Should I kick Mr. Talks Too Much to the curb? Or am I too picky?
I met a man on an online dating site a little over 1 month ago. He contacted me around September 20th and we’ve been talking over the phone every week since that time. He lives in Chicago while I live in Washington state. Honestly, I’m not really that into him because he talks too much! Seriously, he dominates the conversation 80% of the time. Sure, he will ask me a question and when I get a chance to answer it, he transitions onto another topic for what feels like another 5 minutes of his non-stop chatter.
We both have similar backgrounds (i.e., religion, stable careers, education level, etc.), but the only thing is he talks TOO much about himself. He will talk about every single detail of his day. For example, he will recite a conversation he had with his boss or coworker that day. I couldn’t care less about the details – just get to the point of the story!
I’m strongly considering ending contact with him. After all, it’s been over a month now and he hasn’t made any suggestion to meet up in person. I’m pushing 35 here and I’m as single as can be. However, my dating pool is getting small each year I get older, which makes me think if I should really let this guy go JUST because he talks too much.
How long would you wait if you met someone in person if you met online, but that person lived in a different state? I’m not the “pick of the liter” so to speak (or else I would be married at this point of my life), so I shouldn’t be THAT picky, right? What should I do? What would you do?
Be picky if you want. Who says you are not the "pick of the liter". Don't sell yourself short! The fact that you considered ending contact says voulmes. Maybe you don't have an emotional connection. I have had male friends that talk too much and I liked them. I was so comfortable with them that I could tell them to "shut up" or "speed it up". We laughed it off and went from there. And they made a conscious effort to correct the issue. Do you guys have a friendship where you feel comfortable expressing yourself??
I know you feel the clock ticking but there are women who marry at 50, 60 and beyond. I rather watch a good movie, read a book or even go out with my female friends than waste time on the phone with someone I don't have interest with. Time is of the essence.
I will be joining the dating scene in 2013 and I might try online. I just don't believe in wasting my time. I speak from the experience of almost making a commitment/marriage to someone that I KNEW would make me miserable (conversation wise and etc) because I was going to settle and then one day I just woke. Best of luck!
That is his personality, that will never change. However, maybe he's fearful of that awkward silence and just wants to keep the conversation rolling? Have YOU mentioned meeting in person? Do you think this is someone you would like to meet in person?
Talking too much aside, there must be something about this man that interests you for you to keep in contact.
Either way, dont sell yourself short. I know a couple who met online, got married a year later, had a baby almost immediately... And now they're headed for divorce. They were so worried about their age and the fact that they hadn't yet started a family that they jumped into a situation too soon and without even really knowing each other. And now, they're tied for life.. and they can't stand each other. You'll know when it's right... But don't let numbers get in the way of your decision making.
You sound like you don't even like the guy (and with good reason, no one likes to be "talked at"). If you aren't enjoying the relationship, why continue?
You say you aren't the "pick of the litter," and if you feel this way about yourself how do you expect someone else to feel about you? Do you expect them to take an interest in who you are, in your life? You might want to value your own companionship before you look for someone else to do so.
Ooohh, I dated a guy who talked too much. I dated that guy far longer than I should have. I'm just gonna tell you if it bothers you this much now, it will definitely just get worse. He used to recite entire two-way conversations as well, and had this thing about tangents. I love talking and long conversations, but it was almost always one sided with this guy. I'd spend two hours on the phone with him going, "Uh huh. Mmm hmm. Uh huh."
Cut him loose now. You don't sound happy with his personality and the longer you stick around the more it'll grind your gears. I'm only a few years behind you and as single as single can be as well, but my ears have thanked me every day since I last spoke to that guy.
It sounds like you totally are not into him at all. I'd end it now and not waste anymore of your time, or his! Doesn't really even matter if you're being picky (I don't think you are, you obviously just don't click with him, nothing wrong with that), if it's not a match it's not a match.
I'm just gonna tell you if it bothers you this much now, it will definitely just get worse.
I agree with this. If you're already THIS annoyed at the fact that he constantly talks, about himself nonetheless, you need to move on because it will be WAY more annoying later. And for the record, it would annoy the heck out of me too. Very early, when first meeting people, some talk too much out of nervousness, but after a month it's no longer nerves and just the way this dude is.
Second, if you're more interested in moving a little faster towards marriage, I would stay away from long distance relationships with exceptions. It's easier for people to portray themselves as someone their not or lie to you without face-to-face contact. Why waste time when you don't have to? I always felt like I knew someone better when I've met them rather than just talked with them by phone or email. Even Skype just isn't the same to me.
I really think you have to find soeone you can talk to and enjoy talking to. you don't want to spend the rest of your life thinking "Will you please just shut up!"
I know what you mean on this. I met a guy online a couple of years ago and went on one date with him. He was very much like the guy you're describing...would talk and talk and talk. He would ask me a question and give me time for 1-2 sentences before immediately going into a 10 minute tangent on his perspective. It was extremely annoying. I'm not THE MOST talkative person in the world, but in a one-on-one situation, I think it should be equal. There were other reasons we didn't go out again, but this was a big part of it. I was just really put off by his lack of listening skills. The point is, if you find it annoying, I'd just move on. Especially since he doesn't seem to be eager to meet in person. That's the only real way to get to know someone, and if he's not willing to do it, there's no point in continuing communication.
Thanks for you input! I sent him a polite email this morning stating that it was nice talking to him over the past month, but that I don't think I am the right person for him. I wished him well and that was that. He replied me to my email a few minutes later and said he appreciated my email and wished me the best of luck as well.
I have a current boyfriend who talks "at" me. Trust me, after 7 years of this nonsense it's not a good sign. Someone who feels they have to fill awkward silences would ASK YOU THINGS, not talk about themselves.
The fact that you have posted this here tells me you know this in your heart.
oh, I just read your above post, there you go LOL.
you are only 35, don't worry about it so much, treat ALL RED FLAGS AS RED FLAGS in the beginning. They are red flags to you because they are red flags, know what I mean? Too often we dismiss these red flags because we think "oh I don't really know them that well, maybe they're not like that, maybe they're nervous... etc". No, they are not, that is their personality.
Be up front about what you want and let them be up front too so no one wastes any time. Check out Alison Armstrong "In Sync with the Opposite S*x". It's fabulous for people who are dating. She'll tell you what's what :-)
I see your post (best of luck!), but wanted to say that I think you made the right choice. For me, that would be a huge deal breaker... just something that I could NOT live with. By the sound of your post, you seemed very tired of the "relationship".
I have the opposite problem, my BF is extremely hard to make conversation with...he's very introverted and my ex wouldn't STFU about nonsense. Can't win.
I am glad you went with your gut instinct on this. If something isn't right for you, and you feel it, I think it's a good idea to trust that. Also, I think that you should consider how you think about yourself, that you think you aren't the pick on the litter. It makes me sad to read someone talking about herself like that, and I wonder how much the weight stuff goes into that (since you're on here I'm guessing you're in the process of losing weight? Please don't sell yourself short, or settle. Maybe take some time to take care of yourself and just treat yourself well?
Should I kick Mr. Talks Too Much to the curb? Or am I too picky?
