch with the lawyer I met with yesterday. I ended up cancelling today - ostensibly for a business reason, but really because I didn't want to have to think about the food if I look at myself hard enough.

I have a baggie of Christmas candy hidden in my bedside table right now. And I think I'm doing better the last few years. Right. :eek:

Jen - you keep that good run going!

saef
02-26-2013, 09:30 PM
Boss gave me a VERY SQUISHY frosted brownie, on premises he had already had half and doesn't want to eat more. It is sitting on my desk staring at me. I want to throw it out but he might be insulted so I think I'll hide it and give it back to him at the end of the day. My heart is RACING noticeably because of a stupid brownie.

Krampus, I NEED CLOSURE on what happened between you and the squishy frosted brownie.

This is how abnormal I can be: I've actually picked out bite-size pieces with my fingers, one by one, and thrown them away, so that the thing looks half-eaten the next time the person walks by, as if I've left it sitting there because something interrupted my enjoyment. And then, when the person isn't looking, I've thrown out the remainder. (I mean, they don't check your trash, do they?)

I feel precarious this week, as if it could go either way, and it all depends on my getting through my new managerial duties fairly competently. I've got to sit down with each of my new direct reports and go over their performance goals for the coming year. My promotion was rushed a lot mostly so that I could participate in this process in my new role. Every day lately I feel like I'm learning a new dance and I just have to hope I'm keeping up. I always end the day feeling I haven't quite done enough and could have done even more, if I really put my mind to it.

Exhale15
02-26-2013, 10:55 PM
Occasionally I get a stark reminder of not only why I don't eat normally, that I can't even recognize normal eating. 2 book club meetings ago we all helped ourself to dinner. It was roasted pork, rice, and lentils. Usually I eat a big portion of a non-starchy veg to help fill me up at home, and seeing there wasn't one here, I tried not to be piggy with my portions. I was feeling pretty proud of my plate. It looked like everyone else's (yes, I do check other people's plates at events to make sure mine looks "normal"). The book we read was actually about an overweight woman. We talked about it and someone casually said "well we don't eat like this every night" and responses were things to the effect of "no, that meal was delicious but huge!" I was dismayed and thought to myself, no wonder I have weight problems.

Hey Megan, do you really know how the book club folks eat? I find that people often act as though a meal out was so different from their usual eating pattern - especially I see women do this - but do you really know how they eat otherwise?

memememe76
02-26-2013, 11:42 PM
When I go off-course (even it takes place over a course of several days), I react fairly reasonably (IMO) and can go back to eating and exercising on plan. But if I go off-course soonafter, I am LIVID with myself. It's that second time that irks me. And then I get all concerned about me regaining all the weight.

As for eating like a "normal person", that's not going to happen. I try to fake it as best as possible, but I probably fail miserably.

saef
02-27-2013, 06:54 AM
I find that people often act as though a meal out was so different from their usual eating pattern - especially I see women do this - but do you really know how they eat otherwise?

Oh, this behavior among women drives me crazy. I think of it as "Scarlett at the Barbeque" behavior. If you are at all familiar "Gone With the Wind," you'll recall that, early in the movie, before a big social event, Mammy counsels Scarlett to eat a hearty meal beforehand privately, so that, in public, when she takes a plate, Scarlett will only pick daintily and no one will see her displaying anything so uncouth as a hearty appetite. That attitude survives to this day. Some women are a bit too ostentatious in displaying a "ladylike" lack of appetite in public. It's the opposite of guys who claim they have the bottomless capacity of high school football players visiting an open buffet, or who pride themselves on eating food so hot and spicy that tears stream down their faces while they're chewing and swallowing.

Probably it bothers me because my mother is one of these women who exclaims over my portion size at dinnertime, when my plate is mostly heaped with vegetables. And then, an hour or two later, she's working on her second consecutive bowl of ice cream, while I've mentally closed off the kitchen to myself after dinner & will have nothing else for the rest of the night.

I mean, come on. Stop being such a lady and just be a person. A person who gets hungry and eats.

BillBlueEyes
02-27-2013, 07:27 AM
LOL at, "Scarlett at the Barbeque" - that's a new one for me.

Megan1982
02-27-2013, 10:08 AM
Hey Megan, do you really know how the book club folks eat? I find that people often act as though a meal out was so different from their usual eating pattern - especially I see women do this - but do you really know how they eat otherwise?

No, I guess I don't. And I have no idea if "Scarlet at the BBQ-ing" has gone on or what. I think it's safer for my waistline to assume I just have no idea, and get out my measuring cups at home. :p

It's actually something I've thought about, though. In the way I will always see myself as "the fat girl" I keep myself compartmentalized even from my friends. I spend time with them, particularly on our book club trips, and then I go home and wonder what it must be like to be "normal" like them and not think about what I'm eating and how I'm exercising all the time. I don't actually dwell on these thoughts a whole lot. I've learned that they're just not productive and quickly discard them and go about my business. But it's that part of my brain that will always be "the fat girl" coupled with "the shy girl", perhaps a little "the teacher's daughter" and "the girl who spends all her time studying" thrown in, that is still there almost 15 years after I've lost the majority of my weight and close to as many years living away from my parents, the teachers, and learning some social skills. That mindset it hard to change.

To be fair to my friends, I assume that they don't think about what they're eating or how they're exercising. I really have no idea. Clearly this says more about me than them.

Scarlet at the Barbecue. I like that. See, I'm just way too straightforward a person most of the time in all aspects of life. I forget or am confused by people's games. Call me naive. I am flashing back to the few first dates I've been on, though. I think there was a similar thing going on. I'd try to eat what I thought was a "normal" meal and not be "piggy", then imagine I'd eaten too much. I guess I'm not immune to Scarlet Syndrome.

traveling michele
02-27-2013, 11:24 AM
While we don't know what others do food or exercise wise, I do see several co-workers around my age that are in phenomenal shape-- I see them grabbing a cookie or brownie daily-- they bemoan the fact that they haven't exercised in weeks or have only run once or whatever. I just shake my head. If I did that, I would be 200 plus pounds in a matter of months. To be fair, I have other co-workers that struggle with their weight, I know they workout, and I never see them reach for the crap. And I don't know what anyone does at home, except myself.

As for me, I'm back to 123 today and hoping I don't yo-yo back up again like I keep on doing. I'm wearing my skinny jeans to remind myself. Dh brought home amazing chocolates from Belgium and I have been allowing myself two small ones each night with him. I didn't tell him that I was watching the scale and if it went up I would stop eating them. Since it hasn't, I'm enjoying them immensely. The "old" me would have eaten way more than two daily and they would have been gone by now.

krampus
02-27-2013, 12:04 PM
Krampus, I NEED CLOSURE on what happened between you and the squishy frosted brownie.

This is how abnormal I can be: I've actually picked out bite-size pieces with my fingers, one by one, and thrown them away, so that the thing looks half-eaten the next time the person walks by, as if I've left it sitting there because something interrupted my enjoyment. And then, when the person isn't looking, I've thrown out the remainder. (I mean, they don't check your trash, do they?)

I put it behind a box out of my line of vision. It's still there. Its texture has not changed. I have been too busy to give it much thought; we are preparing for a lobby day at the Capitol on Monday and that means lots of handsy busywork for me.

I would rather NOT EAT than have to rush a meal - does anyone else feel that way?

