Living Maintenance - Happy Maintenance Day, Dec. 26th

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12-26-2012, 02:06 PM
It just occurred to me fleetingly today that Dec. 26th is a milestone day for me that I've taken for granted for several years now, ever since I began maintaining a loss of over 100 pounds. Today I want to step back and recognize the day for what it is: A good, unexceptional day.

Before I lost weight, it wasn't like that. Dec. 26th was ****. That's because it was the day when I had to return Christmas gifts I'd opened the day before -- all the clothes that I got from my mother and grandmother and aunt that didn't fit me, the clothes that were too small because they'd bought the size that fit me the year before, and I'd gained weight, or because they estimated my size, but I was bigger than that, or because I'd told them what size I was currently, and I was going by the biggest items in my wardrobe still marked with that size.

So Christmas day was a day of opening gifts, and finding really pretty clothes, that loved ones had looked hard to find for me, and always feeling my happiness cut through with unease and shame, because I worried that they wouldn't fit.

Then, after all the gifts were open, I'd go up to my bedroom with my new clothes, still bristling with tags (because everyone knew how often stuff needed to be returned) and I'd try on the clothes. And so many were tight or unflattering, and were nowhere near fitting me correctly ... so all my happiness and that good Christmas warmth and the promise of a flattering new outfit drained away from me slowly, as item by item landed on my bed in the "return" pile. And I was looking at another sad shopping trip.

On that trip, after having to return the item (my shame at saying, "No, it's fine, it just didn't fit" to the petite saleswomen, who, I was sure, looked me up & down thought "I can see why it wouldn't"), then scavenging among the mayhem of picked-over stuff to find the item in a bigger size and the same color -- which I rarely could manage. Particularly when my return was in the biggest size they stocked.

And then the serial humiliation in the dressing room, trying on the replacement items, always in a bigger size, sometimes two sizes bigger, and finding they still didn't look right, and that what was cute on the rack or on a normal-size person looked very, very wrong on a body shaped like mine.

And the tears ... sopped up, of course, by marked-down Christmas food items, because how can you go wrong with 50% off?

Well, that's over now. When I tell someone my size, that's exactly what my size is. It doesn't vary much from year to year. What fit me last winter fits me this winter. And if something doesn't fit, it's more likely to be slightly too big. You know what? I can live sometimes comfortably in slightly too big, in a way that I never could with slightly too small.

So I am giving praise & thanks that this Dec. 26th in no way resembles the Dec. 26th of Christmas past.

And sharing this here, hoping it resonates with some of you.

And for others of you ... This is what it could be like for you, too. So you can do other, happier things on Dec. 26th. And you don't have to show up in a store unless you want to, maybe because you are trying to fill out a new, cute wardrobe for your smaller body.

I wish this for everyone.

12-26-2012, 02:28 PM

with many more to follow.

12-26-2012, 05:00 PM
Saef, I lurk here daily, in no small part because of your posts. (I admit I feel like a creeper for saying so, and for feeling like I know you, when I don't extend a similar hand of sharing.) Anyway, thank you so much for being you, for being here, and for sharing your remarkable insights regularly.

Congratulations on your anniversary. I think it's great that you've seized a moment of recognition for your achievements on this day.

12-26-2012, 06:09 PM
Safe, happy anniversary. I know how you feel completely...every year my relatives would get me clothes and I would fake happiness upon opening them because I would dread having to try them on. I would often lie and say they fit to avoid having to return them! It was humiliating to have clothes that I couldn't wear.

Of course, just like you, this year is different. Everything given to me fits or is too big. It's a breath of fresh air, a relief.

12-26-2012, 07:52 PM
Happy Maintenance Day Saef! I wish you a wonderful 2013.

12-27-2012, 07:53 AM
I'm glad you were able to turn a mortifying and sad day into one where you are proud and happy about yourself saef.

Dagmar :coolsnow:

12-27-2012, 09:19 AM
Thanks, all -- and I'm glad some of you can relate to this remarkable change that's come about in our lives.

I am trying to recognize these moments and not take them for granted, because sometimes maintenance seems like such thankless work. Then I remind myself it's because it resulted in normality, which is a blessing that is so very easy to overlook.

Desiderata, it makes me glad if anyone's reading me and relating to what I say, because I am always convinced before writing down what I am thinking & feeling that I am giving voice to something that is truly weird. I should know better by now. No one who suffers from the human condition is alone or really all that exceptional -- there's nothing we go through that someone else hasn't already dealt with, or isn't currently dealing with.

12-27-2012, 09:47 AM
saef, congratulations on such a great realization. I remember getting those gifts at Christmas and having to take them back to the store never finding anything close to the original gift because of the size. I sometimes would keep the gift thinking I would be able to diet down and be able to wear it. Never happened.

12-27-2012, 04:47 PM
saef, congratulations on such a great realization. I remember getting those gifts at Christmas and having to take them back to the store never finding anything close to the original gift because of the size. I sometimes would keep the gift thinking I would be able to diet down and be able to wear it. Never happened.

Until now - it DID happen. :bravo: bargoo

Dagmar :coolsnow:

12-27-2012, 05:17 PM
Happy Maintenance Day ( a day late )!!!

12-27-2012, 05:25 PM
thank you for sharing what many of us have experienced. with more eloquence than I ever could ;)

saef, mazel tov on your anniversary :)

12-29-2012, 12:06 AM
saef, a bit belated but no less heart-felt - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! :hug: I remain amazed at your persistence, willpower, strength ... and the honesty with which you address the moments you falter. Bravo - you are my definition of "Grrrrrl". Rock on!

01-17-2013, 11:43 AM

01-18-2013, 07:33 AM
saef, I'm really late to your party, but I want you to know that you, and your bad self, totally rock! Congrats on your maintenance. Thank you for your introspective posts. I may not always comment but please know that I appreciate what you share with us.

01-18-2013, 01:03 PM
Again, all, thank you for your support. If any of you have moments like that, when you think, "Ahhh ... this is totally worth it," do share, no matter how dumb or small you think they are. I've learned from this board that you never know when one of your chance remarks really hits home for someone. And then both of you feel less alone with this hard work. (And it really is hard work a lot of the time.)

Lori Bell
01-19-2013, 02:10 PM
Seaf, a big congratulations on your maintaince anniversary! How wonderful it it to "still" be a normal weight! Good for you!

01-20-2013, 08:37 PM
Yeah; add me to the many who weren't reading this board much around the holidays, and I too missed it. Congratulations, and a heartfelt thanks from me too, for continuing to put it out there, capturing, in your highly articulate way, another epiphany in the lives of us maintainers.