Living Maintenance - People I Envy And A New Plan




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Magrat
12-19-2012, 05:23 AM
These are the people I envy.

All around of them are around my height and all of them got to lower weights than me.

Ekicna==5”2” 105

Hungry Hungry Hippo==5' 92

Mrmoustache====4'10” 104

Banananutmuffin===5' 105

Angelsmom====5'1” 105

Petite Powerhouse=== 5'3” 108


If they can do it then why can't I? I guess it's on to my last resort, 800 calories a day. It's not going to be easy. Wish me luck.


TripSwitch
12-19-2012, 05:47 AM
Whenever I started comparing my weight loss to other people... It never was a good thing for me... Just made me feel like a failure... and was ultimately self defeating...

Magrat
12-19-2012, 06:02 AM
Whenever I started comparing my weight loss to other people... It never was a good thing for me... Just made me feel like a failure... and was ultimately self defeating...

At five nine and 142 you are thinner than I am at 111. So I envy you as well.


MadProfessor
12-19-2012, 06:07 AM
800 cals a day? I'm afraid it may not work the way you want it. I eat more at breakfast and I'm still loosing weight.

sontaikle
12-19-2012, 06:25 AM
I was going to post in your other thread, but saw that it was a vent and not a plea for advice. I hope you don't mind me posting some advice here instead, as I fear that you're treading into unhealthy territory. I understand the desperation, but it's not worth jeopardizing your health!

I really think you need to step away from all of this and look at what you have achieved. You've lost over 30lbs! That's huge! I know it's annoying when you have not reached a pre-determined number on the scale, but it's useless to compare yourself to someone else because each and every one of us is different, have different lives, eating and exercise plans, etc. The weight that is ideal for one person may not be for another. So while you may MENTALLY want to go lower, it may not be ideal for your body.

You've been maintaining! That's wonderful! So many people cannot do that and simply gain all of the weight back and then some. You have not, so you're already ahead of the game in that respect.

I'm also going to throw in the following that might help you a bit too:

Rather than try to go lower and lower with your weight, why not try to reshape your body? You said you could maintain at 2000 cals—why not eat that much and throw in some heavy weight training? The scale may freak out at first, but you'll begin to see changes in your body. While the scale may or may not go down, you'll "tone up" for lack of a better term and look as if you lost weight. When women weight train with heavy weights, they often get that toned look that many women chase.

One of the reasons I think I can maintain on over 2000 cals myself is that I do some heavy weight training. It also makes it easy to drop weight if I eat less than 2000 calories for a period of time (I got down to 107 because I didn't make sure I ate enough calories!!)

Weight training also helped me accept my own body and perhaps it can do that for you. It's really tough to feel down about my body when I realize how powerful it is.

bargoo
12-19-2012, 07:34 AM
800 calories a day is way too low. You will be robbing yourself of nutrition.I notice I am not on your list so in your eyes am I a failure ? I am exatly 5' tall and weigh 117 and am pleased with that. I have gotten down to 110 and that is really hard to sustain that low weight. The previous posters have given you some good advice. One of the best, do not compare yoursef to others.

CherryPie99
12-19-2012, 08:17 AM
What I have learned on this long journey is that unless or until you stop defining yourself by a number on a scale, you will never find happiness.

You are setting yourself up for all kinds of issues, both mentally and physically, if you try to eat only 800 calories a day.

traveling michele
12-19-2012, 10:30 AM
You've gotten a lot of stellar advice here. I also think that 800 calories a day sounds like a recipe for failure. You said on 1000 calories a day (or maybe it was 900 I don't recall), you lived on coffee and energy drinks and were difficult to live with. Do you really think you can eat a balanced diet and get in all of your protein, fat, etc. that your body needs on 800 calories a day? You could be doing long-term damage internally to your organs if you stay that low-- and you might not even lose!

One thing to ponder. When you see others at a similar weight and height to you-- do you think they look good? Or do you think they look heavy? Sometimes I'm unhappy with my current weight (like today!), but I'll see someone at the gym or somewhere and think they look pretty good-- then I'll realize they are a similar size to me (or even larger). Sometimes our own eyes are much too critical of ourselves.

elvislover324
12-19-2012, 10:45 AM
It makes me sad that you compare yourself to everyone and then deem yourself a failure because you aren't exactly their size.

I am sure you are a beautiful person and I hope you don't miss out on that too much longer by obsessing over a number on a scale.

800 calories a day is very low and I hope you are very careful. I'm not a nutrionist and don't have any formal training but I read a lot and study all of the information here and on other websites. I think you'd be shocked to know that you could probably eat 1200+ calories and then you'd lose the weight (or maintain) that you want. But mentally I don't think you are there yet. Your body could either be panicking that you are starving it (which you actually may be, esp. if the energy drink comments above are true) or your body really isn't made to be any lower of a weight.

I know you probably stopped reading all of our comments as I get like that too when I am obsessed with getting my way on something. But I sincerely hope you read all of our comments and even if you only gain one bit of selfworth or change your outlook in a tiny way, it will all be worth it for us to post here.

I hope you find some inner peace, it must be very stressful to live obsessing over this like you are. :(

saef
12-19-2012, 11:07 AM
Mags, I can practically feel your pain and frustration through my laptop screen.

I believe others do, as well, which is why you are getting so many answers. We don't want you to start tearing at yourself and hurting yourself, when what you most need from yourself right now is kindness.

Let me pick up where we left off the conversation in your other thread. You answered me this way:

I am unhappy with most aspects of my life and there is little I can do to change it. I hate my job but we need the income and there are no jobs out there. I hate that fact that my husband's disability and chronic pain sometimes make him hard to live with but I can't make him better.

My weight, at least, seems potentially changable.[snip, my edit] I want to weigh 100 pounds.

Weight loss is an impossible dream anyway so I might as well dream big.

I want you to dream bigger than that. Is there anything **else** other than losing weight that you can do to change your life? To make things just a little better for yourself? Any small action ... at all? That hasn't got to do with your appearance?

I ask you this because I remember when my weight was never low enough ... and I, too, wanted to be 110, then 105, and then was trying to get below 100 pounds. Well, I was so obsessed with seeing that number that I developed anorexia, and then binge eating disorder as a reaction to how harshly I was treating with myself, as one part of myself tried to break free of its imprisonment. I needed both therapy and medication to get away from those extremes.

One thing I discovered about myself made sense to me. You know how some male prisoners who are locked away develop an obsession with bodybuilding? I think it's because they feel closed off from any other possibilities of growth or change while they serve out their sentences. So they focus on their bodies, which at least, they still own and control. I believe I did the same thing. My life was very small & constricted at that point and I could not see how it would ever, ever get better or change. So I put all my energy, creativity and focus on changing my body, and once I discovered I could make it change, wow, I just kept trying to shape & hone it, further & further & further. I didn't drop that body shaping project till I refocused my efforts on other aims, in bringing about other changes in my life. (It's a long story but I took a night class, then re-enrolled in school, moved out of my living quarters, changed jobs, did some freelance writing, changes careers entirely ... it was a time of tremendous upheaval. All started by my weight-loss effort. Well, no, the weight loss effort was a symptom, not the cause.)

You may not be anything like me ... but I feel a great hunger for change and a lot of will & energy in your posts.

Listen, you have permission to let go of the weight thing. When I say "let go," I don't mean going in the opposite direction, toward obesity. I mean you are allowed to say, "I'm finished with the weight-loss project. Now, what else can I focus on & make a change in?" Because I think the weight loss project teaches us some skills we can apply in other life projects, like focus, support, acquiring knowledge, committing, following up, cause-and-effect, and patience. Can you use that to change some other thing in your life in 2013?

Oh, and as for me, for sanity's sake, I don't very often look at other members' weights. If there were a function that would allow us to selectively block this display, I would do it. Comparisons send me back near the border of rampant eating disordered behavior, where I try not to linger. There be dragons there.

elvislover324
12-19-2012, 11:39 AM
Saef, I enjoyed reading your post. I hope Mags reads it and really thinks about it.

(I will admit, I am shocked to read that Mags is married. I really thought we were trying to help a 19-20 year old. I have to think about this...)

fitmom
12-19-2012, 12:57 PM
I agree with those that said perhaps give weight training a try. The number on the scale is not the best indicator of progress. I weigh almost 130 lbs and if I went by the scale, I'd be...sad. I wear a size 2 in clothing because weight training has allowed me to lose body fat and the problem areas are gone.

My mom used to tell me that comparison was the thief of joy. She was right. Compete only with YOU.

I hope I didn't overstep and this is my .02 cents, for what it's worth. Nevertheless, congrats on your progress and have a nice holiday.

Magrat
12-20-2012, 04:04 AM
800 calories a day is way too low. You will be robbing yourself of nutrition.I notice I am not on your list so in your eyes am I a failure ? I am exatly 5' tall and weigh 117 and am pleased with that. I have gotten down to 110 and that is really hard to sustain that low weight. The previous posters have given you some good advice. One of the best, do not compare yoursef to others.

No I don't consider you a failure. I don't envy your weight but I do envy the fact that you were able to go six pounds beneath your goal weight. You might have found it difficult to stay there but you did get there. And aren't you one of the people who can lose at the standard 1200 calorie level?

