I just wanted to reflect and share a bit of the positive progress I've made dealing with my binge eating in the past few weeks! Hopefully it will inspire and give some ideas to others struggling. (:
A big change I made was the decision to incorporate a binge-like planned meal into my overall weekly eating plan. One day a week I take the morning to buy and eat exactly like I do during a binge, same quality and quantity of food, BUT with none of the guilt and judgement that comes from a binge that I was hoping to resist, because I've decided to make it totally allowed. The other days of the week, I simply make binging not an option by making the default to have no money with me all day. Since doing this, I have found a few things:
-It is no longer my first thought to deal with unpleasant situations by binging!! When I realize I have a lot of free time, or when I'm stressed, or when I'm feeling badly about my body, I genuinely now prefer to deal with those emotions in ways other than by a binge. Not having money to binge with at first was frustrating, but through that I really learned that not only CAN I cope through difficult situaitons without binging, it's actually preferable. This is very exciting for me!! It has nothing to do with willpower or effort, just totally an organic preference change.
-Because I have the security of knowing I can binge once a week for sure, I don't feel the urge that comes from the forbiddenness or the fear of never being able to binge again, and that takes away the compulsion to do it on non-planned-binge days almost completely.
-I feel like I am able to think MUCH MUCH more rationally about binge eating behavior. Before, when I would think of binging, I would think about how great it sounds, how much I want to do it, how I shouldn't, how I wish I didn't want to, how I havetohavetohaveto do it, etc. But now, I really am able to weigh the pros and cons. I can think more clearly about how it will make me feel afterwards. That's why I no longer feel like I even want to choose to binge except the day I've planned for it, because I can logically realize that I don't want the negative things that come with a binge as much as I want to do it. It feels totally like a real CHOICE now, not a compulsion.
-It was difficult to make the decision to legalize a once-weekly binge-like meal, because of all the guilt I used to associate with it, plus knowing how it contributes to weight gain. But conversely, I've found that with the planned binge, I am much more likely to want to stay on plan the rest of the week. I am losing weight much better with binge-quantity, 6-7000 calories regularly once a week, compared to white-knuckling it through a week without binging and then giving in and binging like 3-4 times out of frustration the next. In addition, those consistent on-plan days the rest of the week are giving me more and more of a taste for how much better it feels to eat healthily, so that I am learning to prefer that consistently healthy feeling even over the momentary rush from a binge meal.
Those are just some of the good things that have been happening to me!
I still have work to do, I know.
I'm honestly not sure how I would fare if I started carrying money with me every day, if I would still make the choice not to binge unplanned. I hope so, but I don't feel quite secure enough to risk trying it yet!
I also want to think more about how I want to deal with the once-a-week not-a-binge long term. For now it's working great as a sort of safety net while I make progress; but most likely for my health, and my bank account, it would be ideal to eliminate even that eventually. So in the new year, once I am no longer going to be trying to lose any more weight, I plan on trying out some new strategies related to that.
Anyway, writing out all that was mostly for my own benefit, but it might also give some hope to others. This is the very best I've done since I've been trying to recover from my binge eating disorder all these years. I owe a lot to everyone here on the forums for your support!
Thanks for sharing this strategy. I joined this forum today and it seems like there are a lot of people who can relate to the dreaded binge-guilt-destruct cycle.
Your strategy holds a lot of validity. Last year, I went to a therapist who specifically dealt with ED's and she said that a lot of times it's just simply not practical or reasonable for binge eaters to completely give up the habit cold turkey. But, instead, maybe the goal is to keep gradually increasing the amount of time between binges. Maybe in a few months you won't want to have a weekly binge, maybe it will be every other week, and then once a month, and so on. What you're doing is taking away the power the binge has, because the deprivation trigger isn't constantly going off.
YOu're doing great. I haven't read your backstory, but it sounds like you have other methods in place (tools) you're implementing too. That's all we can keep doing is trying.
What I like is that you are learning and growing. That means you are making progress! And the realizations DO help others. I really like the idea of trying to include elements of binges in your life, such as your big meal day. When you take away the guilt and shame of binging, for me, it loses a lot of its power.
You're really kicking @ss at beating the binge monster - I always say this but I'm really impressed by how much progress you've been making on a very consistent basis.
You know, I have been sitting here in my kitchen about to cry because of a few things (like how I'm jobless and had to pay in dimes to buy a bottle of nail polish remover...) and the first thing that came into my head was I WANT TO STUFF MY FACE. And reading your passage actually helped me to realize its such and irrational escape that only leads to my own sabotage.
i actually really like that idea. while my issue really isn't going out, acquiring food- and then going to town on it, i do have a binge-thing going on, given my current living situation (at home) - and while i do thoroughly enjoy the foods i cook for myself, when my mother cooks something delicious/ there's a lot of food in the fridge, etc i do end up going overboard.
the irony is, this is mostly "healthy" foods.with the exception of bread (even the bread is whole grain) and cheeses (not processed).
i think i have no issue at work, or anywhere else, and i am dealing with a lot of stress.
i think that i will pick a day on which to just eat foods that are not of my own cooking, within moderation- in order to prevent those feelings.
I made it the day I was most likely to binge unplanned anyway (due to having no work or school obligations that would keep me busy or make me feel guilty for missing in favor of binging!)
This is a really lovely idea. I have such a hard time separating my guilt from a planned binge, but if I could I could see it being very helpful.
I think I will do this too, as right now I'm working through these same issues. I end up doing well for two days, and then binging, doing well for two, binge one...
If I could just plan one binge it would actually be a step in the right direction since it'd be one binge less per week!
I actually do this and have found it works, too. I make it Saturday and have it planned into my schedule. My "binges" aren't as extreme as they were a few years ago but I don't miss the difference.
I think it's really good to do and it makes me sane.
Good job on all you're doing! This is tough for sure.
My progress with binge eating
