Weight Loss Support - I'm not where I want to be (mid way blues)




Radiojane
01-15-2013, 11:17 AM
Bear with me as I ramble....

I've hit a wall. Not a scale wall (although mother nature's lead foot is resting on that this week), but a mental one. Maybe it's not a wall at all, maybe it's a little more clarity than I'm used to.

The first inklings of this journey started this July. I was out on the east coast with friends for a friend's wedding. We drove. Every inch of me was swollen the entire time. My feet hurt. I couldn't keep up. It was a good thing I brought along two dresses for the ceremony, because the first one didn't fit. All we did was eat while we were there and my stretchy pants were even tighter by the time we headed home. I was embarrassed that I couldn't keep up. I'm sure my one guy friend stayed back from the obstacle course out of pity for me, not because it "wasn't his thing" After all, what single 27 year old guy wants to cruise around Moncton with a 450lb fat friend? On the way home, at a rest stop somewhere in New York State, I bought a 2X woman's hoodie as my souvenir. I was going to change when I got home. And I was going to wear that hoodie for Christmas.

I changed when I got home. And I started to lose. But I didn't fit into that hoodie at Christmas. I didn't automatically look fantastic either. I was supposed to go to Mexico in February. I'm glad that got called off, because I'm nowhere near ready. I have a wedding in June, one in July and one in October. The June one is pretty much my 10 year high school reunion, not to mention one I was rejected as a bridesmaid for because "finding you a dress would be a nightmare". The July one is a family one. I'm afraid to pick dresses or plan or even go, because up until now, my goals have been entirely unrealistic, and for some reason I can't wrap my emotions around anything less than perfection, which of course I know won't happen. I'm not going to be automatically drop dead gorgeous at a lower weight. It's not going to fix my relationship or make me happier. But for some reason, I'm clinging to vain and impractical reasons for weight loss, instead of some very valid ones, like my health (or the basic ability to make it up the two flights of stairs to my condo). I'm smarter than this. I know my self esteem can't be completely tied up in my weight. But yet, I"m still here.

I'm also standing on a precipice with my habits. I started out gung ho, following my plan to the "t", but I'm slipping, and I know it. Little cheats like a spoonful of bf's mashed potatoes. Or an extra babybel (or two) when I'm in the kitchen. I snack all night and I shouldn't be. I didn't need that whole glass of gingerale to settle my stomach. I clearly haven't "fixed" my problem with food.

For some reason, I feel like I'm this close to falling off the wagon, and I'm so discouraged about my lofty goals that now I feel like I have none. Has any one else hit this funk? How do you break out of it without derailing?


sassyangies
01-15-2013, 11:26 AM
OH hun.. I am so sorry your feeling like this. I have been there because I have quite many times and fallon off the wagon. I honestly don't have much advice to give you because for me I fell off the wagon gained my weight back and here I am again. This time I just decided I have to make the choice to do this and do it now. Doesn't mean it will go perfectly, but we need to accept ourselves, and love ourselves because fat or not fat we are still human beings and deserve everything everyone else does. Please know that you are so beautiful and you deserve this!! You have done so great and I know you can continue to do great!! And your worth it. Noone does it perfectly!!

xoxo hugs!

nomorejellybeans
01-15-2013, 11:39 AM
Think about yourself in that car. Nothing was right there. You were uncomfortable, swollen, embarrassed, etc. Your body was giving you signs of how unhealthy you had become. Your mind, too, was letting you know. Please don't give up and really try to plan your meals. This will help you (you've already come so far!!!). Good luck to you, and keep up the great work :)


purplekitten7
01-15-2013, 11:44 AM
I know the feeling too, I've been there so many times.

The only advice I could give would be to set yourself smaller goals. Instead of thinking "By June I want to be..." try thinking "this time next week I want to be..." - that way you get to celebrate your mini victory which always boosts the confidence and helps motivate you for the next one! It can also help to keep you on track and show how much damage the "cheating" is doing. That's what helps me anyway, I find that if a goal is too big or too far away then I feel too frustrated to keep striving for it whereas breaking it down seems more manageable and keeps me on track.

Good luck!

ChickieBoom
01-15-2013, 11:45 AM
I'm right there with you sister. I put off starting my diet more times than I can count because I kept telling myself that it would take at least one year to get off the majority of my weight. So if it was going to take a year...what was one more day of putting it off. I kept putting it off and putting it off and then I looked up and 7 years had passed.

You have come SO far. You are awesome for accomplishing what you've already accomplished. And you keep getting closer and closer to your goals each day. Doesn't the time feel like it's flying by? I was so looking forward to Christmas this year and the holidays are already over and we're well into January. Time flies so just keep pushing forward.

Motivation is one of those things that comes and goes. Some days you're feeling fired up and some days you're not. They key is to wake up every morning and renew your commitment to living well. You know exactly what you need to do to accomplish your goals...so do it...whether you feel like it or not. Can you imagine how you'd feel if you were starting from scratch right now? Be thankful that you've accomplished so much so far and let that help you push on.

You can do it...you are doing it!

XLMuffnTop
01-15-2013, 11:46 AM
It's hard to stay focused for so long, I understand because that's my major issue. I should be much farther along than I am now. Maybe your goals were a little lofty. We didn't get fat overnight, it takes time to come off. Even though you're not where you hoped to be, you are not where you once were.

You've had amazing losses and your brain probably isn't keeping up and still sees you as 450 pounds. You're not anymore! Stay the course and you will be much happier you did. You DO look fantastic, I can see such a transformation in your avatar. It's easy to give up but NOT worth it! :hug:

owlsteazombies
01-15-2013, 11:49 AM
Maybe it's not you that has the problem. Maybe it's your diet. Maybe you've set yourself up to fail with not allowing yourself that spoonful of potatoes? That glass of gingerale? Or that extra babybel.

Perhaps it's time to not change your perceptions of yourself, but your diet. Paleo/Primal may not be completely for you, but you can take things about it you like and incorporate it into something like calorie counting (which is easy) and let yourself have things that make you happy while being on plan.

I know if I felt guilty about things like that, I would have broken a long time ago.

Radiojane
01-15-2013, 11:56 AM
Think about yourself in that car. Nothing was right there.

That's a very powerful image and an excellent kick in the butt.

Maybe it's not you that has the problem. Maybe it's your diet. Maybe you've set yourself up to fail with not allowing yourself that spoonful of potatoes? That glass of gingerale? Or that extra babybel.

Perhaps it's time to not change your perceptions of yourself, but your diet. Paleo/Primal may not be completely for you, but you can take things about it you like and incorporate it into something like calorie counting (which is easy) and let yourself have things that make you happy while being on plan.

I know if I felt guilty about things like that, I would have broken a long time ago.

Very good point, although I thought I had massaged the diet pretty well. I steal from paleo/primal, weight watchers etc. I am keeping my calories pretty low. But I never feel the urge to cheat really, it's more the matter of mindlessly eating. But maybe I will sit down and look at what I could change to make it easier.

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. I know it probably sounded a little whiny, but I don't get the opportunity to verbalize these thoughts, because I'm not around anyone in the same boat. So I come here and you awesome people whip me right back on track!

gailr42
01-15-2013, 11:56 AM
I know what you mean about little cheats, and falling off the wagon. I was having feelings of impending doom about approaching the diet cliff myself.

Perhaps I may have averted the fall, just for now. I stayed glued to 3FC, I read my diet books and talked to myself a lot. I kept weighing everyday and I have pretty much finished off the the holiday goodies. I think I might be back on track now. I can't tell you what a relief and a joy this little victory is.

I am probably 40 years older than you are and I have failed to avoid the "cliff" numerous times, so I am not just tossing off a simplistic solution for you. I don't know exactly what it was that allowed me to get back on track this time, or how long it will last. I am just saying that if you can get a grip, you will feel wonderful. I have lost what I gained over the holidays and am back to about 1/32 of a pound lighter than my previous low, but who's counting? LOL. It is sort of a non-scale victory.

You need to do this. I read your posts about your father and his early death due to obesity. You don't want that for you. I don't have as much weight to loose as you do, but my family is full of women who died of heart disease and I am getting to the age where that kicks in. I already have pretty high blood pressure. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. [/pep talk to both of us]

purplekitten7
01-15-2013, 12:00 PM
And don't worry about sounding whiny, isn't that why we're all here to support you for? I hope you feel better about your journey soon!

bethFromDayton
01-15-2013, 12:02 PM
You've done incredible work so far--do you give yourself enough credit for that? Do you find it's already easier to get around?

Unfortunately, it isn't easy to lose weight and it isn't fair that some of us have to watch what we eat and others don't seem to. (Although they probably do more than we notice.) And it isn't fair it takes so long and it's so much work!

A funk is perfectly normal--you've been make sacrifices, you'll have to keep making sacrifices to lose more and keep making sacrifices to maintain that weight. And it's not happening as fast as you want it to, even if it is happening at a measurable rate.

I've been reading Beck's Diet Solution (How to Train Your Mind to Think Like a Thin Person). One of the things she tells us to do is write down the advantages of being at your desired weight/thin. Read that twice a day, thinking about how important each of those things are to you. (I really recommend her book--and I'm only a week or so in to it--it's a daily activity workbook.)

