Weight Loss Support - My Obstacle = My Husband (Vent)




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forreal
01-05-2013, 11:49 PM
He is absolutely driving me CRAZY !!!
Every meal has turned into a major production. I make things I KNOW he likes - but all of the sudden he doesn't like macaroni or pork chops or chicken or anything. A few weeks ago he watched a cooking show -- Lydia's American Italian Cooking. He thinks she's a wonderful cook (and I agree, she is). She made baked ziti and he went on and on about how good it looked. So I made it for him one night -- exactly how she made it -- and he wouldn't take ONE bite. (I gave the whole thing to my daughter who loved it).
I buy him a bag of miniature chocolates -- every time he takes one he tries to get me to eat a few. I've told him I'm really not into chocolate and I've asked him not to leave them by my chair, please. But his insists on it.
Then I get the lectures about how I should enjoy life and Eat, eat and eat some more. I keep explaining I'll enjoy life better when I can breathe better and walk better.
It's like it's his mission in life to keep me fat. GGGRRRRRRRRRR !!!!

Tough luck -- I'm doing this for me. :)

Mary


coffeeshopgirl
01-06-2013, 12:29 AM
Good for you for sticking with it!

I agree, your husband does sound like he's upset somehow by your weight loss choices. Maybe he needs to make his own food then? Especially if he's not eating yours.

Stay strong - it's tough being in a house where there are tempting foods. And while you compromise and don't seem to need all the sweets/snacks out of the house, you deserve to have your dietary choices respected.

How long have you been committing to your diet? Maybe the adjustment will take time for everyone in the house.

Still, good job knowing that you're doing this for you! Keep it up!

drixnot
01-06-2013, 04:48 AM
lol... If my husband raved about some food a chef on TV made and I cooked it for him, he would either eat some or wear it... his choice.


karen98745
01-11-2013, 06:33 PM
He is absolutely driving me CRAZY !!!
Every meal has turned into a major production. I make things I KNOW he likes - but all of the sudden he doesn't like macaroni or pork chops or chicken or anything. A few weeks ago he watched a cooking show -- Lydia's American Italian Cooking. He thinks she's a wonderful cook (and I agree, she is). She made baked ziti and he went on and on about how good it looked. So I made it for him one night -- exactly how she made it -- and he wouldn't take ONE bite. (I gave the whole thing to my daughter who loved it).
I buy him a bag of miniature chocolates -- every time he takes one he tries to get me to eat a few. I've told him I'm really not into chocolate and I've asked him not to leave them by my chair, please. But his insists on it.
Then I get the lectures about how I should enjoy life and Eat, eat and eat some more. I keep explaining I'll enjoy life better when I can breathe better and walk better.
It's like it's his mission in life to keep me fat. GGGRRRRRRRRRR !!!!

Tough luck -- I'm doing this for me. :)

Mary

I have a similar situation.

penmage
01-11-2013, 08:09 PM
:hug:

Maybe a smack with a rolled up newspaper will help? If not, it will at least make YOU feel better! I'm sorry your husband's being difficult.

SweetTreat80
01-12-2013, 07:22 PM
I don't know your husband but there are men who feel "threatened" by their partners getting healthier, a.k.a getting slimmer and becoming "more desirable to someone other than him" who will try to sabotage you. Intentional or not. I don't know him to say that but it sure seems that way to me. Any man who wouldn't be supportive and understanding of your lifestyle change ends up in my "suspicious" category.

Good for you though for sticking with it and telling him that you just aren't interested in eating certain things.

TammiL
01-16-2013, 12:59 AM
Many people sabotage their partner’s or loved one’s weight loss. My mother in law is one of them. She sabotaged my husband the first 2 times that he tried to quit smoking. And now she is sabotaging her husband’s healthy eating. She bought him five, yes five, woopie pies.

“Why.” I asked .
“Oh well he cheats sometimes.” She said.

I would tell your husband where he could stick it if I were you. He is entitled to his own opinion of corse, but he should support you taking steps to better yourself.

