Weight Loss Support - Does your partner comment on your weight loss?




FunSize
10-22-2012, 03:44 PM
So I just realized today that my husband has had absolutely no comment on my weight loss over the last year.
After comparing my measurements today, I am kind of shocked! For five years my waist was 44" and today it's 33.75". I posted the rest of my measurements in another thread but.. I am thinking, how do you not notice over 10" lost in my waist alone?? Or maybe he does but he just doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want me to think he had a problem with me when I was bigger?
So now it's kind of my new goal is to get my husband to say something! Anything! lol

How about you? Has your significant other commented on your weight loss?


tubolard
10-22-2012, 03:52 PM
My hubby NEVER comments.
I asked him the other day if he could see any difference no matter how little and he gave me the deer in the headlights look. I don't expect him to tell me my butt is half the size it was, but I can notice my cheeks have a indent to them now (not a big one but it is there!) and other little things. I guessI know that I will notice things long before anyone else but shouldn't he notice since he looks at me everyday?
I know no matter how much weight I lose (or gain unfortunately) he will never comment one way or another. It is so annoying, lol. :rollpin:

1987
10-22-2012, 03:55 PM
My boyfriend regularly comments, but I do talk to him about my weightloss and he is in the loop with my progress (whether he likes it or not haha!)

I do think it is difficult for those closest to us to notice though, we see them too often!


masterptr
10-22-2012, 03:56 PM
Mine does comment but he is very careful in choosing his words.
just in case if he accidentally say that I was fat.
:) :) :)

HungryHungryHippo
10-22-2012, 03:57 PM
All the time, in a really nice way. Although that's a fraught area, so I can see where a husband might tread carefully!! :-p

Robin41
10-22-2012, 03:58 PM
This is a total no win for husbands. Depending on our mood, the time of the month, and whether he forgot to take the trash out, a simple comment from a husband made with the best of intentions, will be met by either a smile and a thank you, a cold stare which is sign for "how big a moron are you?", or tears because this clearly means that he didn't like the way we looked before.

Why in the world would the average man even enter this minefield?

HungryHungryHippo
10-22-2012, 03:58 PM
BTW, FunSize, congrats on your weight loss! 10" is amazing!!

sontaikle
10-22-2012, 04:00 PM
My fiancÚ didn't comment until the very end or unless I brought it up. I think he's a smart man

Desiderata
10-22-2012, 04:03 PM
He does, and I love him for it, but he definitely treads with caution. :lol: In general I say very, very little about my dieting; he knows I am, and that I'm losing, but I haven't entirely gotten over my younger, immature hang-ups about discussing my plans frankly.

What's nice for me is that his compliments seem to come at the most unexpected times -- when *I* think I can notice a big difference and when *he* notices never seem to sync up. So he might say something about how small my stomach is getting when we're cuddled up, and I appreciate it but inwardly think, "The scale hasn't moved in two frickin' months!" It ends up working well because he unwittingly keeps providing me something to feel good about when I'm not internally providing my own positive feedback. I think it's entirely coincidence - not that he's reading my behavior differently. I haven't been able to decide if he notices changes before I do, or if there's a lag time in his perception - either way, works out nicely most of the time.

FunSize
10-22-2012, 04:04 PM
My fiancÚ didn't comment until the very end or unless I brought it up. I think he's a smart man

Maybe you are right!!! Maybe my hubby is smart, too....

Even when I was at my heaviest he said NOTHING!!!

LockItUp
10-22-2012, 04:05 PM
Congratulations on your loss! That's amazing.

My husband does comment, but I've included him in my day to day updates of weight and inches lost; and I outright ask him how I look sometimes. He does compliment me unprovoked more often now than several months back. If I left it up to him to notice without any updates at all, I probably wouldn't get tons of comments, and that's because I've made sure to traumatize him in the past by twisting his innocent words into some perceived insult on my part. :devil: Poor guy.

Lambiechop
10-22-2012, 04:34 PM
Yes. He is a constant source of encouragement. He started his weight loss/fitness journey about 2 years before I did so he's been through a lot of the same things and I value his opinion.

DandelionCupcakes
10-22-2012, 05:16 PM
I think a lot of men are terrified to offend a lady about her weight :p
Boyfriend called me pleasantly plump when I was at my heaviest. I cried for an hour. That's when I joined this forum actually.
Since then, he comments when he puts a hand on my hip or hugs me, just things like "Wow- your body changes like every time I look at you!" Which is sweet.

But, I talk his ear off about weight loss so he probably feels like it's pretty safe.

kelleyb
10-22-2012, 05:19 PM
My DH is perfect... if I am getting a little thinner then he'll say something and if I start to get a little bigger, he'll say nothing.

NolaMama
10-22-2012, 05:27 PM
I had to ask my bf the other day if he had even noticed... He just said "youve always been beautiful." Smart man. Its hard for them to notice when we're with them all the time. And I would rather hear a simple compliment than to hear how much weight I seem to have lost. He met me when I was about 25lbs lighter than I am now. So he obviously noticed how "thick" I was at my heighest... But he never said a word. I love that man!

Skellig19
10-22-2012, 05:35 PM
My husband and I are doing this weightloss thing together. We exercise together and eat our meals together. It's easier for both of us to comment on how great the other is looking because we are so concious of it at this point. He always mentions how he loves he can get his arms around me and that there's more room for him to sprawl out in the bed (lol!). When I mention how my super snug pants have now become my "fat pants" he grins and congratulates me and I do likewise for his victories. I've found that men in general don't pay too much attention to the little changes in their loved ones. They just don't notice it in the day to day. Often they see you everyday and it's sooooo hard to see a difference by just looking. If you haven't seen them for 10 months and you've lost 100 lbs, then they notice and may or may not say something. Heck, I hardly ever notice when my husband cuts his hair, I see him so much it just doesn't register!

mottainai
10-22-2012, 05:42 PM
Regardless of whether I've gained or lost, my husband doesn't typically notice unless it's quite a big change-- but he does notice the difference in weight when he picks me up!!

I do talk about my feelings about my weight and diet with my husband frequently anyway though, and he's also Japanese, and that culture is very much more open about weight comments, both good and bad, so I'm used to it from both him and his family.

And of course, congrats on the 10" loss! That's so much!

KateB
10-22-2012, 05:46 PM
My husband knows how hard I am working on losng weight. When I decided I wanted to persue bariatric surgery he said he thought it was a good idea. But he seldom comments on my weight loss and NEVER without some kind of nudge. Example:

If I tell him I lost another 3 pounds this week he says, "Good for you." If someone else says, "Wow you're looking great. Doesn't she look great Kevin?" He will say, "Yes she does." But he will never offer up a compliment on his own, about my weight loss or anything else. f I get a new hair style, he will says "Is that what your hair is going to look like now?" He thinks he is complimenting me. Which I guess is better than, "Why did you do that to your hair? You look like a witch." (And he has said those exact words.) It used to REALLY bother me. Now I am just sort of used to it. I do with he would make genuine compliments without being prompted though.

Going4Lean
10-22-2012, 05:53 PM
My Husband always is commenting. Sometimes I find it inappropriate, as he does it when he's introducing me to people I've never met before.

"Oh, that's my Wife..she's lost over 70lbs!"

Yea, I know he's doing it because he's proud of me, but after almost 3 years, I no longer appear or feel like I have ever had a weight issue, so those that don't know me, don't need to be told that I ever did. I just find it a very personal subject and if I want someone to know...I'll tell them.

As for the timing of the comments, others here are noticing a lack of, I found that they were few and far between, in the beginning, but the smaller my body became, the more people seemed to take notice. Now I deal with the "you're too skinny" comments...so the circle is complete!!:D

jmko
10-22-2012, 06:43 PM
My BF and I are on the weightloss journey together. He commented once and asked me how much weight I had lost. After telling him he just said, "Oh, I can tell." That's pretty much it. He knows I'm sensitive about my weight so I think he chooses to keep his mouth shut. Smart man.

juliastl27
10-22-2012, 06:58 PM
interesting to see this today because last night was the FIRST time my boyfriend has given me an unsolicited comment. we were laying in bed and he said, "i can totally tell you've lost a ton of weight".

up until now he'd only say something if i brought it up. like other posters, if i told him id lost X number of lbs he'd say "thats awesome" or something. if i asked a direct question like "do you think i look better?", he'd tell me it was a "loaded" question and refused to answer, lolol. i agree that men tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to talking about women and weight.

in his mind if he tells me i look WAY better now, then i might someday gain the weight back it might come back and bite him. he never comments about my gaining and when i comment on how "fat" i am, he rolls his eyes and tells me im a lunatic and ive always looked fine.

sometimes men cant really win when it comes to talking about a woman's weight so it's tough for them. if he notices all the time then you get the idea that your weight is a big deal to him and he doesnt want you to think that. its a thin line. i love him to death for making me feel like my weight isnt a big deal though!

Arctic Mama
10-22-2012, 07:28 PM
My husband rarely comments because he doesn't want to offend me on accident. I know he's not a verbal person and pretty cautious with words, especially on appearance, and I appreciate his self censure. So when I feel like I need a boost I'll ask him how I look or if he thinks a particular outfit might be nice for a date, etc. That gives him a nice, safe opening to comment on my appearance and let me know in a way that will be well received and easily given.

I should say, he DOES let me know he likes how I look in non-verbal ways and amorous moments, but I just don't expect an engineer to suddenly care about the color of my eyeshadow or notice if a particular pair of jeans is flattering. He'll just comment on how sexy I am, generally, and leave it at that!

linJber
10-22-2012, 10:05 PM
I recently saw a cartoon where the husband and wife are getting dressed to go out. She is saying, "Does this dress make me look fat?" He is saying, "Does this tie make me look stupid?" I think most of the time, men are just being safe and cautious.

Lin

Mer du Japon
10-22-2012, 10:19 PM
My boyfriend makes comments regularly, on average a couple times a week.

"Wow you are really looking thin'
"It's like being with a whole new person" (when we snuggle in bed)
"You look hot"
"I can tell you've lost a lot of weight"

I love the comments, it really makes me feel great!

westcoast rosa
10-23-2012, 01:26 AM
My partner has always been very supportive and complemented my body, even at my heaviest. We are both working out and eating well, so we talk about our progress a lot. He has definitely noticed when once tight clothes are now baggy. He always loved my body, so the thing he comments on the most is how energized and positive I am now.

Elladorine
10-23-2012, 12:37 PM
My husband gives me a hard time about it in a teasing manner whenever the subject is brought up, but for the most part he doesn't even notice a whole lot since it's such a gradual change. I'll excitedly show him the jeans that used to be way too small and say, "Look! These finally fit now!" And he'll be like, "I have no clue which jeans those are supposed to be, all your jeans look alike." :lol:

He's more likely to notice and comment on other things, like the fact that he no longer has to slow down so I can keep up with him whenever we go out, and that I'm generally more energetic and cheerful overall.

Regardless, he's been very supportive. He doesn't try to sabotage me with temptation nor does he act as the food police, he just lets me do what I do. My weight really doesn't matter to him, he stresses it's my happiness that's most important. :)

FunSize
10-23-2012, 12:57 PM
My Husband always is commenting. Sometimes I find it inappropriate, as he does it when he's introducing me to people I've never met before.

"Oh, that's my Wife..she's lost over 70lbs!"

Yea, I know he's doing it because he's proud of me, but after almost 3 years, I no longer appear or feel like I have ever had a weight issue, so those that don't know me, don't need to be told that I ever did. I just find it a very personal subject and if I want someone to know...I'll tell them.

As for the timing of the comments, others here are noticing a lack of, I found that they were few and far between, in the beginning, but the smaller my body became, the more people seemed to take notice. Now I deal with the "you're too skinny" comments...so the circle is complete!!:D

Wow, you have done so well!! You inspire me!!!

Pink Hurricane
10-23-2012, 02:06 PM
Well first congrats on your loss of 10 inches! That is wonderful!!!

Second, my husband does comment on it, not a lot but he will when I am wearing something that shows my curves, or when he picks me up randomly, usually after we both get home from work, or when I am reaching for something haha. He knows about me setting out to lose some excess weight, I told him about my plan back in the middle of September but haven't mentioned it since, even though I have definitely lost inches and a few lbs. It's really uplifting when he notices though! :) I wouldn't worry about your husband not saying anything, it's hard for people who see you every day to notice stuff like that!

1spunkygal
10-23-2012, 02:43 PM
This is a total no win for husbands. Depending on our mood, the time of the month, and whether he forgot to take the trash out, a simple comment from a husband made with the best of intentions, will be met by either a smile and a thank you, a cold stare which is sign for "how big a moron are you?", or tears because this clearly means that he didn't like the way we looked before.

Why in the world would the average man even enter this minefield?


I agree I could have wrote this myself :D

Mimzzy
10-23-2012, 03:10 PM
My fiancee didn't comment on my weight loss often and he sure as heck never commented on the weight gain the came after. The only time he would comment is when we were having a discussion about it. When he did comment he kept it in the "safe zone", never said anything that could be taken another way. He is a very smart man.

Him on the other hand asked for comments ALL the time lol

ryeb
10-23-2012, 03:18 PM
I would say the guy I am dating will say something if *I* bring it up.....

I know that I personally tell him if I notice he is losing, even if it is very minor, but I think I do it so he might take notice in my progress lol

Arctic Mama
10-23-2012, 03:31 PM
I recently saw a cartoon where the husband and wife are getting dressed to go out. She is saying, "Does this dress make me look fat?" He is saying, "Does this tie make me look stupid?" I think most of the time, men are just being safe and cautious.

Lin

Haha! It's SO true! I know that is what most guys I know hear in that question. I try not to ask about the fat, or frame it in a positive. "Which dress, of the three, is the sexiest/most flattering/do you like the best on me?" is a much safer question :)

pluckypear
10-23-2012, 05:02 PM
My DH has said nothing about weight whether I gain or lose. He has made comments about my swimming making my butt higher. Lol if I tell him I lost at WW he says "good job" and if I gain or stay the same he says "it's okay you always have next week". I do not care if he comments on my weight loss as he is always loving and compliments me regularly. And I am losing weight for me alone. If I rely on external motivators or praise i will not succeed. I can't control those things.
Congrats on your weight loss.

racrane
10-23-2012, 07:14 PM
I'm positive my boyfriend prefers me heavier, which is frustrating in of itself. I wish he would encourage me in my journey, actually. He keeps offering me food. :(

shishkeberry
10-24-2012, 12:23 PM
My DF has never been anything but supportive when it comes to my weight loss. Even at my highest weight he would constantly grab at me and tell me how beautiful he thinks I am. Every pound I lose is cheered on by him. I wish he was that supportive about everything else, too. :rolleyes:

SarahJane88
10-24-2012, 01:39 PM
My husband does comment often but without meaning to be mean or rude he will say things like "hey your neck isn't as fat as it use to be!" Then I'm like oh yeah, haha thanks a lot. Then he gets embarrassed once he realized what he had said. I don't get upset because I know he means well, but maybe this is an example of why men don't comment on weightloss, they aren't sure what to say. Haha

SunnySide99
10-24-2012, 02:25 PM
My bf has been my biggest supporter. He makes comments once in a while like "wow you look great" or he would touch my sides (torso) and comment how tight it is getting. If I'm having a craving episode he would repeat my clothing size (he was there with me when I first went shopping and realized I was a size 14) so that helps keep me in check.

However, he loves my curves and begged me not to lose all of them. lol

OhThePlaces
10-24-2012, 02:51 PM
I've had an issue for the last couple of years bouncing back and forth between my goal weight and 15 lbs heavier. This summer when I was back down, my husband made a comment about how skinny my thighs are getting. It made me laugh because he is super skinny and has chicken legs. :) He never says anything negative about my weight and even if I ask him, he claims he can't tell a difference when my weight goes up.

yellsa
10-24-2012, 03:12 PM
My boyfriends comments are just plain annoying. After a failed attempt at the HCG diet (l spent a bunch of money at a clinic and lasted 5 days before throwing it away. lol)
He once made a comment saying "how long is it gonna last this time?" All **** broke loose and he spent the next hour apologizing and since then he doesn't say a word. I wish he was more supportive tho.

sacha
10-24-2012, 03:21 PM
No. But I don't see the problem.

To be honest, my husband has gained about 60lbs in the past few years and I really don't see the difference (although I could if I looked at side-by-side photos). It just isn't obvious to the partner sometimes when you're always together.

GeraldineHearne
10-24-2012, 04:01 PM
I had to ask my bf the other day if he had even noticed... He just said "youve always been beautiful." Smart man. Its hard for them to notice when we're with them all the time. And I would rather hear a simple compliment than to hear how much weight I seem to have lost. He met me when I was about 25lbs lighter than I am now. So he obviously noticed how "thick" I was at my heighest... But he never said a word. I love that man!

There is a lot of truth in what NolaMama said around noticing changes. Think about the impact you have on people who haven't seen you since you started losing weight and suddenly they see you 40 pounds lighter - they are completely blown away! :carrot:

And even though those around you every day have probably noticed some big changes, it's probably not nearly as noticeable as when you see someone 'before' and 'after'.

G
xx