Weight Loss Support - My husband's thoughts on my goal weight - food for thought...




berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 03:40 PM
I might blog about this tomorrow, but I'll put it out here now.

So, I was having breakfast with my husband before heading to the gym. We got on the topic about exercise and fitness. I said that I can see I'm bigger than I was this summer, but bigger seems HUGE, but I'm still wearing the same sized clothes, so it's not that I got all the way from a size 10 to a size 20.

I then said that when I get back to my weight this summer, I'll probably be smaller as I've built up quite a bit of muscle this fall/winter. My husband asked me how much I weighed and I told him (he's known my weight the whole journey - up and down).

Then he said this, "Maybe that weight is too low for you to maintain." I think maybe it might better for you to stay around 175 and maintain/hold that weight than to bounce around so much. If you have to work so hard to stay at 160, then is that a reasonable goal weight?"

My initial reaction to it was, "Well, but it's not that I've gotten to that weight and been stable. I started eating things I know I shouldn't. It's hard for me to know what a good stable, easy to maintain weight is if I haven't figured at that balancing act yet."

He then said, "Well, what I see is that several times in our marriage you've gotten to around 175 and were fit and active and healthy and looked great. Going below that seems to be where you start to have problems."

And again, it's because I never tried to maintain it - life got in the way and I messed up.

But now a few hours later, and after a workout at the gym, I'm asking myself, what is a good end weight for me? Do I shoot for perfection? One that is "ideal" - like the 25% body fat? Or do I shoot for something that is good and healthy, but easy enough to maintain so that I don't have to fight tooth and nail to get there and to stay there?

Especially with being overweight for so long (like 27 years?), is it even reasonable to expect to be able to easily maintain 25% body fat and around 160 pounds? (that's about where those numbers would line up).

I know for sure that right now I feel and am too heavy. I want to be a thinner and smaller and I can get there, but what SHOULD be the magic number or body fat percentage?

Yes, the final weight finds you, but how long does that take really to find it? I think it's going to be awhile for me as I can't possibly know what will feel maintainable long term.


April Snow
01-23-2013, 04:04 PM
I think what your husband is saying has a lot of a validity. And the good thing is that you don't have to keep that number forever if it doesn't work. Get to 175 and declare victory and call yourself a maintainer. And then live with that number for a while and see how it feels. Maybe you keep your great focus on your fitness level and you end up dropping another size regardless of the scale. Maybe you decide you do want to lose another 10 vanity pounds. Who knows? But there is no real reason you HAVE to know right now.

I am going to suggest you try the True Weight Calculator from the Dukan Diet website. This is the number that they come up with that they think is realistic to achieve and sustainable long term based on age, highest weight, lowest weight, how many times you've tried to lose before, and a number of other factors.

http://www.dukandiet.com/Calculate-your-True-Weight

I would suggest doing it with your highest weight rather than your current weight, just to see where it thinks you should end up with starting from there.

I am NOT suggesting you change your diet to the Dukan Diet, not at all. But I think that the number the calculator comes up with as you True Weight could be interesting and help with your thought process on this. Mine was 181, definitely far higher than I am thinking and I'm not sure I'll stop there or not, but in a way, I think it will give me permission to stop there if it feels right when I get there.

You have to put in an email address and they do send emails after the fact, but I think you could probably use one of those throw away emails if you wanted to avoid that, the actual calculation shows in your webpage, you don't have to retrieve it as an email.

Moving Forward
01-23-2013, 04:06 PM
Berryblondeboys--Such a good question. I know a lot of us are also grappling with it. I know my body has a weight it has been gravitating towards, but I don't agree with it. My plan is to reach my goal weight and try it on for size for a time period. If after six months I'm ripping out my hair trying to stay there, I'll reconsider. It sounds like you will wonder "What if?" if you don't give it a try. How wonderful that your husband is so supportive and will take you right where you're at! Good luck whatever you decide.


ImImportant
01-23-2013, 04:23 PM
I took your advice April Snow. I took your advice and tried the True Weight calculator using my high weight. My True Weight was calculated at 140, so am 10 pounds away from my true weight. I had a feeling that that is about where I belong but I wanted that last 5 pounds. I will take the advice to start maintenance at 140 and see what happens from there.

Mozzy
01-23-2013, 04:28 PM
I think your husband made a valid point. But you can try any number between 175 and 160 for maintainance. Maybe 167.5?

toobig
01-23-2013, 04:29 PM
Just used the caculator and it says my true weight is 165. I weighed 164 this morning. That is so cool.

April Snow
01-23-2013, 04:46 PM
I'm glad others are finding the True Weight calculator helpful. While I am still not positive about my own number (If nothing else, I'm not going to end at 181, I would go for the 2 extra lbs to be in the 170s! lol!) I like the fact that it accounts for things like having been at a higher weight for a decade or longer. The standard or BMI based goals are probably not realistic for a lot of us, and many of us know that and set goals accordingly but it's nice to get some external validation.

elvislover324
01-23-2013, 04:51 PM
I don't know enough about goal weights to comment on that part but just wanted to say your husband sounds really nice and supportive. My husband is so logical about things (like your husband) and it's me that gets all in a tizzy worrying about details (not saying that's what you are doing). Made me happy to read your post as it put things in perspective for me, it's not about the number that *I* want; it's about the number my body wants maybe.

elvislover324
01-23-2013, 04:58 PM
Sorry to go O/T but I just tried that website. Did anyone else get results that they could lose a lot of weight by June? It said I could be down to my ideal weight of 183 (I put 175 but based on my stats it adjusted to 183) in just 152 days. Does that make sense? That's 47lbs in 152 days. Looking at it like that, seems totally doable!

Thanks for that link, I need to think about this!

CIELOARGE
01-23-2013, 05:14 PM
I agree with April Snow... Get to 175 and see what happens. You have to grt there first in order to reach 160.

Your hubby seems very supportive! ;)

healthyangie
01-23-2013, 05:23 PM
I agree with both you and your husband ... this is what I mean by that.

I'm 5' 4" and for most of my adult life I have been in great shape. Very muscular, healthy and usually a size 4 to 6 on the bottom, 6 to 10 on top depending on the cut. Keep in mind that during this period I weighed anywhere from 140 - 150. If you put that in a "chart" somewhere, I'd be on the high side of overweight. I can remember hearing a doctor in his office talking to his nurse before our first meeting and saying "Well - first thing is, she's got to lose at least 20 lbs!" You should have seen his face when I walked in!

I did let myself get heavier over the last 2 years, mostly due to operations and not being able to exercise but still eating the same amount of food. I also lost some of that all important muscle that continues to burn calories.

So my first goal last year was to get to 150, I honestly felt that if I went below that, it would be difficult to maintain. Right now I'm below 150 (my second push) and I'm noticing that my body is fighting tooth and nail but I'm not happy yet with my results. Honestly, I think it's more about muscle right now than weight. I want to be more toned, not lighter.

So I've thrown away the idea of a number right now. I just want to look good. If I find my body fighting for a higher number, I'll let it happen.

Sorry this got so long, but the number thing has always been a hot point to me. Hope it makes sense for you ...

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 05:44 PM
Well, I put in the numbers. Guess what it told me for weight? 176.

I got to 175 before. Actually 175 was my initial goal and I got there the winter of 2011, but I felt I could do more. I got down to 165 with consistent exercise and eating about 1450 calories a day.

My 'gut' is telling me I could maintain 175 pretty easily. 160 will take work, but I want to be fit, not just a size in a clothing brand or a number on a scale.

We'll see. I think I will call it "maintenance" when I hit 175. That will be (again) 100 pounds lost from my highest (that will be the fourth time in 2 years that I will have gotten to that weight AGAIN - got there once in 2011 and twice flirted above it in 2012 with vacation and holiday weight gain.)

Maybe in my head I'll be "175 is the top acceptable weight" and beyond that is gravy as that is the truth... we'll see.

Healthyangie - I'm built really big. years and years ago a doctor told me that 160 was a good weight for me (and I was 235 at the time). My WW leaders wanted me to get to under 150 I knew there was no way in heck I could get there. I STILL know that is impossible for me. I would be bones.

mimsyborogoves
01-23-2013, 05:46 PM
That true weight thing told me the weight I am right now is my true weight! Crazy, I already know I want to lose at least another 15-20lbs. We'll see what happens/what I look like when I get to the 140s.

krampus
01-23-2013, 05:48 PM
"Congratulations! You are already at your true weight."

newleaf123
01-23-2013, 06:04 PM
I got 149.3 as my "true weight" and I have 148 as my goal. Hmmm. We shall see!

Desiderata
01-23-2013, 06:07 PM
I'm afraid that "true weight" thing seems like a giant gimmick to get you sign up for a costly program. It does work with throwaway fake contact info, so no need to get entangled with them in order to take a peek. I just tried it twice, changing my "realistic target weight" to two different "realistic" values for my height and voila, both times my "true weight" was X lbs above the value I set. It's doubtful there's anything but marketing going on there.

Melissa, to your original wonderment - your husband may be onto something. In the back of my mind I've settled on the idea of a 'final' maintenance range that's maybe slightly higher than ideal but much more realistic to maintain - but, like you, I'm struggling a lot with where that is. I've never weighed this much (this little) in my life, and I'm struggling too with the idea of what goal looks like. I look in the mirror and see a lot of progress, but I also see more work to do. How much more work is realistic, though? :?:

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 06:11 PM
I'm afraid that "true weight" thing seems like a giant gimmick to get you sign up for a costly program. It does work with throwaway fake contact info, so no need to get entangled with them in order to take a peek. I just tried it twice, changing my "realistic target weight" to two different "realistic" values for my height and voila, both times my "true weight" was X lbs above the value I set. It's doubtful there's anything but marketing going on there.

Melissa, to your original wonderment - your husband may be onto something. In the back of my mind I've settled on the idea of a 'final' maintenance range that's maybe slightly higher than ideal but much more realistic to maintain - but, like you, I'm struggling a lot with where that is. I've never weighed this much (this little) in my life, and I'm struggling too with the idea of what goal looks like. I look in the mirror and see a lot of progress, but I also see more work to do. How much more work is realistic, though? :?:

I don't believe in any calculators with just numbers plugged in. We are all so individual and what is right for one is not right for another.

I struggle additionally as I have saggy/loose skin. it is so hard to know sometimes what is loose skin and what is fat as that loose skin will always be there. Now, I can see i have fat on my back and mid section and arms. I see it. At 165... nope, I saw a lean person in the mirror who had a saggy tummy and saggy arms, but lean everywhere else.

Arctic Mama
01-23-2013, 06:34 PM
We've used the Dukan calculator for years on another site I belong to, it's an excellent tool and you can easily unsubscribe the plan's emails. But it paints a more realistic picture for older women and those who have spent years obese as to what is actually maintainable. I found the range a bit on the high side for my goals when I did it (155-ish) because I had just dropped my goal from 160 down to 140. But truthfully, they aren't wrong that the weight would be both healthy on me and maintainable without a big struggle - I just think I can get lower and want to see.