Remington90
01-16-2013, 01:47 AM
lol... If my husband raved about some food a chef on TV made and I cooked it for him, he would either eat some or wear it... his choice.

Haha sounds exactly like something I'd say.

And I haven't gone far in my weight loss journey but my boyfriend (of 6 years) is aware of it. I've told him I'm eating right, making meals for myself instead of whatever he's having. He's supportive fo the idea but he keeps saying things like "mm, this french toast looks so good." or "just smell these cookies" etc. when he knows I can't have any of it.

To understand him you'd have to understand our relationship and everything which would turn into a whole novel, but to sum it up, we've broken up twice before. We started dating at 16, I'm now going to be 23 and his birthday is this weekend, he'll be 24. So young. But, when we broke up the first time we were really young and it was more of a "not really broken up" situation. The second time was a bit crazy. I talked to other guys and it really got to him, i know it did.

I honestly, seriously think that he's afraid when I lose weight and get where I want to be, that the men will come pouring in because I'll be 'hot' (he says I'm hot anyway, which is nice ) and I'll get swept away.

I seriously think he kinda wants me to lose the weight but kind of not. I almost think he's got in his head that I'm 'settling' for him.

Who knows. that was a mini rant, i apologize. Maybe he's just threatened by your success ? Or feels 'not up to par' because he wants to get on the healthy train too and doesn't have the motivation. Men are strange sometimes.

Babybat
01-16-2013, 02:26 AM
That was rude of him, maybe he wasn't hungry...And he shouldn't force you to eat food, you need to let him know what his place is! You obviously don't want to eat his chocolate!

IAmTheGlue
01-16-2013, 06:32 AM
My first husband was always trying to sabotage my weight loss. One day I said to him that I felt like he was doing things to sabotage me. You know what he said! "I am! I can't stand you getting hotter. Somebody will steal you away from me." Seriously, this sounds like a case of insecurity. I think he does not want you to succeed for his own selfish reasons.

Misti in Seattle
01-16-2013, 07:16 AM
It is hard to have an opinion here because you did not say how tall you are, how much you weigh, or what type of eating plan you are on. So it is impossible to know whether your husband's concerns are legitimate or if he really is being a bit obnoxious. :)

SoMuchFattitude
01-16-2013, 07:52 AM
Does DH have a few pounds to lose himself? Perhaps he's struggling to make the commitment himself.

My DH struggled initially with me not drinking with him because it changed our social lives and I wasn't "as much fun." We had a very very frank conversation about it all and he doesn't mind having a DD now. LOL. Maybe a good sit, frank, serious conversation would help?

Robin41
01-16-2013, 11:52 AM
So this is obnoxious behavior. The question is, is his behavior obnoxious like this only in regards to your weight loss efforts, or is it his general reaction to everything?

If it's only about weight loss, then there needs to be an honest and straightforward conversation about his behavior and its effect on your chances of becoming a healthier person. If it's his general reaction to most things, then you need to have a conversation with yourself about why you put up with this type of behavior by somebody who is supposed to love and support you.

To those who are dating people who have reacted in this way, look really hard at whether you want to spend your life with somebody who reacts like a petulant child to things that don't go the way they want. It's a real red flag that you ought to pay some attention to.

banananutmuffin
01-16-2013, 12:40 PM
My husband is a wonderful man--a total gem--but he has, in the past, very subtly sabotaged me. Sometimes he cooks the meals he knows I like best. Or suggests we go out to restaurants. Or he buys treats I find hard to resist.

When I got to a weight where I was feeling really good, and was dressing a lot to show off my figure, he started telling me I was "too thin." He'd grab my legs and tell me they were too skinny. He'd say I was starting to look sickly. (Note: the weight I was at then was still higher than the weight I was when we met.)

I think some of this *was* because he was worried I'd attract attention from men. I also think some of this was because he was unhappy with his own weight (which is normal, but he's got a teeny tiny belly). I also think some of it was because my weight was pretty low and even though it was a weight I had been in the past, it was drastically different from what it had been for years.