You've lost 1/3 of your goal--that's HUGE. You've done it in less than 7 months. That's HUGE, too. Give yourself credit for all you've done. There's a tremendous change in your face. I'm sure there's a tremendous change in your body, too, but you aren't giving yourself credit for it because you're not done. And you're not done--you're on a journey. And even if you've derailed a little bit, you can get back on that journey. A little detour doesn't mean you have to stop and stay at the detour.

And if you're a little upset with your friend who didn't put you in the wedding party because of your weight, IMO, you have reason to be hurt. My BFF is a 4x/5x. So when I got married 6 years ago, we found her dress first, since it was the hardest one to find. Your friend prioritized a dress selection--and that's hurtful.

Those are my ramblings for now. If you're interested in Beck, pick up the book--it's based on a cognitive behavior therapy, applied to weight loss and weight management.

You've been doing this--you can keep doing it.

berryblondeboys
01-15-2013, 12:13 PM
It is hard to stay in the mental side of the game. I will also say, no one gets morbidly obese without serious food issues. It's not just about eating a bit too much at Christmas. It's obvious we use food for something other than nutritional purposes. THAT needs to be fixed/healed so that you don't regain.

WHen you find yourself mindlessly eating - ask yourself WHY? We all have different reasons. It took me years to figure out my reasons and it wasn't one simple "ah-hah!"

My issues were:

lack of self-confidence
not liking attention drawn to myself (so hiding in fat)
lack of sleep
eating when it was socially acceptable to eat and not following body's needs
not realizing I was highly carb senstive


And I'm sure I forgot some. I didn't get to 275 by just overeating. That would have gotten me 20-40 pounds overweight. Now over 100 pounds over weight.

So.... journal, blog, something to learn about yourself and what it is about food and your life that got you to where you were and learn from it so you never have to go back there.

Radiojane
01-15-2013, 12:22 PM
You've done incredible work so far--do you give yourself enough credit for that? Do you find it's already easier to get around?

Unfortunately, it isn't easy to lose weight and it isn't fair that some of us have to watch what we eat and others don't seem to. (Although they probably do more than we notice.) And it isn't fair it takes so long and it's so much work!

A funk is perfectly normal--you've been make sacrifices, you'll have to keep making sacrifices to lose more and keep making sacrifices to maintain that weight. And it's not happening as fast as you want it to, even if it is happening at a measurable rate.

I've been reading Beck's Diet Solution (How to Train Your Mind to Think Like a Thin Person). One of the things she tells us to do is write down the advantages of being at your desired weight/thin. Read that twice a day, thinking about how important each of those things are to you. (I really recommend her book--and I'm only a week or so in to it--it's a daily activity workbook.)

You've lost 1/3 of your goal--that's HUGE. You've done it in less than 7 months. That's HUGE, too. Give yourself credit for all you've done. There's a tremendous change in your face. I'm sure there's a tremendous change in your body, too, but you aren't giving yourself credit for it because you're not done. And you're not done--you're on a journey. And even if you've derailed a little bit, you can get back on that journey. A little detour doesn't mean you have to stop and stay at the detour.

And if you're a little upset with your friend who didn't put you in the wedding party because of your weight, IMO, you have reason to be hurt. My BFF is a 4x/5x. So when I got married 6 years ago, we found her dress first, since it was the hardest one to find. Your friend prioritized a dress selection--and that's hurtful.

Those are my ramblings for now. If you're interested in Beck, pick up the book--it's based on a cognitive behavior therapy, applied to weight loss and weight management.

You've been doing this--you can keep doing it.

Thank you. And yes, I am going to look for the book, it sounds exactly like what I need. I do get around better. My big nsv for the week is I can sit with one leg crossed over the other. I'm no longer scrambling for clothes because I'm in the last size the store carries. I can bend over at the waist and still breathe! I have to remember these things. As for that bride, it was pretty hurtful. And I think I'm still mad enough to keep going and show up in something focus stealing (I wouldn't of course even if I could, but what nice revenge fantasy :devil:)

It is hard to stay in the mental side of the game. I will also say, no one gets morbidly obese without serious food issues. It's not just about eating a bit too much at Christmas. It's obvious we use food for something other than nutritional purposes. THAT needs to be fixed/healed so that you don't regain.


Exactly. Worded perfectly. I think that's why I've been so successful this time, because I understand it isn't about a dress size, and it's not a temporary thing where I eat carrot sticks for six months and then go back to the burgers.

I know what you mean about little cheats, and falling off the wagon. I was having feelings of impending doom about approaching the diet cliff myself.

Perhaps I may have averted the fall, just for now. I stayed glued to 3FC, I read my diet books and talked to myself a lot. I kept weighing everyday and I have pretty much finished off the the holiday goodies. I think I might be back on track now. I can't tell you what a relief and a joy this little victory is.

