Ideal Protein Diet - Negative Comments From People




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eandc2006
12-02-2012, 10:40 PM
Hello. A quick rant about negative comments from people. Ahhhhh, just shut up please and refer to the old adage if you can't say anything nice, DONT say anything at all.

Why the rant you ask? Well today my aunt, whom I love dearly but is generally a bit of a downer, came over for a visit. The FIRST thing she said after being in my home for 2.5 seconds was "you know your grandma did this diet and she gained all of it right back". Hmmmmmmmmm, what to say? In my mind I am thinking are you suggesting that for the past 8 weeks I have been committed, dedicated, and diligent for nothing? That the minute I stop and resume maintainence I will gain it all back? That the second I stop, the 23lbs that I have busted my behind to loose will appear on my body? Seriously, is that what you are saying and where does that comment come into play? Are you trying to "warn" me...better stop now, its useless you will be heavy forever...why not just continue to eat whatever and gain weight because it's useless.

Of course, I did not say any of this. I responded with "well I think Grandma missed the phasing off and maintaining part". Her NEXT words, "no she said she tried".

OMG. What the **** is the point of you telling me this? Why do you feel its appropriate? How about, you look great, how are you feeling, what are you going to do to keep it off.

Ahhhhhhhh, and the saddest part to all of this is when she made the remark I questioned myself. 5lbs away from goal and I still cannot believe that I can do this. I am deathly scared of ending up where I was....

WTH is wrong with people, esp family who are supposed to love and support you.


smjohnso69
12-02-2012, 10:49 PM
I totally agree. I was considering not telling anyone that I was on Ideal Protein because of this reason. I have also been met by less than supportive comments. Like "you are taking on too much quitting smoking and dieting" or "everyone that I know that has been on this diet has gained it back". I especially love the comments like "you need to change your lifestyle habits and lose it slow". Really? Like anyone who has struggled with their weight most of their life doesn't know every diet mantra out there. It is very frustrating and I feel your pain. Thank goodness there are forums like this, because sometimes this is the only form of support that I find. :?:

Keep up the great work & smile at your aunt and change the subject :smug:

Halfagain
12-02-2012, 11:30 PM
I'm proud of you keeping your cool. You will need that shirt someone else was describing to wear on your maintenance anniversaries that says "How Do You Like Me Now?" or at least you can remind your Aunt every holiday season how well you are maintaining. Ahhh sweet sweet words, every year.


whytokay
12-02-2012, 11:40 PM
wow! so sorry to hear this... I hear this kind of stuff all the time, too. I read this around in a different forum but maybe they're feeling something down on themselves and have to take it out on you? jealousy? envious? disbelief? could all be possibilities, and discouraging you is their way of dealing. I've noticed when family tells me this, it's the family members that are overweight themselves...interesting. You've done an awesome job; all your hard work and discipline CANNOT be dismissed, so keep your chin up! Keep losing, and when you have kept it off, she'll have a new story about knowing someone who was successful on the diet!

patns
12-02-2012, 11:43 PM
Was your grandma really on IP? If what your aunt said is true maybe you can talk to your grandma about what her pitfalls with maintenance were so you can avoid them.

lizarddau
12-03-2012, 12:01 AM
oh wow people can be soooo unfeeling at times...if i had a dollar for all the times someone has said to me geee your fat and you need to lose weight i would be a millionaire...sometimes i say to them geeee i have not looked in the mirror lately...wow i can't believe i have gained that much weight so fast....thanks for telling me!!..i really don't like it when people presume you are not trying to do something about your weight problem how do they know you don't have a medical problem causing weight gain??..you know i think some people think you sit at home on the couch all of your life stuffing your face with junk food..i know this is not the case for a lot of overweight people and i am one of them....the fact is hun that you have lost heaps already...wow that is an amazing thing to acheive in itself.. and i think some people feel better about themselves when they put other people down..i feel sorry for them!!..keep on going the way you are and i am sure she will eat her words when you have lost all the weight and maintaining with little effort..you go girl...mind you i am not telling my mother i am getting healthy for that very reason..i just know she will say i told you so or something to that effect..sticks right in my craw that does!!..anyhows keep at it!!...all the best cheers liz

ckmainprize
12-03-2012, 12:04 AM
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.

AZ247
12-03-2012, 06:14 AM
I'm learning that everyone I know is an expert on religion, politics and dieting! The comments people make can be utterly amazing and quite comical at times.

Shedit
12-03-2012, 06:19 AM
Hello. A quick rant about negative comments from people. Ahhhhh, just shut up please and refer to the old adage if you can't say anything nice, DONT say anything at all.

Why the rant you ask? Well today my aunt, whom I love dearly but is generally a bit of a downer, came over for a visit. The FIRST thing she said after being in my home for 2.5 seconds was "you know your grandma did this diet and she gained all of it right back". Hmmmmmmmmm, what to say? In my mind I am thinking are you suggesting that for the past 8 weeks I have been committed, dedicated, and diligent for nothing? That the minute I stop and resume maintainence I will gain it all back? That the second I stop, the 23lbs that I have busted my behind to loose will appear on my body? Seriously, is that what you are saying and where does that comment come into play? Are you trying to "warn" me...better stop now, its useless you will be heavy forever...why not just continue to eat whatever and gain weight because it's useless.

Of course, I did not say any of this. I responded with "well I think Grandma missed the phasing off and maintaining part". Her NEXT words, "no she said she tried".

OMG. What the **** is the point of you telling me this? Why do you feel its appropriate? How about, you look great, how are you feeling, what are you going to do to keep it off.

Ahhhhhhhh, and the saddest part to all of this is when she made the remark I questioned myself. 5lbs away from goal and I still cannot believe that I can do this. I am deathly scared of ending up where I was....

WTH is wrong with people, esp family who are supposed to love and support you.

Congratulations on your weight loss, nicely done! Fact is a significant % of people regain the weight that they lose (regardless of the plan), BUT that doesn't have to be YOU!

There are many of my friends who wish I would stop going to extremes and I get it! Yo-yo weighing is not healthy. Bottom line is those of us who fluctuate keep working at it... Who can criticize the attempt to improve ourselves?

So that is my response, "I constantly am trying to improve myself. Thank you for noticing and caring about me." Generally they stop there!

Melwars17
12-03-2012, 06:27 AM
I heard the same thing from the secretary at work. I have now decided after hearing it repeatedly that I'm not going to talk about how I'm losing but just offer a simple thank you and leave it at that.

lisa32989
12-03-2012, 07:23 AM
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.
Wow.
Im sorry your sister is being like that
I choose not to be around people who treat me like that
I love the line in lizardau's post: "Some people feel better when they are putting others down."
I wonder if that would work with your sister, or something like, "Is there a reason you feel the need to put me down and taunt me rather than support me?"
Of course, only you know your sister. Sometimes pointing it out becomes inflammatory
Good luck.
And right before holiday family time, too
Ugh

Ishbel
12-03-2012, 09:19 AM
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.

WOW - I canNOT imagine my sisters doing this...:hug: So my first thought was "this woman needs a hug" and my second thought was "her sister has some self esteem issues".

She is trying VERY hard and being very obvious about sabatoshing you. If it was me, I would reflect on that and try to figure out why...which could help you understand her a bit better and be able to block her out when she gets like that. It almost sounds like she's angry with you, which is amusing if you really re-frame it. What goal isn't she meeting...that's causing her to be angry with you for meeting YOUR goal. Would be interesting to know.

I had a lot of negative comments while on Phase 1 and the first few months of maintenance they continued (they are slowing down now, very rare). HOWEVER, the new you becomes the new norm....no matter what...don't let someone else dull your shine!! E-V-E-R. If they are trying to sabatosh you, it's their 'sh*t not yours. And remember if they are jealous, go look in the mirror, fluff your hair and say "hey babe, someone is jealous of YOU!'

The comments can be difficult and draining...BUT many a person said very VERY nice things to me...to help me get over the negativity. I made a lits of them and put them on my desk at work so that they were in my face when someone was negative.

That list is still there (I actually look at it daily). The shine one is #1 :)

Maile
12-03-2012, 09:29 AM
It is always hurtful when people sya negative things about your eating..even though it is none of their business. Keep believign in yourself and follow your own road to being healthy. Even when you reach goal weight and maintain, you may have jealous insecure people making negative comments. However, there are also many positive comments. Focus on staying positive and fighting for what you believe in.

sahmmommy2
12-03-2012, 09:35 AM
WOW - I canNOT imagine my sisters doing this...:hug: So my first thought was "this woman needs a hug" and my second thought was "her sister has some self esteem issues".

She is trying VERY hard and being very obvious about sabatoshing you. If it was me, I would reflect on that and try to figure out why...which could help you understand her a bit better and be able to block her out when she gets like that. It almost sounds like she's angry with you, which is amusing if you really re-frame it. What goal isn't she meeting...that's causing her to be angry with you for meeting YOUR goal. Would be interesting to know.

I had a lot of negative comments while on Phase 1 and the first few months of maintenance they continued (they are slowing down now, very rare). HOWEVER, the new you becomes the new norm....no matter what...don't let someone else dull your shine!! E-V-E-R. If they are trying to sabatosh you, it's their 'sh*t not yours. And remember if they are jealous, go look in the mirror, fluff your hair and say "hey babe, someone is jealous of YOU!'

The comments can be difficult and draining...BUT many a person said very VERY nice things to me...to help me get over the negativity. I made a lits of them and put them on my desk at work so that they were in my face when someone was negative.

That list is still there (I actually look at it daily). The shine one is #1 :)

"LIKE"...what she said:) It's so sad that some friends and family can't be more supportive...my heart breaks for those that are dealing with that. HUGS to everyone:hug:

ragdoll74
12-03-2012, 09:51 AM
Don't let that get you down. There are a lot of people out there that are glass half empty and they like to try and bring everyone else down with them. Nothing can take away from your success.

Most of my family is supportive, but my MIL has mentioned a couple times how IP is contrary to what "they" tell you about how to eat...this comment always comes after I tell her I can't have any fruit.

Last time I almost yelled "IT'S JUST WHILE I'M LOSING WEIGHT!" I've explained this to her before...no fruit, bread or dairy until I am at goal weight.

Calisto
12-03-2012, 09:51 AM
Someone at work "warned" me or wanted me to know that her massage therapist lost 60 lbs on IP and 9 months later had gained it all back. My answer to her was, well then she just didn't learn about food did she?

I know she meant well as to make sure I understood I still have to work after phase 1 is over, but HELLO I know it's not magic.

Keep strong, I just think to myself when I hear something negative (I hear, are you sure it's healthy all the time) they are just jealous I am losing weight and looking so damn good!

as for the skinny sister... she is just worried she won't be the skinny sister anymore :)

djs06
12-03-2012, 09:55 AM
I'm sorry. There's a difference between genuine concern and comments meant to bring someone down. Statistically the majority of people following ANY diet plan don't keep the weight off- but we're working on making permanent changes here, which should be part of a weight loss plan for everyone! If she had actually engaged you in a conversation about it instead of making negative comments maybe she would learn something.

Good for you for keeping your cool. Just recognize it comes from a place of insecurity on the part of the person who said it and is NOT a reflection on you. You'll prove her wrong!

NinjaNurse
12-03-2012, 10:13 AM
1st of all, (((Hugs))) to all of you who have experienced such negative behavior. I KNOW 1st hand what that is all about.
I have an Aunt who for my whole life had nothing more to say when she saw me then: Why do you bite your nails?? When are you going to lose weight? You are never going to find a boyfriend if you don't lose weight....She was heavy when she married and her husband was a Saint and loved by all.
As I got older, I learned more about her. She is my Godmother and did not want to be. I am a twin and she wanted to be the boys Godmother.
At my Mom's wake she STILL was, why don't you talk to me, you should come visit. There's more to the story but I am all set.

greeniris
12-03-2012, 10:32 AM
There is some serious sibling rivalry going on there! Your sis is the one with issues, not you. Don't let her get you down!

WOW - I canNOT imagine my sisters doing this...:hug: So my first thought was "this woman needs a hug" and my second thought was "her sister has some self esteem issues".

She is trying VERY hard and being very obvious about sabatoshing you. If it was me, I would reflect on that and try to figure out why...which could help you understand her a bit better and be able to block her out when she gets like that. It almost sounds like she's angry with you, which is amusing if you really re-frame it. What goal isn't she meeting...that's causing her to be angry with you for meeting YOUR goal. Would be interesting to know.

I had a lot of negative comments while on Phase 1 and the first few months of maintenance they continued (they are slowing down now, very rare). HOWEVER, the new you becomes the new norm....no matter what...don't let someone else dull your shine!! E-V-E-R. If they are trying to sabatosh you, it's their 'sh*t not yours. And remember if they are jealous, go look in the mirror, fluff your hair and say "hey babe, someone is jealous of YOU!'


The comments can be difficult and draining...BUT many a person said very VERY nice things to me...to help me get over the negativity. I made a lits of them and put them on my desk at work so that they were in my face when someone was negative.

That list is still there (I actually look at it daily). The shine one is #1 :)
LIKE! LIKE! Ishbel - very well put!

Don't let that get you down. There are a lot of people out there that are glass half empty and they like to try and bring everyone else down with them. Nothing can take away from your success.

Most of my family is supportive, but my MIL has mentioned a couple times how IP is contrary to what "they" tell you about how to eat...this comment always comes after I tell her I can't have any fruit.

Last time I almost yelled "IT'S JUST WHILE I'M LOSING WEIGHT!" I've explained this to her before...no fruit, bread or dairy until I am at goal weight.
Seems like there's always one - I told my family right from the beginning that this is not a balanced diet, and that is why we take so many supplements. Once we reach maintenance we will be back to having a balanced diet.

I'm sorry. There's a difference between genuine concern and comments meant to bring someone down. Statistically the majority of people following ANY diet plan don't keep the weight off- but we're working on making permanent changes here, which should be part of a weight loss plan for everyone! If she had actually engaged you in a conversation about it instead of making negative comments maybe she would learn something.

Good for you for keeping your cool. Just recognize it comes from a place of insecurity on the part of the person who said it and is NOT a reflection on you. You'll prove her wrong!
ITA, especially your last 2 sentences.

evepet
12-03-2012, 10:43 AM
I'm sorry. There's a difference between genuine concern and comments meant to bring someone down. Statistically the majority of people following ANY diet plan don't keep the weight off- but we're working on making permanent changes here, which should be part of a weight loss plan for everyone! If she had actually engaged you in a conversation about it instead of making negative comments maybe she would learn something.

Good for you for keeping your cool. Just recognize it comes from a place of insecurity on the part of the person who said it and is NOT a reflection on you. You'll prove her wrong!

'Like' ITA.

Also, as I read the comment about the 'skinny sister' who so blatantly tries to sabotage your dieting efforts, I couldn't help but wonder what 'benefit' (in her own mind) she gets from your being overweight? She must feel threatened by the change in progress in you, or she wouldn't be behaving in such an antagonistic way. I think it was Lisa who said she'd be tempted to just straight out ask her why she's being so blatant about trying to undermine your dieting efforts. I'd be tempted to confront her too. There's some self esteem issue there that she probably isn't even aware of.

Hang tough though - you're doing great. Don't let other people's negativity get you down. :hug:

eandc2006
12-03-2012, 10:55 AM
Thanks for all the support and words of encouragement. What I really wanted to say to her was diets don't fail, they all work whether it be WW, IP, Atkins, etc. Its rarely the diet but the dieter. I know maintaince will be a challenge and I am up for it. I know that if I want to maintain the weight, it will be work, but sooooooo worth it!

Funny that what some people think are appropriate comments are completely the opposite. But, I think you are all right...there is definite intention behind the comments and that is to be rude and snide in the hopes of creating doubt. Luckily, I am an active member of this community and get more support than I could have ever imagined.

Shining on here.

evepet
12-03-2012, 11:04 AM
Thanks for all the support and words of encouragement. What I really wanted to say to her was diets don't fail, they all work whether it be WW, IP, Atkins, etc. Its rarely the diet but the dieter. I know maintaince will be a challenge and I am up for it. I know that if I want to maintain the weight, it will be work, but sooooooo worth it!

Funny that what some people think are appropriate comments are completely the opposite. But, I think you are all right...there is definite intention behind the comments and that is to be rude and snide in the hopes of creating doubt. Luckily, I am an active member of this community and get more support than I could have ever imagined.

Shining on here.


Good! Keep Shining. :hug::hug:

maezy1
12-03-2012, 11:17 AM
My experience - Everyone thinks that they have the God given right to comment on how you are losing weight....NOT!
A friend said the same thing to me about why am I doing this to myself to just gain it back?
I FINALLY had it and just responded without thinking but it was very effective!
"Thanks for your support! I'll remember to come back to you when I need encouragement"
DO I think the talking has stopped? Oh **** no but at least they are not doing it to my face!

Roo2
12-03-2012, 12:29 PM
Congrats on your weight loss.:hug:
Passive -Aggressive people can be challenging.
Keep doing what your doing and ignore things that will not enhance in your life.
Happiness is a choice...I choose to be happy even if I'm surrounded by "Debbie Downers".
Misery loves company!
Good Luck, Roo2 :carrot::carrot::carrot:

Debrasb
12-03-2012, 12:54 PM
I'm so sorry you are having a rough time--so glad you are venting here. I find it very frustrating when someone's first reaction is to say something about how the hard part will be keeping it off. You know what--the whole thing is the hard part and you should be proud of me for working to get myself healthy, no matter what happens. Sometimes I think people simply don't know what to say. For this reason, when people notice my weight loss and ask what I'm doing I usually just shrug or say eating a lot of lettuce. Only if they really want to dive in do I discuss IP or my program.

MonicaKolesnik
12-03-2012, 02:38 PM
What I have found is that some people just wait for you to fail and want you to fail at things you are doing that they can not or are not willing to do themselves because if you do it validates why they never tried in the first place. That being said some people are just a**holes and like to put others down either directly or in a underhanded way (like a compliment followed my a negative comment). What has always helped me is just proving them wrong. We are never going to change everyones opinion but that is all it is an opinion.
Get support from us, vent to us, support us as we need it and WE WILL ALL PROVE THEM WRONG!!

eandc2006
12-03-2012, 03:04 PM
Like Like Like!!!!

starsandrockets
12-03-2012, 03:25 PM
This weekend I cleaned out my closet and donated all the clothing that is too big for me. This morning after I told my mom this, she said "Don't you think you should hold onto those for awhile?" Basically implying that I should keep the fat clothes in case I gain the weight back.

eandc2006
12-03-2012, 03:47 PM
Funny you mention the cleaning out the closet thing...I did that this weekend and part of me was scared to let them go. My coahc on Friday said throw them out that way if you gain any weight you will be forced to get back on for a couple days/weeks so that your clothes fit properly. I like the idea of having only the current size that I want to be at hanging in the closet. Its another form of accountability.

Yesmyqueen
12-03-2012, 03:51 PM
My experience - Everyone thinks that they have the God given right to comment on how you are losing weight....NOT!
A friend said the same thing to me about why am I doing this to myself to just gain it back?
I FINALLY had it and just responded without thinking but it was very effective!
"Thanks for your support! I'll remember to come back to you when I need encouragement"
DO I think the talking has stopped? Oh **** no but at least they are not doing it to my face!

What a perfect response!
Last time I went to my doctor and told her I had lost 40 lbs at that time, she was so encouraging, and said whatever your doing keep it up, all my numbers were improved, anyway something she said really stuck with me she said most people can't even loose 10 lbs and just look at you! Made me feel like YES! This is why I'm doing this to feel better and looking better is just my icing on my self, ha.! Show everyone what we can do!

djs06
12-03-2012, 03:58 PM
Funny you mention the cleaning out the closet thing...I did that this weekend and part of me was scared to let them go. My coahc on Friday said throw them out that way if you gain any weight you will be forced to get back on for a couple days/weeks so that your clothes fit properly. I like the idea of having only the current size that I want to be at hanging in the closet. Its another form of accountability.

Haha, I went through the same thing this weekend. I don't wear jeans too often so when I went through my closet to try to not wear the same pair twice in a row, I discovered that none of them fit. It was pretty drastic and I hadn't had a moment like that since I started. So I put them all on the bed and went to get a garbage bag to get rid of them- then I sat there and hemmed and hawed about whether to really toss them. And then I didn't because I was scared to! :lol: Reading this has inspired me to get rid of them after all.

libertybelle
12-03-2012, 04:55 PM
I've changed my mental reply to this a few times today. Here is where I am now. -I think it is much kinder than my initial takeaway.

It is very hard, but I want to try to give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are scared to see me "fail" again, maybe they are worried for my health, maybe they want me to be healthy but don't want to feel they are watching me be deprived, maybe they only think they are informed.

Regardless, if I can give them the benefit of the doubt, even if the past indicates they don't deserve it, I won't be as hurt by them -And if I am not as hurt, I won't be as irrational, and if I am not as irrational, I am less likely to want to self-harm, and if I am less likely to self-harm, I probably won't be cheating.

So, I think I want to try to respond with positivity, not criticizing their words, whether they deserve it or not, whether it is truth or not. But instead, sharing my experience, "I really appreciate your concern. I am grateful for that. Especially right now when I am doing something that takes so much commitment. I went into this getting fully informed and I am committed to making it happen. What I need most is support from people who care. Someone who can prop me up when I am feeling down. Someone who can build me up when they see my progress. I am lucky to have you here caring about me. I'd like to ask you to be my support buddy, so that when I doubt myself, you won't. When I want to cheat, you'll remind me why not to, when I am hurt by other's words, you'll believe in me. Can you do that for me?"

Of course, it could fall flat on it's face. But lots of times, I think people like to feel included.

Just a thought!

Regardless, we are all your support buddies, so don't let the naysayers win. You are stronger than that! Just look at your progress....

NinjaNurse
12-03-2012, 05:24 PM
What I have found is that some people just wait for you to fail and want you to fail at things you are doing that they can not or are not willing to do themselves because if you do it validates why they never tried in the first place. That being said some people are just a**holes and like to put others down either directly or in a underhanded way (like a compliment followed my a negative comment). What has always helped me is just proving them wrong. We are never going to change everyones opinion but that is all it is an opinion.
Get support from us, vent to us, support us as we need it and WE WILL ALL PROVE THEM WRONG!!

Perfectly said. You are awesome!!!!

Fishette
12-03-2012, 08:16 PM
To me these comments are just human nature.

When someone tells us something about themselves, we immediately recall another event similar. Like I would meet a friend who has cancer, and I would immediately think of all my friends and my father who died from cancer. It is hard not to say anything. It is like I know something of what they are going through, and I want to share that relationship, but I know I shouldn't because of the loss.

This also happens when you find out a friend is pregnant and you instantly recall your other friend who has a premie or a tragic event in her pregnancy. You want to say something as a warning, but you know they don't really need to hear it.

We recall the sad story of the friend who lost the weight only to gain it back, or the one who became anorexic and died of a heart attack at the age of 30, when we learn of another friend who is on a diet.

Some people are just better at keeping their thoughts to themselves. Others feel the need to verbalized every thought that pops in their head. It's just the funny way people are. They don't mean anything by it, they're just saying...

AlisonS
12-03-2012, 08:26 PM
Everyone here is so nice - I think I would have clotheslined her! LOL!

evepet
12-03-2012, 08:34 PM
To me these comments are just human nature.

When someone tells us something about themselves, we immediately recall another event similar. Like I would meet a friend who has cancer, and I would immediately think of all my friends and my father who died from cancer. It is hard not to say anything. It is like I know something of what they are going through, and I want to share that relationship, but I know I shouldn't because of the loss.

This also happens when you find out a friend is pregnant and you instantly recall your other friend who has a premie or a tragic event in her pregnancy. You want to say something as a warning, but you know they don't really need to hear it.

We recall the sad story of the friend who lost the weight only to gain it back, or the one who became anorexic and died of a heart attack at the age of 30, when we learn of another friend who is on a diet.

Some people are just better at keeping their thoughts to themselves. Others feel the need to verbalized every thought that pops in their head. It's just the funny way people are. They don't mean anything by it, they're just saying...

I think probably the majority of the comments made this way are like you suggest.

Unfortunately, there are those folks who for their own misguided reasons, aren't happy to see others working hard to acheive their goals... and will try to sabotage them. For whatever reason. Sometimes they themselves aren't even aware of the reason behind their snarky comments/actions. I'm generally a pretty upbeat, positive person - but I truly believe that unfortunately there are such people out there.

loopers
12-03-2012, 08:43 PM
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs....

If that were my sister, I'd bake her up a nice batch of ex-lax cookies. :devil:

guil28
12-03-2012, 08:49 PM
If that were my sister, I'd bake her up a nice batch of ex-lax cookies. :devil:

LMAO!!! Love it!!!

scoutycat
12-03-2012, 09:07 PM
I think fishette has the right idea, ppl just don't think about what their saying much. I play this katt williams clip when I'm feeling down about negativity tho, it always makes me laugh: (warning bad language) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7z_ztMxBgk

ckmainprize
12-03-2012, 09:09 PM
Hey everyone thankks for the comments,
They make me smile :)
It is true we do have a huge sibiling rivalry going, has been happening all our lives, so that will never change.
I just get mixed messages one minute she says that stuff from earlier, and then the next its like, "oh my goodness your doing so great!", then its is back to square one again.
I know it can be terrible to down talk your family, but really I can't just jump on a treadmil and run 15 minutes straight at a fast run like she can, and eat what ever I want...I have brought this up lots of times, and I just get 'well run longer and slower then'...its like *thanks tips*
We use to be the same size when we were in high school, and usually borrowed clothes.Now I am a 22 now and she is a 10.
I have tried the whole confrontation things, she gets in a whole huff about it, and either laughs or b*tches .
Oh well I guess...I just keep saying I will look FABULOUS in 1 year :)
Sorry again for the length.
Ps. The cookies sound like an excellent idea :D

Babybat
12-03-2012, 09:18 PM
I'm sorry about what she said but honestly I think she was just worried about YOU and wanted you to keep it off.

Family should always support you, and I think she was trying (it may have been rude but I'm sure she meant it in a helpful way)

My grandma is the exact same, she hurt my feelings one too many times (mostly about my weight) I know she's worried but it still irks me... so I don't talk to her (I might go see her in a couple years once I lose some weight and then laugh at her)

Not literally...but I sure showed her wrong!
And you will too, good luck and keep with it ;)
I'm sure the weight won't come back and if you notice it coming back that just means it's time to get moving some more, back to eating a bit better, etc.

*hug*

Fishette
12-03-2012, 09:23 PM
I think fishette has the right idea, ppl just don't think about what their saying much. I play this katt williams clip when I'm feeling down about negativity tho, it always makes me laugh: (warning bad language) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7z_ztMxBgk

Dang, I better hustle before the summer gets here! :devil:

SDChickie
12-03-2012, 09:42 PM
Everyone here is so nice - I think I would have clotheslined her! LOL!

LOL! Yeah, what you said!:D

RachelDinAK
12-03-2012, 10:06 PM
I have downers and food pushers all around me, but I'm proud of what I've done and so should you! It's all in what YOU want for yourself. I just ignore people who have nothing nice to say.

rofl306
12-03-2012, 10:11 PM
I always use to think that people had good intentions, just bad word choices. I was proven wrong when a group of Scout Leaders decided that they would punish my son for being a high achiever. I made every excuse in the book I could for the adults from "well, he is losing his job, just ignore him" to "you must have misunderstood him because I spoke to them and they said they would stop" etc and on for four years. Yes, I was stupid to not see the pattern before piling the stories into one document. Anyway...I think it was Dr. Phil that said something like "the best predictor of someone's future behaviour is their past behaviour" and "believe people when they tell you who they are". We need to eliminate the need for validation from people who poison us against ourselves. If we want to change we can change without the permission of others.

Stay strong everyone! WE CAN DO THIS!

PS if only I knew how to make cookies! LOL

ragdoll74
12-10-2012, 08:22 AM
Last week the VP of Operations asked me "how many tons have you lost?" He did this infront of one of his employees.

I replied with a lot and he just said no really how many lbs...he wouldnt let it go until I told him over 50 lbs.

What the heck...how many tons...what am I an elephant or something. It was humiliating.

rofl306
12-10-2012, 08:47 AM
Last week the VP of Operations asked me "how many tons have you lost?" He did this infront of one of his employees.

I replied with a lot and he just said no really how many lbs...he wouldnt let it go until I told him over 50 lbs.

What the heck...how many tons...what am I an elephant or something. It was humiliating.

Ragdoll I am so sorry to went through this. :hug: I think that it reflected poorly on the VP and not one of the people hearing this would be anything but admiring you. I am sensitive the same way. For some reason I won't say I lost over 40 lbs (my DH picked up on this).

sahmmommy2
12-10-2012, 09:17 AM
Last week the VP of Operations asked me "how many tons have you lost?" He did this infront of one of his employees.

I replied with a lot and he just said no really how many lbs...he wouldnt let it go until I told him over 50 lbs.

What the heck...how many tons...what am I an elephant or something. It was humiliating.

How aweful:( I'm sorry you were humiliated. He's a nobody, so don't let him get the satisfaction. You're beautiful inside and out:)

bubbleblower
12-10-2012, 09:37 AM
It is very hard, but I want to try to give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are scared to see me "fail" again, maybe they are worried for my health, maybe they want me to be healthy but don't want to feel they are watching me be deprived, maybe they only think they are informed.

Regardless, if I can give them the benefit of the doubt, even if the past indicates they don't deserve it, I won't be as hurt by them -And if I am not as hurt, I won't be as irrational, and if I am not as irrational, I am less likely to want to self-harm, and if I am less likely to self-harm, I probably won't be cheating.


This makes so much sense to me. When I first came home from my doctor's appointment with all the IP food, my DH's comments were all along the line of: 1. So how many hundreds of dollars did this cost us? 2. So I guess we're going to throw out all the Lean Cuisines and yogurts? 3. It's a quack diet (e.g., There is no difference between cooked and raw onions; What do you mean you can't have x or y?), 4. So how long are you going to stick to this before you give up like all the other times?, 5. How much are you going to/have to lose? I don't want you looking like xx (he named a couple of friends), 6. I guess this means we'll be eating dinner separately each night (I pretty much had him eating his words when I brought home a couple of petite Filet Mignons for dinner that night), 7. I can't believe you chose right before the holidays to start! (I guess that means no champagne on NYE; I guess you're not going to be able to eat or drink anything on Christmas Eve at the party we're having catered. (BTW, I went on to name a bunch of stuff on the menu that I could eat given proper planning.))

I think he's seen me try similar diets in the past and then go back to the way I always ate and drank, resulting in the weight coming back. I'm trying to have faith in myself and stick with it, and I do have to say he's getting better and being a little more supportive (although he's told me not to cook any more cauliflower since he can't stand the smell ... LOL). I think he's mostly concerned about the expense and about the effect on his life, but I think he's starting to see that this is important to me and to my health. That said, it's not always easy to disregard the negativity and not let it turn into self destructive behavior.

bubbleblower
12-10-2012, 09:39 AM
Last week the VP of Operations asked me "how many tons have you lost?" He did this infront of one of his employees.

That's horrible. I'd be down in HR making a formal complaint. It was a totally inappropriate and insulting, if not downright discriminatory and harassing, comment.

lisa32989
12-10-2012, 10:04 AM
This makes so much sense to me. When I first came home from my doctor's appointment with all the IP food, my DH's comments were all along the line of: 1. So how many hundreds of dollars did this cost us? 2. So I guess we're going to throw out all the Lean Cuisines and yogurts? 3. It's a quack diet (e.g., There is no difference between cooked and raw onions; What do you mean you can't have x or y?), 4. So how long are you going to stick to this before you give up like all the other times?, 5. How much are you going to/have to lose? I don't want you looking like xx (he named a couple of friends), 6. I guess this means we'll be eating dinner separately each night (I pretty much had him eating his words when I brought home a couple of petite Filet Mignons for dinner that night), 7. I can't believe you chose right before the holidays to start! (I guess that means no champagne on NYE; I guess you're not going to be able to eat or drink anything on Christmas Eve at the party we're having catered. (BTW, I went on to name a bunch of stuff on the menu that I could eat given proper planning.))

I think he's seen me try similar diets in the past and then go back to the way I always ate and drank, resulting in the weight coming back. I'm trying to have faith in myself and stick with it, and I do have to say he's getting better and being a little more supportive (although he's told me not to cook any more cauliflower since he can't stand the smell ... LOL). I think he's mostly concerned about the expense and about the effect on his life, but I think he's starting to see that this is important to me and to my health. That said, it's not always easy to disregard the negativity and not let it turn into self destructive behavior.
My hubby started out lukewarm.
I've had to bring him around.
I recently completed a class for which he is VERY PROUD of me and he gloats at every opportunity (it is kind of embarrassing). The other nite I asked him if he has been talking about my weight loss in a similar manner b/c I am probably more proud of that than I am of completing the class. I think he "got it" and is putting it into perspective slowly.
A really good male friend of mine put it into perspective for me: It doesn't matter to DH. He loves me no matter what. I want it to matter to him more than it does. The flip-side of that is that he could have been harassing me about my approximately 80 lb weight-gain. Yes, I gained approximately 80 lbs since we met in 2003 :o
I have now lost 45 of that :D
My goal is that I will be SMALLER than when we met (anniversary of when we met is in May...wedding anniversary is July - it was 4 years later). I'd like to be smaller in May, which will mean 45 more lbs by May. We'll see what IP will bring...

That's horrible. I'd be down in HR making a formal complaint. It was a totally inappropriate and insulting, if not downright discriminatory and harassing, comment. Ragdoll: I agree with bubbleblower here. Depending on your level, either a frank discussion with the VP or a visit to HR is probably in order. Had he left it alone after your first response, I'd chalk it up to poor word choice. Since he didn't leave it alone, you were harassed.
Oh my, these work situations are SO uncomfortable on so many levels!

ragdoll74
12-10-2012, 10:49 AM
rofl306 & sahmmommy2 Thanks


lisa32989 & bubbleblower- My boss was traveling last week so I did tell him about it this morning. He was really angry that the VP-Operations would say that. I'm not sure what will come of it though. The more time that has passed since this happened, the more upsetting it is to me. How does someone become a VP if they do not know that some words are innapropriate?

bubbleblower - glad to see he is coming around. It's so much harder to do this when the one's you love are so skeptic.

Radiojane
12-10-2012, 10:50 AM
How many tons. Wow. I applaud your decorum. I'd be out looking for a job and he'd be interviewing new scrotums!

My brother in law to be is an odious little troll. To save me paragraphs, lets just say he is far from attractive, and ought to be in jail for many many things. I've had the lousy luck of knowing him long before my sister in law latched on to him; we grew up together.

Now, I've always tried to have a sense of humor about my weight, and I recognize now that a lack of self esteem led me to say things at my own expense I never would again; heavy or not. Well, troll boy took this as license to do the same. We were sitting around a campfire and, and I fell backwards off the log I was on. I was at my heaviest, and struggled a little to get up. Troll boy immediately went into a whole big "beached whale" routine. My brother was there, and I will never forget the look on his face. Had I not made a big show of laughing along, I'm sure my brother would have taken him out.

Now his favorite thing to do when I get compliments on my progress is to needle me to say my highest weight, or ask me "How many hundreds" I have left to go.

Karma has it's rewards though. Now he's doing doubletime to impress my inlaws, and he knows that I know waaaaayyyyyy too much, so as much as it kills him, he is a sweet as he can be to me now, at least in front of family.

ragdoll74
12-10-2012, 10:56 AM
How many tons. Wow. I applaud your decorum. I'd be out looking for a job and he'd be interviewing new scrotums!

My brother in law to be is an odious little troll. To save me paragraphs, lets just say he is far from attractive, and ought to be in jail for many many things. I've had the lousy luck of knowing him long before my sister in law latched on to him; we grew up together.

Now, I've always tried to have a sense of humor about my weight, and I recognize now that a lack of self esteem led me to say things at my own expense I never would again; heavy or not. Well, troll boy took this as license to do the same. We were sitting around a campfire and, and I fell backwards off the log I was on. I was at my heaviest, and struggled a little to get up. Troll boy immediately went into a whole big "beached whale" routine. My brother was there, and I will never forget the look on his face. Had I not made a big show of laughing along, I'm sure my brother would have taken him out.

Karma has it's rewards though. Now he's doing doubletime to impress my inlaws, and he knows that I know waaaaayyyyyy too much, so as much as it kills him, he is a sweet as he can be to me now!

Can't believe someone would say something so horrible like that to you. Karma is B@#$...hoping you get some pay back!

I have submitted my resume to 3 companies since the remark from the VP, and if says something like that to me again I can't guarantee I will be professional this time. With my raging hormones on IP, and PMS lurking he better keep his mouth shut.

MustangMolly
12-10-2012, 11:12 AM
WOW Ragdoll, that comment was so inappropriate I really hope you get some satisfaction from your boss. If not, I would go up the ladder until someone took me seriously. Does your company have an in-house legal department? If so, that would be my next stop after HR if nothing was done. At the very least you deserve a formal apology and he deserves a formal reprimand. And since what he did was in public the apology should be too! congrats to you on your loss and your strength of character.

bubbleblower
12-10-2012, 11:26 AM
I have submitted my resume to 3 companies since the remark from the VP, and if says something like that to me again I can't guarantee I will be professional this time. With my raging hormones on IP, and PMS lurking he better keep his mouth shut.

You might want to check out these resources. I'd definitely go to HR or or *his* immediate supervisor. The VP should be held accountable and put on notice that this behavior is neither appropriate nor acceptable. Obesity is covered under ADA. (Disclaimer: I am not an attorney and this is not legal advice, just my personal opinion based on my personal and professional experiences and knowledge as a long-time supervisor/manager. :) )

http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-a-hostile-work-environment.htm

http://www.ehow.com/about_6455970_illinois-labor-laws-verbal-abuse.html

http://employment.findlaw.com/employment-discrimination/understanding-different-types-of-harassment.html

rofl306
12-10-2012, 11:27 AM
My son just reminded me of what I taught him to do when people were verbally ignorant to him. Just simply make them uncomfortable by saying something simple like "That was rude." and then continue on what you were doing and ignoring their comment. It's really bringing up "the elephant in the room". It was his comment that was uncomfortable and rude not your weight loss.

I do believe that we spend way too much time being nice to bullies.

Radiojane
12-10-2012, 11:37 AM
I do believe that we spend way too much time being nice to bullies.

We do. And I wish we held adults to the same standards. My best friend has a 5 year old daughter that identified me as "fat Jane". She was 5. I was fat and my name is Jane. Makes sense. Of course her mother told her she couldn't say that and admonished her to call me Jane or "tall Jane". This kid wasn't doing anything out of cruelty, but she was told to behave better.

Adults do it full well knowing that they're being cruel, and we've decided it's "classier" to just let them get away with it. I don't necessarily think it makes us a better person to ignore it, because maybe if we say something we'll save someone else the hurt later on. (I do understand in some situations it's best to just let the ignorant run rampant though.)

I look at it this way (and I've actually said this): I am strong enough to handle being mocked, picked on and treated like a second class citizen because you believe that sloth and stupidity led me to obesity. I could walk away, but I won't because maybe if I shut your sorry mouth up now, you won't say something to someone who's in worse headspace than I, and destroy someone who's too fragile to stand up for themselves. I'm changing my life because I love myself; You can't make me hate me.

ragdoll74
12-10-2012, 11:43 AM
The sad thing is that every couple of years, all of us managers have training about discrimination and harrassment. This man is just such a jerk, he constantly makes comments to people. It's never pointed at one person, and he just thinks he is being funny.

Last summer I bought new shirt that was a really nice bright pink for summer. I can't remember the comment he made, but it was just hurtful enough that I never wore that shirt again.

I report to a Senior VP, and he said he chewed him out at their staff meeting this morning. I kind of got the impression that was as far as the punishment went.

I guess our Director of HR didnt think the remark was so offensive that it warrants an apology. I'm feeling really dissapointed by upper managements reaction to this, or lack of caring.

I really don't want to be here right now, just want to go home.

Radiojane
12-10-2012, 11:47 AM
I'm sorry that your situation isn't getting the treatment it should ragdoll. Just keep in mind that you wouldn't get a sincere apology anyway. Douchebags are douchebags, hr reprimands or not.

You have lost 58 pounds. That is amazing, and probably a bigger accomplishment than this particular winner has ever achieved in his life. Don't let a guy like this make you hate your job or keep you from wearing pink. I know how hard it is, but you've done amazing things, don't let this guy diminish them!

usmcvet
12-10-2012, 12:12 PM
Hey the best answer is to keep the pounds off. They can run their mouths all they want but we are responsible for what we put in our mouths and we have the POWER to change our lives. My wife told me I'd gain it all back. I let her have it with a string of curses that would make a DI blush. It pissed me off and still does months later. I am the only one who can control my weight, same for you. Good Luck. Check in here often, this place is like my version of AA, I do better when I'm active here on 3fc!

lisa32989
12-10-2012, 01:53 PM
The sad thing is that every couple of years, all of us managers have training about discrimination and harrassment. This man is just such a jerk, he constantly makes comments to people. It's never pointed at one person, and he just thinks he is being funny.

Last summer I bought new shirt that was a really nice bright pink for summer. I can't remember the comment he made, but it was just hurtful enough that I never wore that shirt again.

I report to a Senior VP, and he said he chewed him out at their staff meeting this morning. I kind of got the impression that was as far as the punishment went.

I guess our Director of HR didnt think the remark was so offensive that it warrants an apology. I'm feeling really dissapointed by upper managements reaction to this, or lack of caring.

I really don't want to be here right now, just want to go home.

I have felt like that many times in my career (wanting to go home due to some discomfort). I'm so sorry you are going thru it.

You can't change him or the situation. Only yourself. And you are doing SUCH a FINE job of that! Somehow this situation has got to be put behind you so that you can bask in the glow of your accomplishment and move forward, leaving the jerk in your wake

Deep breaths, girlie. We're all behind you, all over the country, and beyond!

ragdoll74
12-10-2012, 03:47 PM
Thanks Lisa.

rofl306
12-10-2012, 04:03 PM
I look at it this way (and I've actually said this): I am strong enough to handle being mocked, picked on and treated like a second class citizen because you believe that sloth and stupidity led me to obesity. I could walk away, but I won't because maybe if I shut your sorry mouth up now, you won't say something to someone who's in worse headspace than I, and destroy someone who's too fragile to stand up for themselves. I'm changing my life because I love myself; You can't make me hate me.

I have felt like that many times in my career (wanting to go home due to some discomfort). I'm so sorry you are going thru it.

You can't change him or the situation. Only yourself. And you are doing SUCH a FINE job of that! Somehow this situation has got to be put behind you so that you can bask in the glow of your accomplishment and move forward, leaving the jerk in your wake

Deep breaths, girlie. We're all behind you, all over the country, and beyond!

I love these! Ragdoll keep your spirits up and your head held high, even higher if he is around. YOU are so much above his petty remarks! :hug:

Pamelama
12-10-2012, 07:25 PM
I'm learning that everyone I know is an expert on religion, politics and dieting! The comments people make can be utterly amazing and quite comical at times.

That made me lol...literally. So true!

Determinedat47
12-10-2012, 10:05 PM
Hey,
I know how this is....especially with family! Some of my family is super supportive and I love them for it! My skinny mini sister on the other hand is not. Two weeks ago she told me that i would cheat atleast twice before Christmas! Then she eats foods around me and looks at me smiles and laughs...It feels so sh*tty. I started Oct 30,2012 and I am now down 30, there is no food/drink/dip or sauce in this world that could make me cheat(the cost alone scares me!)
Sorry for being so long. I just have been taking the positives and trying to block out the negative.

Wow-you keep on trucking! That weight loss and commitment is huge! Sorry you have such a cruel mean sister.

Determinedat47
12-10-2012, 10:16 PM
Last week the VP of Operations asked me "how many tons have you lost?" He did this infront of one of his employees.

I replied with a lot and he just said no really how many lbs...he wouldnt let it go until I told him over 50 lbs.

What the heck...how many tons...what am I an elephant or something. It was humiliating.

What an a*s

Fishette
12-10-2012, 11:57 PM
My son just reminded me of what I taught him to do when people were verbally ignorant to him. Just simply make them uncomfortable by saying something simple like "That was rude." and then continue on what you were doing and ignoring their comment. It's really bringing up "the elephant in the room". It was his comment that was uncomfortable and rude not your weight loss.

I do believe that we spend way too much time being nice to bullies.

When my new husband's college age sons would visit, they said all kinds of cruel things to him because of his weight (about 100 lbs extra). He would just laugh and rough house with them and blow it off. I think this was because he had so many guilty feelings about not being there for them during their teen years due to his divorce, but I could tell he was really hurting inside.

I listened to this go on for two visits, but then the next visit I sat them down and told them that this was my husband and that no one was going to talk to my husband that way in front of me - that behavior was not acceptable. Since that very moment 10 years ago, they have not said a word to him about his weight, except every year or so trying to encourage him in a positive way to get healthy. Sometimes people need a good lashing before they see what jerks they are.

Radiojane
12-12-2012, 03:28 PM
I noticed the same sort of "good natured ribbing" at my staff party last night. My boss has about 60 extra pounds on him, and one of my coworkers was ribbing him pretty hard (they were high school classmates). He just brushed it off, but man was I tempted to give that guy what for.

It got back to me today that the women in the stores (I work in the office of a shopping mall) have been saying that my two week vacation in July (I went to the maritimes and spent some time in Chicago) was used to have a gastric bypass, and I just "made up" my vacation. I resent this not because I'd be ashamed to have wls, but because they seem to be implying that it's the easy out we all know it's not. My father had it. Two family friends and two high school classmates have had it. It's insulting that they think I'm weak enough to need their perceived 'quick fix' and I'm concerned that some of the other obese women in the mall may here them and be deterred from either surgery or non surgical weight loss because they've attached such a stigma.

I could have crawled into an entire pan of lasagne (I've been known to do that in my life). Instead I took my anger out on the pool and my triceps.

ragdoll74
12-12-2012, 03:38 PM
I noticed the same sort of "good natured ribbing" at my staff party last night. My boss has about 60 extra pounds on him, and one of my coworkers was ribbing him pretty hard (they were high school classmates). He just brushed it off, but man was I tempted to give that guy what for.

It got back to me today that the women in the stores (I work in the office of a shopping mall) have been saying that my two week vacation in July (I went to the maritimes and spent some time in Chicago) was used to have a gastric bypass, and I just "made up" my vacation. I resent this not because I'd be ashamed to have wls, but because they seem to be implying that it's the easy out we all know it's not. My father had it. Two family friends and two high school classmates have had it. It's insulting that they think I'm weak enough to need their perceived 'quick fix' and I'm concerned that some of the other obese women in the mall may here them and be deterred from either surgery or non surgical weight loss because they've attached such a stigma.

I could have crawled into an entire pan of lasagne (I've been known to do that in my life). Instead I took my anger out on the pool and my triceps.

Some people have nothing better to do than gossip about other people. It's disturbing that they would make speculations on the reason for your weight loss, without even knowing you.

southern
12-13-2012, 05:02 AM
My son just reminded me of what I taught him to do when people were verbally ignorant to him. Just simply make them uncomfortable by saying something simple like "That was rude." and then continue on what you were doing and ignoring their comment. It's really bringing up "the elephant in the room". It was his comment that was uncomfortable and rude not your weight loss.

I do believe that we spend way too much time being nice to bullies.

Love
Some of these situations just need thicker skin, bigger mouths, and an HR department

jwdesselle
12-14-2012, 11:32 AM
I had a few people tell me they were worried about me, about maybe I would gain it all back. I just think to myself, oh yeah, just wait and see. They talk about others that just gain it all back and I just think to myself, wow, what a do-do, they did all that work to lose weight, and gain it all back. No way I am going to gain it all back. I threw away all my 'fat clothes' I am not going to spend money on clothes again. I too much enjoy the small size I am wearing now. If I get to a point that my clothes are getting tight, well that is a sign that I'm off track and need to buckle down.

Hang in there everyone.

ragdoll74
04-08-2013, 09:00 AM
bump

Mother of the Groom
04-08-2013, 10:40 AM
Thank you for bumping this thread. It makes me very thankful for my support that I have received from my family and friends.

ckmainprize
04-08-2013, 02:37 PM
So just have a vent I need to get out of my mind.
This weekend of my neighbours who I went to school with and have knowing told me 12 years pretty much told me he thinks 'fat/chubby' people are gross and still considers me that way, and then proceeded to tell me that I cannot change the way I look. Um hello I have been working my arse off to get to this point and I still an going! I am pretty sure I used all restraint not to smack him across the face. Then he went even further to say my husband is gross and ugly because he is a bigger guy. Serious twitchy hand to the extreme. I guess it shows no matter where you go, you will always run into aholes who just have to bring everyone down to make them feel better.

Ishbel
04-08-2013, 02:40 PM
OMG, I'd have punched him...I can't believe someone would SAY that!!

Anyone who is THAT mean is totally jealous that you are meeting a goal...he may not even have a weight goal...he might be wanting to do something else but your sucess is making him feel inadequate...and really if you reframe that...it's kinda funny that he's mad at you for losing weight!

Don't let anyone else dull your shine...

LexiChanel1
04-08-2013, 03:08 PM
My jealous cousin told me to make sure I throw up the piece of cake I ate at a bday party we were at....jealous much:) Shes trying to say I am bulimic, because shes overweight and cant lose weight. UUMMMMMM, no, just working IP....HAHA. Thats just inappropriate but let the haters be motivators:) Hardly bulimic, just dieting. Something she knows nothing about

amandie
04-08-2013, 03:14 PM
So just have a vent I need to get out of my mind.
This weekend of my neighbours who I went to school with and have knowing told me 12 years pretty much told me he thinks 'fat/chubby' people are gross and still considers me that way, and then proceeded to tell me that I cannot change the way I look. Um hello I have been working my arse off to get to this point and I still an going! I am pretty sure I used all restraint not to smack him across the face. Then he went even further to say my husband is gross and ugly because he is a bigger guy. Serious twitchy hand to the extreme. I guess it shows no matter where you go, you will always run into aholes who just have to bring everyone down to make them feel better.

I would have punched him and I am not usually violent! How old is he? He sounds reallyreallyreally immature. Jeez. That would piss me off (Actually, I feel pissed for you right now.)

evepet
04-08-2013, 03:21 PM
So just have a vent I need to get out of my mind.
This weekend of my neighbours who I went to school with and have knowing told me 12 years pretty much told me he thinks 'fat/chubby' people are gross and still considers me that way, and then proceeded to tell me that I cannot change the way I look. Um hello I have been working my arse off to get to this point and I still an going! I am pretty sure I used all restraint not to smack him across the face. Then he went even further to say my husband is gross and ugly because he is a bigger guy. Serious twitchy hand to the extreme. I guess it shows no matter where you go, you will always run into aholes who just have to bring everyone down to make them feel better.

My mind is completely boggled after reading that - I have real difficulty thinking that somebody would be crude and rude enough to think that, let along say it! - and much less to a neighbor of long standing. Was he in control of his faculties at the time? :devil: Some people... how do they get so judgemental and cruel ?! :devil:
What comes to mind is something I read long ago... this may not be exactly the right wording, but it's along these lines: 'You can lose the weight. He can't lose that ugly personality. Fat or slim, it's always going to be weighing him down.' You are doing a fantastic job - congratulations on how far you've come. :hug::carrot::carrot:

Radiojane
04-08-2013, 03:42 PM
ckmainprize - All I hear in that is someone that is threatened by your success and is compensating for some sort of fear of deficiency that HE has. Do not let parasites like that get to you.

JoVo808
04-08-2013, 06:09 PM
I never understand why, especially family members, feel the need to break you down when you are trying your best at succeeding at something that isn't easy to do. To lose weight is such an accomplishment, no matter the number.

Last night we had a birthday celebration for my mom. I haven't seen some of my relatives for a month or so, so they were pretty surprised to see a thinner me. Aunty "G" compliments me and I replied that I needed to do it for health reasons and besides I was tired of being teased by family. Aunty "V" decides to jump into the conversation and says with sarcasm, "Well, at least you're able to walk around better without all that extra weight." Mind you, I have NEVER had any issues with walking so I'm not sure what her point was. Her husband, Uncle "C", then says, "You'll gain it all back anyway." I turn to them and say, "It is people like you that don't realize that the things you say can be hurtful. Why can't you just be happy for me and compliment me rather than saying things like that?" It shut them up, but boy did I want to punch them in the face. :mad:

Skinnyjeangirl
04-08-2013, 06:48 PM
You are you .... you are not your grandmother! Rock on this diet is awesome !

NinjaNurse
04-08-2013, 07:14 PM
People who are negative are just ignorant and jealous. No matter what diet/nutritional plan you choose, you can gain the wgt back. Nothing is a magic fix. I haven't heard the gained it all back comment in awhile. BUT, if I do, I give them my speech about maintaining.....;)

ckmainprize How old is your neighbor and why do you still even talk to him??? His ignorance is vast and mindboggling. He's a LOSER. There was a guy who made fun of me in HS, I think he knew I had a crush on him. Years later, I ran into him. He had some issues in his life and all I could think of was payback is a *****.

JoVo808
04-08-2013, 08:03 PM
People who are negative are just ignorant and jealous. No matter what diet/nutritional plan you choose, you can gain the wgt back. Nothing is a magic fix. I haven't heard the gained it all back comment in awhile. BUT, if I do, I give them my speech about maintaining.....;)


My paranoia doesn't help that I go a little nutso with just a one pound gain so I am determined to maintain it. I'm over the low self-esteem and the constant teasing so the last thing I want it is to gain everything back. But if I do gain weight, I want it to be in the form of a baby growing inside me :D

kellycg102
04-08-2013, 08:10 PM
Negativity is why my diet was a secret.....all I said was I was watching my carbs. I couldn't deal with it. If people were sincere and wanted help I would tell them, but other that that, it was on the down low lol

IanG
04-08-2013, 08:52 PM
I am pretty sure I used all restraint not to smack him across the face. Then he went even further to say my husband is gross and ugly because he is a bigger guy. Serious twitchy hand to the extreme.

Come on. That's not the way to deal with this. Smacking a guy in the face gets you nowhere.

Kicking him in the balls then smacking him in the face is the mature response.

Mizzthingaling
04-08-2013, 08:57 PM
Come on. That's not the way to deal with this. Smacking a guy in the face gets you nowhere.

Kicking him in the balls then smacking him in the face is the mature response.

Exactly!

ckmainprize
04-09-2013, 12:02 AM
Long story short. We have went to school together, I was a smitten kitten over him for like the first 5 years, and he always would make comments like 'I would date you if you would actually loose weight." I was in junior high at those times I didnt realize how big of a jerk he was. High school I only talked because I had to...these days he is now a 23 year old drunk who is going absolutley no where with his life, and still feels the needs to continously bring me down. I literally avoid him, and have not seen or talked to him in 6 monthes, he just happened to land at our place during our bon fire, and all **** just hit the fan.
I was super angry at the time to the point I had to leave and go have a cry, but now I just feel bad for him. It really must suck to hate your life so much that you have to bring other people down all the time.
Sorry turns out that wasnt a short story lo :)

gazelle
04-09-2013, 07:08 AM
I remember reading years ago that when others are judgmental it is because they hate themselves and fear seeing that in others. I have always remembered that because truly their judgement is a reflection of themselves and NOT you. It has really helped me at times to feel empathy for them and sadness, because to say such hateful things to others means they are saying even much worse things to themselves.
It also helps me if I am feeling judgmental to search inside for what I fear and realize it is about ME not the other person!
Just thought that might help......

M35A2
04-09-2013, 10:01 AM
My MIL sent me an email yesterday saying that I just needed to stop that I was fine where I was and this isn't healthy, blah, blah, blah. While I know that she cares about me and thinks what she said is support I've known her too long (21 years) and know she talks without thinking about how her words might be taken. I had a couple of snarky responses all lined up and then considered how my words might be taken. Rather than respond the way I wanted I just said I have planned to move to P2 on June 15th unless I reach goal before then and let it go at that.

mrskuby
04-09-2013, 10:38 AM
Long story short. We have went to school together, I was a smitten kitten over him for like the first 5 years, and he always would make comments like 'I would date you if you would actually lose weight." I was in junior high at those times I didnt realize how big of a jerk he was. High school I only talked because I had to...these days he is now a 23 year old drunk who is going absolutley no where with his life, and still feels the needs to continously bring me down. I literally avoid him, and have not seen or talked to him in 6 monthes, he just happened to land at our place during our bon fire, and all **** just hit the fan.
I was super angry at the time to the point I had to leave and go have a cry, but now I just feel bad for him. It really must suck to hate your life so much that you have to bring other people down all the time.
Sorry turns out that wasnt a short story lo :)

HE WAS AT YOUR HOUSE WHEN HE SAID THOSE THINGS? I WOULD HAVE SENT HIM PACKING! IF I COULDN'T, THEN I WOULD HAVE TOLD DH AND HE WOULD HAVE SENT HIM PACKING! I am sorry that he made you cry but next time go ahead and let yourself get angry because that is the correct response! You deserve to be treated with respect, no matter your size, and especially on your own property! :hug:

Desafinado
04-09-2013, 03:00 PM
So just have a vent I need to get out of my mind.
This weekend of my neighbours who I went to school with and have knowing told me 12 years pretty much told me he thinks 'fat/chubby' people are gross and still considers me that way, and then proceeded to tell me that I cannot change the way I look. Um hello I have been working my arse off to get to this point and I still an going! I am pretty sure I used all restraint not to smack him across the face. Then he went even further to say my husband is gross and ugly because he is a bigger guy. Serious twitchy hand to the extreme. I guess it shows no matter where you go, you will always run into aholes who just have to bring everyone down to make them feel better.

This makes me mad on your behalf. I probably would have spit in his face or something, but I'm confrontational like that.

LexiChanel1
04-09-2013, 03:16 PM
People get jealous when they see someone lsing weight...they say really mean things. I have heard it all. I think people expected me to stay fat because I have been for a while due to having three kids back to back. They didnt expect me to ever be thin again. Sooooo it freaked them out when they did. I have heard things like, "you are finally eating"? or "are you going to throw that up later?" thats really uncalled for and shows their jealousy.
Like I have said many times.....I let my haters be my motivators.

mrskuby
04-09-2013, 03:20 PM
I guess I'm "fortunate" to have only had those kind of comments before I found IP.."It's simple...it's calories in, calories out"; "all you have to do is take weight loss seriously"; "all you have to do is move more and eat less"...All the while I was working out for 1-2+ hours a day 5 days a week and eating about 1200 calories. I am so thankful for IP!!

LexiChanel1
04-09-2013, 04:03 PM
I am too, almost at goal....yayyyyyyy

JenRem
04-09-2013, 11:24 PM
Come on. That's not the way to deal with this. Smacking a guy in the face gets you nowhere.

Kicking him in the balls then smacking him in the face is the mature response.

ROFL!

I remember reading years ago that when others are judgmental it is because they hate themselves and fear seeing that in others. I have always remembered that because truly their judgement is a reflection of themselves and NOT you. It has really helped me at times to feel empathy for them and sadness, because to say such hateful things to others means they are saying even much worse things to themselves.
It also helps me if I am feeling judgmental to search inside for what I fear and realize it is about ME not the other person!
Just thought that might help......

Great Insight! Thanks!
It really is heartbreaking to think that they are saying even worse things than that to themselves!

My MIL sent me an email yesterday saying that I just needed to stop that I was fine where I was and this isn't healthy, blah, blah, blah. While I know that she cares about me and thinks what she said is support I've known her too long (21 years) and know she talks without thinking about how her words might be taken. I had a couple of snarky responses all lined up and then considered how my words might be taken. Rather than respond the way I wanted I just said I have planned to move to P2 on June 15th unless I reach goal before then and let it go at that.

Good for you for taking the high road! I find it's probably best, esp with in-laws. Someone has to decide to keep the peace!

~Jen

Charbarot
04-10-2013, 09:06 AM
My husband totally supports me. In fact he's the one that told me about it. A few of his co-workers went on it and lost a ton of weight. He said they look great. BUT...he did say it was expensive. I was on it 2 years ago but we went on strike where I work and had to go off it. I restarted in February. I remember when being on it before people telling me any diet that doesn't allow fruit is not a good diet to be on. Also of course the price and the fact they pushed their supplements as a 'neccessity' to lose weight. So this time...no one knows but my daughter and husband.

leahrb
04-10-2013, 06:36 PM
I agree 100% that people are jealous of people who successfully lose weight because they haven't been able to do it themselves. I've been overweight my entire life & I was very negative when people close to me would lose weight.

My co-worker, who is obese as well, said to me when I started this diet "I won't be happy for you. Just telling you now so you don't talk to me about it." I understand that she is jealous & I really can't be mad at her. I want her to feel good, get healthy & lose weight also. All my other co-workers have been supportive & so kind.

I try to ignore the nasty comments & focus on my successes to keep me going! I'm a big believer that we need to become our own biggest cheerleader :)

Summerblue
04-14-2013, 09:56 AM
I'm learning that everyone I know is an expert on religion, politics and dieting! The comments people make can be utterly amazing and quite comical at times.

HAHAHA - I just read this......YES, THIS IS VERY TRUE and something funny to recall when we hear negative comments :)

joysh
04-14-2013, 10:51 AM
I agree 100% that people are jealous of people who successfully lose weight because they haven't been able to do it themselves. I've been overweight my entire life & I was very negative when people close to me would lose weight.

My co-worker, who is obese as well, said to me when I started this diet "I won't be happy for you. Just telling you now so you don't talk to me about it." I understand that she is jealous & I really can't be mad at her. I want her to feel good, get healthy & lose weight also. All my other co-workers have been supportive & so kind.

I try to ignore the nasty comments & focus on my successes to keep me going! I'm a big believer that we need to become our own biggest cheerleader :)

So true. Our best answer is not verbal. It's our success - and our compassion and support to others. I don't talk about IP unless asked about it. Even then, just give a little so that they ask for more when they want it.

I know from experience that you're not ready to listen to information about any diet until you 're ready to listen. My doctor recommended IP to me 2 years ago at several office visits. I never even listened and dismissed her recommendation as a ploy for her to make more money! 2 years later I was ready and asked a friend what she did to lose 65 pounds. Ready!!

So true that people are threatened when they see someone lose wait successfully. It's hard to believe that it's possible to do! But we are the proof that this works!