Husbands and boyfriends sabotage for a variety of reasons. It may be intentional or not. It may be based on insecurity or not. The best way to determine his motives is to look at him as a person in general, how he treats you, whether he respects you, and if he always has your best interests at heart. There is probably no such thing as a totally altruistic person, but it's usually pretty easy to recognize when someone is being a jerk for their own selfish reasons.

Radiojane
01-16-2013, 12:41 PM
MY boyfriend pulls the same crap with food, including the cooking channel thing. He'll eat it, but then he'll ***** about he I made it. He's supposed to be on a paleo diet for his health - he gets boils, has a hyadial hernia etc, and he wants to lose the weight for his sister's wedding, but then he cheats, and of course ends up with a boil or a sore gut, so I get **** six ways from Sunday for trying to keep him on plan. But when I cheat, oh you should hear him.

We finally had a blow out over it where I just flat out refused to feed him for a week after telling him sharply that his behavior was way out of line. I finally established that it all goes back to his fear of change, and his lack of confidence. If I change the way I eat and get thin, I may leave. If he changes the way he eats, he might not get any better and then what's the point. Plus, he learned from his father to "Critique" every dish to "improve" the woman's cooking skills. You should hear the crap my mother in law puts up with. Well, a week of him feeding himself stopped it right quick in my house.

Insecurities are one thing, but childishness is uncalled for. I would quit feeding him. Let him cook on his own.

kaplods
01-16-2013, 12:55 PM
My hubby and I have actually had to instituted a "fend-for-yourself" policy to protect our relationship and sanity.

Hubby is an excellent cook (he was restaurant-trained as as a chef in 4 star restaurants), and he always tries to "help" me in the kitchen.

We also both are trying to lose weight, but we do best on very different styles of eating, so it's difficult to cook for each other.

We do sometimes share and cooperate on meals, but it's become the exception rather than the rule and usually starts with one of us saying something like "I feel like making x, would you want some?"

We've agreed to not expect the other to cook for both of us, and we've also agreed not to be offended if the other person doesn't want to eat what we've decided to cook.

It works out pretty well. When I wasn't able to cook (when I had more lung problems I was "down" more often) and hubby had to cook for me, I had to be more flexible. It was sometimes hard not to criticise the meals he prepared (I'm just as likely to offer "constructive criticism" as he is), but I also had to adapt to his cooking style to my preferences and tastes. He is more likely to say "just eat a smaller portion" which works great for him, but not so for me. I'm more of a "bulk" eater, so I want to eat as low-carb and low-cal as I can, so I can eat "more."

Moondance
01-16-2013, 02:06 PM
My husband is the opposite. He's still trim and fit at 54. I was pretty big into outdoor activities when we met (it's one big thing that attracted him to me). 21+ yrs of marriage, 2 kids and 70 pounds later, he would love nothing more than for me to drop some of this weight so I'm more active (buckling ski boots with a beach ball gut is HARD!). So when he knows I'm calorie counting, he wants to question everything I eat. How can you have chocolate? Isn't that a lot of calories? I thought x-y-z was off your acceptable food list. Why aren't you working out today? Do you have enough calories left for that? While I appreciate his support, I don't need him managing it for me and it drives me crazy. This time I haven't said anything about calories or weight. I'm keeping it all to myself. Except the exercise...he's noticed I'm going to the gym a lot more and is all excited. :rolleyes:

Radiojane
01-16-2013, 02:26 PM
I've had that sort of over support too. I actually had him slap a chocolate out of my hand once, and he told me I couldn't "count" my weight loss until I was under what I weighed when I moved in (so basically the first 70 pounds).

I pointed out to him that if the weight "didn't count", then the entire time I'd been with him putting on that weight "didn't count". He got the message. I came close to beating him about the head with his ipad when he took the chocolate away, but I patiently showed him that I budgeted it in to my calories, and since then he hasn't questioned my plan.

Song of Surly
01-16-2013, 03:26 PM
So, I'd probably a major meltdown if I was in either of the extremes people would have presented here. When I first started out about a year ago, I thought my bf was trying to "sabatoge" me. I was counting calories religiously again (like I did when I first joined this site in 2010 and before my big regain), and I felt like he just wouldn't cooperate with a lot of the healthy changes I was trying. Turns out, I think some of it was for my best benefit, because I started to realize that I become an obsessed calorie monster when I count calories. His comments about me needing to chill out some were very well-founded.