I am probably 40 years older than you are and I have failed to avoid the "cliff" numerous times, so I am not just tossing off a simplistic solution for you. I don't know exactly what it was that allowed me to get back on track this time, or how long it will last. I am just saying that if you can get a grip, you will feel wonderful. I have lost what I gained over the holidays and am back to about 1/32 of a pound lighter than my previous low, but who's counting? LOL. It is sort of a non-scale victory.

You need to do this. I read your posts about your father and his early death due to obesity. You don't want that for you. I don't have as much weight to loose as you do, but my family is full of women who died of heart disease and I am getting to the age where that kicks in. I already have pretty high blood pressure. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. [/pep talk to both of us]

You're very right, and I think part of the reason I'm kicking my own *** today is that I know that mentally it should be enough of a motivator, but I'm a human.

NJChick78
01-15-2013, 01:01 PM
I am going to try an Overeater Anonymous meeting on Saturday. Did you ever consider trying it?

April Snow
01-15-2013, 01:04 PM
I posted earlier today on another thread about how I feel physically after being back on plan just over a week. I can already feel a difference in terms of having more energy, sleeping better, not having heartburn/reflux every night. You've been at this for long enough that you may not clearly remember how much of a physical difference there is - not just the weight loss but all the rest of the things that come with eating better and being more active.

So far, I haven't ever lasted more than I think 9 months without derailing. It gets tedious and boring and I get sick and tired of having to think so much about food and eating. But this time, I really want to focus on changing my life and remembering about feeling physically better regardless of how much I weigh even when I start to think I don't care about losing weight any more.

mnemosyne
01-15-2013, 01:14 PM
I don't think you're being whiny at all. I think you're right to get these thoughts out rather than letting them fester, you know? It is so hard to balance one's mental images and fantasies and more realistic goals, and I think that we need to have both rolling around in there to make it through. Then you can start separating out the pieces that you are concerned about that you CAN tackle, and working out ways to remind yourself of how awesome you've done.

Heh. Right now I have my total weight loss written on a white board on my fridge. Just, "I have lost X pounds." I also have gotten rid of most things that I eat 'mindlessly' at home, but that is harder with a boyfriend around who isn't eating like you. If you are eating super-low calorie I agree that maybe you need those extra calories sometimes, but I understand why the 'mindlessness' of that consumption bothers you.

And I know the exact feeling of having come so far, but still having so far to go! Uhm, I was telling myself that I was a damn superhero for a wee while, since most people NEVER do this, until I heard an interview with someone who was bipolar who said that when manic, she always felt like a superhero. Hah.

But honestly, I like that: I am a damn superhero w/ridiculously flabby arms who is taking back her body for herself. And who sometimes eats cookie (just one, sometimes 1/4 of one), too.

Very good point, although I thought I had massaged the diet pretty well. I steal from paleo/primal, weight watchers etc. I am keeping my calories pretty low. But I never feel the urge to cheat really, it's more the matter of mindlessly eating. But maybe I will sit down and look at what I could change to make it easier.

See, I think this is also really important - that you are willing to tweak your choices to fit your lifestyle and how you physically feel. Keep listening to your body. I personally don't use the term 'cheat' since I am working to make this something lifelong, right? But if thinking about your diet strictly helps you, then keep using it. Again, so much harder to handle with a significant other around who isn't on the same plan as you. So you get even more superhero points.

elvislover324
01-15-2013, 01:19 PM
*hugs radiojane* :hug:

I don't have a lot of advice for you, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I wake up some days wishing I wasn't on a diet and dealing with all that it entails.

I will say, your posts are so inspiring to me and so helpful here. I look forward to reading them, both for your sense of humor and for the honesty in them.

I can tell you are a special person and I am glad you posted this here today (not glad you are having issues, just that you again were honest in your post). I hope you find peace soon and feel better.

You've made amazing progress, I hope we can help you continue. *more hugs* :hug:

JohnP
01-15-2013, 01:21 PM
It's shocking to me that you would be at all discouraged by your results thus far. They seem pretty amazing to me by any standard. I don't know what your current before/after pictures look like but your avatar is night and day different.

One thing you may want to consider if you're not already doing it is a solid exercise program. For many people, a good hard workout is great motivation to stay on their eating plan. As in, I worked really hard at the gym and I don't want to screw that up by mindlessly eating.

Also, be aware of your personal feelings towards food. Generally speaking - there are people who can have a nibble of something and be satisfied while others are better off not touching it. As in, does one cookie turn into 8 cookies or can you stick with 1? The mindless eating you mention at night may be easier to avoid if you don't take that first bite.

Elladorine
01-15-2013, 01:44 PM
I clearly haven't "fixed" my problem with food.
You know, I haven't "fixed" my problem with food either. I don't think I ever will to be honest, I'm just learning to live with it over time through coping and adapting. I think I'll always have to be extra vigilant, extra cautious, and extra controlling about what and how I eat, in fact I posted a thread not too long ago about the meltdown I had over some chocolates my husband and I were given at Christmas. But it's better than the alternative of forever gaining!

Progress is progress is progress. You've made so much already! :) But I also totally get where you're coming from. I was in that place for the longest time . . . I'd made a ton of progress, but felt stuck: it didn't feel like losing my first 80 pounds or so made one lick of difference when so much hard work had apparently made me only a little less fat. But it hindsight it most definitely did. I was regaining my freedom! When I started I could barely walk from one end of the room to the other. I had to make myself stop and realize that it was easier to breathe, easier to walk, easier to bend, and easier to find clothes that fit. It was also that much closer to my goal. :) But knowing that my waist was still too big for my measuring tape . . . that was hard. It felt like it would never go down and I continued to struggle for a long time.

The drive to perfection will drive you crazy . . . I know from experience. I wish I had some advice on that. I managed to lose another 40-50 pounds before breaking. The end of last year was a stressful season of family issues, my first pregnancy, and a huge regain. It felt like all my hard work was unraveling and I was out of control again with my food for the first time in years. And exactly one year ago today my whole world came crashing down: the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. :( I think I just sort of woke up about a month later and decided that I was going to do the very best I could from then on, although it took almost another month to put my foot down and start on the actual changes. I've worked so hard since then! I don't always follow my plan perfectly, and even when I do I don't always lose weight for the week. I have to forgive myself a lot and continue on the promise I've made of not giving up. Because I can't let the stress dictate how I handle my food choices. I need a healthier body to live in; it's the only one I've got after all.

I think the hardest part is staying consistent long enough to see your efforts pay off, and giving your brain a chance to catch up with all the changes your body is going through. But it isn't so bad if you mainly focus on what you can do each day, every day. That's what I try to do through my food journal. I still have a lot of bad days, but I'm in a much better place than I was one year ago, and I'm especially in a much better place than I was at my highest weight. My waist is slowly going down (it's no longer too big for my measuring tape!) and the better habits come more easily over time. I take a lot of photos to compare because the mirror constantly lies to me. I can't always tell what I've lost. I can't typically see the changes. But if I stop trying so hard to pick myself apart, I can feel those changes. Sometimes I can find clothes from a regular, non plus size store, something completely unheard of from someone that was once too big to buy jeans at the plus size store. I know that I can actually keep up with my husband now if we walk somewhere and can even break into a jog if I need to. I can climb stairs without the fear of being hospitalized over an asthma attack like I had in the past. I can pick stuff up from off the floor, and even sit on the floor without worrying about how I'm going to get myself back up. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll fit in a restaurant booth anymore. All of these changes are huge for me, yet easily forgotten when I'm feeling my worst. Don't forget how far you've already come, and that there's more accomplishments just around the corner!

I know I still have a long ways to go, but I've come a long way. You've certainly come a long way yourself, and there's no reason you can't keep going! :D You'll get to wear that 2X hoodie someday! :hug: And that will only be the tip of the iceberg by the time you get there. ;)

nationalparker
01-15-2013, 01:57 PM
I highly recommend, along with BethFromDayton, that you read The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. (check it out from a library if you need to - i did that and renewed it a few times before buying my copy) - it's not a diet, but teaches you cognitive behavior therapy to deal with food, the lure of it, the disappointment in the long process, strengthening your ability to resist unplanned food, etc. You choose your diet/healthy eating plan and your activity plan, and you use the book in conjunction with that. It is a miracle cure? Nope. But it's eye opening and nice to give yourself credit for doing the steps that all build up to success.

You've come an amazingly long way already - starting with that first step. The time is going to pass, no matter what, if we're lucky. Imagine how you'll feel next Jan. 1 when you're even further down from where you are now - it's not a quick fix, fixing how we view and use food.

So, in the vein of the Dr. Beck book, give yourself credit for every smart choice you've made here along the way. Think about what you've done, what you do differently now than what you did before the wedding trip. What do you envision in your life, just don't give it a specific timeframe. Keep positive.

Why is losing weight important to you? The vain reasons are FINE. That's tangible. We see our reflection in the mirror. We don't see the blood pressure number every day. Whatever it takes to stay on track. We feel the clothes fitting better on our body. We don't feel our cholesterol.

I get the sense that it IS important to you still - otherwise the sense of a precipice wouldn't be bothering you. Use the knowledge and tools you have, take your sense of direction (you know where you want to end up) :) and turn yourself away from that edge, and back on the trail where you've already had so much success. We know you can do it. Maybe not all at once, but maybe you can lose one pound. However many times you feel you need to. THAT I can handle! :)

Skellig19
01-15-2013, 04:06 PM
Ah, radiojane! I always look forward to your posts and comments because you have such an awesome outlook and it makes me so sad that you're dealing with this. Well, we all kind of deal with this (us long-haul dieters, anyway). After a while you just get tired of it all. I was there for a month in December but it really helps to be very conscious of what food you mindlessly reach for and how it affects you. I have thrown out cookies, fudge, cupcakes, and even rice cakes because they are my "mindless" foods that I can't just have a small piece of. I felt bad at first but in the end not having them around to eat mindlessly was a huge help. I put a bag of blueberries in the same spot in the freezer that I kept the cookies and fudge and I reach for those instead. It's not easy and I think that's what we've got to remember. Once it becomes "easy" we become lax about it all.

It might be a good idea to get rid of the things you eat so mindlessly right now and then re-incorporate them back into your diet a little later to see if you can handle them being around again. I'm not saying, don't eat cheese, but buy low-fat brick cheese instead of those little perfectly portioned packets of Babybel. You have to get that knife out and cut some off, probably have to find a cutting board too. Usually that stops me from a mindless munch!

This is my second go with dieting and I was totally derailed when I got to my midway point. It took 6 years and gaining back 90 pounds to retry and I knew what to expect this time. It has been so much less stressful knowing I would encounter the diet cliff/stall/midway blues and I can and WILL get past it.

You can do it. :)

Fluffypuppy
01-15-2013, 04:21 PM
Thank you for this thread, radiojane and everyone who wrote in. I have only been at this for about 7 weeks but already I have started to loosen up my standards and not in a good way. You all have helped me by helping radiojane, and I am sure I am not the only one.

Radiojane
01-15-2013, 05:10 PM
I am going to try an Overeater Anonymous meeting on Saturday. Did you ever consider trying it?

I did go to two here in town. I was uncomfortable because one of the other attendees is someone I have a very strained relationship with and it clearly upset her that I was there. I felt that because I was doing okay on my own and have the means necessary for other avenues of mental help, it was the right thing to do to step back. The nearest other one is a two hour drive.

I am a damn superhero w/ridiculously flabby arms who is taking back her body for herself. And who sometimes eats cookie (just one, sometimes 1/4 of one), too.


Oh Mnem, you just made my day. What an empowering statement! I continue to be totally wowed by you.

It's shocking to me that you would be at all discouraged by your results thus far.

What a man thing to say. And I mean that in the best way possible. Females tend to get wrapped up in their emotions and sometimes a good plain old concrete male statements are a good kick in the rear. You're right. I have major progress to be proud of. And yes I do swim daily and swing kettle bells and walk throughout the week,and it helps my mindset a lot.

*hugs radiojane* :hug:

I don't have a lot of advice for you, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I wake up some days wishing I wasn't on a diet and dealing with all that it entails.

I will say, your posts are so inspiring to me and so helpful here. I look forward to reading them, both for your sense of humor and for the honesty in them.

I can tell you are a special person and I am glad you posted this here today (not glad you are having issues, just that you again were honest in your post). I hope you find peace soon and feel better.

You've made amazing progress, I hope we can help you continue. *more hugs* :hug:

Ah, radiojane! I always look forward to your posts and comments because you have such an awesome outlook and it makes me so sad that you're dealing with this.

Thank you both so much for your words. I am humbled. And you have no idea how inspiring and helpful every one on this board has been. I'm glad that my posts help inspire you both. You have no idea how much these two helped me. :hug:

You know, I haven't "fixed" my problem with food either. I don't think I ever will to be honest, I'm just learning to live with it over time through coping and adapting.

Ella you were one of the first members who's posts really resonated with me, and seeing someone so obvious strong and beautiful struggling in the same way makes me feel so much better about where I am and where I'm coming from. You give me a lot of hope. You're very right. This is a LIFELONG battle that we all face. Nothing is going to happen fast or be perfect, but we need to be proud of who we are and what we've done.

I think I'm snapping out of it. I'm overwhelmed by the support and good advice you have all given. I have stayed on plan today and even got to the gym on my lunch break after skipping this morning because of my little pity party. I think I can step back from the cliff and look at things a little more clearly. This is such a positive space and I'm glad we have it.

April Snow
01-15-2013, 05:10 PM
I highly recommend, along with BethFromDayton, that you read The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. (check it out from a library if you need to - i did that and renewed it a few times before buying my copy) - it's not a diet, but teaches you cognitive behavior therapy to deal with food, the lure of it, the disappointment in the long process, strengthening your ability to resist unplanned food, etc. You choose your diet/healthy eating plan and your activity plan, and you use the book in conjunction with that. It is a miracle cure? Nope. But it's eye opening and nice to give yourself credit for doing the steps that all build up to success.

You've come an amazingly long way already - starting with that first step. The time is going to pass, no matter what, if we're lucky. Imagine how you'll feel next Jan. 1 when you're even further down from where you are now - it's not a quick fix, fixing how we view and use food.

So, in the vein of the Dr. Beck book, give yourself credit for every smart choice you've made here along the way. Think about what you've done, what you do differently now than what you did before the wedding trip. What do you envision in your life, just don't give it a specific timeframe. Keep positive.

Why is losing weight important to you? The vain reasons are FINE. That's tangible. We see our reflection in the mirror. We don't see the blood pressure number every day. Whatever it takes to stay on track. We feel the clothes fitting better on our body. We don't feel our cholesterol.

I get the sense that it IS important to you still - otherwise the sense of a precipice wouldn't be bothering you. Use the knowledge and tools you have, take your sense of direction (you know where you want to end up) :) and turn yourself away from that edge, and back on the trail where you've already had so much success. We know you can do it. Maybe not all at once, but maybe you can lose one pound. However many times you feel you need to. THAT I can handle! :)

I've just ordered this book, because of this post. I've seen so many people recommend it over the time I've posted here, but something about this post just clicked and said "you need this." Looking forward to reading it and radiojane, if you read it too, I'll look forward to discussing it with you - hopefully we will both find a lot of wisdom in there and ways to get over these (hopefully!) temporary hurdles our minds set up.

I also wanted to say that I lost over 60 lbs the last time, and got to hat precipice where I wanted to quit and jump off (or really, more accurately, let myself drift off). And here I am back, with almost every lb back on needed to not just lose, but re-lose that weight before I can even get back to the point of moving forward again. I know that my experience isn't yours but I can guarantee you will regret stopping, if you do and I give you much credit for being smarter than me about it and reaching out for help and sharing these feelings, instead of just stopping posting here and holding yourself accountable for your choices.

HungryHungryHippo
01-15-2013, 10:00 PM
You're doing really good, RadioJane!! And I know exactly what you are talking about, looking for help, when you start to slide a little bit. (Hello!!) You've got almost 100 pound weight loss--amazing!! If you're not feeling the deficit thing right now, for a bit, that's fine! Stop and make this a new waylay point! But don't wing it--make a new plan, for maintenance at this weight, and stick to it! That's nothing to feel bad about--if you face it head on, it's something to be proud of!

sontaikle
01-15-2013, 10:48 PM
Just like Elladorine I haven't fixed my problem with food either—just found a way to manage it. If I'm bored I want food. If I'm full I want food. I ask myself why, when I'm FULL that I still want food, but I just can't figure it out. It's an issue—an issue that led me to flirt with morbid obesity.

I'm managing it. I'm managing my "condition" the way someone might manage high blood pressure with lifetime medication. Perhaps this isn't the most glamorous way to think about it, but it is what it is. I'm not thin—I'm formerly obese, or "obese in remission" as I once read.

You've done amazing so far! It's frustrating though and I know that you want to simply emerge at the finish line...but I assure you that taking your time, learning healthy habits, picking up ways to "manage" your food issues, etc. will only help you when you get to maintenance.

You can do it! Remember that we're all here for you :)

Kitcherella
01-16-2013, 03:10 AM
It is a struggle and not all days are victorious.
Can I say it with a picture?

Radiojane
01-16-2013, 11:21 AM
That's a perfect picture. I feel better today. I actually went through my closet last night and got rid of anything too big or baggy, even though I cant technically wear most of it. I kept one shirt and one pair of pants from my highest size for comparison, but looking at that closet full of smaller clothes really put things in perspective for me.

elvislover324
01-16-2013, 11:27 AM
Awesome, radiojane!! So happy for you. :)

PrettyMom09
01-16-2013, 01:54 PM
Radiojane - Keep up the good work and the positive attitude. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Go for the goal, you can do it!!!

Missy Krissy
01-16-2013, 03:16 PM
In regards to your "lofty goals," maybe you could try some behavior based goals instead of losing x amount of weight by x date? Give yourself something to celebrate! Maybe something like staying within your calorie range for a week straight?

You've done such a great job already, this funk will pass.

ETA: LOL at your revenge fantasy! You crack me up.

BreathingSpace
01-16-2013, 05:51 PM
I think a lot of us reach that point where the "motivation" slows down, the enthusiasm for the ability to do the physical work of exercising and counting calories slows down, and then you are left with the emotional aspect of eating - a demon you must first acknowledge, wrestle with, and eventually punch right in the face!

I think that is a major stumbling block (at least for me) and a place I always end up stopping and never pushing through.

Could it be that this is the place you have gotten to right now?

Radiojane
01-16-2013, 05:54 PM
I think that's exactly it. You have to face the problem. You can have all the success in the world, but the habits that got you to a quarter ton have to be acknowledged.

