Lighten Up! - 6th grade history test answers




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Mark&Ivy'smom
05-02-2003, 02:15 AM
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the Java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

10. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.


Sherry
05-02-2003, 08:16 PM
Nuthin' Like........."Outta The Mouths Of Babes'!!" Cute!!! ;)

Jane
05-11-2003, 09:41 PM
Too cute!!


newinspiration
05-20-2003, 11:47 PM
Absolutely hilarious!! My daughter is in the 6th grade, and I get stuff like this all the time. So sophisticated they are, and yet so innocent!! Thanks for the laugh.:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Louhi
05-21-2003, 05:22 AM
Hilarious indeed!! :lol: :lol:

"He was so deaf he wrote loud music." :lol:

newinspiration
05-21-2003, 08:04 AM
My daughter--she is so beautiful--and trying to be so grown up and sophisticated--she is 12 1/2. I have the cutest story about her. We (hubby, other daughter--8 1/2, 12 1/2-year-old daughter, and myself) were eating dinner one night soon after the Academy Awards. For some reason we were discussing the film "The Pianist". I think my girl found the pronunciation of the word "pianist"--stress the 'pee' sound--mortifyingly obscene and clearly let us know how offended she was. As dead serious as a only a grown-up preteen can be, she said to me, "Mooommmm!! It's 'piano--ist'!!" For a moment I didn't know what to do--laughing seemed rude, and correcting her seemed cruel. Finally a happy medium showed itself, and we all had a good laugh. Watching kids grow up--truly a beautiful experience--and a blessing to witness!! :)

santana
05-21-2003, 12:51 PM
I was on a shuttle bus at the airport and a family came in and sat next to me- the girl, who was around 8 or 9, started talking about "the penis"... her mom had no idea what she was talking about and we were all silently laughing- finally her older brother stopped laughing long enough to tell his mom they had watched "the pianist" at their dads house while they were gone. Even then the little girl had no idea what she said that was so funny- she must have said it about five or six times! :lol: :lol:

newinspiration
05-21-2003, 10:53 PM
Hysterical!! I love it. The innocence of kids!! It's such sweet joy to behold them.:angel: :angel: :angel: