Weight Loss Support - Why do I feel so inadequate?




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tubolard
10-22-2012, 09:55 AM
At my highest known weight I was 236 pounds. I started October 3rd, 2012 at 229 pounds. That means a 19 pound loss in 19 days. I have been being very careful what I eat, making sure I eat enough but not too much. I walk at least 2 miles a day and just started walking 3 miles today with 3 pound weights (I started out with no weights, went to 2 and now 3). I am going to flip between 2 and 3 miles every other day for awhile. I have went from a tight size 18 to a nice fitting 16 jean.
So why is it I feel like such a weenie? I feel like I should be eating less and working more and that the weight I have lost doesn't even matter. I feel like it is taking so long to lose the weight even though logically I know that I am doing great. I am shocked to have lost this much so fast and I know it will slow down but I just feel like there is something more I should be doing. I know I can't safely lose weight too fast. I have struggled with disordered eating/ eating disorders in the past and I am trying to not fall into the horrible habits again, hence the slow buildup of weight and walking.
Why do I feel like what I am doing just isn't good enough? :( :?:


Steph7409
10-22-2012, 10:01 AM
That's a good question: why do you feel inadequate? You know you're doing this right, you're getting great results, you're trying to lose weight in a way that's sustainable. Maybe you need to think about why you can't be happy with yourself. Or, sometimes it works to just tell yourself to stop the negative thoughts. Tell that negative voice in your head to shut the f*** up!

luckymommy
10-22-2012, 10:04 AM
Wow, I'm amazed at how hard you are on yourself. Did you grow up with a lot of criticism maybe? I don't think that me telling you that you're doing great will help because how well you're doing is astounding. I think what might help is you trying to figure out why you're so critical of yourself. If a friend of yours was doing so well, you would be very impressed. Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with a positive one. Say you're saying, "I'm not doing enough." Your replacement thought could be: "I'm losing weight in a healthy way and I'm getting healthier every single day." Try to even not wait for a negative thought. Just write lists about all the positive changes you've made and maybe look at them and read them as often as you can. It might sound a little strange but it might help so it's worth a try.


angieand2girls
10-22-2012, 10:14 AM
Could it be that even though you know you're doing well...you want to be at goal already so you feel like you have to do more even though you're doing enough? I know with me, it was a matter of learning patience with myself and the weight loss journey. Patience can be huge.....love yourself every step of the way.

tubolard
10-22-2012, 10:28 AM
I grew up in a very critical, abusive house, so yes, I am extremely hard on myself. If I mess up even a little bit on anything I just spiral into self loathing. I am trying so hard to like myself (I don't know if I will ever love me) and give myself credit but it is like the angel/devil on the shoulders, you have done so well/you fat cow why can't you be better. I do go through phases where I think well of myself, but I always seem to fall back into this.... self..... I don't know what word I am looking for there.
Has anyone been like this and managed to completely let it go?
I get so irritated and angry that stuff I grew up in years ago still has a bearing on how I see myself and feel about myself today.

Missy Krissy
10-22-2012, 11:53 AM
It won't matter how much weight you lose or how hard you work for it if you don't already love yourself. Have you tried talking to a counselor/therapist about these issues?

JohnP
10-22-2012, 11:56 AM
I think you're perceptions are messed up by all the rediculous information that circulates everywhere ...

Yes - your weight loss will slow down. Who cares. This isn't a sprint or a marathon or any other kind of race ... it's not a race at all.

tubolard
10-22-2012, 12:14 PM
It won't matter how much weight you lose or how hard you work for it if you don't already love yourself. Have you tried talking to a counselor/therapist about these issues?

I tried therapy for about 2 years, it did nothing for me, all i did was vomit up the same pain over and over. She gave me no ideas to help, nothing to try to do to help get over it all. She just listened to me and nodded. It was a total waste of money and time. I don't even know how she was a therapist. Now I can't afford to try a different therapist and after the last one I don't really have any faith in them anyway.

JohnP: I know it isn't a race, I am going to try to do this the healthy way this time and I know it will take time. I am not sure what perceptions you think I might be messed up on. My question was more along the lines of how others have dealt with feeling like they aren't working hard enough and/or aren't good enough, not with the speed of my weight loss. I said I knew it would slow down to let people know that I wasn't expecting to lose at this rate the whole weight loss journey.

LockItUp
10-22-2012, 12:25 PM
I definitely relate to that for sure. I'm really trying to reign that in right now because I'm at a point where I still don't feel good enough. I eat less, not good enough, I workout more, not good enough, lose more weight, not good enough, smaller clothing sizes, not good enough. I keep trying to remind myself that it absolutely is good enough. All of it is. I can workout 3 days a week and that IS good enough. I can eat a healthy amount of calories and just be in a small deficit, and that IS good enough. Not saying I necessarily believe it yet, but I'm kind of faking it until I do actually believe it.

tubolard
10-22-2012, 12:31 PM
I definitely relate to that for sure. I'm really trying to reign that in right now because I'm at a point where I still don't feel good enough. I eat less, not good enough, I workout more, not good enough, lose more weight, not good enough, smaller clothing sizes, not good enough. I keep trying to remind myself that it absolutely is good enough. All of it is. I can workout 3 days a week and that IS good enough. I can eat a healthy amount of calories and just be in a small deficit, and that IS good enough. Not saying I necessarily believe it yet, but I'm kind of faking it until I do actually believe it.

I need to fake it til I make it too I guess.:)

Newlifestyle
10-22-2012, 12:34 PM
Have you tried the Beck Diet Solution thread on here.
I wonder if you could start saying good things about yourself. Even your name sounds harsh (tubolard). Try and say wonderful things about yourself. Moving a size down in jeans is a wonderful accomplishment. Congratulations to you.
Ann

tazz72
10-22-2012, 01:25 PM
It was creepy reading your post and stuff - I can relate to those feelings all too well!! I have tried for years to lose weight, feel better about myself, even just liking myself for the qualities I know I have or have heard I have and well, I haven't found the balance to make that work yet...but maybe knowing you aren't alone in this and how you feel will help...Good luck and keep up with the weight loss!!

Desiderata
10-22-2012, 01:36 PM
I'll second the Beck Diet suggestion - I haven't read the book but have peeked at those threads a few times, and I think the focus on positive behaviors is an incredibly important one! It might help you a lot.

:hug: I think many of us, to varying extents, can really identify with the self-criticism you mentioned. I go through phases, like LockItUp said. Impatience is the worst. Trite though it is, the whole "A year from now, you'll be glad you started today" is so, so true. You might not be at goal in a year, but you'll be SO MUCH better off. When I get frustrated with where I'm at, I think about how I felt before I started this again at the start of 2012. I've got some distance to go yet, but the Jan 2012 me is SO happy with today's me for the progress I've made so far.

Make sure to give yourself credit for your progress!

SunnySide99
10-22-2012, 01:50 PM
Tubolard, I've been following you in the Walk Away the Pounds thread and I just wanted to say that I think you are doing fantastic!!!!! :)

VermontMom
10-22-2012, 03:05 PM
:eek: coming across this thread has been creepy for me too!! for so many others' thoughts mirroring my own.

first, I also want Ms. Tubolard to change her name to something more positive :D dang girl you have done SO WELL in so little time!! don't those nice-fitting jeans feel wonderful??

most definitely growing up in a critical household would have molded your thinking as it has. I congratulate you for trying counseling, I am sorry that you had a dud counselor though..that sux. We need to try to like and them love ourselves.

Every day when you have a non-positive thought, you need to just state to yourself 'I am doing something about it, and I already show results' and just keep on!!

brethan
10-22-2012, 03:25 PM
I believe the question "why I am so inadequate" just sets on the wrong foot. Think more positive please! Self defeating questions won't get you anywhere, guaranteed.

HungryHungryHippo
10-22-2012, 04:33 PM
Hey T--maybe this will make sense to you. A while ago, I had a trainer (I was her class project!), and she showed me how to measure my heart rate on the treadmill, and set the incline and the speed so I was JUST in the fat-burning zone, and no more. The idea was that once I was there, there was no reason to make it harder, and that this would let me keep going as long as possible. Your results sound like you are in the zone too!

linJber
10-22-2012, 10:28 PM
My first thought, even before reading your post, was, "This poor kid hates herself." This was based 100% on your screen name. Please consider putting something positive under it to let yourself know that you are not a tub of lard. What a horrible thing to see with every post. This might even be the one time it's a good idea to ask the mods if you can change your screen name. I know this is frowned upon, but a positive attitude makes a world of difference. I really believe the weight loss game is 90% mental - that's why it's so important to go at this from the right perspective.

If counseling didn't work in the past, my advice would be to try a different counselor. If you can't do that right now, at least be positive with yourself. force it. Fake it. Do it until you believe it.

You're making fantastic choices and have had great results. Let yourself take credit for the success. Be proud of it! Own it. Never put yourself down. Never. You're worth more than that.

Lin

juliastl27
10-23-2012, 03:11 AM
i get similar feelings when the "new-ness" of dieting

at first im pretty gung ho and im losing weight super fast so its novel for me. as time goes on, im not losing as fast and i realize that even though ive already lost X number of pounds.. im still fat. even worse, im still going to be fat for a long time.

im in this zone right now. i start feeling good when i get around 160 so i know i have to just power through the next 25 lbs. it sucks. im not going to feel that great about myself and the weight loss is going to be slower.

maybe this is how you're feeling?

tubolard
10-23-2012, 10:07 AM
Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it. I borrowed the Beck workbook from the library to look at. It is nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way. Even on the days I don't like myself I make myself get up and work out and try to eat right instead of eating to try to numb it all. I have even started wearing makeup and fixing my hair every day instead of just a ponytail and bare face, just to get myself to actually feel pretty.
I think maybe it is just that this is the first time I am actually staying on plan for this long, and seeing the weight come off, I just am scared i will mess up yet again and gain it all back plus extra. Again, I really do appreciate all the input and help. :goodvibes