Weight Loss Support - When is enough going to be enough?

01-10-2013, 12:27 PM
As I write this I'm at my heaviest weight ever at 280 pounds. Just a little over 2 years ago I was 80 pounds lighter after my last big weight loss. It is almost staggering for me to consider that. There are so many pressing reasons for me to lose weight:

-High Blood Pressure
-Sleep Apnea
-High Cholesterol
-Health risks increase with Age
-Having more and more major back problems / sciatica
-Heaviest weight I've been ever, out growing clothes
-For the first time I'm heavier than my husband who is making positive changes
-Girlfriend of same size just had weight loss surgery
-Afraid extra weight is going to hamper efforts to find good new job
-Don't want to be as social or meet new people as much
-Starting to feel as if I can do less with this extra weight

Even with all these incredibly compelling reasons to make positive life changes, I just am so discouraged. I control what I eat every single day and I wonder why I haven't been able to motivate myself to make better choices. Ignorance is not a problem here, I know a lot about health, nutrition, and calories from research from my last attempts.

I just wonder.. When is enough going to be enough? When am I going to be able to lose weight and keep it off? What is it going to take for me to start again?

01-10-2013, 12:41 PM

I've been in your shoes!

Back in 2005/2006 I went from 193 pounds down to 142 pounds. It was amazing. Within a year I was back to 193 pounds. Then my husband and I had a baby. I lost all my baby weight over the next 18 months, but then we had another baby and found myself at 236 pounds at the end of that pregnancy, that was December 2011, so just barely a year ago! This past March I was feeling just awful, semi-depressed, and definitely hopeless about my weight. I was so angry with myself for throwing away all of my hard work and gaining it all back PLUS a lot more. I wasn't sure I could do it again, like if I really had it in me.

I woke up one morning (March 22nd, 2012) and decided that this is my LIFE and I refuse to be miserable in my own skin anymore. It's been a lot of hard work and commitment, but so worth it.

In short, what it will take is for you to decide that enough is enough is a personal thing. Sometimes you just have to make the commitment to yourself and not wait for some event. If you are unhappy in the body you currently have, it is within your power to change that!!! That is the good news!

01-10-2013, 01:10 PM
LockItUp, we have almost the same story! Except I went from 194 to 146 and felt great, gained about 20 back then had a 60 lb pregnancy and gave birth to my daughter in Dec 2011.

I was the heaviest I have ever been at 224 lbs and I felt so bad about myself. I did all this work to lose weight and here I was fatter then ever.

Over this past year I've lost almost 56 lbs though. I made the decision that I didn't want to live my life heavy and I *needed* to lose the weight. I need to be exercising regularly and eating well.

For everyone it's different, we all have our own motivation. If you want it bad enough you will do it!

01-10-2013, 01:59 PM
I don't know...when IS it enough? Only you can answer that.

Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Keeping the status quo doesn't force you to take a hard look at yourself, your issues, and your behavior. Losing weight does.

Where do you want to be one year from now? If you do nothing, you'll be at the weight you are (or more). Or you could be 10-30-50 pounds lighter.

The choice is up to you. You have complete control.

01-10-2013, 02:07 PM
Thanks for the replies. I realize that the motivation and decision is going to come from me. I'm just baffling at myself mostly. I don't understand why this is so hard for me and I NEED to understand it. Unfortunately the more times I lose weight and gain it back the more defeated I feel. It makes me wonder what is going to make the difference this time. How can I succeed for good?

Missy Krissy
01-10-2013, 02:25 PM
How to succeed for good? Tough question, and one I can't answer from experience yet!

Besides wanting it bad enough, I think that there are a few thing that you might be able to do to help stay on track. Some suggestions:

- Start small! Make gradual, healthy changes that you can sustain for life.

- Reward yourself! For every 20 pounds I lose I give myself a spa treatment (no food rewards for me). After reaching my goal I intend to give myself some sort of spa treatment for every 3-6 months of maintenance.

- Keep track. Start a food journal/weigh loss log. Record your thoughts, your weight, how eating this made you feel, or how often you excercise. Let it be a record of your triumphs, so that when you get discouraged you can see in black and white how far you've come.

I hope my advice is somewhat helpful. Good luck, and {{hugs}}.

01-10-2013, 03:13 PM
I have walked your shoes a million times. I know how and what your feeling. For me the light bulb moment was multiple things. High Blood pressure,High Cholesterol, I was on Metformin. I wanted to lose weight so bad...but didn't want to put the work into it.

Last spring my sister lost her husband to a massive heart attach. His blood pressure was out of control and he had really high Cholesterol. The months following his death my sister had lost 40lbs cause she didn't want to end up like her husband. My sister losing weight brought out some jealousy in me. Here I was still fat and gaining weight while she was getting thin and healthy. So between the combination of my own health problems and my jealousy(I'm not proud of this) i descided last summer I was going to make changes in my life. I'm proud to say that i'm nearing the 100lbs mark. As the weight starting coming off i became and still find motivation from it. I want to be healthy and feel/look good. I can do so much more now than i ever could being my heaviest. I know you can do this and you can succeed. I'm so happy i found this forum. I'm overwelmed by the amount of support that is given here. I'm proud to be a member here. We are here for you.

01-10-2013, 03:23 PM
I kept thinking to myself "tomorrow I will go on a diet, tomorrow I won't eat chips, tomorrow I won't have pizza for dinner". That went on for years and years and I got bigger and bigger. I thought I was so smart when I went to my doctor and said I didn't want to be weighed and refused to get on the scale. And my doctor never mentioned my weight either (it was obvious I was so big to both of us). Long story short, I had to have a medical procedure that required anesthesia so they needed my weight for the drugs. The scale was in kilograms (maybe for privacy?) so I remembered the weight and then did the conversion on my phone. I almost threw up. The medical procedure led to an unexpected cancer diagnosis (they found it by mistake looking at something else, thank the Lord). So in my case, pretty much the next couple of weeks after that was my "enough is enough". I had so many regrets on the years I wasted stuffing my face and not enjoying family functions, get togethers at places I wouldn't look good or fit in (beaches, amusement parks, etc.), not being a part of my brother's wedding party as I wouldn't fit in the dress the pretty bridesmaids did, but none of those things made me want to change my habits. Cancer sure did though.

I hope you find your "enough is enough" reason sooner than later. I never felt better than I have lately, I am on a mission to be healthy and now, I am happier. Not that weightloss can make you happy but I feel so positive for my future even with the long cancer journey ahead of me. And this forum helped me change my life, I couldn't be more thankful.

01-10-2013, 03:31 PM
How can I succeed for good?

I think there are two mental steps involved here. First, you have to reach a point where carrying the extra weight is more painful to you than losing it. Second, you have to teach your brain to realistically appraise the short-term pleasure of eating your fill compared to the long-term fulfilment of achieving your weight-loss goals. That's not an easy thing to do, because our brains are wired to favour short-term gratification.

Once you bring these processes into awareness -- that is, once you know your enemy -- you'll be in a better position to stick to your plan.

As I said, it's far from easy. That's why so many of us (raising hand here) have lost and regained many times.

blog: www.englishgrammargripe.com

01-10-2013, 06:09 PM
Most of us have been there. There is so much hurt we have suffered. There is so much hurt we have caused ourselves. There is no magic pill, no magic diet, nothing that can just solve our problem with food.

It is so easy to chew on a 500 calorie slice of pizza. It is so very hard to lose a pound. We have to take this one bite at a time. One walk at a time. We need to realize that we are WORTHY to live, we are WORTHY to look pretty, we are WORTHY to be healthy. We are all worthy.

We do not need to just "lose weight" we all need to gain love for ourselves, gain health, gain self respect.

01-10-2013, 06:15 PM
Most of us have been there. There is so much hurt we have suffered. There is so much hurt we have caused ourselves. There is no magic pill, no magic diet, nothing that can just solve our problem with food.

It is so easy to chew on a 500 calorie slice of pizza. It is so very hard to lose a pound. We have to take this one bite at a time. One walk at a time. We need to realize that we are WORTHY to live, we are WORTHY to look pretty, we are WORTHY to be healthy. We are all worthy.

We do not need to just "lose weight" we all need to gain love for ourselves, gain health, gain self respect.

Loved this reply.

01-10-2013, 06:35 PM
Speaking from personal experience only, my "enough is enough" point came out of the blue. I literally woke up one morning and decide to make a change. No health scares or traumatizing events.
Every hits rock bottom at a different place. But I had to hit rock bottom in order to mentally be ready to commit to change.

Good luck on your journey!

01-10-2013, 11:15 PM
I really believe that one has to hit bottom before they can accept and commit to long-term weight loss.

For some, hitting bottom happens when the significant other admits that he/she no longer finds you attractive. For others, it's a major health incident, either their own or a family member who is overweight. Still others hit bottom when some embarrassing or uncomfortable weight-related incident happens. Or they lose their job and can't get a new one possibly due to obesity.

For me, it was definitely fear for my health, coupled with the scary realization that I could no longer purchase clothes that fit anymore. I had my gall bladder removed and I suspect that the problem occurred as a result of years of abusing my body. I couldn't walk 100 feet in my place of work without getting winded. I could barely fit in my own car's driver seat, let alone an airplane seat - even in first class.

I have to dress somewhat professionally for work, and was up to a size 32. And those were getting tight. I feared that I would not even be able to find clothing that fit before long. That was scary.

I just knew that I had to make major changes, so on July 18, 2011, I did just that and have been committed to better health ever since.

01-10-2013, 11:29 PM
Good question - that's the same question I asked myself since maybe 20 years old as I remained overweight. I'm 42 now. I spent over half of my life more than just a little overweight. Most of those reasons you listed, I could list.

What happened when I was 41? What was the trigger that said that's it? I started having chest pains and would constantly picture my 11 year old son without me.

Turns out that my heart is fine, but I will never let go of that fear that propelled me to make the change.

I do believe what someone said about triggers - that there's a trigger that most people finally say, that's it. The trick is, I think, to keep the trigger fresh in your mind throughout and past your weight loss.

Why did you lose that 80 lbs? Whatever reason that was, you've got to hold on to it the entire time you're losing and even after you're done.

01-10-2013, 11:48 PM
We have all been there .. I have not even lost that much weight yet and I still am scared to death that I'm not going to make it through this and go back to my old ways. In my head I have to treat it as a disease. I have to treat it as if I don't do this I WILL die and I don't want to die. Someone on this board told me "you just have to make the decision" to eat the right foods, excersise, and put your health first. That's so hard for me. I'm only 10days in, but we have to just do it and keep on doing it. This time next year you'll be glad you "decided" to do it..

Come on girl! WE can do this!

01-11-2013, 12:07 AM
Some people never get the motivation to even try. There's no "easy" way.

For me? I'm sick of being fat. I've always been overweight. I had my son 13 months ago... and I want him to grow up with a mom who has energy. I want more kids, and I don't want to get deeper and deeper into being overweight with each pregnancy... so deep that I can't dig myself out. I want to look back at pictures and smile, not cringe. I want to walk around the zoo without needing to take a break.

I've got my motivation. But I can't give you yours. You have to decide that you're fed up, that you're done, and you have to commit. When you reach your goal - celebrate... but don't quit. If you revert back to your former ways, you'll become the former you.

01-11-2013, 01:38 PM
Thank you so much for your responses. They are making me think about a lot of things.

I've been overweight since about fifth grade. It is ironic, because I remember kids calling me fat back then but I wasn't. Not until I self medicated with food that did make me fat. Then sometime in my teens PCOS developed. I've spent the vast majority of my life overweight. The smallest I've ever been in a size 16 (maybe a 14 these days with size changes).

My weight has held me back from so many things. I always got the supporting roles in musicals and theater because I didn't fit the body type of a pretty young lead. I became a music performance major in college, but one of the reasons I quit was that my weight was going to be a hurdle for any performance career. I've never worn a bikini. I've very rarely been able to shop in the "normal" shopping sections of stores. I started date late because guys weren't interested in me, because of my looks and/or my lack of confidence because of my weight.

