100 lb. Club - Emotional Eating - Friend Problem
01-07-2013, 05:32 PM
:( I have been so down lately, I don't know what to do - so I eat:(.
I feel like such a big baby, but here I go: On the outside, I'm accomplished, have a great job, nice family. I've been pretty good on my weight loss journey, till about 3 weeks ago. I didn't get into an actual argument with my friends, but we've always been a threesome, and lately they are a twosome and I'm on the outside. I haven't said anything to either of them, because I'm generally of the opinion that it's best in most cases to take a wait and see attitude, and that most things blow over on their own.
However, in the meantime, all I do is eat!!! Honestly, just now for lunch I had 3 skinny cow ice cream sandwiches and a large bag of popcorn.
What would you do? And in general, how do you handle emotional eating?
01-07-2013, 05:47 PM
Hiya, Im a newbie so hope its ok that I post.
Im very much an emotional eater so your post touched a chord with me. And Im sure if I was in your situation Id be doing the same!
But I want to change my relationship with food so Im hoping that I'll find other coping strategies when Im stressed or upset.
I had a situation this morning that upset me but instead of delving into the fridge I got on my treadmill. When I finished I felt really proud and didnt want to eat any rubbish after that to undo my hard work.
As I said, Im a newbie and only on day 5 so when Ive lost as much as you have (well done!!) getting on the treadmill might be the last thing I want to do!!
Hope someone else posts some good ideas as I'll be interested myself but in the meantime, dont punish yourself too much. Youve done a great job so far.
Hang in there =)
01-07-2013, 06:23 PM
Thank you, Sharelle. You made me feel better. Would you call these friends, or would you let it go?
I feel like a part of me wants to call and just tell them I've been feeling excluded. On the other hand, all that will result from that is they will say I'm being too sensitive, stop being full of nonsense.
So I should let it go, right?
01-07-2013, 06:30 PM
I would say something. Feeling left out is not nonsense.
I hope everything works out ok
01-07-2013, 06:32 PM
Well in my humble opinion, yes you should let it go hun.
What could be gained by calling and asking why theyve made you feel like that? Like you said theyre bound to say that your being over sensitive.
Let it go, move on and dont be too hard on yourself =)
01-07-2013, 06:34 PM
Is it possible they are threatened by your weightloss?
I would let them know how you feel before you walk away. It's entirely possible they aren't doing it deliberately and have no idea you are upset. How they react to you bringing it up should let you know if it's time to walk away.
01-07-2013, 09:07 PM
When I was in high school I had 2 best friends, we were a threesome. My mom used to say "when you have a group of 3 friends, 1 is always going to feel left out". She was right in the case of these 2 particular girls. I always felt like they were a twosome and I was left out and they would talk behind my back. They are still total BFFs to this day and I moved on.
I now have trios of friends and it's fine. I think it has a lot to do with the particular kind of friends they are. I know my friends now love me, I feel secure with my friendships, and if some of them hang out without me I'm okay with that.
could it be that these particular friends are not true friends in the first place or that you are just growing apart?
I don't handle emotional eating very well, but I will say that when I feel that need to eat, I try and have a mental conversation with myself about why I'm feeling that way and what the problem is. A lot of the time if I can just identify the feelings I have, the hunger goes away...
01-07-2013, 11:01 PM
Hi - thank you for your responses.
I think in this particular threesome, I've always felt like the third wheel. I like each of them individually, but the two of them have always been closer. When the three of us are together I just feel somehow "apart".
The weight loss definitely has played into my feeling this way even more strongly. One of the friends is very supportive, the other has always been more immature and competitive. I know this, it just hurts.
I think the issue is how to deal with it without turning to food. And I did call one of the friends, just to say I've been missing her and feeling distance. She acknowledged it, which made me feel better. She said she's just been really busy with work. Whatever, she acknowledged it and I felt better.
Thanks for your replies, and I guess I just need to learn what to do that's constructive with my emotions. The emotions will always be there, be it an issue with friends or any other issue. What do we do with out emotions?
01-08-2013, 01:32 PM
It sounds to me like it might be time to expand your circle of friends! Honestly, if you've always felt like a third wheel, I think you should try some new activities and get involved with a new group of people. It will give your self-confidence a boost and you'll be opening yourself up to new relationships.
I think you did the right thing by calling. I also think journaling is a great way to deal with emotions. They did a study of men who had been laid-off from a factory and had half of them journaled and half of them did not. Nothing else was different and after 90-days, the majority of journalers had moved on and were either employed again or actively interviewing while the majority of non-journalers were not. I think that shows the power of venting your emotions and how it allows us to work through them to better things.
01-08-2013, 04:50 PM
Dealing with friend issues is tough.
Dealing with emotional eating is tougher!
BUT as the old saying goes, "The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."
I struggle with this too. Recently I have made a conscious effort to control emotional eating. Before I eat I ask myself, "Am I Really hungry?" "Will eating this solve anything?" "Will eating this make me feel bad (or feel worse than I ready do)?" Then I tell myself to find some fruit or crrots or something and eat that first. Usually it is the activity of eating, no so much WHAT I eat. Ten to twenty minutes later I can tell myself, "See you didn't need that donut after all, now don't you feel better??"
I think it is about "breaking the cycle" of emotional eating.
01-08-2013, 08:41 PM
It sounds to me like it might be time to expand your circle of friends!
I am with her on this.
01-09-2013, 11:20 AM
Thanks again for all your replies. And I agree, time for some new friends! To that end, I joined a small weight loss group led by a nutritionist. There's 5 in the group, small enough to actually get to know each other, and it made me feel like I'm combining my weight loss and meeting new people.
Thank you all!!!
01-09-2013, 01:18 PM
Im so sorry your going through this and it can be hard. I have so many people like that in my life that it makes it so hard to accomplish anything let alone losing weight ya know.
What I have done to help myslef out is really think about who I want in my life. Are they a positive in my life or a negative in some way. And if they are a negative in my life then I say good bye. I in no way are telling you to dump your friends unless you feel this way about them. I'm just saying only let people in who are in your corner, who are going to help you with your goals and lift you up.
I have done this in my life and it has helped tremendously. I had to say good bye to some people who I thought were my friends, but sometimes you just have to. Now this always doesn't work because my parents are my biggest obstacle. They are always "you wanna go out to eat" "you want some cake" and all that. They are a total downer, but I can't exclude them from my life.. Or the people at work. All a bunch of women who act like they are in high school. I know I cannot get rid of them, but keep them at a distance.
Anyway.. put yourself first ok. Tell them how you feel. If they tell you your being sensitive say, "well, this is how I feel" Deal with it..
xoxo hugs.. Hope things get better for you!!
01-09-2013, 05:26 PM
Wow, thank you Sassy. It sounds like you really understand. As for the folks at work acting like high schoolers, I totally have been there! It is so uncomfortable. I am so tired of feeling left out and isolated. I think for a long time I looked for friendships and relationships where I was the supporter, I was the listener, I was the silent one. I didn't have the confidence to have actual opinions, and I didn't want to be invited to join a committee or go out with friends, because honestly I didn't want to be seen.
But I feel differently now. You are right - time to re-evaluate my relationships. It's just hard to see my relationships (that I created and went along with - my responsibility) in a new light.
I guess I need new relationships that match how I am feeling today. Things can't stay the same - I'm evolving, and I can't think my friendships shouldn't evolve also. Maybe they were fine for a time, but not anymore.