Now that I do a little bit more intuitive eating and have learned to just relax a little, things are much better. We have both lost a good amount of weight, slowly and without any insanity. He no longer has to be on his low-dose of Metformin for his sugar, which he was put on this past Summer. We both enjoy the same food, though I am still a bit more adventerous than him when it comes to trying food, and neither of us feel the need to police each other's food at all, either concerning "good" or "bad" food. When we have to go out, we generally try to think of a place where both of us can get what we want, and we always point out good looking healthy options on the menu. We each have food that the other fixes that they enjoy, though he is the more experienced cook out of the two of us. He has never said anything disparaging about what I cook, except one time when I tried to make us both those microwave coffee mug cakes. He told me before I made it that it was gonna be gross, and I was all, "Nuh-uh!" It was totally gross, but we both just stood in the kitchen and laughed at how awful it was. I may have pouted a little. It really was the consistency of rubber. Haha.

Anyway, I now feel very blessed with how my boyfriend and I currently manage things.

bethFromDayton
01-16-2013, 03:42 PM
If your SO is truly trying to sabotage you, I think Robin41 is right--is it weight loss related, or throughout your entire relationship? You deserve to have your SO be the president of your fan club (a role s/he shares with your parents and your children.)--and to be on your side.

When I told DH I was really going to do this this time (a week and a half ago), he quietly asked "how can I help?" And I'd thought about it, so I said, "you can walk with me in the evenings." (He hates to walk) But he's walking with me.

He's also using myFitnessPal to count his own calories, although he has less to lose than I do. He's willing to eat whatever I make, with portion size adjustment. He's told me that he doesn't need a lot of variety, so if making the same meal two nights in a row makes things easier for me, that's fine. (I do all the cooking--he does the cleanup)

He's brought up the question of how we're going to handle a high-stress, time-demanding event in our future, and was interested in discussing methods of making sure we can stay on track even when we're swamped.

My point is that in a healthy relationship, your partner's response should be "how can I help?" not "I'm going to make this as hard and unpleasant for you as I possibly can."

There's a big difference between slapping a chocolate out of someone's hand and calmly saying "it seems to me that you're eating more sweets than I'd expect--do you want to talk about how that fits into your goals?" (DH wouldn't be quite that smooth, but he'd try.) Insulting someone or physically treating them that way is very disrespectful.

If these men are insecure, perhaps they have reason to be. Once their female partner (although it could be reversed) loses weight and gains confidence, she may realize how badly he is treating her and move on.

Every couple needs to find their own equilibrium in their relationship (and "shoulds" are dangerous here), but you should be able to tell your partner what is or isn't helpful, and have them respond well. If they don't, that in and of itself tells you something about the person and your relationship.

Remember, dieting or not, you (generic you) deserve to be treated well.

bethFromDayton
01-16-2013, 03:55 PM
He is absolutely driving me CRAZY !!!
Every meal has turned into a major production. I make things I KNOW he likes - but all of the sudden he doesn't like macaroni or pork chops or chicken or anything. ... So I made it for him one night -- exactly how she made it -- and he wouldn't take ONE bite.

Have you thought about no longer engaging? Make dinner--whatever you think is best. If he objects, say "I'm sorry you feel that way." And when dinner is over, whether he ate or not, put the food away? Another option would be to just cook for yourself, "since you haven't been interested in my cooking lately", but that's a bit passive aggressive.

I guess what I'm suggesting is that since you only control your own actions, you should pick a response that doesn't involve you getting emotional--let him do whatever he wants. You don't have to be driven crazy. You can ignore it--and see how he responds when there's nothing pushing back. I find it helpful to remind myself that someone else's reactions are not my problem.


I buy him a bag of miniature chocolates -- every time he takes one he tries to get me to eat a few. I've told him I'm really not into chocolate and I've asked him not to leave them by my chair, please. But his insists on it.


I suggest just throwing them away. No discussion, no response. If he offers one, say "No thank you" and change the subject or leave the room or something. If he leaves them by your chair, throw them away. Yes, I'm serious--throw them away. He's given them to you, they're yours. And you don't want them. So throw them out. I'd also stop buying them for him--he can buy his own if he wants them--not your problem.


Then I get the lectures about how I should enjoy life and Eat, eat and eat some more. I keep explaining I'll enjoy life better when I can breathe better and walk better.
It's like it's his mission in life to keep me fat. GGGRRRRRRRRRR !!!!


I think I'd ask him, seriously, wanting to know the answer, why he is against you eating healthier and losing weight? What are the advantages to him of you being the size (and lack of mobility) you are? What is concerned about?

Given how important this is to you, I'd ask him if he thinks his concerns should be of greater import than your concerns about your health and life?

This kind of discussion (according to Carolyn Hax) should be done in a way that lets him be honest, so you two can deal with whatever is really going on. Right now, he's not treating you kindly--and if he doesn't change, you'll have to find a way to deal with that.

Skellig19
01-16-2013, 03:58 PM
Has anyone thought that perhaps the OP's husband isn't necessarily sabotaging but is in fact missing the "event of eating" with his wife? I am not a man but I know that my when my mother started losing weight ages ago and I knew I wasn't in the mental space that I should be to attempt the journey, I felt totally left behind. No longer could we gab about how delicious those cookies we made were. It took a whole section out of our relationship. Perhaps the OP's husband wanted the baked ziti but wanted to enjoy it with his wife and is feeling left out on her journey.

I am truly blessed that my husband is on this weightloss journey with me and that we both adore cooking. We are constantly communicating with each other over what we should have for dinner, when to exercise, and what each of us needs more of. For instance, last night I didn't want starchy carbs so I made myself a lettuce wrap and he made himself a sandwich. I didn't say, "We're not having sandwhiches for dinner because I can't have bread." Instead I said, "I would prefer not to have bread tonight but you sure can! I'll make a lettuce wrap with that same filling." Done, no arguments.

COMMUNICATION! It's the key to a happy marriage and it's so cliche to say that but it's true. Instead of just saying, I feel [emotion], mention WHY you feel that way. It's the first step to understanding.

I have to add too that I've seen the "my husband is afraid I'll leave him when I'm thin" argument everywhere. It is so easy AND satisfying to say that but sometimes I wonder where the truth is in that. Unless they come right out and say that, how do you know? As women, it's in us to overanalyze everything. As a generalization, men are emotionally simple and straightforward, they are not the villains we make them out to be in our heads.

JohnP
01-16-2013, 04:05 PM
No offense this story makes no sense.

Why would someone not eat something he likes? I'm just a simple person but in my family we have a rule. You have to always explain why. Even we, as adults, are not allowed to say "because I'm your parent and I told you so".

What is going on here?

Skellig19
01-16-2013, 04:13 PM
No offense this story makes no sense.

Why would someone not eat something he likes? I'm just a simple person but in my family we have a rule. You have to always explain why. Even we, as adults, are not allowed to say "because I'm your parent and I told you so".

What is going on here?

Exactly! A discussion over "why" would most likely eliminate the frustration and anger that's being vented here.

tricon7
01-16-2013, 04:26 PM
As a man, I'm thinking what kind of reaction would make me stop this obdurate behavior. IMHO, you need to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms to respect your diet attempts and that you're angry with his derailing behavior. Show him that you're angry and upset. He's obviously either oblivious or indifferent to your hints. Time for a different tact.

Radiojane
01-16-2013, 04:31 PM
No offense this story makes no sense.

Why would someone not eat something he likes? I'm just a simple person but in my family we have a rule. You have to always explain why. Even we, as adults, are not allowed to say "because I'm your parent and I told you so".

What is going on here?

Exactly! A discussion over "why" would most likely eliminate the frustration and anger that's being vented here.


I'd venture to guess that the "why" is a control thing. I don't mean control in an abusive way, I mean him trying to stop changes he perceives.

mandypandy2246
01-16-2013, 08:27 PM
I definitely think discussion is needed. I also think maybe a little empathy (or at least potential for empathy once you get to the root of it) is needed. Obviously something is going on. Is he insecure? Is he depressed?

He made need some reassurance from you. There are two sides to every story.

Nocturnica
01-17-2013, 02:07 AM
You go Mary, this is for you, not him!

sontaikle
01-17-2013, 06:43 AM
Has anyone thought that perhaps the OP's husband isn't necessarily sabotaging but is in fact missing the "event of eating" with his wife? I am not a man but I know that my when my mother started losing weight ages ago and I knew I wasn't in the mental space that I should be to attempt the journey, I felt totally left behind. No longer could we gab about how delicious those cookies we made were. It took a whole section out of our relationship. Perhaps the OP's husband wanted the baked ziti but wanted to enjoy it with his wife and is feeling left out on her journey.

I notice this with my fiance sometimes. Not "sabotage" but he misses the fact that I would chow down with him. I don't want to go to pizza hut anymore, or if I'm not hungry and he wants to eat he gets upset when I say: "well we'll go and I'll just have a soda." He says he "feels like a pig" if he eats and I don't, but I think after almost two years of eating this way he's learned to either deal with it or adapt. I don't budge—I didn't work this hard to go backward.

He's found healthy places instead: Chipotle, Moe's, or similar is where I'll happily go with him. As long as any restaurant has something healthy that I might enjoy (because I seriously just don't like the crap anymore) he knows that I'll willingly go. So, he learned this and found a way for us to still enjoy eating together.

It was hard at first and he still sometimes suggests places I don't want to go, but with less frequency. He's learning :D

sacha
01-17-2013, 01:25 PM
It sounds like he just doesn't want you to lose weight. Why?

pluckypear
01-19-2013, 01:39 PM
Mary You may never know why he does this and does it really matter? Even if he tells you a why it does not mean it is the truth and he may not know or want to know the answer to why. It matters he is having a tantrum and how it makes you feel. Your child also sees this behaviour. Hopefully it is rare behaviour if not you need to do the asking of why, why do I put up with this?

DH and I make our own meals 80% of the time. We time them to eat together and sometimes share some of the meal such as brown rice. Like Kaplods DH and I offer to share what we prepared, this is a healthy compromise. I do not eat most meat (I eat fish, poultry, beef rarely). If one of us makes food for the other we take into consideration the other's tastes and are always gracious.

Good luck.

forreal
01-19-2013, 08:33 PM
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses.

After some thought I had a sit-down with SO. Explained I didn't want to make meals a big issue and didn't want to argue over it. Told him I loved him but I needed to take care of my health. He's welcome to join me anytime. Now when he offers me something sometimes I accept and just put it aside or I'll take a bite and thank him. I try to allow myself enough jiggle room to sometimes join him for a treat. Trying to be flexible and not make this an "all or nothing" situation.

domesticbliss
01-19-2013, 10:02 PM
I'm sorry that you and what seems like a lot of other posters have to deal with this!
It's ridiculous, and childish, and disrespectful- especially because you've specifically asked him to keep the treats away from you, instead he tries to coax you into them?
I can't imagine my husband doing this!
I cook the meals in the house, and while his haven't changed since I started dieting, he would be eating dog food if he pulled this mess with me!

guacamole
03-10-2013, 08:45 AM
My DH also sabotages me in subtle ways. He openly told me a short while ago that the downside to my losing weight is his fear that I will find him repulsive and want to leave him now that I look so good (he never said he was worried about other men finding me hot, just that I would think less of him now that I look better). My DH is significantly overweight. I have been struggling for the past 2 or 3 months to lose more weight and not gain. Thinking back, DH has bought me over 20 boxes of Milk Duds (a weakness) and taken me out to restaurants at least a dozen times. Of course, ultimately it is my choice to eat candy or order unhealthy food in restaurants....but he surely is tempting me to cheat and I have been weak in my resolve. As a result, the scale has moved up instead of down. i don't really know what the answer is, aside from reassuring them and asking for their support.

bunnabear
03-10-2013, 09:17 AM
I'm sorry that so many are going through this. I'm fortunate in that my husband is 100% supportive. He lifts weights regularly and tries to eat healthy so me going on my journey put me on a path that he was already on. We have always tried to be active and eat right but some health issues lead to me taking a very long break and of course gaining weight due to the inactivity, adopted bad habits, and dreaded prednisone over a period of years. He was supportive when I couldn't be in this place of healthy lifestyle and he's supportive now that I am back to it. Frankly, I can't imagine him not being supportive and I can't imagine myself putting up with anything less. I hope those who are being sabotaged and/or just not being supported can open the lines of communication and either get to a better place or make some hard decisions on how they want to deal with that.

nitenurse
03-10-2013, 09:41 AM
he would fix his own dinner

Roo2
03-10-2013, 10:03 AM
:?:Àsk Gibert Grape What's up!

Definitely agree with comments to Let him fix his own food if he is not going to eat what you fix.

I'm not a mind reader soo when the family start grumbling about not wanting to eat this or that ... I hand over the Keys to the Kitchen and tell them to Have at it!! I neither have the time or inclination to Beat around the bush about anything !
In our house the rule is .....Say what you Mean and Mean what you say!
Life is too short for passive aggressive games...and I don't purchase a Ticket to the ride.
Sometimes we need to transfer some of what we do in our Professional life of
Conflict resolution with our family members and friends.
:irish::irish::irish::irish::irish::irish::irish: :goldpot::goldpot::goldpot::goldpot::cupgold::cupg old::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold:: cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgo ld::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::c upgold::cupgold:


Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot:

sassyangies
03-10-2013, 11:20 AM
:hug:

Maybe a smack with a rolled up newspaper will help? If not, it will at least make YOU feel better! I'm sorry your husband's being difficult.

haha.. or a squirt with a squirt bottle everytime he starts being difficult.. :)

I'm sorry your going through this. You need to know that you can do this with or without him. He better hope that when you hit goal you don't decide to go find someone who does care.. Hope it gets better. Hugs!!

35X35
03-10-2013, 07:31 PM
I'm sorry that you and what seems like a lot of other posters have to deal with this!
It's ridiculous, and childish, and disrespectful- especially because you've specifically asked him to keep the treats away from you, instead he tries to coax you into them?
I can't imagine my husband doing this!
I cook the meals in the house, and while his haven't changed since I started dieting, he would be eating dog food if he pulled this mess with me!

Wow, it's eye-opening to see how many people deal with this. I agree with this poster. It's absolutely something that would not fly here -- because it's about so much more than food to me.

Also the posters who have partners who question what they eat...that is SO foreign to me -- wow, he's my husband not my father or my warden! Yes, we are partners but we are also grown @ss adults and I don't need or want anyone policing my food intake (and vice versa).

So sorry people are struggling with this and I think it's time for some serious reflection about why one would feel they deserve someone treating them so disrespectfully. Because you don't deserve it.

JollyGreenSteen19
03-10-2013, 07:44 PM
I'm so sorry your'e dealing with that. That must be so terrible.

In my house, my husband and I had a ton of talks before we were able to appreciate each other's choices. He now knows that if he doesn't want what I'm making, he'll have to make his own. We don't have kids, which helps a lot. He hides his treats in his office where I'm less likely to happen upon them.

Your husband needs to realize that being healthy is what will make you happy. He may be insecure about you losing weight - maybe that you'll be happier and will leave him for someone else if you are thinner.

megaileen
03-10-2013, 09:21 PM
Yikes, my husband and I struggle a little bit over him wanting to "share" his food, but it's not that extreme. He just naturally wants to share, and it's taken a little time for me to impress on him that I appreciate his offer but I really don't want the cookies he's eating. He's doing better about hiding his junk food too.

He doesn't eat meat and I do, so we're used to having separate main dishes and a shared side dish on most nights.

AmmoGirl
03-10-2013, 10:48 PM
Sounds like he might be one that doesn't like change. That's how my husband is. But when you get to your goal weight make sure you show it off right in front of him and remind him of what he was doing. I bet **** be kicking himself but happy to have a happier wife. Because when mamas happy everyone's happy!!! Lol

shcirerf
03-10-2013, 10:57 PM
Oh my. The great SO, husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/mother/father/sister/brother/FAMILY debacle!:D

Any time one person makes changes, it changes the whole dynamic of the relationships. Change can be tough, tougher on some than others.

After 2 years of dating, and 35 1/2 years of marriage, my Dh and I mostly have it worked out.:D There are still times when one of us will drop the ball for whatever reason. Or be in a bad mood and dig in some stubborn heels!

But, mostly we get along, he doesn't give me any grief about my food and workout and gardening and sewing and choice of tv shows, I don't give him any cr@p about his choice of tv, love of fishing, and reluctance to go get the car liscensed or the fact that he thinks "gravy" is a food group!

We have 2 tv's!:carrot::D

If you can't get along now over food, what are you going to do if a more serious issue crops up?

In my case, I had some terrible female health issues in my early 30's. I was sick for about a year, and I was a hormonal wreck. He stuck with me!:hug: It all got taken care of.

Then he had an accident at work and was off work for 14 months, surgery, surgery, rehab, therapy, more surgery, rinse and repeat! Now minus 2 fingers, and wrist and lower forearm weakness that just is what it is. I stuck it out. I did have one night when he pushed me to far and I left for a few hours, only because that was the better choice at the moment. I came home and we worked it out.

Then a couple of years ago he started having A-fib issues with his heart. Dear Lord that was an experience. The first episode, he didn't feel good when he got up, told me, I asked if he wanted to got to the hospital, "no", went to work, called me just as I was leaving for work, went and got him and took him to the emergency room! The medical staff finally shocked his heart 5 times to get it back in rythem!

This started a 2 year adventure of Drs. emergency room visits, drugs, tests, more drugs, more E room visits, monitors, more tests, a $70,000 surgery, and finally the meds are figured out. He will always have to take these meds. He's always tired. Sleeps a lot. It just is what it is. I still love him. Even though some days he drives me NUTS!

So, anyway, the biggest food fight we ever had was over pancakes! I grew up eating big ole fluffy thick buckwheat pancakes. My MIL, make these pancakes that are more like a crepe. So when our boys were little I was making them blueberry pancakes, and the hub wanted a plain ole pancake like his mothers. I tried, it wasn't right, he stood over my shoulder, do it again, rinse and repeat. I finally was in tears, got mad and told him if he ever wanted another pancake, to call his mother and tell her he wanted her pancakes, and have her fix them! This was like 20 years ago and to this day, I have never fixed that man another pancake, and I never will. I fixed them for the kids and about 3 times a year I make myself a couple. He actually looked at them a few months ago, and said, "I'd like a pancake"! I just rolled my eyes!:dizzy: He took it with good humor and let it go.:D He never has asked his Mom for pancakes since the "incident" and most likely won't, because he does not want to have to tell the story!:D It's all good!

PunkysMom
03-11-2013, 12:48 AM
My husband is an ultra-runner. He runs 50 and 100 mile races so he's always snarfing down food. He really gets in the way of my dieting efforts. Today he did the shopping and came home with a bunch of Ben and Jerry's ice cream which I've managed to ignore for the time-being. He keeps after me all the time about exercising more but I have asthma, and exercise makes the asthma worse. He consumes 30,000 calories on a race day and easily puts away 4,000 on a normal day. He went on a 6,000 calorie a day diet to try to add muscle. He's really skinny on top of being completely addicted to running. And he doesn't know how to cook so I do almost all of the food prep. Recently, someone he knows died because of an acute asthma attack so he's taking me seriously for the first time when I explain that sometimes I get very short of breath. He's being very supportive of my efforts to start allergy shots again, and to use the right inhalers. I wish I could make him understand that for me, calorie counting is going to have to be part of the solution, and that getting my asthma under control is essential before I can sustain frequent highly aerobic exercise. I've been taking a jazzercise class that I love but it makes me wheeze at night.