I've never been happy with being overweight, but it is something I've resigned myself to over the years. I've proven to myself that I can lose weight if I'm incredibly dedicated, but I can't seem to keep that dedication up long term. I know I would HAVE to keep it up because I have PCOS and my body is used to being overweight. I gain weight back quickly when I let things slide.

Honestly, I don't even want to be really skinny. Unless I kept up an anorexia type obsession I couldn't be. If I could just get down to a size 14/16 and maintain I would be beyond ecstatic and happy with the way I looked. My hope is as well that that it would improve all my health issues (I don't even want to think about the fact it might not.)

I've lost and gained weight multiple times over the years. My triggers? If I think about it among all the reasons I've mentioned having to buy new LARGER clothing has been a common trigger for me. I'd gain weight and just refuse to buy larger clothes and start dieting. But this year? I gave up and bought clothes. It almost felt like a defeat. With clothing sizes 14 to 24 in my closet, the clothing thing won't sustain me long term.

I know I'm self medicating with food. I have for a very long time. I can feel physiological cravings beyond hunger. This is going to sound horrible, but do any of you ever wish you had a drug problem instead? I can't just go cold turkey on food. I have to eat to live. Repairing a broken food relationship is a lot tougher than having to give something up entirely.

Quack Addict
01-12-2013, 11:55 AM
I've been up and down all my life. I'll lose 50 pounds and gain 60. My last effort I lost 110 pounds and gained 140. Heck, I was BORN over 10 pounds!

I think I'm just a fat girl at heart. We all have battles in life... and this is mine. <wry smile>

01-12-2013, 01:01 PM
there arnt many threads that i will read every single reply too but this one i have. mainly because its making me feel better about my regain lol.
growing up i saw always the 'skinny' one, the one everyone else was jealous of, the one the boys fancied.....all that changed when i had my 1st son aged 17 and moed out of my parents house in 2005. i ballooned from 8 stone to 14 stone in a matter of months. it was all so quick i didnt see it going on!
since then ive been dieting. 'yeah ill loose wight and be the confident girl i used to be'....im still waiting
weight watchers, slimming world. you name it ive done it. it wasnt until aug 2010 that somthing clicked. i was in my 20's, my hayday...what was i doing! i joined the gym and cut back (mainly living on soups) and went from 15 stone 10lbs (highest ever) to 12 stone 6lbs and was feeling pretty good about myself. so much so i thought i deserved a treat, a cream cake, a pizza, a chinese.....fastforward to dec 2012 and i was back up to 13 stone 12lbs....gutted
reading this has made me realise that im not the only one. yeah maybe i havnt regained a whole lot but im still just as gutted.
ive lost 3lbs so far this year and i plan to loose another 20

we can do it!!

01-12-2013, 01:24 PM
To the original poster's question about addiction. I have said only half joking that work stress makes me it and if I was a drinker instead of eater I would have already been in rehab. Not really funny I guess, but either one is not a good way to deal with feelings. Alcohol seems to be a more socially acceptable vice from my experience. Recently i was with friends I had not seen for two years since they moved and they drank at lunch, stopped for a drink at a bar, and then drank again after our outing (no alcohol served there) and then had 2-3 more at dinner before we left them. Yet I wanted dessert but felt uncomfortable getting it because I was the only obese person. Then they continued their downtown pub crawl for a couple more hours before walking to their hotel. I'm not judging their wild night as much as I look back on it and it makes me angry that I felt I would be judged for eating sweets when the other 4 were drunk. And it was in my head, they never mentioned my weight. Why did I think being drunk was more acceptable than being fat? Sorry to vent so much on your post.
I hope you find your enough, I too am still looking.

01-12-2013, 04:30 PM
You say you self-medicate with food. Have you worked on resolving the problems that inspire the urge to self-medicate?

01-12-2013, 04:36 PM
In my experience, we have two choices:

1) wait for enough to be enough... i.e., hospital stay, heart attack, stuck in a wheelchair, can't fit in any clothes, etc. In the meantime, just eat and wait to feel like we are ready to start.

2) start anyway.

Today is all we've got. All we can do is put the food down right now and grab on right now.

