Weight Loss Support - Feeling generally ugly..
01-20-2013, 08:31 PM
Has anyone else taken more than half their fat off and come to a crossroad where you felt just ugly?? I have like 65 more to go and anytime I see my face I just wanna cringe. As well the dreaded fear sticks in my head regarding sagging skin,which I have yet to encounter.
The place I'm at right now is all the 'unknowns' i'm afraid I'll like myself less once I get there. However health is a huge motivator, I also want to like who I see in the mirror.Anyone else facing these issues or is it my 'midlife crisis' mixed w/ changing? Thanks for listening.
01-20-2013, 08:35 PM
There are times where I feel completely sexy. And then there are times when I feel hideous; sometimes this happens within one night. I think everybody goes through these spells, but you just have to tell yourself that you ARE beautiful in your own way and that you are special and it doesn't matter whether other people find you attractive because YOU think you're attractive.
But I'll tell ya, I wish I could follow my own advice, lol.
01-20-2013, 08:52 PM
While I haven't been in the position of taking half my fat off, I do relate to the rest of your post. I too have been feeling ugly in my current body, nervous of what is to come, and feeling a midlife crisis approaching.
I think I've just gotten used to being bigger and I'm tired of trying. I feel like the holidays unraveled all of my progress and its' tough to get motivated again.
So, I hope you find some happiness in your journey. I know every day leaves us with different feelings about ourselves, and I hope tomorrow find you with more positive thoughts about who you see in the mirror.
01-20-2013, 08:54 PM
Most definitely. In fact, even though I have about 30 pounds left to go, the weight doesn't bother me nearly as much as my perceived ugliness. Which is an issue I'm working on as part of my therapy.
I think weight loss has meant that I can't use obesity as an excuse for my problems anymore so I'm looking for a replacement excuse. And I'm a perfectionist so I have this urge to look perfect and I never will. I would give anything to be able to accept myself as I am and feel confident. I'm working on acceptance but ow, it's hard to wipe away those negative judgments.
01-20-2013, 08:58 PM
*raises hand* I am over half way to my goal and while I do enjoy the majority of the changes to my body, squishy fat, sagging skin and wrinkles appearing are dragging me down a bit. When I look at my noticeably smaller face in the mirror, I can't help but notice that my chin is getting pleats. It really freaks me out sometimes. I have these dark moments when I think that losing weight is actually making me uglier. I know that isn't true; it's just my lizard brain nattering at me. But it's difficult to me to look in the mirror and not focus on my flaws.
01-20-2013, 11:30 PM
Gonna chime in here.
Your health is way more important than your looks.
My body has been through a lot, twins that weighed over 6#'s each, healthy babies, weight gain, loss, rinse, repeat.
I am currently maintaining, I strength train.
A lot of things have gone south. :dizzy: But I am strong and I am healthy and confident in ME.
My naked body, well, it does not look that great, but, it is strong, it's healthy, and I love it!:D
01-21-2013, 05:43 AM
I have horrible self esteem. I always have. I drive my poor boyfriend nuts, because if he tries to give me a compliment on my looks, I immediately go into defensive "Why is he lying to butter me up?" mode, because I really don't think that anyone could legitimately find me attractive. Fast forward to being almost 50 lbs down from my high weight, and I can add in stretch marks and stress acne to the nasty mix every time that I look into the mirror. Not fun. So yeah, I can relate.
Like other people have mentioned, (and because I doubt I'll be attractive even if I ever manage to get rid of my jiggly thighs and PCOS belly) the objective now is feeling better and being healthier. I'd really like to avoid the fistful of pills that my parents both take twice a day if possible...
01-21-2013, 10:04 AM
I think most of us have "ugly" days regardless of our age and size--I know I do! I also remember really struggling at about the half-way point of my journey with my appearance in the mirror. I didn't recognize myself, finding clothes to fit was a struggle and my face was seriously saggy. Don't give up, with time it all comes together. I now recognize myself 98% of the time (passing by glass windows can still give me a start). I've found clothes that fit--well, too many truth be told and my face has managed to firm up a bit.
Sometimes an "ugly" day for me just means that I will have very low expectations of myself. I'll still work out and eat well but I dress very comfortably, sometimes with minimal make up. And then it's to bed very early--things always look better after a good nights sleep! :)
01-21-2013, 10:13 AM
I also think most of us have gone through these feelings at whatever weight, age, etc. I personally don't think it has much to do with weight or weight loss or gain, but if weight is an issue, that is what our brains latch on to in explaining why we feel that way.
It takes a really long time for some of us to KNOW we love ourselves and that we are beautiful and amazing.
But it comes.
01-21-2013, 10:20 AM
To be honest, I was incredibly happy with my appearence(with the exception of my weight,) until I hit around 200 pounds...After that, I started becomming unhappy with the way my face looked. When I hit 180, my face started looking hallow, and tired so I stopped...Fast forward 9 months, and now that I'm use to my appearence, and it has "Settled," I can appricate it again. It just takes a bit to adjust
We all experience "ugly" days.
01-21-2013, 01:24 PM
Comes with the territory. Partly because even if our brain tells us that weight loss isn't going to magically turn us into Cindy Crawford, in our hearts we still hope it will.
I had a first class breakdown around 55 pounds down because I took off a lot in my face in that stretch and I looked haggard for a few weeks, but it bounced back. I'm starting to see wrinkling in my stomach that won't ever go away. Not to mention I'm losing fat in bizaare "pockets" on my thighs and arms etc. I look goofy. But only to ME. To the rest of the world. I look like I've lost 100 pounds.
We're our own worst critics. We see things no one else will ever notice. I'll guarantee you what EVERYONE ELSE is going to notice is the healthy light in your eyes and your new svelte physique. Compliment yourself. Take pictures of yourself in the mirror like a goofy teenager. Love your progress. You worked your butt off for it!
01-21-2013, 02:05 PM
I have to agree RadioJane. We are our worst critics. I have always been taught to love myself no matter what ( Thanks Mom) but some days I wake up and go, who is this in the mirror. Then my best friend taught me and exercise, now bare with me it may sound dumb but it works.
Each morning when you wake up before you go into the shower I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and smile for 5 minutes( even if you dont want to) as you are smiling hug yourself( Yes dont laugh it works) Hug yourself hard and tell yourself that you are beautiful. Do this everyday and soon you will start smiling on your own and standing in front of the mirror for much longer just adoring yourself. You must love your self in this life, because no one will for you. I hope this helps someone, lord knows it really helped me :)
01-21-2013, 05:35 PM
I wanted to thank you all for shaing how you too have struggled with this.
lately it just gets hard, knowing I'm not the same, yet I'm not different either.
If that makes sence at all. I suppose I am dissatisfied with 'me' and need
to get 'mind' matching body and 'age' (lifes war wounds). I think times are
tougher on us women too. Aestestics seem to be the norm these days and
offline, heck even online, we are judged by our looks.
I will take all your advice and try to accept what I see in the mirror.:)
01-21-2013, 06:02 PM
I feel that way sometimes too, I think everyone has their good and bad days, sexy and ugly days.
About your loose skin comment...personally, I have experienced loose skin, just in my stomach area (which is bad enough!) And it really sux :( So every time I look in the mirror with my bra and panties on, I have one of those "ugly" moments. But I guess we just have to try to love ourselves on both the ugly and sexy days...
Hang in there, and congrats on your loss so far :D
01-21-2013, 07:11 PM
I know very beautiful people, with ideal bodies, that still have ugly days. I think it's just part of life, even if they are difficult to deal with.
I have them. I am at "goal" and there are things about my body that drive me crazy. Stretch marks. The super weird wiggly area at the top of my thighs that won't go away no matter my size. The dimples on my butt. I am healthy, but I do not look like how I imagined I would at this size. I think part of this is the media... we are fed airbrushed images of the "perfect" body all the time, and I think it sets unrealistic expectations.
Not to mention, that most men I know, don't WANT the airbrushed women. My husband admits that he finds "Perfect 10" women to be intimidating. Most guys want real, warm, loving, charismatic women who make them feel special. In the end, looks really only go so far.
I try to be easier on myself these days, and accept that I don't have to be perfect, or even close to it, to be beautiful. Embrace your best YOU! Like Marilyn Monroe once said, "Perfection is boring."