JenMusic
02-27-2013, 05:18 PM
Maybe we should agree that "normal eaters" don't exist in real life? That might help me keep my sanity and reduce my resentment. :)

"Scarlett at the barbeque" behavior (love that, saef!) isn't limited to US culture. When I was living in China, I often ate with my university-aged students. In mixed groups, the girls would eat a moderate, maybe even "dainty" amount. When it was just girls, they would chow down with abandon - seconds or thirds on rice, extra (shared) entrees - and even told me they couldn't eat like this in front of the guys because it wasn't considered polite behavior.

krampus
02-27-2013, 06:20 PM
OK I'm HONGRAY and dinner (sushi takeout - a splurge in every sense of the word) is in another 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

What would your Normal Eater do? Have a 190 calorie protein bar and calm down before dinner? Or wait, with the knowledge that the drive to dinner will be perilous due to slow reaction times from low blood sugar?

bargoo
02-27-2013, 06:30 PM
OK I'm HONGRAY and dinner (sushi takeout - a splurge in every sense of the word) is in another 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

What would your Normal Eater do? Have a 190 calorie protein bar and calm down before dinner? Or wait, with the knowledge that the drive to dinner will be perilous due to slow reaction times from low blood sugar?

I think the normal eater would probably have a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk or something similar........something I would never do but would like to do.

traveling michele
02-27-2013, 06:35 PM
Definitely have a protein bar. It is never a wise idea to go ravenous out to eat!

JenMusic
02-27-2013, 07:16 PM
OK I'm HONGRAY and dinner (sushi takeout - a splurge in every sense of the word) is in another 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

What would your Normal Eater do? Have a 190 calorie protein bar and calm down before dinner? Or wait, with the knowledge that the drive to dinner will be perilous due to slow reaction times from low blood sugar?

While I agree with Michele about that protein bar, part of me feels like this hypothetical normal eater we're talking about would just stay hungry, because she knows dinner's coming and she wants to enjoy it.

Ugh. I hate her. :)

Sheila53
02-27-2013, 10:21 PM
Ugh. I hate her. :)


:lol:

Steph7409
02-27-2013, 10:38 PM
krampus, it's worrisome that the texture of the brownie hasn't changed. But perhaps now it's more of a science experiment than a tempting treat.

As for the "normal" eater, I think lots of people have a snack when they're hungry and dinner is hours away.

I work with a lot of young women now and, since my desk is inches away from the table at which they eat lunch, I see an interesting array of food. I'm surprised at how many of them order from the local deli/pizza/take out places - but those are generally the heavier girls. The slimmer ones are eating salads or food they brought from home. Not really a complicated cause and effect relationship.

saef, you do have a way with words. And you've got me wondering, when did eating start to be considered to be unladylike? Probably around the same time that wafer-thin women became the ideal, sometime after the Renaissance. Or maybe much later, the 1800s? Hmmm, if only there were some sort of technology that could help me research that...

I had a good today, and am hoping for more.

bargoo
02-28-2013, 11:10 AM
Definitely have a protein bar. It is never a wise idea to go ravenous out to eat!
I don't think the normal eater knows there is such a thing as a protein bar and I an willing to bet she has never walked down the health food aisle at the grocery srore or pharmacy.I am equally sure that she has never eaten a Healthy Choice or Lean Cuisine Dinner.
That was my original point, there are people who can eat what they want and never gain an ounce. I wanna be one of them !

krampus
02-28-2013, 11:21 AM
those are NOT normal people, those are freaks of nature who should have 20,000 children to spread that superpower among us! :lol:

I ended up having half a protein bar to take the edge off, and then had 3 rolls and chicken satay and was full but not stuffed. Maybe I am a normal eater. I just get crazy when I'm too hungry...but so does everyone, right?

Megan1982
02-28-2013, 11:42 AM
I just get crazy when I'm too hungry...but so does everyone, right?

Umm, YES. I get HANGRY. I don't understand those people (are they the "normal" ones, too?) who can not eat all day and be fine about it. My BF never eats breakfast, sometimes he skips lunch or dinner, too. He'll say in the most mild-mannered tone "I'm kind of hungry, I didn't eat much today." Kind of? And he doesn't even eat a ton when he does eat. A pretty "normal" amount, I'd say. When I get hangry, picture a godzilla-like creature emerging from my brain and yelling "FEED ME!!!!" I don't understand it.

Steph, I do find the opposite going on in my office. The naturally thin people go out to eat more. I'm the one eating salads at my desk and desperately trying to not gain any weight.

Perhaps it's not a matter of behavior but thought. It's not that those normal people may behave differently, but they don't think about food as much as we do. I would love to quiet the loud food voices in my brain. I also wonder if I perceive hunger differently. When I feel hunger, I go from not hungry to starving very quickly. I feel like there's some moderate hunger in the middle I'm missing.

Shannon in ATL
02-28-2013, 12:08 PM
I get seriously crazy when I'm hungry, too. Krampus, in your situation yesterday I know people who would just grab a few nuts or a glass of milk and be fine until dinner. Me, I would obsess and panic, not eat in order to eat dinner and then order like a crazy person when I got there...

I love the Scarlet at the BBQ example, and I clearly remember my mom training me on how to eat out in public as a young person. Back in 2006 before I started dieting I was at a work function with pizza. It was 2pm, we had been there since 6am and I had no breakfast and only a little water all day. I had also not eaten much the day before as that meeting had run from 6am - 10pm with a small deli tray for lunch of things I didn't eat and some chips I avoided for snack and no dinner because we worked through it and I fell asleep in the hotel room afterward. I had pretty much had nothing but coffee since breakfast the day before. So I got two pretty decent sized slices of pizza, but not huge. Standard dominos delivery size. One of my coworkers looks at my plate and says "Shannon, I didn't know you were that kind of eater! Wow!" as she ate her 1/2 slice plain cheese pizza. She was 5'3", probably weighed less than 100 pounds. I wanted to punch her in the face. I replay that in my head even now and feel ashamed of myself. And really? Two slices of pizza wasn't all that bad. Oh, and that tiny woman probably put away 8 snack bags of chips each afternoon and a clean dozen of the big as my hand cookies over the four days of the conference. I watched. LOL

bargoo
02-28-2013, 12:16 PM
Oh, Shannon do I remember comments people make. I was at a friends for dinner, dessert was a delicious homemade Red Velvet Cake. As she sliced my portion she asked if that was OK or would I like a smaller slice. I said OH, that is ok.......well that brought about comments about me wanting the larger slice. Embarrassing ! Oh, and I was overweight at the time.

krampus
02-28-2013, 12:30 PM
Due to my projected overcompensation for constantly worrying about my weight, everyone I know thinks I eat 5,000 calories a day and miraculously fit into small pants sizes.

I think someone recently asked how I eat "like I do" and stay this size, and I told them the truth - I lift weights 4 days a week and try to go to the gym at least 5 or 6, before dinner time I almost NEVER eat over 800 calories, and I have Greek yogurt and salad for lunch 5 days a week.

JenMusic
02-28-2013, 02:17 PM
Megan - I say "hangry" too. People look at me weirdly but it's so apt.

The Beck book - which I have used strategies from, and like for the most part - has a whole section called "Hunger is Not an Emergency." Which makes perfect, logical sense . . . until I'm hungry. Then food needs to get in my belly. Yesterday.

JenMusic
02-28-2013, 02:19 PM
Back in 2006 before I started dieting I was at a work function with pizza. It was 2pm, we had been there since 6am and I had no breakfast and only a little water all day. I had also not eaten much the day before as that meeting had run from 6am - 10pm with a small deli tray for lunch of things I didn't eat and some chips I avoided for snack and no dinner because we worked through it and I fell asleep in the hotel room afterward. I had pretty much had nothing but coffee since breakfast the day before. So I got two pretty decent sized slices of pizza, but not huge. Standard dominos delivery size. One of my coworkers looks at my plate and says "Shannon, I didn't know you were that kind of eater! Wow!" as she ate her 1/2 slice plain cheese pizza. She was 5'3", probably weighed less than 100 pounds. I wanted to punch her in the face. I replay that in my head even now and feel ashamed of myself. And really? Two slices of pizza wasn't all that bad. Oh, and that tiny woman probably put away 8 snack bags of chips each afternoon and a clean dozen of the big as my hand cookies over the four days of the conference. I watched. LOL

I wonder we "food shame" ourselves or others. And I know I'm just as guilty as everyone else. Of course, now I'm aware of it and try to stop.

BillBlueEyes
02-28-2013, 02:25 PM
Maybe I am a normal eater.

That's wonderful. I once thought I might be but then wondered why I hung out with 3FC types, LOL.

CherryPie99
02-28-2013, 02:44 PM
I still get defensive when people comment about my food choices. In the fall, we were at Ponderosa with DH's father. I got up to refill my plate and my father in law - who is 94, started laughing and made some comment about how I was going up "AGAIN??!!" and I snapped (and I mean SNAPPED) at him - "Yes, and I ran 8 miles yesterday and lifted weights this morning!"

He was clearly very embarassed, and felt bad for having commented. And then I was self-conscious about how much I was eating and wondering if EVERYONE was staring at me.

Then I thought about my naturally super-skinny sister-in-law who literally eats like someone is about to steal food off her plate. And I know that she would have just shrugged off the comment without even thinking about it. She wouldn't have been defensive at all...

krampus
02-28-2013, 03:04 PM
That's wonderful. I once thought I might be but then wondered why I hung out with 3FC types, LOL.

OK, you got me! :o

Most people who eat well and exercise probably are somewhat 3FC types, they just don't go the extra step to make an account and post. :)

surfergirl2
02-28-2013, 03:59 PM
Here's a new one...my best friend has always been very thin, but definitely has food issues. For example, i was with her and her boyfriend the other day and he got ice cream. She decided not to. He got a big waffle cone and gave her a spoon and welcomed her to help him eat it. She took a few bites...then he offered again--"want some?" She goes, "oh, if you're not going to eat it." !!! You know, pretending she'd only eat if it's otherwise going in the trash.

Steph7409
02-28-2013, 07:37 PM
The Beck book - which I have used strategies from, and like for the most part - has a whole section called "Hunger is Not an Emergency." Which makes perfect, logical sense . . . until I'm hungry. Then food needs to get in my belly. Yesterday.

This. I've got that book and try to use some of its strategies but being hungry makes me anxious, and being anxious makes me want to eat, so...it's hard.

I agree with Megan that it's more a matter of thought. I'd like to be someone who doesn't think about food all the time. I'd like to get away from feeling like my weight or what I eat are the most important things about me or my life.

I'm always astounded at the nasty comments some of you have had to deal with and then I realize that I isolated myself for a long time, so I just didn't allow any opportunities for people to be so mean.

Exhale15
02-28-2013, 09:24 PM
The true enjoyment of a meal is such a joyful thing. Like when a loved one invites you over and prepares a meal, or you're really hungry for something and finally have it and sleep well afterward and awake happy the next morning.

I contrast this with meals that are eaten in haste, in anticipation of a self-inflicted shame for being 'bad', or just in that lost space where what you eat doesn't really matter and you pick up something from somewhere and it's prepared and consumed with indifference.

I once conducted an experiment in which I figured out how much I should eat so as to not feel 'full'. I found that I really require much less food than I thought and that the feeling of fullness was actually uncomfortable. The joy in eating this way was limited by a lot of mind-chatter on my part about all of my pre-conceived notions of who I am/have been, and what others would think of my reduced intake. Aside from this barrier, it was a happy time.

I wish we could all do this, to eat joyfully and in peace and truly take care of ourselves...

lin43
03-01-2013, 04:50 PM
. . . the feeling of fullness was actually uncomfortable

See, I wish I could feel this way. To me, to feel full is to feel happy. I love the feeling of fullness. I don't mean the bloated-I-can't-move fullness---just the fullness that comes from eating a sizable portion of exactly what I want. For instance, when I go out to dinner, I'll have a great salad to begin with, a delicious entree (usually a seafood dish), and then dessert is a must. I also have a couple of glasses of wine along with the meal and at least one roll with butter. That meal usually comes to about 1600-1900 calories. I feel full and satisfied after eating it. I love that feeling. Unfortunately, if I were to eat like that every night, the 50 lbs I lost would quickly find me.