01-12-2013, 11:53 PM
I find that what I'm self medicating with food is actually the fact that I'm so overweight, along with the cravings and urges that arise as habit from so many years of overeating and binging.

I haven't got up and 'done it' as far as losing weight, but I'm always fighting it. I'm always learning and always trying. That says something at least, and I never lose hope that eventually I will be losing consistently and be able to keep it off. My goal is, in fact, to keep it off. I lost 60ish lbs in highschool by being anorexic. Ever since then my relationship with food has been crappy.

Today I have a much better knowledge of health and fitness, but there's something in me that's holding me back. Some things that have been helping have been spirituality, meditation, taking care of myself for reasons other than weight loss, trying new physical activities...

About two years ago I was a hollow shell. I was addicted to drugs and I had a drinking problem. I had been doing drugs since I was 13. When I finally pulled myself out of that dark place my weight was 220 and it kept climbing. I spent some time after getting clean trying to lose weight the wrong ways but what I didn't realize was that I was still a shell. I didn't know anything about myself. I was a stranger in my own body. My identity had always been drugs, alcohol and music. Those three things don't make a person.

So the last few years I've been doing the whole 'finding myself' thing that people scoff at. It sounds silly but I think, for me, it had to be done. Sure I gained weight while I did it but ultimately it's making my like more fufilling. Now I'm trying to get healthy because I love myself. Before I just thought it was something I had to do because girls are supposed to be thin.

I've grown so much in the last two years and I do hope this next year brings a loss but I absolutely do not regret these past two years. I feel I've found the strength in me to keep going and keep trying, even though I haven't lost.

Why would I sit there and not do anything? I wake up everyday and ask myself what do I need to do to be healthy today? Sometimes I am able to control myself and other times I'm not. I just hope that the more I do that the better at it I will get.

So maybe you need some soul-searching? Or maybe not. :)

01-13-2013, 01:31 AM
Exactly one year ago, I was pregnant for the first time. It was already a stressful time after dealing with a death in the family along with some ongoing legal issues, and I wasn't handling the chaos very well. While I'd spent years either slowly losing or at least maintaining, I very quickly gained about 25 pounds.

Then I had a miscarriage. :(

I set some time aside to mourn, to heal. Then I put myself in the planning stages of mentally revamping my lifestyle. I already knew what to do, I was even working hard and lost a good amount that previous summer, but I felt I needed to give myself a lot of convincing before I officially started over. I planned ahead for my "reboot" to be on March 5th and started recording all my meals when that day arrived, stubbornly reminding myself that I need to eat right and take care of myself.

I do want to have a baby someday. And I need to have enough energy for all that comes with raising a family. I certainly didn't have that energy last year and it saddens me. There are so many other things (i.e. wanting to be smaller, wear nice clothes, feel confident) but wanting to be a mother will always be what keeps me going.

01-30-2013, 11:52 AM
You say you self-medicate with food. Have you worked on resolving the problems that inspire the urge to self-medicate?

Yes, I have. The older I get the more I try to be self aware and tackle any issues I'm battling. Even with that we all encounter stress in our life and deal with that in different ways. Mine just happens to food.

From experience it also seems like the type of bad foods I had been eating seem to reinforce my cravings and bad habits. There seems to be more going on physically than me just turning to food because of stress. The wrong types of food seem to set off a horrible cycle. I don't have any scientific data on my own body to back this up, but I have plenty of personal observations of this.

01-30-2013, 11:57 AM
I do want to thank everyone who responded for their comments, commiseration, and/or support. I really needed to get all of that out and take time to evaluate myself and what I have and haven't been doing.

I'm happy to say that I did start making some positive changes in my life. I've lost 12 pounds already. Yay! (If only weight came off as quickly all along as it can in the beginning!)

Reaching out to others even when you aren't ready to change yet does help. I'm very thankful for this community and your personal support.

This time I'm not being as strict about counting every calorie exactly, but I'm being very mindful of what I'm eating and the caloric value of foods. The time that I spent with strict calorie counting has helped me sooooooo much. It helps me to make better choices without as much effort. Even though I'm sorry that I gained back the weight I lost (and a bit more), I still learned a lot from the experience of me being so disciplined while getting rid of the weight the last time. I'm surrounding myself with lower calorie options, searching for lower calorie swaps, trying out new recipes, and injecting a bit of exercise into my life. I'm trying to find a way to just live my life in a better, healthier way without becoming obsessed with results. I know I likely won't lose the weight as quickly, but finding a better way to live my life in the long term is the true goal.

01-30-2013, 12:52 PM
- Reward yourself! For every 20 pounds I lose I give myself a spa treatment (no food rewards for me). After reaching my goal I intend to give myself some sort of spa treatment for every 3-6 months of maintenance.

- Keep track. Start a food journal/weigh loss log. Record your thoughts, your weight, how eating this made you feel, or how often you excercise. Let it be a record of your triumphs, so that when you get discouraged you can see in black and white how far you've come.

Love it... Gonna do the spa treatment thing for myself! And something extra special if I can meet my summer challenge :)

I agree I just started (again) but this time I am keeping track of what I am eating online and seeing it in black and white makes a huge difference. Like for me I noticed that planning ahead makes a impact in how many calories (as much as 500) I eat in a day.

01-30-2013, 02:07 PM
This is such a great thread. I just read through it and found myself nodding to a lot of the responses. Wonderful insights from everyone, and you can see that what is "enough" is different for each of us.

Renwomin, it sounds like you're of to a great start. Just being mindful is a huge step..I know for me the times when I get in trouble are when I stop paying attention.

Try to post on 3fc daily, even if you have a bad day. It's another thing that keeps me mindful, and there is incredible support here, and a lot of wisdom.

01-30-2013, 07:57 PM
I did not read but just the first few posts, so forgive me if I'm repeating things that have already been mentioned. I have been as discouraged as you seem in your first post. I had gained and lost so many times that the last time I re-gained I just let myself stay fat (or get fatter) for a few years. I didn't have the energy or motivation to do anything about my weight. In a sense, I just wanted to hide in the house, eat, and read.

But one day as I was on the computer doing work (I do a lot of my work from the computer), I realized that I would grow old and probably hunched sitting in a chair in front of my computer screen. I didn't want to deteriorate like that, and lo and behold, I read this thing on the Internet about the "tread desk," created by a doctor from the Mayo clinic (Google it). I got so excited about it because I am a born multi-tasker, and I am short on time, so to have to devote 1 hour plus a day to exercise ultimately never worked out for me. The tread-desk, though, held the promise of killing two birds w/ one stone: I could do my work AND work out,too. I couldn't afford the actual Tread-desk, so I bought a treadmill off Craigslist and coaxed my husband into making a tread-desk for me (and it did take some coaxing; he thought it was crazy).

I go into such detail to explain the above because that was the first step into my road to losing all the weight I wanted to and then some. Of course, the tread desk was only the first component to my changes, but what I discovered is something that I had read numerous times but that had never seemed to sink into my thick skull until that point: We must all find what works FOR US. I can read all the forums I want about what worked for someone else and that will help to a point as I may try something that seems interesting/promising. But the reason all those previous times failed and this time didn't is that I found something that works for me. And the same goes for my diet plan. I found something that works FOR ME.

I really believe that so many of us re-gain weight because we are trying to fit our unique personalities into a plan that works for someone with a different personality/lifestyle. By doing that, the plan we choose will always be uncomfortable, and we're likely to quit it and regain the weight.

It may help to take stock of what changes you can live with and what changes you cannot. Don't judge yourself as you're making your list. For instance, I cannot live with the thought of just eating sweets on weekends or on special occasions, so I had to find a way to be able to eat treats like that regularly and still keep off my weight. Others might frown on that or tell me that I have a problem or say that I'm not eating healthy or whatever. That's okay; that's their opinion. I'm the one that has to live my plan, so I'm going to do what works for me.

Sorry to be so long-winded. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

01-30-2013, 10:24 PM
I'm happy to say that I did start making some positive changes in my life. I've lost 12 pounds already. Yay!

Yay indeed! :carrot::carrot::carrot: