Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - How do you bring up loose skin with a new partner?




HelenaHandbasket
11-13-2012, 12:06 AM
I lost about 80 pounds two years ago. I've fluctuated a bit in both directions since then, and I still have weight to lose, but overall, I'm much happier and healthier, sooooo yay!

I'm young (25) but I do have loose skin around my stomach and saggy boobs. It makes me a little self-conscious, but for the most part, I'm proud of and happy with how I look.

I just don't know how to bring it up with people that I'm dating before things get physical. I wear bras that do magical things, so it's really only apparent after I take my clothes off that I've lost a lot of weight, and I feel like I should say something ahead of time, but it almost feels like I'm "warning" him, and that feels bad, so....just haven't figured out the best approach/mindset & would love some input :)

Anyone else grappled with this before?


luckymommy
11-13-2012, 09:17 AM
I have the loose skin but I'm married so I don't have any experience with it. I hope you don't mind me saying though that most guys really don't care. If a guy really loves/cares about you, he'll just be happy all around. That said, I would personally feel much better bringing it up. Even though it sounds like a warning, I don't really see that much wrong with giving a warning. Have you mentioned to him that you've lost a good amount of weight (congrats btw!)? If not, maybe that would be one first step. Talk to him about it and see his response. Let him know that you're happy with yourself and that even though you might not have perfect skin, you're sure happy to have a perfect heart, or something to that effect. He might make some comments at that point which will let you know how he feels about it, but my guess is that he won't care unless he's super shallow...and then why would you want him anyway, right? ;)

BleuMaus
11-13-2012, 09:36 AM
Honey, if your dating some one and your taking your cloths off, you've already made enough of a real connection with this person that they shouldnt judge but be proud of your success.

And on that note, if you mention that you used to be heavy and lost alot of weight, that should be the only thing that should matter. Your healthy, who the **** cares that your skin is loose?

If the excess skin worries you and is a problem with your health (like causing yeast infections) I would look into getting it removed.

I totally agree with Lucky, why would you wanna be with some one who is totally shallow anyway?


Radiojane
11-13-2012, 03:06 PM
I have a ways to go and my man is already jiggling my loose skin, so I get how scary this is. (and I also thank the heavens for magic bras).

This may venture in to tmi territory, but I have a mole on nipples, which basically gives me the appearance of having one pink and one brown. I have always brought it up before sex with any guy I've been with. I'm also very confident to not sound like I'm freaked or embarrassed. I basically phrase it so that it sounds like "oh by the way, this is there. Just fyi". Never had a guy so repulsed that he couldn't do what he was there to do. :) I intend to do the same with the loose skin thing. It's a badge of honor.

If you or he can't get passed it, buy a few baby dolls or teddies. You'll look sexy and you'll be covered.

HelenaHandbasket
11-13-2012, 10:50 PM
I have the loose skin but I'm married so I don't have any experience with it. I hope you don't mind me saying though that most guys really don't care. If a guy really loves/cares about you, he'll just be happy all around. That said, I would personally feel much better bringing it up. Even though it sounds like a warning, I don't really see that much wrong with giving a warning. Have you mentioned to him that you've lost a good amount of weight (congrats btw!)? If not, maybe that would be one first step. Talk to him about it and see his response. Let him know that you're happy with yourself and that even though you might not have perfect skin, you're sure happy to have a perfect heart, or something to that effect. He might make some comments at that point which will let you know how he feels about it, but my guess is that he won't care unless he's super shallow...and then why would you want him anyway, right? ;)

I haven't brought up the weight loss yet (thanks & congrats on yours, too!!). That's probably part of a deeper issue for me. I am and always have been happy with myself, even at my heaviest, but part of me feels a little bashful that I had a weight issue. I worked hard & I'm proud of myself, but I don't think my weight does or ever did reflect on who I am, so I always feel weird bringing it up in any context.

I so appreciate your response, though! I completely agree with you - I'll feel better getting it out in the open ahead of time. I guess my question is when's the best time? I'm dating someone and I like him a whole lot, but it's still pretty early, so it feels weird to say something like "hey this is fun so far! we're probably gonna hop in the sack eventually, so just FYI this bod's had quite a journey already - wait til you see!" Then again, it might be even weirder to be like, ten seconds from gettin' naked for the first time and have to pause for a long-winded prologue about my journey to personal health and fitness, haha!

westcoast rosa
11-13-2012, 10:59 PM
A way to casually bring up your weight loss journey would be to show him old pictures of when you were bigger, but in the context of "look at my pics from my cool vacation/my graduation/etc". It may be a more organic conversation starter that way.

Congrats! Be proud!

HelenaHandbasket
11-13-2012, 11:24 PM
Honey, if your dating some one and your taking your cloths off, you've already made enough of a real connection with this person that they shouldnt judge but be proud of your success.

And on that note, if you mention that you used to be heavy and lost alot of weight, that should be the only thing that should matter. Your healthy, who the **** cares that your skin is loose?

If the excess skin worries you and is a problem with your health (like causing yeast infections) I would look into getting it removed.

I totally agree with Lucky, why would you wanna be with some one who is totally shallow anyway?

One would hope! ;) And thank you! I agree. I'm not too too concerned about it. If he's not ok with it, he's not right for me. No health problems or yeast infections, thank goodness, and not that bad, but enough to make me a little self-conscious when I'm getting to know someone, uh, biblically. :D

HelenaHandbasket
11-13-2012, 11:26 PM
I have a ways to go and my man is already jiggling my loose skin, so I get how scary this is. (and I also thank the heavens for magic bras).

This may venture in to tmi territory, but I have a mole on nipples, which basically gives me the appearance of having one pink and one brown. I have always brought it up before sex with any guy I've been with. I'm also very confident to not sound like I'm freaked or embarrassed. I basically phrase it so that it sounds like "oh by the way, this is there. Just fyi". Never had a guy so repulsed that he couldn't do what he was there to do. :) I intend to do the same with the loose skin thing. It's a badge of honor.

If you or he can't get passed it, buy a few baby dolls or teddies. You'll look sexy and you'll be covered.

It is a badge of honour! Not TMI at all, and I love your attitude. You're right - I just have to bite the bullet and be confident about it!

The teddies advice is great. Shopping time :)

HelenaHandbasket
11-13-2012, 11:28 PM
A way to casually bring up your weight loss journey would be to show him old pictures of when you were bigger, but in the context of "look at my pics from my cool vacation/my graduation/etc". It may be a more organic conversation starter that way.

Congrats! Be proud!

That's a great idea! I think I'm nervous about bringing it up out of no where in a way that makes it seem like it's a bigger deal than it is, so this would be perfect. You rock! Thank you! And congrats back atcha!

mimsyborogoves
11-15-2012, 02:58 AM
I don't say anything about loose skin, but I do mention that I've lost a large amount of weight and am still in the process of losing, which lets them know that my body is in a current and temporary state of change. I don't mind sharing how much I've lost or how much I've left to lose, either; if I share this, then they know what to possibly expect. I assume most guys aren't idiotic enough to assume that my body is 100% perfect after losing 70+lbs, and if they are, they aren't worth my time anyway. ;)

omgcrayons
12-15-2012, 10:33 PM
Mimsy, that's great you are so open about your weight loss with guys. I hate talking about it... even with people who have known me before. When people compliment me on "looking fantastic" etc, I just quickly say thank you and try to avoid them asking more or commenting more specifically on my weight .
I'm feeling a lot more confident since my first big chunk of weight has come of...but I;m definitely not confident about what's under the clothes (stretch marks,stretch marks and more stretch marks on my belly). I'm so ashamed of them and it's holding me back from dating.

juliana77
12-15-2012, 10:41 PM
I guess it's a bit easier for me since they know I have a child - I assume they aren't expecting me to have a smooth and stretch mark free belly. I do online dating and I do have in my profile that I lost a lot of weight. It hasn't been an issue for anyone I've gotten close to physically. At all. I do tend to avoid men who tend to be focused on their potential match's physical aspects a little too much in their profile, though.

fitmom
12-22-2012, 08:27 AM
I have some loose skin around my navel from 2 pregnancies and was VERY self-conscious about it. My husband assured me that he doesn't care or even much notice it. When I'm upright, it looks smooth, when I bend over, it looks like elephant skin, lol.

I look at it this way, no one's perfect and if someone really likes and cares for you, they'll accept ALL of you. I realize I say this as a longtime married woman but honestly, I'd feel the same way if I was single. Congrats on getting to a healthier place!! Celebrate that and forget the rest.

I will say that softer lighting can be a girl's best friend. ;)

BeachBreeze2010
12-28-2012, 11:13 AM
My advice - don't. I think I posted almost this exact same thing about a year ago. I remember how it felt to worry. It's such a weird time because everyone that knows you can't stop talking about your weight loss but the people that didn't know you, have no idea and just see you as you are. I felt like I wanted my old, fatter self to go away for good and the way to do that was to have my new bf not know about my weight loss. Which of course, meant that my saggy boobs and flabby skin was just the way I was. Ummm....no...so there was that catch 22. Mostly, I think anytime you're with someone new you have body image issues with them and I would hate for you to be so lost in them that you miss out on a "first" with someone that could be the love of your life. You'll want to think back on that time together and not be thinking about something like that. Honey, if he's doing that with you, he likes you and is attracted to you and will be WAY more concerned about his own performance and finding things on you that he likes and probably won't even notice. And yeah, soft lighting, lingerie - good things.

A year later, I'm still struggling with body image issues, but it's different. Now I feel this immense pressure to keep my thinner self and lose weight (it's all me - not him) because he didn't fall in love with me nor has he ever seen me at my higher weight. I almost wish he had and then I would at least know he'd like that too. We never really do get past it. There's always something to worry and fret about as you go through all of the stages.

But don't make a big confessional out of it. I know it feels like this huge thing to you (as it does all of us that have been through significant weight loss), but to him, he's never seen you any way else and will just go with it happily.

Oh and...have fun! ;)

deadkittens
01-03-2013, 11:24 PM
saggy breasts arent as uncommon as you would imagine to begin with :p and most men wont mind, they are just lucky and glad to be having access to a breast..

i would bring up a conversation about how you used to be over weight in a casual way like you would mention any accomplishment and then bring up how having been heavy had some affects on your body and mention the saggy skin etc. a decent person wouldnt even care or notice it as much as you notice it.

from being fat i have some loose skin on my arms like a bingo wing and i had a boyfriend who would grab it goofin around and it didnt bother him at all so it didnt bother me. no ones body is perfect. mine isnt but i have never had someone reject me over it and i dont think you will either. explain it to him like you explained it to us. if he doesnt understand then why would you want him anyways?.