Weight Loss Support - Not really feeling I have a place anywhere




berryblondeboys
01-20-2013, 06:02 PM
I'm not a beginner. I'm not a maintainer. I'm still stuck in the losing phase going on my second Scratch that, THIRD year.

First year I was perfect January through mid-December. All last year I yo-yoed the pounds up and down. I got SO CLOSE to goal, but then went on vacation and gained. I lost almost all of that weight and then this fall life got so unbelievably busy and I didn't balance things well and I "lost it" in two parts - once in late October and again in December.

So here I am in January 2013 with nearly 30 pounds to lose to get to goal and almost 25 pounds to get to my previous all time low.

I have tons of motivation. I'm doing well, but I don't feel I have a place. I have all the tools. I'm not worried about succeeding or not - I know I will, but it's still nice to have like-souled people around me.

With so many new to this "changing lifestyle" thing, I don't fit the mold. I know what I need to do. I've done it. I just need to continue with it.

I exercise regularly. I'm fairly fit now. So, I don't fit with the new to exercise people.

But I never made it to goal and I sucked at even maintaining my weight for a few months while things got crazy. So, I don't fit with the maintainers either.

I'm not new. I'm not a mainainer and I'm not really a re=starter as I never gave up at anything to start over.

It's similar with the Biggest Winner contest I'm doing at the gym. I'm starting with a good feeling on my eating, my fitness level and on weight loss. I just joined it to push myself a bit harder and to get some PT sessions for a lower price. Tomorrow I have a nutritionist consult. I know what she will say and what to expect. I don't want to go, but it's a requirement of the program. She'll say I need more greens (the last few weeks have been less than usually) and probably to rely less on protein bars (again, an easy go to for times I'm busy).

I don't know. I don't feel I fit anywhere as I'm a weirdo who hasn't gotten to goal and who hasn't quit and who knows my body and my patterns, but still haven't gotten it all together to FINISH this thing. (if there is such thing as finishing this thing).

So... I peruse all these posts every day and so few are relevant to me or are interesting to me. In the beginning I responded to so much... but now, I scroll through new posts and might find 1 or 2 things to respond to.

I feel homeless.


LockItUp
01-20-2013, 06:13 PM
I think you're where a lot of people are actually. I've found it a bit crazy since the new year too, with SOOOO many newbies, refreshing at times with all the enthusiasm. You've been at it this round longer than I have, but I too am not new to this, not maintaining yet, not new to exercise or any new diet.

Is it perhaps that you have the back-to-it blues?

elvislover324
01-20-2013, 06:19 PM
Just wanted to say hi and I read your post. I feel bad that you feel "homeless" but I can see where you are coming from.

Your responses in the forum are always a wealth of helpful information (thanks again for that walking website last night, I loved it!) and your experience sharing with others is much appreciated.

I wish we had more forum members like you, you make it around to a lot of the same threads I do and help whereever you can with easy to understand answers. I hope some day I can help you in some way the way you have helped me, on my own threads and others that I may have just lurked.


Horo
01-20-2013, 06:55 PM
I relate so much with your current situation. Not a beginner, not a maintainer, not really a re-starter (I have yo-yoed up and down some since the initial big weight loss, but not a big enough amount that I've ever felt I was "starting over") and I never quite reached goal. And I, too, find not many of the threads here relevant to me any longer, so I just lurk about from time to time to draw inspiration. Heck, I even have about the same to lose: about 30 lb to get to goal, and about 20 lb would bring me to the lowest I ever reached previously.

So please know you're not alone! :hug:

Rana
01-20-2013, 07:20 PM
Welcome to my world!

I'm in the exact same spot. Except I started back in September of 2009 to seriously lose weight and here I am almost four years later and I haven't reached goal yet.

I know what I have to do, but right now, life has gotten in the way and it's not that I need to learn about nutrition or what exercise I like to do, because I have it all figured out.

But it is hard to find others who are in the same place that I am.

