[NorthernChick13]

WOW. I don't even know where to begin!

I am one day away from starting the second part of the Last Chance Workout (woo!) Fridays are not my weigh in day but I just felt ...lean! So, of course, I pop on the scale before my workout and NOTHING. Not a damn change since Sunday.

I instantly downward spiralled. "Why isn't it working?!", I asked myself. I write to people all the time about how some people lose more weight every OTHER week, etc., but I just started to think...maybe I am sabotaging myself somehow. I see other dieters at work eating white bread and having ranch dressing on their salad, and I am 100% positive I am not doing anything like that BUT, tell that to an irrational woman at 7 am who thinks she's fat.

This whole journey and fear of failure is just AGONIZING! I have been as close to perfect as I am going to get since January 1st. I KNOW it's only been 2 weeks, and I should celebrate that I've lost 6 pounds....but I'm frustrated. I'm scared, really. I am hydrating, no sugar, white flour, alcohol, workouts 6x a week, eating 2 tbsp of flax seed a day- NADA.

THEN I finished my first season of the Biggest Loser (Season 3). I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR ALL THE CRYING!! It was great to see people feeling the way I feel, and I will admit- the show sucked when people started to weigh less than me! Haha it did get inspirational again, shortly after.

So, after thinking about my workout ALL day, I finally sucked it up and did it. AND I rocked it. I ate healthy, I hydrated- I feel like I am doing it right.

It's just SO scary thinking "what if this effort is for nothing?" I told myself not to expect changes until my February 3 weigh in. I will take some pics then and then compare.

My head is just...what if, what if, what if. I ran my first marathon last May (before an injury, moving to the Arctic, and then the weight gain) and it too was a HUGE emotional, mental battle. I was always a bigger girl and achieving that was like climbing Everest. I said "What's the hardest thing I could ever do?" and marathon running was on my life's to do list. I made that happen. So I KNOW I can make this happen.

But I want it now. And just as I sobbed through that journey and cried daily picturing both failure and success, that's what today looked like.

I have to remember that I did cross that finish line in May though. I just need to keep affirming to myself that this is yet another finish line.

What. A. Day. <3

[RavenWolf]

Aw...I so had a day like that recently! I started 1 January as well, and lost just over 6 pounds so we are very similar in our stories there!

I can't tell you how many times I have cried, worried about failing and even wanted to give up in these 2 weeks! My husband knows TOM is coming up and keeps telling me NOT TO CRY when I step on the scale and see a weight gain. But you know what? Even knowing I will retain water around this time will still make me cry!

Weight loss IS emotional, and there is a lot of tears shed but it seems like no one ever tells you these things! It actually made me feel "normal" to know that others have cried in frustration, had the "what if's," and so on.

Just know you are so not alone!!! Hang in there with me! I'm hoping to hit 10 pounds lost by 1 Feb and have been weighing in on that thread on the forum. PM me if you ever need to! I'll be glad to pm you back!

[penmage]

[shcirerf]

Take a breath! Hang in there! This journey takes practice, and down right "I'm a mule and to darn stubborn to quit!"

It does get better.

There is no failure, only feedback!