Weight Loss Support - Don't want to see my friends




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TheLauren
01-20-2013, 06:32 PM
I started my weight loss at the end of September. I have lost about 25 pounds, and I feel great. But since I started losing weight I have been really hesitant to see any of my friends. I feel like I want to lose more weight and look better before I see anyone. I have actually turned down invites to quite a few parties.Is this completely ridiculous?


Missy Krissy
01-20-2013, 06:37 PM
It's not completely ridiculous... But you might want to think about accepting some of those invitations and nurturing those friendships!

It's easy to become somewhat introverted for a number of reasons. You're focusing on yourself and your health; putting your energy into losing weight rather than relationships.

People may or may not comment on your weight loss thus far, but it shouldn't keep you from going out and enjoying life :)

elvislover324
01-20-2013, 06:37 PM
While I don't think you should miss any important parties (weddings, showers, once in a lifetime type things, you know?), I totally understand turning down the invites to the parties. That being said, it doesn't mean it's right!

I want to lose as much as I can before I see my family and some of my friends again. Some of that can be controlled, some of it can't. The important part is to not alienate yourself from them (still call, email, text, etc. to keep in touch).

I am finally starting to think I look good enough to maybe see a few of my friends soon but they also didn't see me at my worst so they might not notice my progress as much (which is fine with me!). I actually don't want any of them to say anything about my weightloss, it's my business.

So to answer your question, to me, no it's not ridiculous at all.


susiefleshner
01-20-2013, 06:43 PM
I was doing the same thing with my good friend. Sadly she died suddenly from a blood clot. I regret avoiding her like I did.

elvislover324
01-20-2013, 06:50 PM
I was doing the same thing with my good friend. Sadly she died suddenly from a blood clot. I regret avoiding her like I did.

:hug: Susie, that is so sad and I am sorry for your loss. Life is too short, we must remember that every day.

LandonsBaby
01-20-2013, 08:39 PM
I started my weight loss at the end of September. I have lost about 25 pounds, and I feel great. But since I started losing weight I have been really hesitant to see any of my friends. I feel like I want to lose more weight and look better before I see anyone. I have actually turned down invites to quite a few parties.Is this completely ridiculous?

Your life, your friends and the people you love are more important than worry about how much weight you've lost so far. I doubt at the end of your life you'll think "gee, I wish I had lost more weight before spending time with the people who were important to me". Probably not going to be thinking that way. :)

Ready2Lose2013
01-20-2013, 08:57 PM
Not ridiculous at all! I know what that feels like. I have my 10 year high school reunion coming up in May and I don't even want to consider going unless I'm at my target weight. In the past, I've gone through phases where I haven't wanted to reconnect with old friends because I didn't want them to see me like this...

Also, the last time I did ww and did really well on it, I didn't want to see a few of my friends because I knew I would be tempted to go off the wagon with them. They were my partners in crime, the people you have gluttonous dinners with and relish them because you're being bad together. One of my best friends came home from living over seas and I was so freaked about it I didn't see her for weeks after she got home.

It's amazing how our relationship with our friends manifests in this journey...

ghost
01-20-2013, 11:16 PM
I'm the same way, especially with my friends who watched me last time I lost it all, and the watched, silently, as I regained it. I'm usually a hermit, I spend a lot of time alone because that's what I prefer, but, I don't want people to comment on my weight loss, it's my business. It's embarrassing to me particularly if people comment on it in mixed company. To me, how big I got is highly personal so I avoid people I know can't keep their mouths shut about it.

Hotaruchan
01-21-2013, 05:55 AM
It depends on the types of things you're skipping out on...I know that most people on this forum are making big changes in terms of calorie intake, etc., so if your friends want to go out to a bar and get bombed on sugary drinks while you're trying to jot down every morsel that goes into your mouth, I can see a conflict of interest there.

If you're just avoiding board game night or something because you want an amazing emerging-from-a-cocoon-suddenly-skinny-and-hot effect...well, yeah, I'd say that's a little silly. Your friends already think you're awesome...otherwise they wouldn't be your friends. With 7 billion people on the earth, there's really no use in wasting your time subjecting yourself to people that you don't actually enjoy spending times with, and repeatedly being denied the chance to hang out with someone generally makes people wonder what they did wrong. Just my opinion, but living your life seems like a lot more fun than putting it off to build up to a big reveal.

In any case, congrats on 25 lbs and good luck with your continuing efforts. :)

Amygdala
01-21-2013, 07:00 AM
I had times like that, when I didn't want to see my friends. It was often when I was feeling sad or depressed or when I was scared of something. But I've realized that they always cheer me up. Being with my friends makes me feel safe and happy, so now when I feel bad, I call friends and meet them for a coffee or a walk through the park or whatever.

Think about what your friends feel. What would it be like for you if one of your friends avoided you? If you really don't feel like meeting them, then maybe you could try to explain it to them.

Ellemphriem
01-21-2013, 04:12 PM
Old people i used to know when i was 100 pounds i DON'T want to see. I don't even go to the dentist that used to treat me from fear he is going to see the worst of me. But real friends, friends i know for 15-20-30 years (since we were kids) i always see them. They've seen the best and the worst of me and i am never ashamed of myself in front of them. I know they'll understand me. If you feel these people are GOOD friends then don't block them from your life and from your fight to improve your health and your life, it's a great gift to share with loved ones, people that will understand and support you.......

Radiojane
01-21-2013, 04:25 PM
It's really easy to get too "in your head" about your weight loss. I used to worry that my friends who asked about my progress would think that I was lying about how much I'd lost because I wasn't seeing much visual progress. I've skipped nights out because I'm afraid that bad eating will derail me. I've even fantasized (and this was years ago when I was barely out of my teens and worrying about my weight) of disappearing for a few months and coming back perfect.

Bottom line? You want to celebrate your successes with the people that you love. Don't push your friends away when you're on the cusp of a brand new you!

Skellig19
01-21-2013, 04:37 PM
I have had similar inclinations but only with acquaintances. There's a desire to suddenly be hot and everyone goes "wow" but it's not really fair to your close friends who want to spend time with you. If I gave in and didn't see these people until I was at goal weight...that'd be like a year and a half! You can still get that awesome 'wow' reaction when you get to goal weight and you put on a dress or outfit that really shows off your slimmer figure. That's almost as good!!

livelaughlovesunshin
01-21-2013, 05:10 PM
I have been back home for two years and refuse to see my best friend since 7th grade because of my weight. :( I was so thankful when she couldn't make it to my kids birthday party. She wants to come and see my new place and I ignore her calls. :(
Some friend I am, huh?

chubbiegurl
01-21-2013, 05:38 PM
I have kinda avoided friends and family too, don't know maybe self consciously I want to be praised in my big change. If they see me halfway they may not notice. Maybe I avoid outings because I know they will involve bad food and drinks, well if it's family very good, bad for u food. I won't be able to resist. I find it easier to controll my loses being at home. I had resolved to spend more time with friends and family this year too. My weight stopped me from attending functions and now my weight loss is doing the same. Kinda silly

MzPiggy
01-21-2013, 05:47 PM
I don't think it's rediculous, and I completely know how you feel. I do this sometimes too, depending on who the invite is from or where its at. So I feel your pain!! But then again, you shouldn't miss out on good times with your friends just because of it...having good times with friends creates good memories, and you don't want to miss out on that. And they are your friends anyway, so i'm sure it doesn't matter to them how much you weigh.

I should take my own advice LoL Hang in there, and congrats on your loss so far! =) Take care!

elvislover324
01-21-2013, 06:04 PM
I was so thankful when she couldn't make it to my kids birthday party. She wants to come and see my new place and I ignore her calls. :(
Some friend I am, huh?

There are so many responses in this thread that I agree with and some that I don't necessarily agree with for myself personally but I can see that side of it.

But livelaughlovesunshine, your response totally tugged at my heartstrings as highlighted and bolded above. I totally GET IT and then some. Sometimes we just have to do what is right for us and that's how it is. I feel bad that I get happy too when plans get cancelled for some reason, but I have to do what I have to do and I am done with both being fat and feeling guilty!! :carrot:

TheLauren
01-21-2013, 08:07 PM
Well, It's definitely helpful to see that I am not the only one who feels this way.
I'm loving the way I spend most of my free time taking care of myself, I know I should also take some time to see the people who I love, and love me.

ChickieBoom
01-22-2013, 03:06 PM
I started my weight loss at the end of September. I have lost about 25 pounds, and I feel great. But since I started losing weight I have been really hesitant to see any of my friends. I feel like I want to lose more weight and look better before I see anyone. I have actually turned down invites to quite a few parties.Is this completely ridiculous?

It's not ridiculous. I did the same thing and now I don't get invited out as much. I stopped drinking which is what I usually did with my friends so I felt like I didn't want to be tempted to drink while around them. I really hadn't seen most of them for 6 months or so and now they've gotten somewhat used to hanging out without me. I'm finding that I have to make a real effort to get together with some of them.