Melissa, I'd suggest keeping your goal weight in the 170-175 range and correcting if you get outside of that. Then spend your time doing your classes and workouts, see if you like where you end up after 6-12 months of consistence maintenance there. You may find the exercise leans your body out and even pushes your weight lower. Who knows? But I agree it isn't a bad range for your body and your husband was wise to suggest it :)

Robin41
01-23-2013, 09:42 PM
I mistakenly put my weight in in kilograms instead of pounds and the calculator had no issue telling me that 144 kilos was my true weight. Apparently it's perfectly fine for a woman's true weight to be nearly 320 pounds at 5'10".

This just shows me that this calculator is not designed to even consider what is a healthy weight, it just seems designed to look at your past history. Not particularly useful. Just because we've been heavy in the past does not mean you need to be heavy now.

lin43
01-23-2013, 09:58 PM
Melissa, what an interesting question you pose! I tend to get philosophical about . . . well, almost everything:), so as I read your post, I saw quite a bit of wisdom in your husband's comments. After all, putting it into perspective (i.e., with our entire lives), we all have to consider the sacrifice to benefits ratio. What is the benefit of losing those few extra pounds? Are those benefits worth all the extra effort, the sacrifice?

I think your question is one that many of use struggle with. It's as if we have our own personal goal in mind (created from who knows what), and we are loathe to change it.

As an objective reader of your post, I have to agree with your husband's point.

Good luck making your decision!

newleaf123
01-23-2013, 10:37 PM
I mistakenly put my weight in in kilograms instead of pounds and the calculator had no issue telling me that 144 kilos was my true weight. Apparently it's perfectly fine for a woman's true weight to be nearly 320 pounds at 5'10".

This just shows me that this calculator is not designed to even consider what is a healthy weight, it just seems designed to look at your past history. Not particularly useful. Just because we've been heavy in the past does not mean you need to be heavy now.

LOL yeah, I totally agree.

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 10:50 PM
I mistakenly put my weight in in kilograms instead of pounds and the calculator had no issue telling me that 144 kilos was my true weight. Apparently it's perfectly fine for a woman's true weight to be nearly 320 pounds at 5'10".

This just shows me that this calculator is not designed to even consider what is a healthy weight, it just seems designed to look at your past history. Not particularly useful. Just because we've been heavy in the past does not mean you need to be heavy now.

OK, to be fair, if you truly did weigh 640 pounds, how reasonable would it be to say that you would ever weigh 160 pounds? And as with all calculators, the outlyers (the super heavy and the super thin) will probably not fit. Just like my body frame doesn't fit nicely in the BMI range nor does my 7 year old son who is built like a tank.

It's a tool - one of many and I don't take stock in almost any such thing, but it does raise an interesting question/point. What is a REASONABLE weight. What is something we should be happy with - that would make us WORLDS healthier if we were at THAT weight versus the heavy weight we are now?

I think that's where we get caught up too - this all or nothing mentality - like me wanting to be 25% body fat when at 255 pounds - still 20 pounds under my highest weight, I was 50% body fat!

Even if I stayed where I am now at 190 and pretty fit I am WAYYYYY healthier than I was when I was heavier, but I want more to feel better (and look better).

avalonmoon
01-23-2013, 11:32 PM
Berryblondeboys, wow what a dilema. I think your hubby really cares about you.
Although his pov is completely logical, you will ultimately need to decide what
you truly want and what you 'feel' you can maintain for life. If it seems your body
prefers the higher number but you still want to lose some of it once again,
how about doing what Mozzy suggested and try a down the middle split..so you're
almost as low, just not all the way there, thus putting less stress on yourself not
just now but forever since that's what maintenance is...just my thought.
I think it is sweet your hubby cares enough to think of your feelings and he sees
how you struggle with your weight/life imprvements. :)

JohnP
01-24-2013, 01:26 AM
OK, to be fair, if you truly did weigh 640 pounds, how reasonable would it be to say that you would ever weigh 160 pounds? And as with all calculators, the outlyers (the super heavy and the super thin) will probably not fit.

In this case - the calculator is putting way to much emphasis on current weight and past history because while a 640 lb woman might not ever get and maintain 160 they sure as heck can get under 320 which is what it said and anyone who is 640 is going to need surgury to remove excess skin which probably would cause 20-25 lbs of weight loss all by itself.

Regardless - as you mentioned - it's just a calculator and doesn't mean much.

For your question - I personally think that is going to be a balance where the effort to maintain isn't worth it vs what you're happy with. I use the words "happy with" because for health being overweight doesn't mean much. You can defintately be overweight and very healthy.

Amarantha2
01-24-2013, 02:40 AM
Your dh's thoughts and your philosophical question and discussion are very insightful and thanks for sharing.

As for the calculators, etc., I have no thoughts. Re whether what weight is better for you to maintain, no one else can say. That is very personal for all of us.

Sustainability, I think, should always be some part of our contemplation of our "ideal weight."

My "ideal weight" shifts from time to time as I move through life, guessing that is true for everyone.

:hug:

Vex
01-24-2013, 09:07 AM
I feel like I'm gong to be the lone voice of dissent, but that's ok.

You will and should do whatever you think is best for you, but let me tell you why numbers in the 170's would not satisfy me, even if I felt healthy.

It's still 20lbs overweight. I know BMI never takes many things into consideration - muscle mass etc. The world uses BMI charts though to determine many things about you - how much you'll pay for insurance, for example.

20lbs is still 20lbs extra my heart doesn't need to drag around.

Are we truly healthy at this weight or are we kidding ourselves? What about labs, how are the most recent ones?

Like I said, you'll do what you feel is best for you.

BeachBreeze2010
01-24-2013, 11:22 AM
I've actually been having the same thoughts and had a similar conversation with my boyfriend last week. I revised my weight goal from 125 to 145 for the exact reason your husband described. It's something that I think I'll feel good with when I get there and won't mean that I am barely eating and exercising all the time to maintain 125 lbs. I don't need a perfectly hard body nor do I think that it is the ideal feminine shape (for me). I want to keep some of my "softness" and curves but still be healthy. That leaves me 10lbs over what the charts tell me, but so what. And - when I get to 145 if I want to go further, I can. If I get too low - I can always gain it back - goodness knows I'm good at that! LOL But also, once I reach 145 I'm not going to really change anything except maybe add back in 100-200 calories per day so I might continue to lose on what I'm already doing. I do agree with him that trying to maintain a weight below your lifestyle comfort could make us more prone to rebound gains. There's been a lot of controversy over the years about the "set point" or "true weight" concept. Some believe in it, others don't and some think it's adjustable over time and others don't. Regardless, just live the lifestyle that makes you healthy and happy and see where it ends up. I'm so glad that you have a husband you can talk to about these things that is loving and supportive. Count your blessings!

healthyangie
01-24-2013, 11:55 AM
I couldn't help myself - I did my number and it's 141. Interesting - I also like that they had you check your frame by holding your wrist!

Rana
01-24-2013, 11:59 AM
I'm glad you posted this too BBB, because it's something I've had to think about for about a year now.

My boyfriend is in the same camp as your husband, in the sense that he sees that I work so hard to reach 161 and it was a struggle to get there and my ultimate goal was 140, 150 for the doctors, but I would have to give up a lot in my life -- including my schooling right now -- in order to even think about reaching those amounts. And no social life whatsoever.

I think I can lose another 10 lbs, but I can't do it right now and I can maintain 165 (up or down a few pounds) with the exercise and Paleo that I follow (when I'm not stressed out).

And I hate that I can't get below that with all the effort that I currently do -- diet and exercising 6 days a week for at least 1 hour on those days.

I feel I should weight more along the 140s and my boyfriend agrees that for the work I put into it, 140s should be showing up on the scale but it doesn't. So, I don't know what to do.

Well, right now, all I'm going to do is finish my schooling and then I'll have to rethink what I'm doing in terms of diet/exercise. I may just claim maintenance and weight train and see if that lowers the scale.

*sigh*

berryblondeboys
01-24-2013, 12:09 PM
I feel like I'm gong to be the lone voice of dissent, but that's ok.

You will and should do whatever you think is best for you, but let me tell you why numbers in the 170's would not satisfy me, even if I felt healthy.

It's still 20lbs overweight. I know BMI never takes many things into consideration - muscle mass etc. The world uses BMI charts though to determine many things about you - how much you'll pay for insurance, for example.

20lbs is still 20lbs extra my heart doesn't need to drag around.

Are we truly healthy at this weight or are we kidding ourselves? What about labs, how are the most recent ones?

Like I said, you'll do what you feel is best for you.

There is truth in that companies use those ridiculous charts for everyone when they were meant for masses, but... I will never, ever, ever be able to be 150 pounds and maintain it. I would have to work out 6 days a week and I would need to eat 1200-1300 calories and I would probably have a body fat percentage around 20%.

Is it true that the extra 20 pounds is harder on my heart? Sure, just as it is for a big, built athlete. Just like it is for large cats and dogs - they live shorter lives because their organs tend to fail faster than their lighter/smaller kin.

But I can't change my body build.

I know there are TONS of people who say they have a large frame when they don't but guess what, some of us do. My 7 year old is WAY over the BMI chart for his age and height and has been since birth and never, ever has anyone say he was fat. His pediatrician says, "those charts aren't useful for him, so don't worry about it." Guess what... I'm his mother and he's built like me, just has more height from his father.

When I was 175 I saw the endocrinologist and my regular doctor. Neither of them said I should lose more weight, but they didn't tell me to NOT lose any weight either.

My cholesterol was 167
My fasting blood sugar was 91
My blood pressure was 118/68
All my other tests were perfect.
My resting heart rate was 55 as I was exercising 5 days a week consistently.

Now at 190, I have some fluff and I don't like it. I liked how I felt and looked at 165, so I still want to get there and we'll see if I look and feel better at 160, but below that is just, well, not going to happen. Not with the loose skin on my tummy and arms (which add weight) and not with my body build and mass.

I will continue with exercise and losing weight as I don't feel THIS is good. I had a bod pod test done in January and will have one in March. I will do one again when I get to a weight I'm happy with and see what it says for body fat percentage.

So far, the bod pod, the fancy tanita scale at the gym (used by PTs) and mine at home all say the same thing. Which, if that holds true, when I was 165, I had 27% body fat and I'm definitely more fit now than then (with more muscle). So, we'll see.

I LIKE feeling strong. Plus, it 'supposedly' allows me to eat more. I cannot imagine how little I would be able to eat if I were not exercising and lifting weights!

owlsteazombies
01-24-2013, 12:20 PM
I had a talk with my husband about this as well a few weeks ago. And while my goal is 130-120ish range, maybe lower with being short and relatively small framed, he thought 150 would be a manageable number for me to maintain longterm. And once I get to 150, if I decide I want to lose more, than thats fine, it's my decision.

Radiojane
01-24-2013, 12:33 PM
That chart is an interesting thing...... (the dukan thing I mean). The lowest I could ever remember being at close to adulthood is about 215 pounds, so I shot for 200. I've actually been thinking lately that I'd probably go to 190 just to see if I could do it. This thing is telling me 240.

Vex has a very good point about the insurance things etc. Fitting into that BMI chart makes life a lot easier for a lot of things. Unfortunately I don't think I will ever fit as "healthy" is about 30 pounds (or 60 if you listen to the results the Dukan diet site) under what I'll end up at.

At some point I think we have to settle. Very few of us will be "perfectly" healthy. We're just going to have to do the best we can with what we have.

Vex
01-24-2013, 12:44 PM
I hope I didn't upset you.

I hate to see so many people think that a certain weight just isn't possible for them. Maybe it is or isn't.

I was reading something Sontaikle posted somewhere earlier, where she stated how she thought 140 would never be possible for her, and she made it down in the teens, with work of course to stay there.

I don't like to hear that people say something is impossible, regardless if it's weight or something else. Many times it's just what a person is willing to do to get whatever it is done. There are limits to what we choose to do, and that's ok.

Would I be willing to exercise 7 days a week and eat 1200 cals a day to maintain at 120? NO WAY.

cherrypie
01-24-2013, 12:47 PM
Why not get back to 175 then do a trial maintenance period. Give yourself, say, 6 months at that weight to adjust. See if you feel comfortable at the end of it and then go from there.

To me the most interesting part of what your husband said was that was the weight you were always happiest at in the past.

Crunchy Pip
01-24-2013, 12:48 PM
Very interesting post. I can deffo identify with this part:

"It's hard for me to know what a good stable, easy to maintain weight is"

eliza422
01-24-2013, 12:49 PM
I did the dukan thing and it said my true weight is 189...my goal is 175.

I know I cannot do the work to get down much lower...even now I eat 1500 - 2000 calories a day and on my low days I can't even imagine eating only 1200, which is probably what I would have to do to get down into my "optimum" weight range.

It's like the poster said above, it's what I am pretty sure I can live with vs. a number in a chart.

Radiojane
01-24-2013, 01:02 PM
I hope I didn't upset you.
I hate to see so many people think that a certain weight just isn't possible for them. Maybe it is or isn't.
.

Who me? Nah. I'm not easily upset. I was actually very impressed that you made the point, because I never got there.

I guess It's impossible to say for sure what's possible for any of us, and as a lot of the goal threads here show, a lot of us do better than we ever thought we would. I think the pendulum is swinging from "size 0" and other unrealistic expectations back to "realistic" and maybe we're taking realistic a little too far too.

I would love to say I weigh 175 pounds. But at this point I'd love to say I weigh 299, so I guess time will tell.

berryblondeboys
01-24-2013, 01:06 PM
I hope I didn't upset you.

I hate to see so many people think that a certain weight just isn't possible for them. Maybe it is or isn't.

I was reading something Sontaikle posted somewhere earlier, where she stated how she thought 140 would never be possible for her, and she made it down in the teens, with work of course to stay there.

I don't like to hear that people say something is impossible, regardless if it's weight or something else. Many times it's just what a person is willing to do to get whatever it is done. There are limits to what we choose to do, and that's ok.

Would I be willing to exercise 7 days a week and eat 1200 cals a day to maintain at 120? NO WAY.

No, I don't upset easily and I like people to push me and others and to bring up discussion topics.

And fact is, I DON'T know where I'll settle. All I can know is my past. I know when I was 14 (and still not done growing) I weighed 140 pounds and was very fit (swimming 2 hours a day for swim team). I grew two inches since then and aged nearly 30 years. I figure that gives me some idea of where my baseline is, but do I know? No... I don't!

So, we'll see. Right now it's all speculation as I'm at 190 (or 189) and just trying to claw my way back down to at least 175. From there we'll see what it takes to whittle it down to 165 and from there just see... how much effort does it take or not?

rainydays
01-24-2013, 01:09 PM
I might blog about this tomorrow, but I'll put it out here now.

So, I was having breakfast with my husband before heading to the gym. We got on the topic about exercise and fitness. I said that I can see I'm bigger than I was this summer, but bigger seems HUGE, but I'm still wearing the same sized clothes, so it's not that I got all the way from a size 10 to a size 20.

I then said that when I get back to my weight this summer, I'll probably be smaller as I've built up quite a bit of muscle this fall/winter. My husband asked me how much I weighed and I told him (he's known my weight the whole journey - up and down).

Then he said this, "Maybe that weight is too low for you to maintain." I think maybe it might better for you to stay around 175 and maintain/hold that weight than to bounce around so much. If you have to work so hard to stay at 160, then is that a reasonable goal weight?"

My initial reaction to it was, "Well, but it's not that I've gotten to that weight and been stable. I started eating things I know I shouldn't. It's hard for me to know what a good stable, easy to maintain weight is if I haven't figured at that balancing act yet."

He then said, "Well, what I see is that several times in our marriage you've gotten to around 175 and were fit and active and healthy and looked great. Going below that seems to be where you start to have problems."

And again, it's because I never tried to maintain it - life got in the way and I messed up.

But now a few hours later, and after a workout at the gym, I'm asking myself, what is a good end weight for me? Do I shoot for perfection? One that is "ideal" - like the 25% body fat? Or do I shoot for something that is good and healthy, but easy enough to maintain so that I don't have to fight tooth and nail to get there and to stay there?

Especially with being overweight for so long (like 27 years?), is it even reasonable to expect to be able to easily maintain 25% body fat and around 160 pounds? (that's about where those numbers would line up).

I know for sure that right now I feel and am too heavy. I want to be a thinner and smaller and I can get there, but what SHOULD be the magic number or body fat percentage?

Yes, the final weight finds you, but how long does that take really to find it? I think it's going to be awhile for me as I can't possibly know what will feel maintainable long term.

Feeling the same way myself. I've been gone for quite awhile, but I need to be here. I had a hysterectomy December 18th and I'm up 13 lbs from early September, as a result of the surgery, a stressful semester, the holidays, and lack of eating and moving like I know I should. I also don't know where I want to be with weight, and I don't know if my body does either. Just commiserating! Hope we can both figure it out soon.

Elladorine
01-24-2013, 01:56 PM
Interestingly enough, I've recently had a similar conversation with my husband, but given my weight history and current state I'm still far from figuring out my goal from actual experience. ;) He's guessing I'll level out at 180 and be very happy there. I'm close to 220 now and have been consistently averaging a one pound loss per week for nearly a year. I do realize that another 40 pounds will do me a world of good, but it's all uncharted territory. And I'm wondering if I'll feel even more lost about it once I get closer or when my losses inevitably slow down.

I played with the Dukan calculator. When I put in all the required numbers and set my realistic target weight to 150 (a goal several doctors have given me), it said my true weight was 185. And when I kept everything the same and changed my target weight to 131 (which is the lowest healthy BMI for my height but somewhere I've never planned on getting), it gave me a true weight of 178. Hmm. Is my husband right about the 180 or am I giving this tool too much credit? :lol:

I'll be speaking with my doctor about my weight loss progress and goals during my next check-up, but as most are saying, I think it's best to gauge it based on how you feel while maintaining said weight. :)

BuddysBuddy
01-24-2013, 03:10 PM
It's still 20lbs overweight. I know BMI never takes many things into consideration - muscle mass etc. The world uses BMI charts though to determine many things about you - how much you'll pay for insurance, for example.

20lbs is still 20lbs extra my heart doesn't need to drag around.


^This makes me mad (not the quote or the person who wrote it - the actual fact) I feel 20 pounds is such a little amount to wreak so much havoc in my health. Yet it does - The most I've ever been overweight (BMI normal) is 35 pounds, yet even at 20 pounds over I still have high BP and cholesterol issues, not to mention some lovely things that hormones are doing to me right now. I'm not a huge junk food fan, we eat quite healthily in our household. I do admit to a sweet tooth, but if I don't buy sweets I'm OK. My problem is I eat too much (of course) I exercise fairly regularly, but need to take it up a notch. I know these things and am working on improving my lifestyle, but *I* really need to get down to the chart mandated weight, and even then I'm not sure if my numbers will be good :(

BBB and all, good luck on your quest for the perfectish maintainable weight - I think that if your medical numbers are good and you feel good at maintaining said weight, relax and be happy.

I hope that at some point I'll be able to maintain what's best for me as well.

ImImportant
01-24-2013, 03:34 PM
I cleaned out my storage area last week and I found an old calorie diary from 1990. At that time I was 23 with no children, weighed 138 pounds wearing a size 8.

When I joined 3FC I chose 140 as my goal weight which according to BMI is just a pound or so away from being overweight, so I dropped it by 5 pounds for wiggle room. I am a mesomorph so I gain muscle very easily and I'm packed solid. So, when I think about getting to 125 (to be solidly away from overweight) I know that I will look sickly. a few years ago I got down to 125 and I had many friends and family ask if I was ill.

I can't say that Dukan is correct but I do know that number is closest to where I look and feel the best. Following the BMI number will cause me to struggle to be at a weight that my body is not designed to carry.

Who knows, maybe I will get to 135 and my body will naturally get rid of the last 10 but for now I'll go with the number that agrees with my original guess.

dstalksalot
01-24-2013, 08:36 PM
I keep meaning to write on this thread but have not. I have been thinking about this ever since I started. Forget about goal weights on a chart, what is a maintainable weight for someone who has spent an entire lifetime in the obese category or someone who spent their entire life yoyo dieting.

I have spent my adult life in the obese range since college....about 20 years. I now weight about what I did right out of high school. A great accomplishment! The calculator estimated my realistic weight at 150 which is actually my red line goal weight. I am hoping I can white knuckle it for another 13 pounds or so. It has been harder and harder to lose and I am getting frustrated. This week I have contemplated maintaining my current weight of 159, but I would feel bad or ashamed if I did not reach my modest goal. I should be able to......all this to say, don't underestimate your accomplishments.....and don't assume it should be easy....everyone is different......work hard but don't be unrealistic.......

I have not figured out what that means for me yet.

Enjah
01-24-2013, 10:37 PM
I tried to get it to tell me my true weight but it took all my stats and never got back to me. Did I do something wrong?

berryblondeboys
01-24-2013, 11:13 PM
I tried to get it to tell me my true weight but it took all my stats and never got back to me. Did I do something wrong?

There's a button on that page that says CALCULATE. Press that and the page should just appear - they don't send it by email.

LockItUp
01-25-2013, 10:52 AM
I've been thinking a lot about the topic of this thread and have been reading all of the responses. I reflected on my last weight loss endevour when got me down into the low 140s before I regained plus some. This tainted my belief that I could maintain that weight or go lower, which I had wanted to when I had got there. The thing is though, it wasn't that it was an unrealistic goal FOR ME, it was that I proceeded to eat like crazy and not be active. I had just gotten married, we were eating out nearly daily and "treating" ourselves to pints of ice cream several times a week, drinking quite often (beer and other high calorie drinks), going and seeing movies getting full calorie soda and extra large popcorn and candy. I can't very well expect to maintain ANY weight with that kind of lifestyle, I can only expect to just keep gaining, which I did.

When I started out losing this time I figured the 160s would be realistic for me, but that was selling myself short. I, personally, never was happy in the 160s. I do have a small frame and for me I think a good weight is more in the 120s at this point, I won't know until I'm there. Did I ever think that was possible? Heck no! For me it would be selling myself short stopping shy of my ideal body.

Goal weights are a personal thing, very personal! I would never go as far as to tell someone they should change theirs to higher or lower than what they want it to be unless I truly had concern for the person's health and well being. That's between you and whoever else you choose to include (spouse, doctor etc). BUT I do think that sometimes people settle for higher weights because they've put unnecessary limitations on themselves or they think it will take more work or lower calories than it actually will or that they've been unable to maintain it before but really it was due to overeating. Now, I'm not saying that is the case for all, or even most, just saying that some settle for higher weights for the wrong reasons.

If you are truly healthy and truly happy that's all that really matters right?

JossFit
01-25-2013, 11:51 AM
...I do think that sometimes people settle for higher weights because they've put unnecessary limitations on themselves or they think it will take more work or lower calories than it actually will or that they've been unable to maintain it before but really it was due to overeating. Now, I'm not saying that is the case for all, or even most, just saying that some settle for higher weights for the wrong reasons.

If you are truly healthy and truly happy that's all that really matters right?

Totally in agreement, and I had to highlight that one part of your post.

It seems that a lot of people set these goal weights because they feel like that's the best they can do. I wish more people would just use the mirror or their clothing to judge and keep going for it!

That's sort of a sideline issue to the main point of the post, which I believe was basically; what is a weight that I can HAPPILY sustain? I think that all of us can do amazing things and probably lose more weight/dress sizes/inches, etc. than we allow ourselves to believe... but at what cost?

For BBB, she knows she CAN get down to 160 but what sacrifices would she have to make to get there? Sure, that morning weigh-in might be a thrill but if you're miserable and glaring at your kids with loathing while they enjoy a slice of birthday cake and you're eating carrot sticks for the rest of your life that certainly isn't happiness.

I suppose I'm in the middle; I know what MY goals are and I'm doing what it takes to get there... I won't project that on anyone else. If someone says "I'm currently 500 pounds and my goal weight is 300 pounds" I don't say "You can do better." I say "Good for you!" At the same time though, I'm hoping that person hits 300 pounds and says "I can keep going".

If they don't, they don't, and that's not my issue. Not everyone has the same priorties BUT I wish more people would really push themselves and shoot for the moon IF what they REALLY want deep down inside is different from what they allow themselves to reach for.

If someone GENUINELY wants to run a marathon they should go for it! If someone really is perfectly content walking a 5k they should do that... but for that person who wants to run the marathon, why stop at a 5k? Where is the challenge? If someone just wants to do that 5k why push yourself into a marathon if you're going to hate it? I'm rambling a bit but my point is that people should have the courage to go after what they really desire, if nothing else than just to avoid wondering "what if?" later on down the road.

Enjah
01-25-2013, 01:18 PM
Thanks berryblondeboys ... it said I am ALREADY AT MY TRUE WEIGHT! Break out the balloons!

berryblondeboys
01-25-2013, 01:34 PM
Totally in agreement, and I had to highlight that one part of your post.

It seems that a lot of people set these goal weights because they feel like that's the best they can do. I wish more people would just use the mirror or their clothing to judge and keep going for it!

That's sort of a sideline issue to the main point of the post, which I believe was basically; what is a weight that I can HAPPILY sustain? I think that all of us can do amazing things and probably lose more weight/dress sizes/inches, etc. than we allow ourselves to believe... but at what cost?

For BBB, she knows she CAN get down to 160 but what sacrifices would she have to make to get there? Sure, that morning weigh-in might be a thrill but if you're miserable and glaring at your kids with loathing while they enjoy a slice of birthday cake and you're eating carrot sticks for the rest of your life that certainly isn't happiness.

I suppose I'm in the middle; I know what MY goals are and I'm doing what it takes to get there... I won't project that on anyone else. If someone says "I'm currently 500 pounds and my goal weight is 300 pounds" I don't say "You can do better." I say "Good for you!" At the same time though, I'm hoping that person hits 300 pounds and says "I can keep going".

If they don't, they don't, and that's not my issue. Not everyone has the same priorties BUT I wish more people would really push themselves and shoot for the moon IF what they REALLY want deep down inside is different from what they allow themselves to reach for.

If someone GENUINELY wants to run a marathon they should go for it! If someone really is perfectly content walking a 5k they should do that... but for that person who wants to run the marathon, why stop at a 5k? Where is the challenge? If someone just wants to do that 5k why push yourself into a marathon if you're going to hate it? I'm rambling a bit but my point is that people should have the courage to go after what they really desire, if nothing else than just to avoid wondering "what if?" later on down the road.

This is so true - what are our goals? What do we really want? And what are we willing to do to get there? What am "I" willing to do to get there?

My main goal has always been to be healthy. To be free of drugs to keep me "running/operating". I wanted to have energy to go hiking, biking, playing with my kids. To not feel like I'm gasping for air at doing simple things.

As I got going and started losing, I wanted something more. I wanted to feel beautiful. I was catching glimpses of myself today while in Zumba class. I can tell that I'm dropping weight. The scale might not be showing it yet, but my body is (It's that time of the month I hold steady on the scale or even gain slightly). And I remember seeing how my body looked at 165. My inner thighs didn't touch. My mid-section really thins out and dressed, I look pretty darn good. Naked, not so much as I'm full of stretch marks and saggy skin, though that doesn't seem to affect my husband's attraction to me.

At 165 I could see muscle definition everywhere and I could see my ribs on my chest, but I looked strong. I looked fit and I liked that look.

So, I want to get so that I look like I'm fit again - without fluff. I want people to think, "Who is that attractive middle aged woman over there?" I spent so much of my adulthood. ALL of it actually being fat - hiding behind fat. I want to claim some of these years to look good!

Heck, I want to be one of those older women who look GREAT at 70 which means staying active and fit.

I wish I could erase the scars and the years, but I can't. I've earned them. I have a story, but I don't want to hide any more. I want to shine. So, 175 I don't feel like I shine yet. I was feeling it at 165, which is why I chose 160 as a goal in my ticker as that would get me even fitter and looking better.

I don't want to be thin... I want to be strong and fit looking - not like a runway model - Just as good as a middle aged mesomorph/endomorph shape can look.

krampus
01-25-2013, 01:43 PM
what is a weight that I can HAPPILY sustain? I think that all of us can do amazing things and probably lose more weight/dress sizes/inches, etc. than we allow ourselves to believe... but at what cost?

An important question - also, sometimes getting yourself out of the bad situations that arise when you push yourself too far can be a whole other 'nother challenge. Numbers have so much power that a lot of people will do ANYTHING to get back to a weight they were once, even if it was a result of unhealthy behavior, stomach virus or what have you.

Sometimes you have to set different standards for yourself than what you initially wanted or preferred aesthetically.

eliza422
01-25-2013, 01:51 PM
A key thing I think about is maintenance...I might be able to get to a lower weight...but can I stay there forever? We all know the abysmal regain percentage for folks who lose weight...

I need to be eating at a level I can live with forever, and I'm almost positive that if I go down to some of the goals others my height have I will never be able to stay there.

I consider it setting myself up for future success, rather than settling for a lesser outcome.

berryblondeboys
01-25-2013, 01:54 PM
A key thing I think about is maintenance...I might be able to get to a lower weight...but can I stay there forever? We all know the abysmal regain percentage for folks who lose weight...

I need to be eating at a level I can live with forever, and I'm almost positive that if I go down to some of the goals others my height have I will never be able to stay there.

I consider it setting myself up for future success, rather than settling for a lesser outcome.

And this too - since I've never maintained weight in my life purposefully, I have no idea how hard or easy it will be. That's why when my husband suggest 175, I was like, but why? He thought - well, because you see to get there easily enough. BUT... I've never stayed there for more than a minute!

That will be the ultimate decision - finding that sweet spot and I have absolutely NO IDEA where that will be. I also have no idea what I'll be willing to do for eating and exercise long term either. Right now I'm working out 6 days a week. I would like to be able to do 4 days and maintain fitness and weight, but...we'll see.

ilovemo
01-25-2013, 09:40 PM
I agree with ur husband. If 175 is super easy for you to maintain, and you feel good about yourself then thats your magic weight.

nationalparker
01-25-2013, 10:25 PM
Maybe don't worry too much about the number and keep working out and your body will continue to change to fit better into clothes, continue to grow stronger and better able to take you into the future years.

This might already have been posted on an earlier page, but this was an enlightening blog post a while back that illustrates that there is a lot of difference in what the weight is and how it looks.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=39264 73

berryblondeboys
01-25-2013, 10:43 PM
Maybe don't worry too much about the number and keep working out and your body will continue to change to fit better into clothes, continue to grow stronger and better able to take you into the future years.

This might already have been posted on an earlier page, but this was an enlightening blog post a while back that illustrates that there is a lot of difference in what the weight is and how it looks.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=39264 73

Thanks for the link to the blog. I don't have any pictures to prove it, but I'm sure I'm smaller at this 189 than I was a bit over a year ago when I was at this weight and I was exercising and working out then - I've just had more time to get STRONGER since then (and I am stronger).

And I'm not so stuck on a number of the scale - my 'real' dream goal is to get to 25% body fat because that's considered "fit". I want to be fit by technical definition too!

Learning 2 Live
01-25-2013, 11:10 PM
I mistakenly put my weight in in kilograms instead of pounds and the calculator had no issue telling me that 144 kilos was my true weight. Apparently it's perfectly fine for a woman's true weight to be nearly 320 pounds at 5'10".

Can I "like" this comment? It definitely made my day! lol

Heather
01-26-2013, 12:08 PM
I've had lots of similar conversations with myself about my goal. I'm 5'5" and been morbidly obese most of my adult life. I had no idea about a goal weight, but when I got down to about 175 (a bit less) I felt great! I was confident! I loved the clothes I could wear! I ended up maintaining that weight for a couple of years and didn't feel it was too hard. For me, that was a great balance!

My main goal was also for health and fitness and I really did like what I was able to do (and all my stats!) at that weight. Perfect BP, cholesterol... everything

Sadly, I let my control slip away and have gained back a lot of the weight and am struggling right now to get back on plan consistently... but that's another story.

Vex
01-26-2013, 01:12 PM
I have to say, thank you Joss and LockitUp for saying much more eloquently what I was trying to. :)