Overeaters Anonymous - Not sure how I feel about going to a certain OA meeting...

12-04-2012, 11:57 PM

I am newly back in OA, and I am trying to get to some meetings. An OA member, who I haven't met yet but has been helpful to me, I'll say she is 'person C' in my geographic area said that they would take me to an OA meeting not far from the area where I live (I don't drive so pretty much a lot of offers to help me get to meetings sound great!) While this is very nice of 'person C', I am a bit cautious about going to this specific meeting because I am nervous about another OA member, who I'll say is 'person L' who may be present there. Person L started this meeting and at one time, about two to three years ago, her and I had an altercation at a different meeting in the same geographic area.

The argument was about the fact that I shared twice in a meeting. Person L was not the leader of that meeting that night and the leader said I could share, when Person L said in front of the whole OA meeting something to the extent of "No, no, no second shares!" I felt humiliated and embarrassed because I felt singled out in the whole meeting! I left the meeting but stayed in the meeting's building until the meeting was over, after which I talked with my sponsor, Person F who was very understanding. I was sobbing, so upset and Person L again interjected being rather aggressive and antagonistic, even saying 'we could take things outside.' I finally left, called Person L the next day where she offered no apology and was again in a heated tone, I wasn't overly friendly either, I was still upset. In the months ahead that I attended the meetings, Person L smiled at me, hugged me and seemed to care about me. I want to bury the hatchet between Person L and me but I know a meeting is about feeling comfortable sharing and if she is there, I don't know that I would be okay sharing?

In other meetings I attended I met person S who seemed to understand where I was coming from regarding person L and may have picked up on some not so friendly or unique characteristic vibes from person L.

I don't know what to do. The ball is in my court as to whether or not I want to attend this meeting. Maybe I should try to put principles before personalities, but it is also important 'to thine own self be true.' I just am nervous that something upsetting will happen again and be again traumatic.

I am very interested in other's opinions, thanks for reading this long post. I hope there isn't too much confusion about the different people.

Thanks again.

12-05-2012, 12:21 AM
Geez, I thought the whole point of these meetings was to feel like you were in a comfortable safe place where you could share things if you wanted to. I totally understand your trepidation.

I would just go to the meeting, but if person L is there and you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to go again.

12-07-2012, 12:35 AM
Just remember that the others are as sick as you are (I mean that in a respectful 12 step way) - if you can shrug it off but maybe share with the person taking you - in terms of your anxiety

12-07-2012, 01:20 AM
I would go to the meeting. Try to run through a couple of scenarios (in your head) before hand. If L is there, I will be polite but not subject myself to cruelty from her. If L insists on behaving like an immature child, I will ask for help from a sponsor or leader.
Good luck!!!

12-08-2012, 12:24 AM
Hi chickies,

I greatly appreciate the replies. I turned down the invitation to go to the meeting where L may be present last week because I am usually going to a Wed night meeting and that meeting which I was apprehensive about is on a Thursday morning. I need some space between meetings.

I very much thank you all for the advice and feedback for the meeting and recovery. The idea of playing out certain scenarios is especially helpful.

It's important for me to remind myself that I am in this recovery program for ME and perhaps to 'take what I like and leave the rest.' My participation in OA is my choice and I am not going to let someone else derail me from my track of success!

Here's my hoping that you are all doing well :cool:

Thanks again for the support!