100 lb. Club - Do you ever feel like it's...




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Daimere
01-23-2013, 10:28 AM
...weird to eat healthy in our society?

I really want to make my weight loss a secret till it's noticeable and for other reasons. The last time I went public, I had a co-worker look through my journal and then chide me every time I ate/journaled. Also I'm afraid of failing because I know they are watching the publicly trying-to-lose-weight co-worker. I don't want them watching me. I journal privately now. I use my cell phone app or journal on the computer before I go to work pre-planning all my food. I don't even think my husband knows that I'm tracking!

The other day I was eating some veggie chips. I actually do like them. A co-worker asked me what I was eating. I told her. She scoffed, "Oh are you on a diet, too?" I told her, "Nope, I just like them." It got me thinking: it's normal to stuff our faces with whatever but veggies? Nope. That's crazy! Especially when I pull out the "weird things" like hummus and carrots (yum!). It's not like I'm forcing myself to eat these veggies. I love carrots and bell peppers! It seems only acceptable to eat veggies unless you are on a diet or they are deep fried. No wonder our food-culture is so messed up!


I've told a very few people about my weight loss re-journey (my mom, good friend, and my friend that cuts my hair). I guess my husband knows but he doesn't care at all nor helps. He criticizes me when I request brown rice. I realized the other day that I believe I am so much more likely to succeed. I have a healthy fitness hobby and my amazing mom (who is helping me buy healthy food). I rejoined Weight Watchers last week which means I actually have a plan this time. Most of my goals are fitness related: I want to learn to bellydance and take an aerial class at one of the flow festivals I go to in the next year or two. I understand how my body loses weight better than last time I was serious. I understand that it will get harder but I can do this! I'm excited for the next year!


Silverfire
01-23-2013, 10:41 AM
Oh wow, I know what you mean! Sitting at a lunch table with people who don't share your healthy eating style can be horrible! They judge your carrots, yogurt and hemp hearts!

Thankfully, I got lucky this time. My best friends, the people I eat lunch with everyday ALL decided that they all needed to drop a few lbs. So now its the opposite of before. They all judge if you get the special instead of a salad. Or don't bring a perfectly portioned, super nutritional lunch!

I thought keeping it a secret was the best way to go about it, but I think the support is so much better. We bring extra fruit and veggies to share with each other, if we go out for lunch, we go somewhere healthy. Unfortunately, none of my friends are going to be on this journey nearly as long as me, but I think the fact that we all started together will mean that I will be able to continue and still feel supported even when they have reached their goals and stop being so strict.

Maybe there is a few co-workers you can team up with? Maybe some of them are in the same boat as you!

Good luck and keep it up!

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 10:56 AM
i think a lot of it depends on who you hang around. Most of the people I am around are healthy eaters. Same with my husband's colleagues. When we have potlucks, people bring things like quinoa salads, fruit salads, hummus and veggies. And most of the people around us are not very overweight or overweight at all. I stuck out like a sore thumb!

But when I go to some other places, I see how the masses eat and wow... no wonder we are fat as a nation!


Daimere
01-23-2013, 11:03 AM
Maybe there is a few co-workers you can team up with? Maybe some of them are in the same boat as you!

A few months ago, I offered to do a weight loss support thing with the co-worker that is currently being very public about her weight loss. It never panned out. She's very much a yo-yo dieter that doesn't seem to know anything about weight loss (she wants to lose 15 pounds in one month). And honestly I wouldn't trust 90% of my co-workers with things as frustrating/upsetiting as weight loss.

Devoncroix
01-23-2013, 11:13 AM
Sorry this post is so long, this is an issue that really hits home with me! :^:
+++++++

It is an awful reality, especially when the signs of weight loss begin to show. I feel like I am bleeding and surrounded by sharks, perhaps a bit melodramatic but that's how I feel. There are a few supportive people out there, and thankfully my husband is the most supportive, but most people unfortunately are not.

There are several people who almost act like they want you to fail. Then there are others who tell you that you are doing it all wrong. If I have one more person tell me to drop carbs (veggies and whole grains) and eat more cheese and bacon, or give up gluten even though I have no allergies, I might just go crazy. Every fad diet/pill/torture device in the world has been spelled out to me in great detail as the only thing that works (by people who it apparently hasn't worked for). When I say I am just focusing on healthy eating, portion control and good old fashioned exercise, people look at me like I just grew a second head.

Then there are others who absolutely insist that you don't need to lose weight, that you look perfectly fine (when did obesity become the new normal?). There are people who accuse you of starving yourself, over exercising (60 min 3-5x a week is too much, really?). Some even claim that you are starting to look sickly.

I did let these people get into my head the last time I lost weight. It really sabotaged my attempts at maintaining. It wasn't the only thing that contributed to my regain, but it played a part.

The thing is my husband and my doctor supported me 100%. My doctor okay'd everything I was doing and monitored me closely. My husband lived with me and knew I ate a healthy balanced diet and certainly did not starve myself. These are the only people I should have listened to. This time I am going to tune out all naysayers.

This is also one of the reasons I joined this forum, it really helps to have like minded people to talk to during the weight loss and after. People who support rather than criticize. Collective and frank discussions about all things involving weight loss without censure or judgement. People who don't tell obese people they are just fine the way they are, but rather encourage and help support them in making healthier life choices.

*****

On another note, I want to learn belly dancing too! I even bought one of those cute belly dancing coin skirts from Amazon (only $7.23 w/free prime shipping!). I am starting with just a regular dance fitness program though, I am hoping to strengthen my core a bit before moving on to belly dancing. Let me know if you find a good program to use!

April Snow
01-23-2013, 11:15 AM
I think a lot comes down to location. I live in Colorado, which has the lowest obesity rates in the US. Now, that doesn't mean everyone eats healthy all the time, and there are certainly people carrying some extra weight. But generally speaking, the majority of people I come into contact with tend to be fairly fit, active and slim to average weight. That's not to say they don't enjoy their treats and indulgences, but they fit them into an overall healthy diet and no one finds it odd to snack on fruit and veggies.

That's not to say there aren't treats around too - I've been casual about it at work, and when someone offers a goody, I just smile and say that I'm "sugar-free" right now. That makes it more of healthy eating thing than a weight loss thing, I think, so at least so far, it hasn't lead into any additional questions although I would guess that eventually, when the loss becomes noticeable, it might.

betsy2013
01-23-2013, 11:18 AM
For me it was always hard to find the support that I need at work. For one thing, it's a somewhat competitive environment to begin with unless you are fortunate enough to work at a company that really encourages team work. Plus, I am very competitive myself. I never told anyone--even my family--that I was dieting because when I failed (duh! assuming at the beginning that I would fail might have been part of the problem :mad:) I didn't want them to realize that I'd failed again.

But it sounds as though you're developing a support group which is wonderful. And, yes, I agree that what we eat as a nation, our portion sizes, advertising, have allowed us to develop serious health issues. And I've noticed that people who are the correct weight never think twice about eating correctly. Nor do they ever get anyone asking if they're on a diet. It's another one of the prejudices against people who need to lose some weight. If we eat healthy foods, someone will undoubtedly ask if we're dieting. Yet, they would never think to ask someone who is at their ideal weight the same thing. When it happens now, I just answer with a question such as why would you ask that.

Daimere
01-23-2013, 11:29 AM
Devoncroix-If I quoted, I'd copy your entire post! I was going to describe my co-workers as snakes in a pit! I was teaching a hoop making workshop. I always say, "you can lose weight hooping with a good diet." Then, they ask me about my personal eating habits. I explain that I"m not watching what I eat right now. Then I get suggested the Simple Diet or Sensa or whatever. It is annoying! When I was last on weight watchers, someone told me that I must never eat!

When I was at my smallest weight my current husband in a backwards fashion was trying to say that he saw past the flaws that I had and fell in love with me. But he said, "when I saw the saggy skin on your stomach I about vomited." I LOVED my saggy skin. It proved that it was working! After that I remember giving up because I know I'll have tons of loose skin if I got any smaller. My husband is not supportive of this weight loss. But if I got diabetes tomorrow, he would. It sickens me. I'm preventing diabetes!

On another note, I want to learn belly dancing too! I even bought one of those cute belly dancing coin skirts from Amazon (only $7.23 w/free prime shipping!). I am starting with just a regular dance fitness program though, I am hoping to strengthen my core a bit before moving on to belly dancing. Let me know if you find a good program to use!
I got a coin belt at a ren faire. I go to a lot of movement festivals that have bellydance classes and there are local classes here. So I think I will reward myself with a class every month for being on plan/track/being awesome. I am hoping to get a few dvds with good amazon reviews soon. My friends also posted some good youtube video links. I can combine bellydance with poi or fire fans and I can be awesome!

Silverfire
01-23-2013, 11:41 AM
A few months ago, I offered to do a weight loss support thing with the co-worker that is currently being very public about her weight loss. It never panned out. She's very much a yo-yo dieter that doesn't seem to know anything about weight loss (she wants to lose 15 pounds in one month). And honestly I wouldn't trust 90% of my co-workers with things as frustrating/upsetiting as weight loss.

Damn that sucks! :( Could you maybe take your lunch at a different time? Eat at your desk instead maybe? I know that sounds lame, but it might be better than being bugged by all the negative Nancy's out there! You shouldn't have to feel awkward about trying to eat better.

Don't let them get you down!

LockItUp
01-23-2013, 11:52 AM
The really crappy part is that the more weight you lose the more people will comment on your food! People get to a point where they think you should be "done". Like once you're no longer overweight you should go back to eating crap food in large quantities and "relax" a bit. I've found a very harsh reality of losing weight and getting healthier is that it really bothers a lot of people.

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 12:00 PM
The really crappy part is that the more weight you lose the more people will comment on your food! People get to a point where they think you should be "done". Like once you're no longer overweight you should go back to eating crap food in large quantities and "relax" a bit. I've found a very harsh reality of losing weight and getting healthier is that it really bothers a lot of people.

I'm always a bit taken back by how people can behave. Like someone saying, "Oh, you shouldn't have that!" When they know I am watching my food intake. or, "Oh, you've lost enough weight, you can have that."

it is really true that most people don't understand how we got fat in the first place.

My mother in law's solution to getting fat is to just not eat sometimes. She'll skip meals, etc. It helps that she doesn't have any real hunger pangs. She eats because she knows she needs to. It's actually one of the reasons we decided she NEEDED to live with us was that she wouldn't understand why she was so weak - well, duh, she hadn't eaten in two days!

So, she totally doesn't get my way of eating. She says, "I eat whatever I want. I just stop eating or don't eat." Well.. nope... doesn't work for me that way.

sassyangies
01-23-2013, 12:08 PM
I am the same at work. I only work 3 days a week thank goodness for that because I feel like people are watching me. I work at a grocery store and I rarely buy my lunch there because if they know I'm dieting they are watching. I hate it. I wish we would be the kind of work place that had getting healthy challenges and stuff, but my whole store is all about the quick fix not eating healthy and excersise. Blah.. Anywho I know what your going through and I have not told anyone at work either. I journal on my phone and make my lunches to go to work so they don't bother me.
Good luck to you. Don't let anyone get you down!!

Devoncroix
01-23-2013, 12:10 PM
Daimere ~
Movement festivals sound like fun! I live in an area where that type of thing never happens. :(

I am sorry to hear about your husband not being supportive. I can see how that could make trying to lose weight and eat healthy much more difficult. You say he would be more supportive if you had a health related reason to lose weight, maybe get him some books to read on diabetes prevention? Has he ever watched Super Size Me? Watching that documentary helped my husband be one hundred percent on board with us as a family switching to a healthy lifestyle. My husband is one of those naturally thin people, but watching that movie opened his eyes to all of the problems with unhealthy eating. We stopped eating fast food and at unhealthy chain restaurants, tossed the junk food, and gradually made the switch to whole foods. This has been a gigantic help for me since the hardest part is already done. The documentary is a great one for guys to watch because it has plenty of guy humor and an interesting premise.

Also let him know it can take 3 years of maintaining for skin to tighten up, maybe that would encourage him to support you when you get to the point of maintaining!

Hopefully he will come around soon, guys can often surprise us.

MzPiggy
01-23-2013, 12:26 PM
I really dislike working around people like that, who make comments about what your eating, etc. when your dieting. It's a lil discouraging, but WAY annoying. Ive had people roll their eyes when they see me eating my healthy snacks, like apples, oranges, NF yogurt, etc. All basic and common foods, but even when i wasn't dieting, people would assume I was because I was eating something healthy...terrible.

But I also had it work the other way against me too...there was a lady that worked with me long time ago, who me and her were following the same diet plan/system, and everytime she'd see me cheating, she would make it known to the whole office, by talking really loud or yelling something across the room to me. We even went on a business lunch with my unit, and she yelled to me across the table how many points the lunch i ordered was ... i mean, i guess thats not such a bad thing (her trying to be supportive) but i didnt need the whole office to know I was dieting, let alone the whole resteraunt.

Anyway, hang in there .. and now i track my stuff on my cell phone too, because no one questions what im doing, maybe cuz everyone is on their cells 24/7 these days :)

Devoncroix
01-23-2013, 12:31 PM
I'm always a bit taken back by how people can behave. Like someone saying, "Oh, you shouldn't have that!" When they know I am watching my food intake.

This is my mother, she has some serious food issues. It changes from year to year and month to month (and even recycles a few), but once it was having to starve myself, then it was cutting all dairy products, then it was raw food only, then it was vegan, then it was vegetarianism, currently it is "gluten free is the only way to lose weight". Unfortunately she herself is overweight, has had severe skin issues, kidney issues, gallbladder issues etc...

I worry about what she is doing to herself seesawing major dietary changes every couple of months (without even consulting a doctor or nutritionalist first), but she is not the type of person you argue with, it causes more problems than it solves. I usually just smile and nod or politely decline her suggestions. The ironic this is, no matter which fad she is currently promoting she still keeps junk food in the house and eats out (including fast food) several times a week.


or, "Oh, you've lost enough weight, you can have that."


This is my m-i-l. Sometimes I think she makes it her job to keep me fat. Last time I lost weight she tried to convince my husband I had cancer or some other life threatening illness. She makes snide comments all of the time. She makes remarks when I don't eat the tons of junk food she sets out when we visit or that she brings when she visits us. She is always trying to set unhealthy food in front of me or talk me into eating stuff that I have absolutely 0 desire to eat. It is so frustrating.

Daimere
01-23-2013, 12:39 PM
Movement festivals sound like fun! I live in an area where that type of thing never happens.
...Also let him know it can take 3 years of maintaining for skin to tighten up, maybe that would encourage him to support you when you get to the point of maintaining!
There are all sorts of movement festivals all across the US/world. I went to one in Florida, one of my friends won a free ticket to one in TX (for bigger gals!), and there are 2-3 in Kentucky. I call them movement festivals but others would call the flow festivals. Then there are mostly hoop related festivals. Different ones have different grooves. My absolute favorite is the one my friend made. There were people of all shapes and sizes there. It was awesome and felt like family.

I never knew that about skin. O.O I thought I was doomed!

ladyfyre
01-23-2013, 12:59 PM
I am dreading when people start to notice at work that I am losing weight. I am the biggest person by far on our staff of 30. I work in a very large government office by my section is about 30 people.

I have stopped taking coffee breaks with the group, because I am not drinking coffee or tea during the day right now and normally I have always bought one of the delicious cookies they make in the cafeteria at every break. So I am removing myself from the tempting environment. People have noticed that I am not joining them ( I have only worked here about 4 months).

At my last office, also large government office, I participated in the biggest loser. The winner got almost $1,000! It was awful being under the scrutiny of all those who were not participating. People would sabotage like steal lunches so you would have to go out to eat, leave chocolate on your desk, remove all the milk and only leave cream at coffee. I lost about 14 lbs, but nowhere near the winning amount and honestly it make me feel worse. I felt like a failure since being so heavy I should have nailed it.

I heat my food up in the cafeteria, and then I eat at my desk with my back to the door. I have always hated eating in front of others at work. I can just see them watching what the morbidly obese woman is eating and judging.

There is this one super annoying older guy who makes little comments about how is wife is very petite and she likes to shop at such and such store but they never have her size because she is too small. I have to work out of town with him often and I am always really aware of him watching what I am ordering from the menu. AND! he sometimes will bring me a chocolate or something and say "you worked really hard today- here's a treat." what a pompous ***! I don't even know if he means work or eating well, but I friggin' hate when he does that.

Arctic Mama
01-23-2013, 01:23 PM
For some reason, my personality disinvites rude weight comments. I was a little surprised at how people who know I how much I have lost and that I watch it (my family) still tried to get me to join in on their holiday eating and were a little taken aback when I stood firm. But because I was pleasant and firm that I eat *this way* and nobody else need comment or accommodate, they did eventually leave me alone about it.

Similarly, among my friends and such no one makes an issue of it, because a) I've been successful long term and b) even if they think I'm nuts they're not changing my mind. That has limited a lot of what might otherwise be social pressure.

I just continue being polite and firm, and things end quickly and without drama. Once people realize you won't cave (in my case, that they won't get sugar or starch down my gullet unless they tie me down and shove it in) they give up pretty quickly :)

lunarsongbird
01-23-2013, 01:52 PM
I often think people make those rude comments because your healthy behavior makes them feel guilty. They would like to be making the choices you are, but they're not. This is the same reason that many addicts need to find an entirely new set of friends once they break their addiction. Otherwise, their old friends will guilt them back into the life they want to leave behind.

So when people harp on me to "join the crowd." I just feel very sad for them now- mostly for what they are doing to their bodies. I try to refrain from being judgmental though.

I am becoming so researched in my decisions and "totally weird" in my choices, that people don't question them anymore. I bring homemade yogurt and kombucha to work. I sprout my grains and use milk keifer. So when I bring in some veggie chips, people don't bat an eye.

I do hate being under a looking glass, though. I hate when people say, "Should you be eating that? Is that on your diet?" ::sigh:: I'm not sure if these people are trying to be helpful, or again...it makes them feel good that you aren't perfect all the time, because it makes them feel better about themselves.

I think there is a lot of psychology involved in this topic.

Tziri
01-23-2013, 02:14 PM
I think there is a lot of psychology involved in this topic.

I would say there's mounds and mounds of it!

I have a friend who can only tell a select few friends about her dieting because she gets treated horribly by everyone else (close family members included, and her mom is the worst!).

I think it's ridiculous that many of us have to worry about being treated poorly when it's "out" that we are choosing a healthy lifestyle for once.

synger
01-23-2013, 02:59 PM
Oh wow, I know what you mean! Sitting at a lunch table with people who don't share your healthy eating style can be horrible! They judge your carrots, yogurt and hemp hearts!



I think that the longer you have your own "food style" the more people come to realize that's just how you eat. I remember being surprised at a very thoughtful wedding gift from a co-worker of a steamer/rice cooker. He said, "Well, I see what you eat at lunch, and thought it would come in handy." (That was during a time I was eating Pritikin, so lots of whole grains and very low fat.)

It the new, the changed, the obvious that draws their attention. So as we lose weight, that piques their curiosity. And then they pay attention to what we're eating. But as we keep eating the same things over and over, our consistency becomes boring and old and monotonous. It's just "how we eat". Then they stop bothering us.



There are several people who almost act like they want you to fail. Then there are others who tell you that you are doing it all wrong. If I have one more person tell me to drop carbs (veggies and whole grains) and eat more cheese and bacon, or give up gluten even though I have no allergies, I might just go crazy. Every fad diet/pill/torture device in the world has been spelled out to me in great detail as the only thing that works (by people who it apparently hasn't worked for). When I say I am just focusing on healthy eating, portion control and good old fashioned exercise, people look at me like I just grew a second head.

I think the issue is that there are SO many different eating plans out there, and most of them work, more or less. I have friends who have completely changed their mood, health, and energy by dropping gluten... or by eating whole foods... or by cutting back drastically on starches and sugars. They're all gung-ho about their plans, because they're invested emotionally in their plans. So YOUR plan has to have flaws! Or they want to talk about various plans, and all their excitement is for their own versions.


The really crappy part is that the more weight you lose the more people will comment on your food! People get to a point where they think you should be "done". Like once you're no longer overweight you should go back to eating crap food in large quantities and "relax" a bit. I've found a very harsh reality of losing weight and getting healthier is that it really bothers a lot of people.

I think it bothers them because they want it to be them. I'm not there yet, but I have to admit I've been on their side of it before. I'm fascinated by people who have lost more than 80 pounds -- I want to know all the details of how they did it and what obstacles they had to overcome, from food to exercise to mental and health issues. It's mean of me, but I know that I secretly compare my size to other women and relax just a fraction if I'm NOT the heaviest person in the group. If that woman began losing, I like to think I would be supportive, but I admit that some part of me is frustrated with myself for not being that losing person.


I just continue being polite and firm, and things end quickly and without drama. Once people realize you won't cave (in my case, that they won't get sugar or starch down my gullet unless they tie me down and shove it in) they give up pretty quickly :)

You make a wonderful point. A smile and a polite, "No, thank you" is often enough to turn aside food offerings. If they insist, I've found ways of either saying no more firmly, or taking the offering and enjoying "two bites of bliss" (or just moving to another room and setting down the plate uneaten, if it's a party situation). It depends on the situation and the people. Some fights I'm not willing to fight. And others I am. I find that if I don't make a big fuss over what I "can" and "can't" eat, others don't notice that much.

I often think people make those rude comments because your healthy behavior makes them feel guilty. They would like to be making the choices you are, but they're not. This is the same reason that many addicts need to find an entirely new set of friends once they break their addiction. Otherwise, their old friends will guilt them back into the life they want to leave behind.

I do hate being under a looking glass, though. I hate when people say, "Should you be eating that? Is that on your diet?" ::sigh::

I agree. I know how guilty I feel when someone else is actively losing and I'm not. I want to be them, and then feel bad that I'm not as supportive as I feel I should be. But I don't make rude comments.

