Weight Loss Surgery - Did you tell anyone about your Wls?




TIARA
10-16-2012, 04:52 AM
i really want to get a wls but i don't want anyone to know. i know it sounds stupid, people will see the weight loss and know i did something but the reason i don't want the world to know is because i don't want to be constantly watched and talked about while going through it. ( which i know will happen.)
my family and coworkers are very judgmental and i don't want to deal with their negative comments, my question is did you tell people of your wls?


Zeitgeist
10-16-2012, 06:30 AM
I only told a few people, in addition to my parents. I don't know how I feel about my decision, now that I am 14 months out. You are going to be the subject of gossip either way and I find it really hard to lie to people outright. When they ask me how I lost the weight, I just thank them for noticing, not answering the question. It is much harder, though, when someone who struggles with weight loss laments their own progress and feels worthless that they can't lose the weight, like I did.

But, I still don't feel my medical history is anyone's business, so I can't imagine that I will start sharing my story anytime soon.

TIARA
10-16-2012, 06:41 AM
Thanks for your answer, i know i will have to tell some people such as my sister who will be my ride home from the doctors but as for the others i seriously will wait due to not wanting to be upset from the negative comments i know will follow.


jiffypop
10-16-2012, 10:26 AM
Hi Tiara - <mmmmm - oahu! sounds like heaven!> take your time, do your research, make sure you make the right decision for YOU. christy is really happy with her surgery, and i hope that she remains as happy with it as time goes on. this is life changing, and for the rest of your life, so do all your research and ask yourself if you can live with it. The vast majority of us found LIFE again - but there are exceptions.

now, on to your original Q. I've dug up some old threads for you - as you might imagine, this issue comes up a lot around here. hope this helps


http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/254555-question-help.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/245610-desperately-seeking-me.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/233093-my-boyfriend-got-wls-ruining-our-relationship.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/227839-not-sure-who-tell-about-surgery.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/222464-lack-support-friends.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/218386-feeling-judgment.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/218978-doing-all-alone.html
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/209409-thinking-about-surgery-need-help.html

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-surgery/209909-tell-coworkers-not.html

Sleepy
10-16-2012, 01:52 PM
I told just my nearest family..parents and my brother's family, my bf obviously and one of my co-worker and that's it. I am not planning to tell anyone else. My aunt noticed today that I've lost some weight and I just said I need to lose some so I can gain some back lol. No one needs to know it's your personal thing ;)

KateB
10-16-2012, 06:31 PM
i am still awaiting a surgery date, hopefully mid December. I first talked with my husband, obviously if he wasn't on board I wasn't going to put myself through surgery without his support. Then I told my mother...oye vey! That has been a bit of a battle, although I sort of expected that. Which is why I told her early on in the process so she could get all of her negative comments out of the way before I actually had surgery. She sees me losing weight now and is (unrealisticly) hopeful that I won't (need to) have surgery.

Then my best friend, because I don't do anything major without telling her. She would have been furious and crushed at the same time if I didn't tell her until just before or just after. She is scared, she has heard horror stories, but I know she will support me.

I have told my daughter. She is AMAZING! So supportive! Two days after I told her she sent me an email asking me to read her introduction to the speach she was going to do for her college speach class. She said if I didn't want her to use it she wouldn't. She had to do an informative speach, she chose to do it on bariatric surgery. She used my weight loss roller coaster ride as an intro. She told the story with such love and tenderness it made me cry. She did a lot of research and asks me questions all the time. She is going to college to be an RN and is now thinking of specializing in bariatrics.

Two weeks ago I told my boss. I will need time off work and we will need to cover some of my time away. I didn't tell her I was having gastric bypass, I just said I have been having stomach issues (which I have for years) surgery has been suggested and I am looking into it, but would like it done before year end for insurance reasons (family has met very deductible, co-pay and out of pocket max, surgery shouldn't cost anything).

After surgery I will be more forth coming about my surgery. My doctor has alredy asked if I would be willing to speak to others reguarding surgery, and to keep a journal to share my views on the process. If I can be successful with the surgery I will definately share my feeling with anyone considering surgery.

Jen
10-17-2012, 09:30 PM
I told no one other than my husband and my boss before surgery. I am almost a year out and have told many people since. My immediate coworkers had their suspicions but didn't say anything because I hadn't. A lot of people will comment on my weight loss and I almost always tell them that I had surgery. Not everyone, it depends on who it is. I am nurse manager and the nurses knew I was going off for surgery and a few asked me what I was having done, I just told them it was a minor procedure and left it at that. I'm sure most of them have guessed by now but I've not talked to them about it. I share with people I want to share with. I think everyone has been super supportive of it but I wasn't sure beforehand, I didn't want to deal with anyone's negativity.

TIARA
10-22-2012, 08:31 AM
jiffypop thank you for the links... everyone else thanks for answering you've helped me a lot..

MrsDawsondn
10-22-2012, 11:23 AM
Hello Ladies,

I just want to say thank you for all the helpful information as I am going through this process after much prayer and going back and forth with dieting and actually having a friend that recently went through the surgery I have an eye witness of the ups and downs get to support her in the process and still am weighing the pros and cons.

jiffypop
10-23-2012, 03:44 PM
Take your time making the decision, Mrs Dawson. Do the research, ask all the questions, and then ask some more. do whatever you need to do in order to make the right decision FOR YOU. WLS is for a lifetime. and it's important to know what you're getting into.

KateB
10-23-2012, 05:21 PM
MrsDawson-
I do think the most important thing is to "get it right in your head". For everyone that is different.

You need to look at the possible unpleasant side effects and decide for yourself if you want to take that risk. You need to decide how you will handle the people in your life tht may not support your decision to have WLS.

You need to discuss all your expectations of surgery with your doctor, make sure your expectations are real. You need to be prepared to make life long changes in how and what you eat. If you think this is a magic bullet, you are setting yourself up for dissappointment, and possibly failure.

MrsDawsondn
10-24-2012, 11:09 PM
@KateB and @jiffypop thanks guys. Oh believe me I've asked the questions, done the research did the supervised diet for 6 months and couldn't lose any weight even with a personal trainer, been approved for the surgery, discussed it with the doctor and everything. I'm ready all I have to do is lose 15 lbs to get my date scheduled for surgery and it has been really hard to get this weight off. I walk, I eat lighter and healthier than i ever have and it's not moving. I'm gonna keep at it though, I have hypothyroid so it is very hard to lose weight for me and yes I've had my thyroid levels checked and my dosage of synthroid is where it should be. I just have more adjusting to do. Never thought just getting to THIS point would be so hard but I know it's a life altering change and I'm totally ready for it.

jiffypop
10-25-2012, 03:14 PM
pssst. Mrs D - just between us. it doesn't matter HOW you lose those 15 pounds. if the ONLY way you can do it is with a liquid diet like medifast or some other less-than-healthy way to lose it, this is the time to try it. all you have to do is lose the 15 pounds, and not regain it before surgery.

MrsDawsondn
10-25-2012, 11:52 PM
Jiffy Pop we're on the same wavelength. And thankfully revisiting this place has invigorated my dedication to watching everything that I intake. I will be down ASAP and I will be sure to shout it from the mountain tops LOL!

Merissa2011
11-01-2012, 08:29 PM
The thing is WLS is HARDDDD WORK. I dont want my hard work or my efforts to be minimized and be labeled as "she took the easy way out, thats why she's lost weight" by ignorant people. Um no, its bc i made the choice to undergo surgery, will work hard at it, watch what I eat, plan what I eat, work out, etc ETC.

Therefore, when I get my surgery I dont want anyone to know besides my bf. Plus, last time (2 yrs) when I was going to get it I let my sister know, and told her not to tell anyone, esp her loud mouth fiance. And she did :/ I dont want to tell my parents, because they love talking about my weight to people --how much weight ive gained/lost (uggggrh) . I dont think I want anyone to know as of right now. I might tell people as I hop along my weight loss journey and base it on my comfort level.

minxie
11-25-2012, 02:02 PM
my family and coworkers are very judgmental and i don't want to deal with their negative comments, my question is did you tell people of your wls?

Hi tiara --

I did not tell many people about my surgery. My family is judgmental and can be mean. I work at a company that would also see me as "weak" for needing this. in the long run, I feel like my health is my business.

My boyfriend knows and is supportive. I told my father (who may be my biggest fan). I also told some VERY close girlfriends and my favorite aunt. My mother and sister will never know if I have my way.

To justify being out of the office, I called the day of surgery and told my manager that I was going into surgery with gall bladder issues. That will also give the "cover" for why I'm losing so much weight -- my diet will change as a result of losing my gall bladder.

Beyond that, it's MY business. Right or wrong, I'm comfortable with my choice.

nat

dunebaby
01-30-2013, 02:37 AM
I don't advertise it and I haven't mentioned it on Facebook or to people who haven't seen me. However, Medifast is a little difficult to hide because of the branded food, shaker cup, and fast weight loss. When people ask what I'm doing I tell them I am on the "dogfood" diet, because I think that pretty much sums up what MF tastes like, but I do assure them it works.

The caveat I would mention is that people have a LOT of judgment around weight loss and a LOT of opinions on the different methods. When you discuss your program you may run into these opinions and they can be very discouraging. It might be best to just accept compliments and say thanks.

imp
01-30-2013, 09:53 AM
I think I'm the exception here :) For me, being open and honest about my surgery was important. I'm a big fan of transparency, and for me, I wasn't fooling anyone. You don't lose twenty pounds a month with diet and exercise alone, and I lost at close to that rate for several months running.

For me, it was important to let my workplace know that I do have significant dietary adjustments that are not just "my diet", but are how I live now and those food breaks are non-negotiable. Or that if I was puking, it didn't necessarily mean I had a virus - I probably just ate too fast, or ate the wrong thing for my stomach. Or that when it's someone's birthday, I won't be having cake, thanks, because nobody needs to see what happens if I eat cake.

Also, it was important for me to let people know because a lot of people I know are struggling with obesity. Once I learned that my weight was not my own failing, but the failure of the diet industry, and the efficiency of my body in producing ghrelin to make me hungry, it seemed mean to let other people think I was just "better" or "stronger" or had more willpower. The fact is, my body has been altered so that I don't produce as much hunger hormone. I don't absorb all the calories I eat, and I am not able to eat as much as other people in the first place.

WLS is not everyone's answer, but I firmly believe that it saved my life. No, it's not the easy way out, as anyone who reads my posts (or listens to me talk) can attest. But living my life as a morbidly obese sick person wasn't easy, either. Neither was dieting. Being fat, and being a failed dieter time and time again was hellish and miserable. At least now when I am busting my butt to eat enough and get in my vitamins, I know I am in control of what I eat and what I do, and I'm not going to die of a heart attack in my 40s.

So, yeah, I'm a walking billboard for MGB (the kind of surgery I had). I'm even doing a commercial for my surgeon next week. Then everyone in several major and minor markets will know that I had surgery, and I'm a little nervous about that, but I'm okay with it. The naysayers can kiss my size-four butt. :D

imp
01-30-2013, 10:07 AM
Uh, I thought I was finished but I wasn't :)

I just want to add that (a) I don't walk up to strangers and be all "hey, I had this done and so should you", and (26) it's totally each person's decision whether to tell people/answer questions or not. No judgment :)

For me, telling people is more about answering questions, or offering the information if necessary (like at work, where it is necessary for me.)

jiffypop
01-30-2013, 11:32 AM
i did the same thing, imp. i told EVERYONE i worked with or had a relationship with. I was so sick going into it - having survived 5 weeks in a hospital and 3 weeks in a nursing home because i was Pickwickian [very scary times]. Folks were worried.

and when i lost 1.5 pounds PER DAY for the first 6 weeks, the dramatic weight loss was very noticeable [can you imagine losing 10 pounds a week? and then is slowed to a pound a day for another month or so]. And I've heard that some folks who've lost huge amoutns of weight quickly are approached by friends who think they have cancer or AIDS and are dying in the near future. so, it's a very individual decision.

imp
01-30-2013, 12:54 PM
LOL, Jiffy - my need to tell people was dramatically increased when my hair started visibly thinning at about three months out. I'd lost 60 pounds and my hair was falling out everywhere - literally, people were picking my hair off my clothes - and a friend kindly asked if there was anything I needed to talk about, like ways to keep the nausea from chemo away.

Turned out that she thought the cancer I had been treated for in my late teens had come back, and had convinced herself that I was terribly ill and not telling anyone. When I told her the truth - WLS causes rapid weight loss and sometimes hair loss - she cried with relief and I felt like an asshat for not thinking that people who didn't know might think something else was wrong.

I think that's when I realized I was just gonna have to go public. And that means that sometimes I feel like punching people in the face, but then I realize that you know what? They're coming from an uneducated, inexperienced perspective. They may also be coming from a caring perspective, and have listened to people talk about surgery being the easy way out. Everyone seems to know someone who knows someone who "had that surgery and (died, gained it all back, failed miserably, etc.)"

My best defense for that is to say, "Oh, who was that? What's her name? What kind of surgery did she have? I might know her." They rarely even know the name of said failure, much less that there are different types of surgery. Because it's hearsay, eight times removed, designed to make them feel better about their own diet failures. Stark, maybe, but in my experience, generally true.

ChickieBoom
01-30-2013, 04:02 PM
I didn't have WLS but there's a rumor going around at my office that I did so...

jiffypop
01-30-2013, 05:39 PM
:rofl: :lol3: chickie - thank you for the laugh! i really needed that. Congratulations on all your hard work!!!

MadCowOnTheMend
03-06-2013, 12:52 AM
Thanks for all of the responses. They were very helpful to read. I've had so many health issues over the last 2 years that I have decided to be very open with people about my upcoming surgery. My main concern being that people are already so worried about me that they will think the worst when I am suddenly losing weight and hair. I just don't feel right putting the through that when they've been so supportive of me up until now. Of course, that applies to those close to me, but I'm such an open person that that turns out to be a LOT of people. Lol. So at this point my surgery is public knowledge in 4 countries... Gulp... That's a lot of pressure now that I think about it. Lol

anninva
03-10-2013, 01:37 AM
TBH, I told most everyone! At work I had a colleague who had RBY and lost a ton (well, a lot!) and he was pissed that people found out. On the other hand being open about it has ENT having loads of cheerleaders! Depends on what it's like where you work and what your family is like, for sure. Everyone has to decide what works the best!

laceynelson
03-15-2013, 01:50 PM
The thing is WLS is HARDDDD WORK. I dont want my hard work or my efforts to be minimized and be labeled as "she took the easy way out, thats why she's lost weight" by ignorant people. Um no, its bc i made the choice to undergo surgery, will work hard at it, watch what I eat, plan what I eat, work out, etc ETC.


That is why I have only told my family. They know how hard I've been working out and eating right with little to no results so they are very supportive. But the small town where I'm from would probably have the petty mindset about my (future) weight loss that it's like "cheating". I'm still in the beginning stages of this process, but I'm excited. Depending on who asks about my weight loss, I may tell them the truth. If it's someone I know will tell half of the town, then I'll just say "really freakin' hard work" because that's it wouldn't be a lie.

2Chi
03-16-2013, 03:08 AM
I havent had surgery yet, but I have a plan. Not sure if it will work or be convincing, but once I get a surgery date Im going to start working out at the gym at work like I have in the past. When I return to work Im just going to tell people I've cut down on my portions, and I'll work out again once im able to.
Its not that I'll be embarrassed to tell anyone... but being fat, I feel like EVERYONE pays attention to what I eat and if ive been to the gym. I know their intentions are good (well when it comes from my friends) but I find it Annoying as F*. I dont want my coworkers knowing and then once again paying extra attention to what Im eating, and if im allowed to eat something,and how much Ive lost etc etc. I just want to be left alone.
If my plan doesnt work, then Im just going to flat out tell them that I put up with their questions for too long and Im over it.

TIARA
06-12-2013, 05:24 AM
Ive still thinking very seriously about this... Thank you for all your stories, they help greatly.