In part, for me, at least, it's because I don't know what I need right now. I don't lose weight easily. But I know that if I could devote my life to losing weight right now, I could lose the pounds I gained over Christmas. But I don't have that right now (I'm trying to finish school) and so I still come to 3FC because I think if I don't come here, it's license to go hog-wild. I know I won't, but I'm afraid I will and suddenly I'll wake up and be 200 lbs again.

I wish I had an answer for you, but if you start a group or a thread or something, I'll totally be there. Even if it's just to procrastinate on my schoolwork while I munch on some chips.

Unicorn67
01-20-2013, 07:48 PM
I'm in a similar position.
I've been at this for 2 years. Losing very slowly..partly by design and partly because of the pre-menopausal thing. I know I'm doing the right stuff - eating healthy, exercising etc. but with messed up TOM (or none at all for months at a time) I only have a small time during the month where I actually lose anything.

You're not alone! I used to read a lot more of the posts but now find that so many are not relevant to my situation that I just glance through them. Still find lots of motivation but just does'nt always apply to my life.

Vex
01-20-2013, 08:05 PM
I know the feeling. I mean, you can only type "weight loss isn't linear" so many times. :P

I think so it's so important to come to these boards even if you don't post, because even reading posts keep you mentally in the game. I've noticed people that have disappeared for a few months and eventually when they come back they're up however much in pounds.

I wonder which comes first? Does visiting the board less and less lead to gaining pounds or does gaining pounds make people uncomfortable coming back?

avalonmoon
01-20-2013, 08:10 PM
Wow, I completely understand because that is how I have felt the past month.
You are appreciated here, I lurk moreso these days but you post valid threads and have
perseverance, even if it doesn't feel like it.Also with the winter months it might be tougher to get good greens to the table. Can you find some deals on some frozen veggies?
As far as the new year goes, I have noticed the 'freshman' with great vigor rushing all the groups as they do in our local gyms. ;) One last thought, (sheepishly admitting) I've been at this since late 2001. Ugh, that was embarrassing to admit. You're not alone, all of us on this thread are w/u. :hug:

mimsyborogoves
01-20-2013, 08:30 PM
I LOVE YOU, MELISSA!

Seriously, I agree with what Stephanie said. I feel like you sometimes, too; although I also haven't been at this as long, being near the end of my journey it just seems like I'm just going through the motions and everyone else is either all motivated cause they just started or they're done losing and they're maintaining so they can give more advice cause they've "been there done that". I think everybody who is still in-process feels like they're ready to be in the "been there done that" category, haha.

Heather
01-20-2013, 10:08 PM
Honey, you've lost weight -- you're a maintainer! One of the problems is that people think maintenance means they have to have kept all the weight off. NOT SO!! Maintenance is about making things work for life -- and there are LOTS of struggles in life.

Seriously, head over there and see!!

Arctic Mama
01-20-2013, 10:39 PM
I hear you! Being in year four AND not able to actively pursue weight loss in any significant way, thanks to the pregnancy, I just float around a few boards on here and don't say much. Since I'm essentially maintaining, I'd spend most of my time on that board, but it's pretty quiet there, too. Oh well :)

shcirerf
01-20-2013, 11:08 PM
You have been a great inspiration for me. I remember when you were swim suit shopping. :D

YOU, gave me the courage to go out and buy the 2 piece swim suit I liked and wanted. No, it was not a bikini, I'm a gramma, I've had kids, my weight has been up and down. But I found a cute pair of high waist bottoms and a cute underwire top that kept the girls in check and I wore it in public. Because of you!:hug::D

You have lost a lot, and you have maintained a lot of those lost pounds, and you are still working on fitness, and nutrition.

Life, despite our best intentions, does happen. Fall down seven times, get up eight!

Most of all please do not give up, a lot of us here look up to you!:hug::D In a lot of ways, you are what a lot of us here are. You help us, with your insight, and wisdom!

My avatar is not me! Should change that! *grins*

stimkovs
01-20-2013, 11:22 PM
Hi Melissa,

As the members above me have all mentioned in their plentitude of knowledge and insight- you are not alone.

September 2013 will mark the 4 year mark of my journey. On average, I have been about 20 lbs from my goal for almost a year. I have also been feeling homeless, on this forum. Chin up, you/we are not alone!!

I think that this is the point where it IS a lifestyle, and not a rash decision!

shishkeberry
01-21-2013, 12:07 AM
I hear ya! I'm kind of in the same boat. I've been at this for almost two years. Last year I kept bouncing around between 220 and 230. I haven't given up completely, but I'm not as committed as I was in 2011.

graciegoose13
01-21-2013, 02:33 AM
I feel ya! I've lost a good bit of weight so far, but it's taken a really, really long time (@ 8 or 9 years!!) and I go in and out of periods of losing and a occasionally gaining a little.

Like other posters have said, maybe we all should readjust how we see the word "maintaining" and allow ourselves the time to get to where we ultimately want to be!

:-)

drake3272004
01-21-2013, 02:41 AM
Took words out of my mouth! Except instead of feeling homeless, my thought was invisible. But it isn't just here. All the forums & social nets that I am currently on.

Hotaruchan
01-21-2013, 05:24 AM
I know your place! I know your place! Your place is clearly being awesome. You're one of the people that I will click a thread even if it doesn't seem particularly relevant to me if I see your user name under the last post. Why? Because you always give sound advice and insights without making me feel like a slacker because I don't pump iron twice a day and can't rattle off macro-nutrient information. I see you as a kind of Everyman around this forum...you've made absolutely amazing progress, but done it in a way that integrates your weightloss with daily life. I feel like you have a lot of experience and are easy to relate to, so when you give advice it really helps a lot.

Just keep doing what you're doing. I think that your posts give a lot of people hope, make them think, and brighten their day. I only started (for cereal) in June, so I haven't been at it nearly as long as you and already find myself posting considerably less than over the summer.

NCchickie
01-21-2013, 08:16 AM
I'm right there with you, too.

penmage
01-21-2013, 08:19 AM
What Hotaruchan said! I'm sorry you're feeling out of place. :hug:

berryblondeboys
01-21-2013, 10:35 AM
Wow! You all are amazing and I'm so sorry many of you have the same feelings.

It kind of stinks to know the answers, to know what to do, to even DO IT most of the time, but still be stuck in the journey. It's my own doing and I feel a bit of a fraud giving tips/advice when I find there are times I can't follow them, but I'm human, right? I succumb to stress, lack of sleep, pressures, etc and falling back into old eating habits is easy.

What has changed is what's deep inside me. I WILL not be fat again because I don't like how I feel. Not only do I not like how I feel when I'm fat, I don't like how I feel when I'm pumped full of carbs. I like how I feel when I'm fit. I'm energetic! It gives much better results than a sugar high can give and longer lasting.

Being in peri-menopause is making this journey a bit more "interesting" as my losses are much more unpredictable all depending on my hormones.

Anway, it's humbling that I seem to touch people and that my journey has helped others too. Be aware that I feel similarly to many of your journeys too.

dstalksalot
01-21-2013, 11:05 AM
I have been feeling this way. Especially after the new year. Its been 15 months for me and it felt weird having a lot of newbies come in at once on the boards. I still read the threads as there is always something to learn. But I feel similar in that I don't quite fit into maintenance yet. I must continue, and being here continues to help keep me going....I am finding personally it has not gotten easier...it is harder to resist the sugar. Strategies that worked for me a year ago are not working as well now...so I need to be here. Seeing like minded people like yourself is encouraging..... you are not alone!!!!

eliza422
01-21-2013, 12:52 PM
I will chime in with the others and say I'm in the same boat. I started my weight loss efforts in Sep 2009 (I just can't say "journey", it totally grates on me...sorry to all those who use that word...I know it's ubiquitous language, it just makes me nauseous :dizzy: ).
I've made great progress and never had any significant gain - but I've hit several plateaus and I'm currently in one right now!
I'm trying to hit the 100-lb lost mark and can't quite seem to get there. I even made the mistake of posting on a different board a couple of months ago an "I'm almost there" post...oy, such hubris.
I don't post much around here for the same reasons as you and others...I see the same questions over and over (do people never try searching the forums?!?!)...and because this is a wide open board there are many different approaches people take and I can't provide much input on many of them.
I am also a bit of a curmudgeon and pessimist - I don't ever want to discourage anyone, so I usually keep my opinions to myself!
I frequent the maintainers forum because I want to be in a maintainer's mindset already when I finally, hopefully get to goal this year (after 100 lbs, another 25)...
I sometimes feel like I don't fit in here too...but then I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, whether online or in real life!
All us misfits should unite!

drake3272004
01-21-2013, 01:00 PM
I have been here a LONG time. But I didn't know hardly anything when I started out and didn't realize how many medical issues I had that were effecting my weightloss. I kept giving up because I would try so hard & not get any results.

Now that the sleep apnea is under control & I understand PCOS better, I am losing. Slowly but surely. And I owe that to lurking around here A LOT!

Lindsayanne716
01-21-2013, 09:40 PM
I think you belong right along side of the rest of us humans! We all make mistakes and a few have the courage to pick themselves up and try again! No two journeys will be exactly the same :)

freelancemomma
01-21-2013, 10:08 PM
I can relate to a lot of what you say, though my situation isn't identical. I haven't regained a lot of weight this time around, but I still feel like I'm yo-yoing all the time, gaining and losing the same few pounds. If there's such a thing as a "good" maintainer and a "bad" maintainer, then I fall in the latter camp. I'm not reformed. I'm not evangelical about my new healthy lifestyle. I don't feel satisfied after five bites and I don't think creme brulee is evil incarnate. I'm just another human trying to balance health and fitness with the comfort and pleasure of eating. I suspect it would take a rather large home to accommodate all of us "homeless" people.

Freelance
blog: www.englishgrammargripe.com

novangel
01-22-2013, 12:19 AM
That's why I hang out in the Daily Accountability thread so I can take it day by day. I'm not really old, new, or maintaining yet.

forreal
01-22-2013, 12:39 AM
Melissa - I've been around here for years and have never come anywhere near goal. There are periods when I lose a good amount of weight, and then fall back into old ways. Seems like most of us are struggling. But we're here because we continue the battle.

I can't figure out why I can do well for so long, but never get to where I want to go. When I'm on the ball it seems so simple and I'm optimistic and patting myself on the back. Then something happens ........and I struggle for months before I get back under control.

There's always the hope that "this time" is "the time". I really thought I made it last year - better than ever-but the cycle continues. I can't give up though. I think we all search the boards looking for solutions. And I think we pick up helpful information and ideas and support and inspiration here.

So maybe "this time" will be "the time" No white flag here. I may have to read 20 threads before something hits home. So I keep reading and sometimes I put in my two cents hoping to help someone.

Keep the faith and keep going.

BeachBreeze2010
01-22-2013, 11:50 AM
I thought there was a little emoticon that nodded. I can't find it. Oh well, insert that here--->

I'm kind of a regainer/reloser but I'm not sure if 12lbs "counts" especially now that I've lost more than half of that. I didn't regain all of it or even a lot of it - just went on a maintenance pause and allowed my maintenance window to be a bit too high.

I'm certainly not new at this or new at this site. I have periods where I'm very active and others where I am not so much, but I know the same posts and same answers and same everything that all of the newbies post. (I'm very glad they have a place to come and ask those questions. I am happy to answer them, also.) It's actually kind of motivating to me to read through the newbie questions because it reminds me how far I've come. It does feel odd to be the ones answering some of those questions. When I was a newbie the veterans that posted here were so "wise" and I feel like the newbies are missing out on their replies and I'm just trying to echo and remember what they said. I guess that's how it gets passed down along with the wisdom that we have gained over our years.

I feel like I fit in somewhat with the maintainers but have spent a lot of time lurking and reading the nutrition and fitness areas as well as the challenges. For me, it's helpful to learn a new recipe, read about what sorts of exercises other chicks are doing and start a new challenge. It keeps my motivation fresh. We used to have a pretty active daily chat thread in the 30s forum that was more or less just a "keep on, keepin' on" type of conversation. I miss that thread and my BFF's on it! :)

But yeah, at some point this is just about daily life and the newness of all of it is worn off. For those of us that had more to lose, it takes longer so it's kind of maintenance also. Yes, I'm still trying to get to goal, but I've maintained a 60lb weight loss now for over a year.

Hang in there and keep posting!! :hug:

Radiojane
01-22-2013, 12:07 PM
You have a place because the struggle is the same for ALL of us, even if we're new. And a lot of us "newbies" have fought this battle without 3 fat chicks for a very long time.

krampus
01-22-2013, 01:13 PM
What? You are one of the 3FC "sage" posters, a fixture and a role model with tons of insight on lots of different topics, who commands respect from newbs and vets alike.

I hear you though. I know what to do and how to do it and I am doing it. I think at this point 3FC is just my dumping ground for weight/body image/food stuff I don't want to bug real-life acquaintances with. And that's important, too.

ICUwishing
01-22-2013, 01:27 PM
Melissa, I think I catch your drift. We have threads for featherweights, for regainers back in the hunt again, for 300+, for 100+, for older dieters, and for every age group and interest. I wonder if it's time for a thread for "Lives in Balance" for those of us wedging in weight loss/maintenance along with all the other things our life brings, aren't going to sweat every 2oz blip on the scale, measure out each piece of pasta, or give up meeting friends for lunch because it would mean missing a workout. Intensity is great, and being around intense people is helpful when you're in that phase, but man ... the idea of spending the next 45-50 years like that doesn't appeal to me. I want to move beyond the micromanagement, y'know?

KittyKatFan
01-22-2013, 10:33 PM
I'm a member of the Weirdo Club too. I just passed my 18-month weight loss journey anniversary and have around 30 pounds to go before getting to goal. I really thought I would have reached goal by now, but my brain and thyroid apparently don't agree:(

And now I'm stuck at or around this weight for the near future as I get help to break my binge habits (best thing I ever did for myself is to get help; already feeling so much enter). I went up in weight as I binged through October and November, but am back to where my ticker says I am - perhaps even a couple pounds lower. I'm not supposed to weigh myself during treatment so I'm not 100% sure. Will know for certain on 3/1 when I participate in our company's annual health assessment.

But I'm proud that I'm still trying. I'm not giving up this time, not ever. I will get there. And stay there.

Please continue to post occasionally. I always enjoyed your posts and your absence has been noticeable, believe it or not. I don't have time to post as regularly as I did, but I always enjoy reading the posts of the long-timers who are familiar to me.

losermom
01-23-2013, 11:38 AM
Melissa, I think I catch your drift. We have threads for featherweights, for regainers back in the hunt again, for 300+, for 100+, for older dieters, and for every age group and interest. I wonder if it's time for a thread for "Lives in Balance" for those of us wedging in weight loss/maintenance along with all the other things our life brings, aren't going to sweat every 2oz blip on the scale, measure out each piece of pasta, or give up meeting friends for lunch because it would mean missing a workout. Intensity is great, and being around intense people is helpful when you're in that phase, but man ... the idea of spending the next 45-50 years like that doesn't appeal to me. I want to move beyond the micromanagement, y'know?

I am so with you! I am too old, and really don't want to, obsessively count, weigh and measure. I just want to live my life. This last fall I went on vaca with a girlfriend for a week. I did not weigh myself daily as I do at home. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, but within reason. I expected to have gained a few lbs. But no, I came home and was perfect. Now, if I could only find that happy place again! I think it was because I was very relaxed rather than the crazily, anxious, somewhat obsessive person that I am at home. Anxiety does a number on me and on the scale! :(

And Melissa, you certainly have a place here or wherever you choose to post! I really appreciate your down to earth advice and comments. :) I don't think that any of us should feel like we have to "fit" into a specific category. Me, I'm just a 50 year old gal that's "fakin' it 'til I make it". Maintaining? Attempting to! Currently I'm up and I don't like it--it seems to be sticking. Boo!

bargoo
01-23-2013, 12:05 PM
Melissa , come on over to the Living Maintenance Forum , there are several threads there you might like.
First let me say this......YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AT GOAL TO BE A MAINTAINER !!!!!
If you have lost one pound and kept it off you are a maintainer.
On the Living Maintenance Forum, you will find people trying to get to goal, you will find people that have made goal and relapsed, you will find people at goal trying to stay there. We are just ordinary people trying our best to get to or maintain a healthy weight. We have no rules, come on over and check us out.

NEMom
01-23-2013, 12:18 PM
I was soo happy to see your posts when you came back!!!!

I can relate to your struggles. I have been at this weight loss thing for over two years. After I hit my original goal I decided I need to go 10lbs lower and I have been on and off for the past 14 months trying to get there. Yet here I sit, 12lbs heavier today than I was a year ago. I am recommitted to getting back to my original goal and finally taking off those extra pounds. I do visit the site, not as much as in the past but I read posts to try and keep me on track. I don't post much except in the 40 something forum but I know this site played an important part in my weight loss success in the past so I still like hanging around.
WELCOME BACK!!! So glad to see ya.

racrane
01-23-2013, 01:19 PM
You're not alone. Other posters and myself feel the same way. It's life. Ups and downs. *hug* I don't know what to say except I understand.

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 03:11 PM
Melissa , come on over to the Living Maintenance Forum , there are several threads there you might like.
First let me say this......YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AT GOAL TO BE A MAINTAINER !!!!!
If you have lost one pound and kept it off you are a maintainer.
On the Living Maintenance Forum, you will find people trying to get to goal, you will find people that have made goal and relapsed, you will find people at goal trying to stay there. We are just ordinary people trying our best to get to or maintain a healthy weight. We have no rules, come on over and check us out.

Oh Bargoo, I just can't. Its a mental thing in my head that I have to have reached my goal to be able to call myself a maintainer or 'post' as a maintainer.

I know that's not what the forum is about and that any can call themselves a maintainer, but for me, it's like this privilege I finally get to do when I officially make it to goal. Whatever that goal might be.

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 03:12 PM
Ah, thank you everyone. I guess we need a pretty big homeless shelter, huh?

April Snow
01-23-2013, 04:10 PM
A question to think about - how will your life look and be different once you are "officially" (by the definition that you are comfortable with) maintaining? Will you be eating differently? Exercising more? or less?

bargoo
01-23-2013, 05:28 PM
Ah, thank you everyone. I guess we need a pretty big homeless shelter, huh?

You don't have to be homeless , you are welcome to join us at Living Maintenance Forum where we share ideas and cheer each other on,

berryblondeboys
01-23-2013, 05:37 PM
A question to think about - how will your life look and be different once you are "officially" (by the definition that you are comfortable with) maintaining? Will you be eating differently? Exercising more? or less?

I will be doing the same - eating the same and exercising the same - with the occasional high days around holidays, etc - like now.

April Snow
01-24-2013, 01:01 AM
I will be doing the same - eating the same and exercising the same - with the occasional high days around holidays, etc - like now.

That's pretty much what I expected the answer to be. But maybe between this thread and your other one, you'll be closer to the point of feeling comfortable considering yourself a maintainer sooner rather than later.

I for one am very impressed to come back here a year+ later after regaining most of what Iost, and see you still plugging away. Losing the weight and maintaining it - yeah, that's the holy grail of weight loss. But the sheer determination you continue to show is impressive and inspiring.

Riddy
01-24-2013, 02:58 PM
Is there room in the boat for me, too? :wave:

I've been at this for almost 2 years, and I really thought I'd be at goal before now. The last 4-5 months have been very frustrating - I started fluctuating, all the way to 6 pounds over my low weight. It seems my thyroid (or rather doctor) were to blame. He lowered my Synthroid dose in July. My bloodwork at the beginning of this month was off enough that I'm back on my old dose. I've lost 3 pounds in the 2 weeks since he bumped my dose back up, so I'm hopeful I'm back on a losing track. :crossed: