Weight Loss Support - Complete lack of support...




View Full Version : Complete lack of support...


tubolard
10-18-2012, 04:31 PM
I have social phobia so I don't go out much. I lost my last semi friend a few years ago when she stabbed me in the back yet again. I mainly only talk to hubby, my kids, my parents and my sister occasionally.
My problem is this, my sister is heavier than I am by far and does not want to put forth any effort into losing weight so I can't talk to her because all I hear is how if she was as skinny (:no:) as I am she would be thrilled.
My kids are teenage boys so they are out for any help.
My parents have health problems of their own and if I say anything to my mom about losing weight she tells me to just be fat and jolly and don't worry about it?! Then amazingly she buys me chocolate or some sort of candy "because she was thinking of me" even though I just told her I was losing weight.
When I talk to hubby about anything to do with weight loss he gets that look on his face that tells me he doesn't want to hear it, even though he says he will try to help me. Then if I ask him about figuring out portion size and calories in it or basically any question related to weight he just tells me over and over "I don't know" :dunno:
I do have another site I go to for weight loss and I try to be as encouraging as I can and reply to their posts and I get nothing from them. One day I admitted I was in tears from my weight and I swear there were crickets chirping from my computer. Not one person who read it said one word to me, even though I have tried to help them with what little bit I can.
Then I am here, and see you guys trying to encourage people and help them out and answer questions and just being as supportive as you can. It made me realize that this is it. This site is the only support I get, and I haven't even been here that long or gotten to know anyone really. But I have been reading old threads and learning a lot.
Am I the only person who gets no support and encouragement from people you live around? I know that I should not rely on others to motivate me or help me, that it should all come from within me, but doesn't everyone need an encouraging word now and then?
I don't know whether I need a hug or a kick in the pants and told to suck it up and get over it.


JohnP
10-18-2012, 04:39 PM
No doubt you'll find all the support you want on this site.

The other good news is that most people who are successful with weight loss on this site are just like you. They didn't have any support either except online - so it can be done.

bargoo
10-18-2012, 04:39 PM
Welcome and good luck. No, you re not the only one with family that just don't get it and are of no support. Keep posting, I am sure there is someone here that knows exactly where you are coming from.Don't give up .


theox
10-18-2012, 04:51 PM
Hi tubolard! :hug: There seem to be a lot of people on here who don't get much/any support IRL, so you're definitely not alone.

beth sebring
10-18-2012, 05:00 PM
My mom has diabetes and my dad has high blood pressure. Iím usually lecturing them about eating right but theyíre old and donít want to hear it either. Last week my dad bought 2extra large pizzas for 3 people to eat in one day and just today he brought home a 12pack of donuts. He said he was craving them and wanted a treat. I do wish he would just buy these ďtreatsĒ for himself. like one donut or a small pizza for himself to indulge in. Almost like, if he keeps everyone his size heíll feel better about himself kind of attitude.

But I canít say my friends offer no support, they mustíve lose 100pounds combined, but they arenít perfect. This site is prolly the best thing that has worked for me so far. Even ghosting some of the threads so I know people are doing this for a purpose helps a lot. Good luck on your journey, but best thing I can tell you is to ignore the ppl that bring you down. You donít need to eat what they eat even if they offer it to you. If they wanna eat bad thats their lives. And your life is up to you :)

NolaMama
10-18-2012, 05:15 PM
This website has been a blessing. My boyfriend has no weight problem whatsoever, I have one friend who is trying to lose weight but instead of encouraging each other,we end up talking to each other about how fat we are and laugh it off instead of helping each other to do anything about it.

I have my good days and bad days as far as weight loss is concerned. However, I have found that my short time on this site and how encouraging these ladies and gents are, I have more will power throughout the day to stay on track and stay motivated. I want to be a success story too :)

SerenityDiva
10-18-2012, 05:16 PM
Oh you are so not alone! Even with support those not going through or been through weight loss, I feel get tired of hearing about it. For me that's where this site helps. Someone is nearly always on when you really need. And seeing the people who have made it to the other side AND especially maintaining is super encouraging. They remember weight loss not being linear and ups and downs, binges and still are here. I have some people that purposefully and not purposefully try to sabotage me, and here I feel better realizing I'm not alone. Welcome!

geoblewis
10-18-2012, 05:21 PM
I had to become proactive to put together an effective support network for myself. I hired a wellness coach for a few weeks while I was trying to figure out how to change my life. I have learned some new techniques to deal with the emotional eating behaviors. I have great online support here and in another forum. I found an exceptional personal trainer who runs a Pilates studio that is filled with like-minded fitness enthusiasts.

Your support system is not going to come to you. You have to find it for yourself. The support system you thought you had really wasn't supportive for your goals. They weren't built to do that. You're going to have to push yourself to create/find what you need. You don't have to be an effective social butterfly to find success and support.

freelancemomma
10-18-2012, 05:44 PM
I agree that this site is IT. My husband and kids are supportive to a limited point, but they quickly tire of hearing about the minutiae of weight control. The good news is that none of us on the board get tired of it. We get it. Keep going, keep reading and keep posting. If you feel a particular affinity toward someone you meet here, you can start corresponding via PM, which can give you more individualized support.

F.

LockItUp
10-18-2012, 06:10 PM
You've definitely found a great place for support. 3FC has some of the most wonderful members, which is very very very rare for an internet community!

I have a decent amount of supportive people in my life, but no one who can relate and understand what I've been through and am going through, with my weight loss -- like I find here. I love it here!!! So glad you have joined!

juliastl27
10-18-2012, 06:16 PM
my friends and family are nice about it, they compliment my weight loss and seem happy for me. as far as day to day support of struggling with dieting, i get zero. my boyfriend just doesnt understand and he and my son tell me i look fine already. if he cooks dinner (which he usually does) and im going to great lengths to figure out the calories in it hes standing there rolling his eyes. im pretty sure he thinks im a lunatic.

when its time to find people who truly understand and who have been there or are currently there, this site is the place to be. im so grateful for it. the last time i lost all my weight this site was it. i regained a TON when i stopped posting here. ive been back 2 months and lost almost 20 lbs. this site is THE only help i have!

CoachTeri
10-18-2012, 06:21 PM
Don't focus on those around you and their lack of support. Realize that if they support you they have to look in the mirror and they are not ready. Love yourself. Love them and be an example, by deed and not words. When they see you are getting healthy (and smaller) and loving life despite their lack of enthusiam they can join your, or stay stuck where they are. You can't change other people. You can only change yourself. If they ask what you are doing, tell them, but don't expect them to adopt your new way of life. Just share and let them decide. If they ask for help, give them the support you did not get. But don't push. There is a balance. Keep up the good work and just do what is good for you. That is not selfish. If you are not happy with yourself you are no good to those around you either.

KatMarie
10-18-2012, 06:24 PM
This site was the only support I had while losing weight. I still visit several times a day. I read mostly. But I've always gotten support when I post.

JossFit
10-18-2012, 06:24 PM
...but they quickly tire of hearing about the minutiae of weight control...

This is exactly why I'm here. I can come here and talk about a pound gained or lost, a great workout, a craving for caramel popcorn, or even my bowel movements! That isn't stuff that my husband or best friends care about, and really nobody wants to hear about dietary frustrations from someone who is in shape already.

It's hard to maintain my fitness level and it's not always easy to make the right choices. Sometimes trying to white knuckle through a craving is nearly impossible, and where someone in the "real world" would probably tell me to "live a little" or "just treat myself" the other folks here on this site understand that sometimes you have to stick to your plan. The 80/20 rule to diet and exercise only works if you stick to the 80! haha

Anyway, I digress...

This site has been a blessing for me and so many others, so I'm glad you've found it for yourself as well!

ChickieChicks
10-18-2012, 06:56 PM
I don't talk to ANYONE in my regular life about my weight loss or current maintenance. I live for 3FC in that regard, because I know everyone on here knows what I am going though.

masterptr
10-18-2012, 07:14 PM
I don't talk to ANYONE in my regular life about my weight loss or current maintenance. I live for 3FC in that regard, because I know everyone on here knows what I am going though.


YAY!!!

novangel
10-18-2012, 07:18 PM
I only have this site and that's fine with me. :)

2Dy2MrwAlwys
10-18-2012, 08:13 PM
My mom has diabetes and my dad has high blood pressure. Iím usually lecturing them about eating right but theyíre old and donít want to hear it either. Last week my dad bought 2extra large pizzas for 3 people to eat in one day and just today he brought home a 12pack of donuts. He said he was craving them and wanted a treat. I do wish he would just buy these ďtreatsĒ for himself. like one donut or a small pizza for himself to indulge in. Almost like, if he keeps everyone his size heíll feel better about himself kind of attitude.

But I canít say my friends offer no support, they mustíve lose 100pounds combined, but they arenít perfect. This site is prolly the best thing that has worked for me so far. Even ghosting some of the threads so I know people are doing this for a purpose helps a lot. Good luck on your journey, but best thing I can tell you is to ignore the ppl that bring you down. You donít need to eat what they eat even if they offer it to you. If they wanna eat bad thats their lives. And your life is up to you :)

For some reason your post really got to me. I guess I understand what it's like to have someone like that in your life. Even my fiance, who is so supportive and commits to exercise and eats healthy when I do, can sometimes be a negative influence when a craving strikes him. Your advice is probably the best anyone can ever give though. You DON'T need to eat what they eat, or what they offer you. It's that simple. Even if it's uncomfortable to face that "food pusher" in your life, they can't and are not going to FORCE you to eat it. Say no enough times, again and again, and sooner or later they'll stop asking and your resolve will be that much stronger. Thank you for that little revelation. :hug:

Sometimes just one person, whether virtual or IRL, is all you need to persevere. If you have the wonderful members of 3FC at your back, you have all you need. If you want a little more one-on-one support, let me know. I'm always looking for friends going through the same I am. :)

NYFLAgirl
10-18-2012, 08:26 PM
I agree with a lot of everyone else is saying-my family and friends are somewhat supportive but they can't relate to what I'm going through. But the wonderful people here at 3FC do! Seriously, they keep me going every single day! :)

shcirerf
10-18-2012, 10:17 PM
3fc is the bomb!

You can ask anything, rant, get support, whine, and celebrate!:carrot:

KittyKatFan
10-18-2012, 10:23 PM
I struggle with social anxiety too, which results in not having many friends...I'm just too shy to meet people. Weight doesn't help much with self confidence either.

Both of my parents have passed away and I have no siblings, nor do I have aunts or uncles nearby. The ones I was close to are gone. So I don't have family either. Not married either, and not likely to ever be. I am truly alone in life.

So I really rely on this board for support. I find it comforting to be able to share info with strangers who don't know me. I write things about myself here that I would never speak about with people I know.

Without the encouragement from this board, I think I would have fallen off track a long time ago. There have been many times when I felt down on myself and a kind word of encouragement from someone on this board has kept me going.

Good luck on your weight loss; you can do it.

tubolard
10-19-2012, 07:34 AM
Thank you everyone for the encouragement and welcomes! It is nice to know I am not alone in this. I really think I am going to quit the other site, it is just too.....is clique-y the word i am looking for?

toastedsmoke
10-19-2012, 07:39 AM
I made the decision from the beginning not to talk to anyone in real life about my weight loss journey. The commitment I made was to myself and I didn't want family or friends, no matter how well-meaning or how much I love them, muddying the waters or policing me or inadvertently hurting me with probably well-meant advice. I also come from a "food is love" background and I didn't want to hurt anyone or make things awkward by making an "even though the rest of you seem satisfied with your bodies and indulgent diet, i'm not and am making a change"- type statement.

My sole source of support has been 3FC. I'm not really much of an online forum person in general and don't belong to any other support forums but I can honestly say that 3FC has played a major role in my success. I've gotten accountability, motivation, challenged, supported on here. I've whined and complained and asked for advice, given it, celebrated, all sorts on here. So you definitely don't have to have the support of people in real life in this.

One thing I've realized over this journey is that you have to want this for yourself more than anything. You have to want it enough to make the difficult decisions that will be required. You can't depend on any one else wanting it for you or making you succeed. So inasmuch as support helps, this journey is kind of an individual race. A complete lack of support from real life people doesn't mean you won't succeed. Just stay focused on your own goals, keep on keeping on and doing what you need to, you'll make it!

XLMuffnTop
10-19-2012, 09:41 AM
My husband is supportive to an extent. He tries to make healthy food when he's cooking or at least options if there's some non healthy stuff. But, what he sees as healthier and what I want to put in my body aren't always on the same page.

But, as so many others have said, I try to limit how much I talk to him about it not because I don't feel like he'll listen but because it's boring for someone not on this path. I mention it here and there but mostly I want the results to speak for themselves because I've started and been unsuccessful so many times in the past.

You may wish to take a beginning picture because as you lose weight, it's easy to forget how far you've come. Just the other day I was down on myself for not really doing much this summer for weight loss. I looked at pictures from February and realized I've maintained a pretty significant weight loss and still look vastly different from then. It kind of refocused and energized me again. So, in a way, that picture is my accountability because I don't want to look like that again.