Magrat
12-20-2012, 04:07 AM
I agree with those that said perhaps give weight training a try. The number on the scale is not the best indicator of progress. I weigh almost 130 lbs and if I went by the scale, I'd be...sad. I wear a size 2 in clothing because weight training has allowed me to lose body fat and the problem areas are gone.

My mom used to tell me that comparison was the thief of joy. She was right. Compete only with YOU.

I hope I didn't overstep and this is my .02 cents, for what it's worth. Nevertheless, congrats on your progress and have a nice holiday.


Fitmom, 130 pounds on you would be like 105 pounds on me when our height difference is accounted for. Would you be happy if you weighed 141 pounds? Or would go be striving to get lower?

Magrat
12-20-2012, 04:23 AM
Mags, I can practically feel your pain and frustration through my laptop screen.

I believe others do, as well, which is why you are getting so many answers. We don't want you to start tearing at yourself and hurting yourself, when what you most need from yourself right now is kindness.

Let me pick up where we left off the conversation in your other thread. You answered me this way:



I want you to dream bigger than that. Is there anything **else** other than losing weight that you can do to change your life? To make things just a little better for yourself? Any small action ... at all? That hasn't got to do with your appearance?

I ask you this because I remember when my weight was never low enough ... and I, too, wanted to be 110, then 105, and then was trying to get below 100 pounds. Well, I was so obsessed with seeing that number that I developed anorexia, and then binge eating disorder as a reaction to how harshly I was treating with myself, as one part of myself tried to break free of its imprisonment. I needed both therapy and medication to get away from those extremes.

One thing I discovered about myself made sense to me. You know how some male prisoners who are locked away develop an obsession with bodybuilding? I think it's because they feel closed off from any other possibilities of growth or change while they serve out their sentences. So they focus on their bodies, which at least, they still own and control. I believe I did the same thing. My life was very small & constricted at that point and I could not see how it would ever, ever get better or change. So I put all my energy, creativity and focus on changing my body, and once I discovered I could make it change, wow, I just kept trying to shape & hone it, further & further & further. I didn't drop that body shaping project till I refocused my efforts on other aims, in bringing about other changes in my life. (It's a long story but I took a night class, then re-enrolled in school, moved out of my living quarters, changed jobs, did some freelance writing, changes careers entirely ... it was a time of tremendous upheaval. All started by my weight-loss effort. Well, no, the weight loss effort was a symptom, not the cause.)

You may not be anything like me ... but I feel a great hunger for change and a lot of will & energy in your posts.

Listen, you have permission to let go of the weight thing. When I say "let go," I don't mean going in the opposite direction, toward obesity. I mean you are allowed to say, "I'm finished with the weight-loss project. Now, what else can I focus on & make a change in?" Because I think the weight loss project teaches us some skills we can apply in other life projects, like focus, support, acquiring knowledge, committing, following up, cause-and-effect, and patience. Can you use that to change some other thing in your life in 2013?

Oh, and as for me, for sanity's sake, I don't very often look at other members' weights. If there were a function that would allow us to selectively block this display, I would do it. Comparisons send me back near the border of rampant eating disordered behavior, where I try not to linger. There be dragons there.

Saef, your comment about prisoners being obsessed with working out really hit home with me. I feel like my life is a prison. My days are filled with endless unpleasant tasks and I see little hope of changing things.

The aspect of my life aside from my weight that I most want to change is my job. I hated my job when first got hired there and it's only gotten worse over the years. I've been looking for another job for a long time, but haven't had any luck. I live in a tourist area where most jobs are minimum wage and/or seasonal and that wouldn't be enough to support me and my husband on. Education or training sounds like it would be a good option if I could just give up the nasty habit of sleeping.

So right now I'm just hoping for that pink slip. If I went into details about my job you'd understand why.

Magrat
12-20-2012, 04:27 AM
(I will admit, I am shocked to read that Mags is married. I really thought we were trying to help a 19-20 year old. I have to think about this...)

This isn't the first time somebody thought I was very young. Once again I fail to understand why people get that impression. And I am puzzled over your implication that my being married means I don't deserve support.

I'm confused.

Magrat
12-20-2012, 04:36 AM
I was going to post in your other thread, but saw that it was a vent and not a plea for advice. I hope you don't mind me posting some advice here instead, as I fear that you're treading into unhealthy territory. I understand the desperation, but it's not worth jeopardizing your health!

I really think you need to step away from all of this and look at what you have achieved. You've lost over 30lbs! That's huge! I know it's annoying when you have not reached a pre-determined number on the scale, but it's useless to compare yourself to someone else because each and every one of us is different, have different lives, eating and exercise plans, etc. The weight that is ideal for one person may not be for another. So while you may MENTALLY want to go lower, it may not be ideal for your body.

You've been maintaining! That's wonderful! So many people cannot do that and simply gain all of the weight back and then some. You have not, so you're already ahead of the game in that respect.

I'm also going to throw in the following that might help you a bit too:

Rather than try to go lower and lower with your weight, why not try to reshape your body? You said you could maintain at 2000 cals—why not eat that much and throw in some heavy weight training? The scale may freak out at first, but you'll begin to see changes in your body. While the scale may or may not go down, you'll "tone up" for lack of a better term and look as if you lost weight. When women weight train with heavy weights, they often get that toned look that many women chase.

One of the reasons I think I can maintain on over 2000 cals myself is that I do some heavy weight training. It also makes it easy to drop weight if I eat less than 2000 calories for a period of time (I got down to 107 because I didn't make sure I ate enough calories!!)

Weight training also helped me accept my own body and perhaps it can do that for you. It's really tough to feel down about my body when I realize how powerful it is.

Thank you for replying. I actually have a weight set in the basement. My problem is finding the time to actually use it. I know that sounds like an excuse, but really my days are packed full and my exercise has to be squeezed in any way I can.

elvislover324
12-20-2012, 06:04 AM
This isn't the first time somebody thought I was very young. Once again I fail to understand why people get that impression. And I am puzzled over your implication that my being married means I don't deserve support.

I'm confused.

I apologize, magrat. I never meant to imply that you don't deserve support. Everyone from 1-100 deserves support. It's just the approach and life experience would be different for a "kid" vs a married grown woman. My first impression from all of the negativity in your posts were that you were very young.

I'm not sure you actually want us to help, it seems the obsessiveness of you comparing everyone's height/weight proportions is more important to you right now.

I wish you strength in getting past this obstacle, seeing the positives would do you a world of difference. We are always here for you to vent but also to celebrate the successes too (like your 30lb weightloss!).

Good luck.

bargoo
12-20-2012, 07:10 AM
No I don't consider you a failure. I don't envy your weight but I do envy the fact that you were able to go six pounds beneath your goal weight. You might have found it difficult to stay there but you did get there. And aren't you one of the people who can lose at the standard 1200 calorie level?

I have never heard a standard 1200 calorie level and I have been around awhile. It has been suggested, reccommended that to go below 1200 calories a day may cause a loss in needed nutrition. After getting to goal on most days I eat at my maintenance level of about 1400 calories a day. The fact is that the lower your weight the fewer calories you need to maintain, a very active person could probably eat 1700-1800 and not regain. I am in the moderately active range. I can go above 1400 from time to time and it will not cause a regain but I can only do that once in awhile.

fitmom
12-21-2012, 02:37 PM
Fitmom, 130 pounds on you would be like 105 pounds on me when our height difference is accounted for. Would you be happy if you weighed 141 pounds? Or would go be striving to get lower?

I don't go by the scale anymore. If I was 141 lbs and my body fat was 20% or lower, I'd be happy. Body fat is what I measure my progress by now.

FWIW, I'm 41 years old and I've spent a lifetime fighting with my scale -- always seeking the "magic number" and falling miserably short. I had horrible self-esteem and hated myself. Now I can't imagine being anyone BUT me. I'm just sorry I squandered my youth away on something so meaningless as a number on a scale. The scale doesn't define me and I don't care what it says. It doesn't tell the whole story but body fat percentage does.

I was 110 lbs a year and a half ago and 30% body fat. Does that sound healthy to you? I looked terrible, flabby and soft all over. But I'd gotten it into my head that the lower the number on the scale, the better I'd look. Not true. I get more compliments now at almost 130 lbs then I ever did at 110 lbs.

Again, this is my opinion and what worked for me, and I mean no disrespect as I don't know you or what you've been through. I only know that looking the way I do now (and yes, that is me in my avatar), I'm happier than I've been in close to 25 years. That to me is huge.

Nevertheless, I hope you get this sorted out and continue making great progress. :)

TripSwitch
12-21-2012, 03:36 PM
Fitmom brings up some very good points... My weight was in the 120's until well after college... But I never really felt thin, even though when I see pictures of myself from back then I can't believe how skinny I was... And then one day I hit 127 on the scale, which I remember like it was yesterday... and I thought to myself "Oh, boy... I better do something about that..." which lead me to years of hardcore dieting and exercising and a constant cycle of losing and gaining...

The funny thing is I still hold on to that "magic" number of 127 pounds... As if somehow getting back to that weight is going to magically fix everything in my life... But I know that's not true... And I know it's not true because I've already lost a lot of weight and to my surpize... my life still isn't perfect... and trying to get back there is like trying to get into a time machine and go back to a place that doesn't exist anymore... And in reality... Probably never did...