Nocturnica
01-17-2013, 02:19 AM
WOW, what an amazing job you have done already! 79 lbs that is GREAT!!!! I can only hope to do as well as you have done!!! You just keep in mind all those lbs you had shed! Congrats on what you have already accomplished!

Radiojane
02-06-2013, 09:58 PM
I put that hoodie on today. It's a little tight in the tummy, but it fits. So what if I was six weeks behind schedule? :)

I just wanted to come back and say thanks for the support.

newleaf123
02-06-2013, 10:08 PM
Congratulations! Your progress is amazing :carrot:

HungryHungryHippo
02-06-2013, 10:44 PM
OMG--congratulations!! First, I was going to say, almost 100 POUNDS LOST--aMAZing!!! And then I read back and saw the story of the hoodie!! Sweet!!

NorthernChick13
02-06-2013, 10:49 PM
AHHHH that's amazing! I knew you could do it!@!! Congratulations!!!!!! :bravo:

Elladorine
02-07-2013, 01:01 AM
I put that hoodie on today. It's a little tight in the tummy, but it fits. So what if I was six weeks behind schedule? :)
:angel::spin::hat::cp::cb: :dancer::goodvibes:genie::high::cloud9::woohoo: :congrat::strong:

Katydid77
02-07-2013, 01:40 AM
Yay for NSV!!

You know, to add a mini-thought to this, I have a friend that has lost a lot of weight, and I remember her and I having a conversation about her weight loss journey.

She commented that when she reached the 'about a 100 pound mark' on weight loss, she had to battle through a phase of mild depression. She said it took her a long time to realize that, while she was celebrating the 100 pounds, there was a part of her where that moment was tough too because it felt like "well, I've lost 100 pounds so it should be done"

Mentally 100 pounds sounded so 'big' that it kinda made her feel like it should be over, and that it was depressing that it wasn't.

So, she had to push through that, and then it was like she could breath again and go on.

Might be over analyzing but just thought I'd throw it out there

Radiojane
02-07-2013, 12:32 PM
That's a very big concern of mine Katydid. I felt that "Omg, I've lost a hundred pounds and I'm still so big and so far from done" sadness washing over me and I had to fight it. That's actually what made me put the hoodie on last night. I needed that visual confirmation to keep my head in the game.

elvislover324
02-07-2013, 12:40 PM
I know I already congratulated you on other threads but I am going to do it here too!! Yayyyyyy for you!!! So so happy for you!! :carrot::carrot::carrot: You deserve all the congrats you can get, you worked so hard for this!!

I hit my 100lb finally this week and as much as it's so exciting and such a feeling of accomplishment, I did let out such a big sigh that I have so far to still go.

I'm trying to stay positive, I figure the first 100 was the hardest thing I have ever done so anything after this will be like icing on the cake. Wait, no cake! NO cake!! :rollpin:

Think of what we have accomplished Jane, ONE HUNDRED FREAKIN' POUNDS! We are awesome, girlfriend!

berryblondeboys
02-07-2013, 12:45 PM
Woww Elvislover and RadioJane - these are such huge accomplishments - really and truly! Take pride in that!!!!

betsy2013
02-07-2013, 12:46 PM
You're obviously not alone in this. While I'd love to give you some wonderful advice that would instantly resolve this issue, all I can say is thank heavens you wrote this because I'm in this state now, have not achieved near the success that you have, and all of the posts have really helped me focus.

The only thing I will add is that I have a diet buddy and we use FB to report in on pounds lost each week. I don't know if it's because I'm competitive or if I'd just be so embarrassed to admit that I couldn't stick with this for more than a few weeks, but KNOWING I had to report in has driven me at some of those times when I just wanted to give up.

So, if you have someone who can be a diet buddy, go for it. If not, please let me know and maybe we can figure out a long distance way of doing this.

Hang in there. You've come so very far!

elvislover324
02-07-2013, 12:50 PM
Woww Elvislover and RadioJane - these are such huge accomplishments - really and truly! Take pride in that!!!!

Thank you!! It helps having others going through the same thing and we are all working towards the same goals, no matter what our ultimate loss will be.

But I will always remember that Jane and I hit 100 the same week, how awesome is that!

Radiojane
02-07-2013, 12:52 PM
Thank you everyone! And Elvis you are right! We've moved mountains!!! And nobody who hasn't fought this battle will ever get how epic it is!

wannaskipandlaugh
02-07-2013, 12:56 PM
Losing 100 lbs is so totally freaking awesome! You both have done such a Kick A** thing. And to be so dedicated to get to that goal gives me inspiration!! You have lost so much of yourself... that now you are someone new. That is scary too, to see yourself as a different person. Different habits and different ways of seeing things and different worlds that you are living in. Alot less gravity pulling you down :)..... Time will get you accustomed to what you have accomplished and the will (which you have in abundance) will move you forward.

Thank you for your courage