I'm also a big believer in smiling and saying thank you, even if the comment is snarky. Or if it's really obnoxious, raising my eyebrows wide in surprise and saying, "Oh, my, did you know you said that out loud? How embarrassing for you!"

All in all, I think that the more I learn about diets, and the more I try different things and talk to others who have done the same, the less I care how other people react to my choices.

lunarsongbird
01-23-2013, 03:23 PM
I'm also a big believer in smiling and saying thank you, even if the comment is snarky. Or if it's really obnoxious, raising my eyebrows wide in surprise and saying, "Oh, my, did you know you said that out loud? How embarrassing for you!"

Synger, This is hilarious! "How embarrassing for you!" It made me smile!!

Roo2
01-23-2013, 03:35 PM
I definitely understand where you are coming from.
I am a private person I do not pry in others people's life or make unsolicited comments.
I work with a large group of people.
I am amazed my how people can think they can ask personal questions about your weight loss and think you will satisfy their idle curiosity.
I had someone come into the breakroom to see what I was eating and someone else commented to another person.
I have been asked straight out how much weight have you lost by a lot of people.
MY close friends don't give me the grilling I recieve at work I have had people from other depts come and check me out and ask me questions mere acquaintances noless!
I long for the days when people had good manners and did not ask noisy personal questions.
People never came up to before and said why overweight but they do have an opinion about what I weigh or will weigh in the future!
I guess it one area that is considered ok to butt into someone else's life without an invitation.
And if you tell them what your doing they will proceed to tell you how you are wrong.
Dieting should be added to the list of subjects you don't talk about! It never ends well!

LockItUp
01-23-2013, 03:56 PM
I'm also a big believer in smiling and saying thank you, even if the comment is snarky. Or if it's really obnoxious, raising my eyebrows wide in surprise and saying, "Oh, my, did you know you said that out loud? How embarrassing for you!"



That is awesome, I'm SOOOOO using that!

I think it bothers them because they want it to be them. I'm not there yet, but I have to admit I've been on their side of it before. I'm fascinated by people who have lost more than 80 pounds -- I want to know all the details of how they did it and what obstacles they had to overcome, from food to exercise to mental and health issues. It's mean of me, but I know that I secretly compare my size to other women and relax just a fraction if I'm NOT the heaviest person in the group. If that woman began losing, I like to think I would be supportive, but I admit that some part of me is frustrated with myself for not being that losing person.

Gosh, yes I've been on the other side of it too!!! I definitely 100% don't ever mind talkin' shop! If people want to know what I eat, when I eat, workouts, obsessions, shows, etc, I'm MORE than eager -- it's my favorite subject (aside from my kids probably), though I'm careful never to be the one to bring it up. I never want people to think I'm a weight loss pusher! It's really only when people start TELLING me what to do, eat, how to workout, to stop losing or that I should eat MORE or whatever the case may be, that is when I start to get frustrated. I think too, checking to see if you're the biggest person in the room is normal. I still do it out of habit. I've been doing it since early grade school. I hope someday to be able to stop comparing myself with others, especially physically to other women, but I won't deny I do it, not proud of it but I do it.

Devoncroix
01-23-2013, 05:01 PM
Gosh, yes I've been on the other side of it too!!! I definitely 100% don't ever mind talkin' shop! If people want to know what I eat, when I eat, workouts, obsessions, shows, etc, I'm MORE than eager -- it's my favorite subject (aside from my kids probably), though I'm careful never to be the one to bring it up. I never want people to think I'm a weight loss pusher! It's really only when people start TELLING me what to do, eat, how to workout, to stop losing or that I should eat MORE or whatever the case may be, that is when I start to get frustrated. I think too, checking to see if you're the biggest person in the room is normal. I still do it out of habit. I've been doing it since early grade school. I hope someday to be able to stop comparing myself with others, especially physically to other women, but I won't deny I do it, not proud of it but I do it.

I agree with this 100%, discussion of healthy living & related topics is always enjoyable to me, which is why I joined this forum. Unfortunately most people I come across fall into the latter category of negativity and pushiness.

On the topic of the biggest person in the room, I had a very embarrassing moment awhile back. We went to an acquaintance's house for a visit and the wife was also overweight and I couldn't really tell which of us was bigger. So on the way home I actually asked my husband who he thought was bigger. It was definitely not my finest moment. I was mostly just curious, but what an awkward question. I felt stupid as soon as the words were out of my mouth. :dunno:

eliza422
01-23-2013, 05:39 PM
So on the way home I actually asked my husband who he thought was bigger.

OK, I'm a horrible person - how did he answer? :o

linJber
01-23-2013, 07:38 PM
I love this thread because we all have something about it that hits home for us. I think some things are universal, though. At least at the beginning of a "diet." We are self conscious and afraid of failing (to ourselves) and afraid of looking like a failure (to others.) As time goes on and we see some measure of success, we start to loose the self consciousness. So my advice is to just jump to that stage immediately. I'm appalled that people would actually take someone's lunch from an office refrigerator. I get that some folks want to see others fail. I get that some folks are jealous of others' success. I get subtle sabotage (cookies and candy left on a desk.) But not out and out theft!

I am a very vocal person. I also work in a very small office where everyone gets along. I let everyone know I was "going on a diet" until I lost at least 90 pounds. I didn't tell my out of town family simply because I wanted to see how long it would take them to notice. (At least 35 pounds.)

Here are some answers I found to be helpful. Use them if you think they'll help you. Sometimes the trick is to just make a statement and stop - no further explanation. I think we set ourselves up when we try to explain and justify our actions. A point blank, matter of fact answer can effectively cut a discussion short.

Q: Are you ever going to eat normal food again?
A: How is [insert healthy choice of the moment] not normal?

Q: I thought you were trying to lose weight. Is [insert one-time unhealthy choice of the moment] on your diet?
A: It is today. (then laugh)

Q: Any totally inappropriate question or comment.
A: Did you seriously just say / ask that? I must have misunderstood what you said.

Q: What are you doing to lose / for exercise? You should be doing blah blah blah.
A: This is working for me. You can do blah blah blah when you decide to get in better shape. Let me know how it works for you and we'll compare notes. (Question asked by 2 very heavy sisters of one of my friends as they ate an entire bag of chips and a container of dip while we talked.)

Q: Did you know [insert health tip of the day.]
A: Yes - I read that somewhere.

Q: Are you still trying to lose? You're starting to look like you've been sick.
A: If you're concerned about my health, thanks, but I assure you it's fine. Even the doctor said so. If you're concerned about my looks, do I get a turn at this, too? (This is my favorite. Three very overweight friends ganged up on me and said this to me "out of genuine concern." It took me off guard and I said nothing at the moment. It was only a few minutes later that I came up with the answer here. It shut them up so fast it wasn't funny.)

You have to do what makes you feel comfortable, but realize that no matter who we are, some people will offer support, some will put up road blocks to success, and some really couldn't even give a hoot. I hope your supporters greatly outnumbers the others. Good luck.

Lin

SweetTreat80
01-23-2013, 08:06 PM
Daimere, I totally understand, infact I kind of feel like my exercise, healthy eating and weight loss is really a dirty little secret sometimes. Until anything is noticeable I won't be telling anyone what I am doing which sucks because we all should be openly celebrating each pound we lose.

Angihas2
01-23-2013, 08:21 PM
I think eating healthy, balanced, portion controlled meals/snacks in our society is unusual. There's plenty of overweight/obese vegans, vegeterians, or health nuts. It's not just those who make 'bad food' choices. Look at the sizes we're offered in restraunts, even fast food places. At McDonalds, all sizes are large. It used to be a normal sized burger, small fry and small drink, that was the meal size. That's a perfectly portion controlled meal, not the best food, but way better than a #1, supersized, with unlimited soda. The rare occasions we do eat there, I order the All American meal, normally reserved for senior citizens, and its the first meal I mentioned. Even our school cafeterias are serving breaded chicken/fish pieces, coating things in sauce or glop so kids will eat it. My 2nd grader is stuck eating what the school serves or what we make. My 3rd grader has a choice between entrees and sides, and since she's allergic to pork and gluten intolerant the food offered to her as a 'balanced, nutritional' meal consists of a condiment cup stuffed with iceberg lettuce, one full of canned tomatoes, and a turkey dog. That's considered 'ok' by the USDA. When we pack her lunch, its a cheese stick, a piece of fruit, some sort of raw veggie or two, a bottle of water, and usually tuna and GF english muffins/pita, she makes herself a sandwich and loves it. Our kids are offered horrible food, then to many times we as parents, offer them horrible dinners (I've been guilty), and some sort of sugary dessert and cereal for breakfast.

I remember as a kid, my dad would come home for lunch, my stepmom would make 2 boxes of hamburger helper, served over home made mashed potatoes made with mayo AND butter AND whole milk, if we had a veggie, it was carrots or peas, with butter and brown sugar on them, white bread and sweet tea. For dinner, fried chicken, more mashed potatoes, more candied veggies, white bread and sweet tea. Breakfast was often biscuits, gravy, fried eggs, hasbrowns and my family are huge believers in the clean plate club and would bribe us with homemade fudge/cakes/cookies to get us to stuff ourselves so we could leave the table.

We don't do the clean plate club, its caused some issues between hubs and I. I believe if the kids know their a dessert or something they want some of, and they choose to not finish their dinner so they can have dessert, how is that different than me budgeting in my calories for something I would consider off plan? To me, thats them making smart food choices. As long as they finish the bulk of their dinner, most of their veggies, I'm ok with that. (Not saying they can push their plates away for dessert, but that they have chosen to not lick their plate clean to save room for dessert). He believes if they have room for dessert, they should finish their dinner then have dessert. I think thats how a lot of us got fat to begin with, especially if we've struggled since childhood with weight and food issues.

I think the healthy v non-healthy eating thinking starts so early it would be hard to pinpoint for most of us when we realized we were eating beyond capacity but KEPT DOING IT. There's a lot of unacknowledged guilt and as well, alot of people truly accept us, fat or not, and feel like if they encourage us, then they're telling us we were flawed, if they discourage us, they aren't supportive. Its a tricky line to walk. My hubs, is 5'9, roughly 160, he was 215 when we met, ALL muscle, then gained a bunch of weight while I was pregnant and on bed rest, was all kinds of fluffy. I never said a word, how could I. Was he less sexy? Visually, yeah, but not emotionally, not mentally, he was still that great guy, just not that same set of muscles and shoulders and all that stuff that lured me in (we met at a music fest, so there wasnt much chatting initially). He lost it all, and is still sexy. We were discussing weight, and he gets mad if I say I'm fat or whatever, he truly DOES see me as without the 50 lbs I've gained since we met. (we met when I was roughly 190), but he's also made comments in the past like, "Sure, I'm used to dating women I can tuck in my back pocket, but you're sexy in a different way". He feels like if he encourages me, then he's telling me he agrees with me, but if he brings home a Dr. Pepper for me, then he's being insensitive to my choice to be healthy. He has stayed absolutely silent about the change in food choices, the lack of meat at a lot of meals until today, "I'm trying to be supportive, but I REALLY need meat".

That went way around the block. Sorry

Devoncroix
01-23-2013, 08:31 PM
OK, I'm a horrible person - how did he answer? :o

He said she was bigger... but that was another reason the question was stupid, what else was he going to say? ;)

Daimere
01-23-2013, 11:06 PM
I agree with this 100%, discussion of healthy living & related topics is always enjoyable to me, which is why I joined this forum. Unfortunately most people I come across fall into the latter category of negativity and pushiness.

I love talking about weight loss, obesity and what not. Can't I get a degree in that? This one guy mentioned it one day months ago and I just rambled for an hour. I collect diet/health/nutrition books to be able to make the best choices for myself, even when I'm not dieting. It's more than food, exercise and mental. It's everything and so many people don't get it.

There are so many replies that I can't answer them all! Someone mentioned how some people don't want us to lose. There is a friend of mine that loves my weight. I'm afraid to even tell this person that I am because I'm afraid they will ditch me in 40 pounds. :(

Oh by the way, one of the reasons I eat where my unit can see me is because if I eat on the hall, I can exercise for 20 minutes on my lunch break. But trust me, we all notice when a certain co-worker doesn't eat!

Lin, I love your answers!

I was mostly just curious, but what an awkward question. I felt stupid as soon as the words were out of my mouth
My husband describes some fat people as "nasty fat" but then says, "you aren't nasty fat. You look like you bathe." Errrrrrrr what? But this also makes me think since I've gained 40 pounds since I met him, am I now nasty fat?

I think that the longer you have your own "food style" the more people come to realize that's just how you eat.
That is right! No one questions me if I eat a lean cuisine every day (I've taken those to work about 95% of the time because it's quick for the last 2 years).

On the flip side (this has happened to me), what if you exercise and don't lose weight? A year ago, before I entered hooping idol, I was criticized on a snarky board about hooping so much and not losing weight. They said things like, "if hooping burns so many calories, why are you still fat? Pfft, you do not look good doing that." I replied, "Screw healthy eating! Evidently weight loss has NOTHING to do with food intake." And then I stopped posting on there and deleted almost every single one of the negative peoples.