100 lb. Club - Results of a Year Slightly Off the Wagon

Pacifica Bee
01-02-2013, 03:05 PM
Hi Folks! (sorry for the incoming wall of text. Apparently I had a lot on my mind...)

I haven't checked in in a long time. I see so many new names but still recognize quite a few from the past.

I took a "break" from dieting the last year and it took me the past couple of months to realize what I took a break FROM exactly.

As it turns out, I was just tired of thinking about food all the time. Between measuring and calorie counting every stupid thing that went in my mouth, reading labels, trying to eat 100% clean, and being obsessive with the scale, I think my brain just said EFF IT and I stopped trying.

I have remained sugar free for 3+ years and for the most part still only eat clean, but I stopped the constant monologue of what I was going to eat, when and how much. Instead, I snacked when I felt like it and allowed myself to have treats whenever (treats for me is frozen fruit or natural peanut butter - but calories are calories so these are not good choices for me as it turns out).

The end result is that I gained back 31 pounds of the 188 I lost and never hit my goal weight of 132.

Another really weird thing I noticed is that my conscious brain would shut off, and I would suddenly find myself snacking. Or I would talk myself out of a good choice telling myself that "tomorrow I will be better at not snacking so much".

Anyway, about a month ago I started really feeling the need that I had to buckle down again and start moving towards my original goal. My newly resized wedding ring was getting snug and my pants are no longer flattering.

I am hoping that some good came out of the year-long break and my metabolism or whatever internal settings we have, has reset. I think my doctor finally found the right dosage of my hypothyroid meds after a year of experimenting with dosages (in 2011) - which is what halted my weightloss in the first place and led to me no longer trying to power through it.

The encouraging news is that my old thinking and eating habits have come back pretty easily - if you count "easy" being 2+ months of me giving myself nightly pep talks that 'tomorrow I begin again!' and then going into complete denial by 3pm before admonishing myself then starting the next pep talk. It has been about a week now of being strict again (and I already lost 1 pound imagine that!), and I remember why it was so tiring! If I am not constantly reviewing my eating plan, drinking tea/water or chewing gum, then I am gravitating towards something snack-y. I definitely have an oral fixation and some sort of mental disorder(s) when it comes to food. But, now that I am in the mode, it is not so bad/easy staying in this headspace.

Anyway, it is nice to be back! :hug:

01-02-2013, 03:37 PM
I did the same thing... took a break and gaind 30lbs. Welcome back.

01-02-2013, 04:29 PM
I have the same problem with an unhealthy fixation on food...I'm constantly worrying about my calorie count, if I can eat now, should I really eat that, to the point where I'm hyperfocusing on it....And it is exausting...The few months that I stopped, I ended up gaining back 11 pounds.

Just have to find that balance. Be proud of yourself for starting up again. Welcome back and best of luck :)

01-02-2013, 05:02 PM
Welcome back and good luck!

01-02-2013, 06:41 PM
It's good to see you back and on track! Hugs

01-02-2013, 07:06 PM
Welcome back; it's good to see you!

01-02-2013, 08:15 PM
Good to see you again! :hug:

I just made a post myself that touched on being so tired of constantly thinking about food. I guess we all have to find that balance? You've still made amazing progress despite the regain (I regained 25 pounds myself last winter so I know the feeling) and I'm glad you're back. :)

01-02-2013, 09:14 PM
Welcome back. Weight loss is hard so taking a break can be a good thing, I think. Good luck!

01-02-2013, 11:58 PM
The last time I regained, I gained back all but 40lbs from a 150lb loss! Congratulations for stopping yourself at a 30lb gain! It doesn't get any better from there... the numbers just get higher. Seriously, it's a big victory that you've awakend and are taking charge of your health again. I vividly recall those "unconcious" days when the food just seemed to jump into my mouth. I anticipate those days again in my future, and I hope I have the control you have to turn things around again. Go YOU!

Pacifica Bee
01-03-2013, 10:04 AM
Thanks everyone for the feedback! I don't know that I am going to be able to find an everyday balance, despite knowing logically that you are 100% right. I am such an all-or-nothing personality. That is not to say that I am not going to try... I just think that my balance may be in periods of super strictness followed by shorter bouts of relaxing (hopefully that last less than a year, like this one did). Since this is my first time coming back from a gain, I guess it remains to be seen and all I can do is try.

01-05-2013, 10:44 PM
I am glad to see you back. It is so very hard to get your head back in the game after taking a break. My weight is up too. In August I had stressful job change and I stress ate right into the new year. I am not pleased with gaining, but all I can do is move forward.