Weight Loss Support - a pep talk please (whiny)




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stimkovs
09-24-2012, 10:41 PM
so, this is my (potentially long) whiny post.

there's so many positive threads on there (i've had a bunch of time on my hands today to parouse the threads) being all like "I DONT MISS ____ AT ALL.".or " OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO DO _____ ALL THE TIME". (sorry, I am not calling out anybody in particular.

But, as i've been trying to come to terms with the fact that my body might be done for a while, I keep seeing foods, or reading of foods, or thinking of foods, that i MISS. I genuinely, MISS. Mind you, I don't go out to eat (maybe once every 2 months), I don't eat junk food (very very rarely) I generally eat clean, but have issues with portions.

I know my stomach has shrunk and I wont be able to eat what I could before, but I genuinely MISS greasy foods, and NO i don't want to make a "healthified" version. I want the foods. i want to find the moderation, and i want to find the balance in it.

I miss greasy pizza, i miss poutine, i miss chinese (chicken balls and fried rice, specifically). i miss getting lattes instead of americanos.

i miss the full sugar pumpkin spice lattes.

yes, i know my body feels GOOD when I eat healthifully, even better, my body FEELS better when I eat the right amount of food. It feels strong, and determined, but I just kind of want to ...eat everything in the world right now. all of it, and then maybe the fridge handle, with the kitchen sink as a snack. oh oh chased with some peanut m and ms, but the whole bag.

grumble grumble grumble.

so, i guess what i am saying is (mostly what I am whining about) is that, even after all of this, my taste for all the crappy food hasn't gone away. does anybody have that problem? yes it makes me feel ill. but it's SO worth it.

does anybody experience this? how do you deal with it?


JohnP
09-24-2012, 11:03 PM
Calories matter. You can eat all the things you miss you just have to budget for them.

freelancemomma
09-24-2012, 11:07 PM
there's so many positive threads on there (i've had a bunch of time on my hands today to parouse the threads) being all like "I DONT MISS ____ AT ALL.".or " OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO DO _____ ALL THE TIME".

But, as i've been trying to come to terms with the fact that my body might be done for a while, I keep seeing foods, or reading of foods, or thinking of foods, that i MISS.

I've had the EXACT same thoughts. All these virtuous people who love eating "clean" and don't miss excess! Part of me admires them and another part thinks, come on! Are these people for real? (Not pointing any fingers, just expressing my honest thoughts.)

I can tell you that I'm not one of them. I've never had an issue with junk food, but I do have an issue with high-calorie gourmet foods and with quantity. My solution has been to incorporate occasional MASSIVE indulgences into my maintenance plan. I'm talking 2,500 calories of Nutella crepes for breakfast or 4,000 calories at an all-you-can eat Asian buffet. I indulge in this way about once a month and it hasn't prevented me from maintaining my 55-pound weight loss for close to a year. Even when I eat "on plan" I try to keep deprivation to a minimum. I eat healthily for the most part, because I enjoy the taste of healthy home-cooked foods, but if I feel like having a huge bowl of oil-popped popcorn for lunch on occasion, I have it! Giving myself that kind of permission keeps me sane.

Some people find that eliminating certain foods prevents them from going off the rails, but with me it's the opposite. Knowing that nothing is off-limits, either in the type or quantity of food, keeps the internal pressure from building up inside me.

Perhaps you can experiment to find out what type of regimen keeps you most psychologically satisfied.

HTH Freelance


mimsyborogoves
09-24-2012, 11:18 PM
Girl, I will tell you this:

I eat what I want to. Most of the time it's healthy, but like you, I crave real, unhealthy food all the time. Not just a candy bar or a bowl of ice cream or chips -- not snack food. I crave fast food and chicken fingers and take-out and coffee drinks and omg the stuff I crave. And I have managed to lose almost 60lbs this year while still indulging, but I cut corners where I can while I still indulge.

I get my lattes with skim milk. Instead of getting a burger AND fries, I get one or the other. I eat 2 smaller slices of pizza, or I eat one large slice with a salad. I budget for Asian takeout places. This is on a regular basis so these things can fit in my plan. Otherwise, I just have a monthly/bi-monthly "don't give a damn" kind of day and go get what I REALLY want. It hasn't hindered my progress at all.

The thing is, you have to learn how to manage it. Budget for the smaller cravings. Keep your real indulgences to a minimum, but not too much so you don't get crazy about it. All or nothing approaches work for some people, but everything in moderation works, too. You just have to learn what your body can and can't handle and you'll be fine.

AmyAmy
09-24-2012, 11:22 PM
I've had the EXACT same thoughts. All these virtuous people who love eating "clean" and don't miss excess! Part of me admires them and another part thinks, come on! Are these people for real? (Not pointing any fingers, just expressing my honest thoughts.)

I can tell you that I'm not one of them. I've never had an issue with junk food, but I do have an issue with high-calorie gourmet foods and with quantity. My solution has been to incorporate occasional MASSIVE indulgences into my maintenance plan. I'm talking 2,500 calories of Nutella crepes for breakfast or 4,000 calories at an all-you-can eat Asian buffet. I indulge in this way about once a month and it hasn't prevented me from maintaining my 55-pound weight loss for close to a year. Even when I eat "on plan" I try to keep deprivation to a minimum. I eat healthily for the most part, because I enjoy the taste of healthy home-cooked foods, but if I feel like having a huge bowl of oil-popped popcorn for lunch on occasion, I have it! Giving myself that kind of permission keeps me sane.

Some people find that eliminating certain foods prevents them from going off the rails, but with me it's the opposite. Knowing that nothing is off-limits, either in the type or quantity of food, keeps the internal pressure from building up inside me.

Perhaps you can experiment to find out what type of regimen keeps you most psychologically satisfied.

HTH Freelance

This is what I do. I think it's the only reason why I've managed to stick to my diet for this long. I think it's slowed down my weightloss quite a bit, but normally I would have fallen off the bandwagon by now. I know that I can keep eating this way for the rest of my life. Eating clean 24/7 would just drive me crazy.

novangel
09-25-2012, 12:01 AM
Calories matter. You can eat all the things you miss you just have to budget for them.

^Yep. There's no way I'm giving up everything, I just have it in moderation with water and exercise as much as possible.

novangel
09-25-2012, 12:07 AM
Here's what I said to someone earlier that seems to ring true, for me at least:

We ALL cheat sometimes or we'd go nuts. Truthfully I think allowing a cheat once in a while is better than trying to avoid completely. You always want what you can't have. Mentally if I know I can have something, I can avoid it easier. Make sense?

Kery
09-25-2012, 03:36 AM
I'll side with "have it in moderation" and "we always want what we can't have". I know, it's not easy, and it takes some time to acquire healthy, intuitive eating reflexes—after all, if all of us here had been able to "eat with moderation" from the start, we wouldn't have got fat, right. ^^;

That's what I've been doing, and so far, it's been working. I have pizza once a week, but it's a small pizza, with salad (no dressing), and no dessert—if I want a dessert, I'll eat it with a less caloric meal more based on vegetables and lean protein. At the end of the day or even the week, it ends up balancing out. If I want ice-cream, I eat sorbets (less caloric, and I like them just as much), or the small, kid-size versions of ice-cream cones. At first I'd eat "the real stuff", but with time passing by, I realize that I don't really want all of those foods: just knowing that I can have them is enough to make me go "yeah, I'll have them... later, right now it's not so important". This approach is working wonders with my inner rebellious streak. ^^;

(And yeah, truth be told, I also still feel like eating certain junk foods, the real foods, not healthy versions of hamburgers etc. But it's mostly thoughts now, not cravings, so they're easier to dismiss.)

Arctic Mama
09-25-2012, 04:59 AM
I do miss it, and indulge on rare occasion (outside of pregnancy, I admit between feeling cruddy and having killer cravings I've been focusing Morton calories and less on overall nutrition), but when actual health concerns are the reason I abstain from many foods, it changes the cost calculus of whether or not they're worth eating.

I miss icecream, sure, and have it every once in awhile. Pizza, too. Many of the things I miss are still foods I can have on occasion. But I don't miss them enough to give myself diabetes over. Nor do I miss them (usually) to want to tempt triggering massive autoimmune responses, let alone more and worse cravings. Just focusing on calories isn't enough for me and my screwed up, formerly obese body. I can't process nutrients like a metabolically healthy person, and so I can't cope it's my cravings like one, either.

That doesn't mean I'm 100% zen with my food choices, and that I don't miss that which I can't freely eat anymore. But lifelong health, let alone maintenance, requires that I strike a balance between my body's requirements and mind's demands. And in my case, my body's requirements weight the equation heavily in favor of abstinence regarding some of my most-missed foods. On Christmas, I could have a donut if I wanted. But if I did that every weekend, I'd be regretting it in too many ways to excuse.

So in that sense, it is a balance, and not one as free as some posters on here. But sometimes we have to suck it up, be adults, and make the unpleasant choice. It doesn't mean there aren't regrets and temptations, but that our brains are in the driver's seat instead of our emotions, when it comes to dietary choices.

stimkovs
09-25-2012, 08:37 AM
john - that's my issue.

i want like, 1294823 calories of pizza, followed by a pint of ice cream, followed by a oreo cheesecake, and maybe some mozza sticks.

moderation does work for me. but i'm just sick of "moderating". i just want greasy things, in or around my face, as they say. ha ha

thanks for the kind words though- i was feeling really crummy last night- mostly because i realized that there is so much crap in this house (Crap that i cannot avoid, that the human dump truck which is me eats) thus eliminating my "free" meals- or...moderate meals.

i miss those meals.

juliastl27
09-25-2012, 10:50 AM
i told my roommate last night "life was so much better when i just ate whatever i wanted all the time", haha. the problem is that i HATE being fat more than i hate not eating that stuff.

every single day i want to down a 6 pack of coke, or go buy myself a peanut buster parfait. sugar was my addiction. i also see people shoveling fast food or pizza into their mouths (sometimes THIN people) and i think about just saying eff it and resigning myself to being fat forever.

i do cheat once in a while but the longer im on plan the more i realize that massive cheats that go on all day aren't worth it. one day of an all out calorie fest can set me back an entire week.

i guess my main point is that you have to hate being fat more than you hate giving up those foods. i also eat them in moderation and control portions, but if that isn't a viable option for you then you're probably going to have to give them up most of the time (make sure you allow occasional cheats/cheat meals). by the looks of your ticker, you made that decision already.

kellost
09-25-2012, 11:07 AM
This is hard! It stinks and I think, for me, it will be a lifelong struggle. Lifelong! Just when I lost the weight, hit my goal, felt awesome, I allowed the weight to creep back up, up, and up. I regained 50 pounds in the past 2 years. I swore I wouldn't do that, but I did. Now I'm so mad at myself! It's just...this is hard on us, because obviously we have issues with food. I think it will always be hard. Hard, but not impossible. It's gonna take a lifelong commitment to beat this thing. Like an alcoholic, really. I don't think there is a "cure", there is only you being committed to staying healthy despite your food desires.

I also agree that cheating once is awhile is reasonable and healthy. The problem is one cheating day leads to another, then a bad week, then a bad month and so on. One vacation leads to coming home and still eating bad. And that is truly how I regained 50 pounds.

Pink Hurricane
09-25-2012, 11:10 AM
Calories matter. You can eat all the things you miss you just have to budget for them.

Agree with the above. It's completely true. You don't have to deprieve yourself, but when you do have all of those foods just make sure you count your calories. Want a couple of slices of a big greasy pizza for dinner? Make room for it in your intake, workout longer that day or do an extra bit like taking a walk after dinner. You can make that work, as long as you don't have those type of foods all the time, and you can budget them in within moderation.

coolacrity
09-25-2012, 12:27 PM
^Yep. There's no way I'm giving up everything, I just have it in moderation with water and exercise as much as possible.

Is there a way to "like" a comment? Because SO this. That's what some Saturdays are for.

thewalrus0
09-25-2012, 02:13 PM
I think everyone's making good points.

I like to think of it as "I do, and don't, miss eating whatever." I would eat a ginormous meal and then feel bloated and gross. It was just as much amazing as it was devastating. It's like why getting drunk is awesome and terrible, because you're indulging but you're hurting your body.

I have cheat days where I will eat something I'm craving, especially if it's really high calorie. It's better I have a 3,000 calorie cheat day than hold off until I feel like I've lost control. I've been craving a mushroom swiss burger. I plan to eat one in October for a cheat meal. It's going to be glorious. 2,000 calories of fries, burger and a sugary beverage. I'm planning for this and I'm excited, but I can't do that every day and I don't want to. When I do it's nice for a while but a few weeks later I've gained 20lbs and I feel terrible.

That's what got me into this fat in the first place. Planning cheat days gives me something to work towards. This Friday we're going to dinner and instead of getting a 1,000 calorie mushroom burger like I want I'm getting a grilled chicken burger. I like grilled chicken burgers. Yes, I'm craving a mushroom burger, but I know in October I'm getting one! A big one with everything! It's much more worth it to me to go easy this time because it will be much more of a reward when I make it to October and have my cheat meal.

kisskiss
09-25-2012, 02:19 PM
ditto to everything. I definitely miss eating loads of crappy but delicious food. :hug:


i want like, 1294823 calories of pizza, followed by a pint of ice cream, followed by a oreo cheesecake, and maybe some mozza sticks.

moderation does work for me. but i'm just sick of "moderating". i just want greasy things, in or around my face, as they say. ha ha



i miss those meals.

Missy Krissy
09-25-2012, 02:19 PM
It's just...this is hard on us, because obviously we have issues with food. I think it will always be hard. Hard, but not impossible. It's gonna take a lifelong commitment to beat this thing. Like an alcoholic, really. I don't think there is a "cure", there is only you being committed to staying healthy despite your food desires.


This is SO true! And unfortunatley those of us who are addicted to food (myself included for sure) cannot simply stop eating or else we'd die, whereas those who are addicted to drugs or alcohol are physically capable of living without those substances.

I completely understand the desire to way overindulge in "bad" foods - I have that too. I'll eat those foods, but I keep them within my caloric budget. I figure that although I can't eat as much as I'd like to, at least I can still eat what I want. It's a compromise that I have to make with myself, because all or nothing approaches don't work for me.

Steph7409
09-25-2012, 02:35 PM
I know my stomach has shrunk and I wont be able to eat what I could before, but I genuinely MISS greasy foods, and NO i don't want to make a "healthified" version. I want the foods. i want to find the moderation, and i want to find the balance in it.

This. When people talk about making a pizza with a tortilla, an ounce of low fat cheese, and vegetables, I think - no f***ing way is that a pizza. I don't eat a full pizza anymore but I'll happily spend 350 calories on a little Celeste pizza that actually tastes like pizza.

I too miss food. I miss eating lots of stuff all the time. What I don't miss is feeling bloated and being fat. And I have found that, even on the infrequent occasions when I overeat, I can't eat nearly as much as I used to before feeling uncomfortably full. So that's a good thing; it makes me acknowledge that the rewards of compulsively overeating (the numbing, soothing, anxiety-smothering that I get from it) aren't enough to overcome the negative aspects of it.

LockItUp
09-25-2012, 02:48 PM
I sincerely hope I've never given the impression that I love clean eating or don't wish I could eat my favorite fast foods, candy bars, full fat and sugar mochas, and all that good stuff.

I'm sure in moods of particular smugness I have perhaps claimed to have no cravings for such awful things now that I have "seen the light"; I just hope I never put it in writing, because it isn't so!

I'm with some of you though, I don't want 9 doritos (or whatever stupid small size the actual serving is), I want the whole bag. And truly a lot of times I will abstain all together because it kind of p!sses me off to not be able to eat my fill of whatever delicious food I want.

I don't know if I will ever be able to savor food; like truly enjoy that small sliver of cheesecake without thinking "but it would only be better if I could have MORE".

Sometimes it really scares me to think I may never have a normal relationship with food. Or have the capability of being one of those intuative eaters I envy so much. I always just have to tell myself that EVERYONE has their struggle(s), and that I am probably fairly easy off having my issue be with food. I tell myself that a lot, I don't always believe it though.

thewalrus0
09-25-2012, 02:59 PM
I don't know if I will ever be able to savor food; like truly enjoy that small sliver of cheesecake without thinking "but it would only be better if I could have MORE".



Depending on my frame of mind and how much I've eaten I have been able to enjoy a small sliver of cake, or just one piece of a chocolate bar or a serving of chips with a sandwich.

But then there are days where I want not one but four slices of pizza AND chicken wings AND dessert! I suppose it just gets easier as time goes on to figure out when you should give in and when you should let it go. :)

Vex
09-25-2012, 03:09 PM
I don't know if it will help you or not, but when having those cravings (and I have them a lot!) I say to myself, "I'll have it later." If I go out to eat, I'll say, "wow this 5000 calorie pizza looks awesome, I'll have it next time I'm here."

It's somewhat mental trickery that says you're not saying no, you're just saying not now. Sometimes later manages to show up, but many times it doesn't.

stimkovs
09-25-2012, 03:35 PM
I too miss food. I miss eating lots of stuff all the time. What I don't miss is feeling bloated and being fat. And I have found that, even on the infrequent occasions when I overeat, I can't eat nearly as much as I used to before feeling uncomfortably full. So that's a good thing; it makes me acknowledge that the rewards of compulsively overeating (the numbing, soothing, anxiety-smothering that I get from it) aren't enough to overcome the negative aspects of it.

^^ this.
exactly this. twice.


sometimes i go nuts and feel like i ate EVERYTHING, but then i look at it, in comparison to what i used to eat before, and it's like, a little drop in the ocean. that is great.

another benefit? Sometimes, i don't need the whole cheesecake, i don't need the whole pizza, i don't need the whole, whatever ____(insert terrible food here). sometimes, i just need a bite, and i am fully satisfied.

i mean, i know the law of diminishing returns- basic economics- the pleasure derived decreases with every single serving/peice/bite/whatever. that's the PLEASURE derived from food- but sometimes, i want that greasy, bloaty, lethargic feeling- is that terrible or what?

it's nice to see that other people experience the same inner BATTLES as well though. thank you for sharing <3 :carrot: