Pudgy Pets - New puppy after having kids, a different feeling??




GlamourGirl827
10-15-2012, 10:28 PM
I don't really know how to fully describe the issue with our new puppy. Well, there is no issue with the puppy, she's a doll.

Growing up we had a family dog who I LOVED. I still miss her.
After I met my husband (we were only dating) we got a puppy, and we loved her too. She was our baby! She was a tiny dog, such a sweetie. This was many many years ago, and she has since passed. And hubby and I still talk and reminise about her. I was the one that was mainly with her. She was my buddy, and I spent all my time with her.

Since then we got married and had two kids. And will hopefully have more. Lately, after finally buying a home and getting settled, I've been missing having a dog. My husband works very late, til 1am some days and the kids are in bed by 8. I kept feeling like our life was now ready for a puppy, and I was excited about having that bond / love for a dog again. My husband was just as excited.

I read read read about dogs and breads. My husband and I's first dog was a spur of the moment buy, with no planning. (We were 20 years old) But she still ended up being a wonderful dog. But this time we wanted to find the dog meant for us. We went every where to meet dogs and spent nearly a month looking. This was not an irresponsible move. I read about housebreaking, puppy care (its been MANY years since we had a puppy) puppy training when kids are in the home ect. I really thought through whether or not our family was ready for a dog.

And finally we brought home a puppy, after meeting her and spending a lot of time with her, making sure her temperment (calm) matched our family, and that the kids liked her.

But since her coming home I have felt like this was a mistake. She's a good dog. But I don't feel that love I felt for my other 2 dogs. I feel like I don't have that "my little baby, I'd do anything for you" feeling because I actually have kids, and the love for kids is so much greater than for an animal. So I told myself I will love her differently. She's not a child, but a living creature that needs to be loved and accepted. But I find that she always takes 2nd place, something my previous dogs didn't have to do, because there were no kids. My children's needs come first, and because we are still house breaking, anytime I cannot watch her (like if I have to bath the kids for example) she has to either go out on the leash or go in the crate. This will change when I can leave her unsupervised, but for now I feel like she spends to much time in the crate. (I'm not really for crating during the day so I feel guilty doing it, so I try to put her outside, we have a big back yard.)

Also, with our other dogs we did crate at night. but always in our room. I've read so much about puppies whinning in their crates and how this is part of crate training ect. I read message boards where people say puppies may whine and howl in their crates for even weeks before learning to settle down. (This does not include when they have to potty, I'm talking about after they have just gone)

We have had to start crating her downstairs in the laundry room with the door closed because up stairs in our room (even with all doors shut) is so loud she wakes the kids. We tried moving the crate right down stairs but she is too loud. Lucky for her since having kids, I will wake at the tiniest little noise, so with her crated in the laudry room with the door shut, its quiet enough to not wake the kids (or my husband...lovely) but I still hear her and wake up. So I can potty her. I can honestly say my husband and I's first dog NEVER whined or howled in her crate, so this issue was something we hadn't dealt with in the past.

I just feel like I see her as something to do after my kids needs are met and its not fair to her.

My husband says that when she is house broken and can move freely around the house without needing constant supervision it will change. Right now she is gated in the kitchen (tile floor easy clean up) but when I leave the kitchen, I have to put her in the yard or crate her. If she is sleeping, I try to leave her and just go about my business in the house, but today while I was up stairs, she woke up and peed on the floor. She really needs to be watched, of course, she's a puppy! But thinking back to our first dog, I wasn't as busy with running a household. And now I have to get chores done daily. So I have to put her in the crate or outside. Honestly she's probably outside about 2 hours total alone, but longer if we are outside too. And she's in the crate maybe 1-3 hours a day, depending if the kids have karate or soccer. And she's crated all night. I do enjoy mornings with her. Just me and her go out for a nice morning walk :) But the winter is coming and the colder it gets the less I can out her outside and the shorter the morning walks.
I honestly don't know what to do.

People keep saying it will get better. But its not that it bad, for me. But I just feel like she is not getting the attention she needs. I honestly expected her to be more of a novelity for the kids, but less than a week later they are over her. And my 5 years old who really enjoyed her has grown tired of her jumping on him, especially when he is eating in the kitchen. We are training her not to jump but it takes time. He is to the point where he doesnt seem like he wants her.

I really planned for this dog. I realized that the beginning would be hard, but it would pay off. Now don't get me wrong, we provide for her enough that we could keep her. I am home during the day, so its not like she sitting in a crate all day with no interaction. She is given attention throughout the day. But I don't feel like I'm giving her the real love and attention I gave to my other dog. Whenever I find I have some free time, I feel guilty spending it with the puppy rather than the kids, so I play with the kids instead. Ideally I planned on spending it with the kids and puppy together, but both my kids have no desire to be around her because of the jumping. And she is calm for a puppy! She doesnt even puppy nip them, she is amazing with kids, but mine just don't want to play with her. I think my little guy is kind of afraid. We are working on that fear, but its all slowly. I'm afraid that not giving her a lot of frequent attention will lead to a less than friendly or unhappy dog. I really was buddies with my last dog, she was my baby. Now this poor puppy is just...my dog... :(

I don't know what to do. I have tried getting the kids invovled in her care, but they are stand offish about it.

Thanks for letting me vent. BTW, I googled this issue and read many other threads from other sites about this, now 3FC is generally friendly, but I did see that this type of post always gets some rude comments. If you have nothing nice or helpful to say, then keep it to yourself. Thou shall not piss off Glamourgirl. Thanks!!


redvelouria
10-15-2012, 11:20 PM
Well, there is no issue with the puppy, she's a doll.

But since her coming home I have felt like this was a mistake. She's a good dog. My children's needs come first, and because we are still house breaking, anytime I cannot watch her (like if I have to bath the kids for example) she has to either go out on the leash or go in the crate. This will change when I can leave her unsupervised, but for now I feel like she spends to much time in the crate. (I'm not really for crating during the day so I feel guilty doing it, so I try to put her outside, we have a big back yard.)

That's a tough situation! I don't have kids, but do have 2 dogs (whom I raised from puppies) and I run a dog walking business. So I have lots of experience with dogs!

My sister had this problem too. She adopted a dog when her kids were too young to help take care of the dog, and sadly, the dog was neglected. But, the dog did go to a good home after my sister admitted that she didn't have time for the dog.

This might be a case of admitting to yourself that it was too early to adopt a puppy, especially if you don't have time to potty train her. That's not fair for you, who has to do the extra work of cleaning up the puppy's mess. It's not fair for your kids, who would probably rather be spending time with Mommy instead of watching you run around trying to train a puppy. And, of course, it's not fair for the puppy.

We have had to start crating her downstairs in the laundry room with the door closed because up stairs in our room (even with all doors shut) is so loud she wakes the kids.

My second puppy did this. Turns out, her kennel was too far away from our other dog's kennel and she was lonely. We put the kennels side by side and the problem was solved. However, you just have one dog. If you decide to keep her, I think you have 3 options:
1. Let her sleep with you. Probably not a popular choice since she's not potty trained :)
2. Try putting her in a kennel next to your bed. If this keeps her quiet, slowly move her kennel away from your bed a little farther away every night until the kennel is where you want it.
3. Take a loud, ticking clock and wrap it in something soft and fluffy that smells like you or like her litter mates. Sometimes breeders will give you an old shirt or toy that was with her litter. The clock might calm her since it sounds like a heartbeat.

I don't know what to do. I have tried getting the kids invovled in her care, but they are stand offish about it.

I think your kids might be too young...not sure of their ages though. All I know is that, depending on the maturity of the child, I would not recommend attempting the introduction of a puppy until kids are at least 9 or 10 years old. Just for my own sanity :dizzy:

However, if you do decide to keep the puppy, you should read this book (http://www.amazon.com/Before-After-Getting-Your-Puppy/dp/1577314557/) as a refresher on how to raise a puppy, especially since it's been awhile. I highly recommend his methods.

I hope my advice helps...also hoping that everything works out. I think you know deep down what is the best choice, but it's always hard to admit when mistakes have been made...you can do it!

alaskanlaughter
10-15-2012, 11:32 PM
We gave two pets away over the course of the years for various reasons...all of which boiled down to - we couldn't give the pets what they needed

We took in a dog whose owner had passed away, but the dog kept running away, literally every time the door was open. We lived in an area where we couldn't keep her outside. And she wouldn't come back when we found her. She was also running away into road construction areas and not coming back. We finally let her be placed for adoption and was given to a family in a village where she could run loose to her heart's content. :)

We also had a very old cat who we took in as a stray. But the older she got, the less she liked being around the kids. And there was ALOT of kids in the house throughout the years! She spent her days hiding in the laundry room and running away from the kids, who wanted to pet her. So finally we found her a home without kids, where she could have more peace and quiet.

Frankly I wouldn't have the patience to keep up with little kids and a puppy. We got a puppy last year but the kids were 5 and 14 at the time.


GlamourGirl827
10-20-2012, 03:48 PM
Thank you both. After much thought, we have decided to rehome our puppy. Of course now I'm scared to rehome her that the new family might not be a good fit. I'm not even sure where to look to rehome her. I decided that who ever she goes to, I will tell them that they can return her to us, no questions asked, if they need to, rather than have her go to a shelter. The only reason I want to rehome her is to give her a more interactive home, wher she receives the attention she deserves. I do not want to let her go to anyone that rents incase they have to move and can't find any place that accepts dogs, I also don't want to let her go to anyone that is gone all day (and will crate her all day). Is that fair of me to ask that of a new owner? I mean, I don't want to let her go to an even more lonely situation...