Living Maintenance - Maintainers Weekly Chat September 17 - September 23

09-17-2012, 06:29 AM
September becomes even more so. We've had to close the windows at night to prevent the heating system from turning on. I actually wore a jacket when I went out yesterday morning.

My challenge this week is to get more exercise. It's easy to have a reason not to get out for a walk.

09-17-2012, 06:37 AM
I have done all I can do for now to get my father into care. They are bringing him home to his house this morning some time. I did his laundry, left food and money, and will drop off a list of things I think he'll need help with, addressed to both social agencies he's dealing with.

Now I have to start straightening myself out. I have been so anxious I haven't been sleeping so I've been drinking waay too much caffeine, eating too much sugar, not doing my morning yoga or weights, etc. I will start with forcing myself to drink one glass of water for every caffeinated beverage and I will try to limit the caffeine to 3 beverages per day again. I'm hoping to somewhat normalize my sleep after I find out what the social agencies are prepared to do for my father. I'm sure some of the anxiety will dissipate if I know there are other people looking out for him.

It's a waiting game now with my father. But I have to get on with my life too.

Dagmar :tired:

09-17-2012, 09:18 AM
My kitchen looks like a murder took place in it. DH and a friend of ours spent 11 hours canning 48 pints of pickled beets. It will take a day or two to locate and remove all of the pretty little red flecks. :p It's worth it - the recipe is DH's great-aunt's, and there is nothing like it anywhere. Like my MIL's dill pickles ... some things you cannot buy! Kitchen smells funny too, but I think that has more to do with the fresh-fermenting kimchi experiment on the counter.

Well, with the ceiling removed in the hall bathroom, we discovered a small roof leak. The good news is that the leak is around a screw that holds the flashing for our Solatube, and is under workmanship warranty. Yahoo! And it's good news that it happened to rain when it did, so we could see what was going on. I get to insulate that ceiling this week - the 16" of loose-fill fiberglass attic insulation became 16" of loose-fill fiberglass of bathroom floor insulation when the ceiling came down. Not surprisingly, I will be opting for batts to replace it. :D On another "amusing" note (gotta laugh, it beats screaming), 1 case of the flooring I plan to use in the bathroom covers 19.8 square feet. The bathroom floor is, of course, 40.2 square feet. I suppose that since this is my first time laying that kind of floor, the extra practice area is a good thing.

And the replacement kitchen faucet has almost the exact same leak that the old one did, except it's only in one of the supply lines. Positive spin is that I hooked up the hot water to the non-leaking cold supply, so at least there is water for basic necessities. That's another phone call to make today.

I am anxiously awaiting the first frost - ready for a little relief from the gardening! Aside from the raspberries and cherry tomatoes, just about everything is done producing. Potatoes are harvested, onions are hanging, leeks are next up. 120 heads of glorious garlic stored (we LOVES our garlic!).

09-17-2012, 09:43 AM
Hi everyone!

Just checking in!

Dagmar - my heart goes out to you! I just can't imagine the emotional toll this is taking! Hope you take some time to take care of yourself this week!

I had an absolutely fantastic weekend. I have been in maintenance for about 2 months now. I still have some doubts on days, but overall, I feel really well about how I am managing my life.

We have a vacation coming up next week - we rented a cabin in Pennsylvania for us and the dogs. We'll see how I do when I'm out of my normal routine. But I am very excited about this vacation!


09-17-2012, 09:49 AM
Morning all,

I've been logging my food on a "Myfitnesspal" app on my ipad for a full week and have gotten used to the ipad rather than a paper food journal. I haven't had the patience to do this all summer. It's not a coincidence that slightly cooler weather comes through and I all the sudden have more patience. Hooray for fall! One feature of this app really annoys me, though. I finished logging for one day at 1200 cals and the app tells me that if I kept this up, I would weight 142 lbs in 5 weeks (from 154 lbs)! I finish at 1500 cals most days and it still says 146 in 5 weeks, in short, very unrealistic #s. I think I finally figured out how to turn this feature off this AM bc it's just irritating. Maybe once I get more of a history logged with weigh-ins it will "learn" the calorie levels my body needs to lose weight?

Unfortunately with the cooler weather my great sleeping streak has ended. All weekend I woke up from horrible, violent dreams multiple times and couldn't get back to sleep. It could be bc BF was gone all weekend, could be my allergy meds, could be the weather. BF will be back today so we'll see about the rest of the week.

Becky, your weekend of canning sounds fun! I have been trying to coax a friend traveling through SC and GA to bring me a big bag of "seconds" from the apple orchard so I can make my mom's apple butter. There's nothing like keeping a good family canning recipe tradition going. BF hates it when I cook with a lot of vinegar. When I make my salt & vinegar roasted chickpeas he always comes in, sort of winces/squints, and finds a reason to leave the house. The smell is, um, unique, I'll admit it, but the results are so good!

Dagmar, gl getting yourself back to normal. It's important to take care of yourself, too!

Jen, your vacation plans sound lovely. I love cabin-type trips in the fall. Enjoy!

Same old stuff for me this week. Work, rehearsals, trying to walk the dog, get some strength training, and healthy eats in there too. Have a good week everyone!

09-17-2012, 10:30 AM
Good Monday morning to you all.

With September we get slightly cooler temperatures and thankfully the humidity has ceased for the most part. We were able to turn on our evaporative cooler on Friday which meant much more comfortable sleeping! We did have to switch to the AC for a couple hours yesterday afternoon, though. Just a tad too warm in the kitchen when I was doing the most work to get dinner ready.

We went to Arbitrage yesterday. This is a great movie that I really recommend. No violence really, but a lot of F-bombs if that thing bothers you. The only downside to this movie was not the movie at all but the fact that THREE cell phones went off during the movie! This theater doesn't do the standard "turn off your cell phone" message before the shows--I wrote to them and suggested they start doing that.

traveling michele
09-17-2012, 11:37 AM
I hate those kinds of nightmares. I hope you start sleeping better-- that's the worst! And that part of the app would bug me too.

My heart goes out to you Dagmar. I'll be thinking about you-- lots of positive thoughts!!

Jen-- so glad you are feeling so positive about maintenance. I subscribed to your blog and have been thoroughly enjoying it!

I have a trip planned this weekend to Tahoe to do the Tough Mudder-- for once I'm not worried about gaining on a trip. I do need to think about healthy snacks to bring-- some protein-- something for breakfast Saturday morning before we start, etc. I'm planning on pigging out after on whatever I feel like!

Becky-- hate those surprises. Yesterday in my quiet house (now that dd is not home singing!), I'm pretty sure I heard some sort of creature in the attic-- we've had mice and rats before. So a call is in order to the exterminator but I think it will have to wait till next week. Hopefully they don't multiply and dominate before then.

Bill-- I hear you on the cool nights and getting out to exercise. Dh came back from his trip and told me that our doxie looked huge. I had changed the dogs' food and I think it has more calories (grain free) but I didn't reduce the portions. Fine for Great Dane that NEEDS to gain, not so much for chunky doxie. So his rations are drastically cut down and we took him for a 60 minute walk. He was so out of shape that he had to get carried for part of it.

09-17-2012, 04:26 PM
Hello Maintainers. ^_^

My challenge this week is to be the ultimate b*tch to my pupils, and to remain so throughout the year. I've tried the "firm but nice inside" method ("be benevolent to your pupils", they say, yadda-yadda...), but the truth is, punishment works better than positive reinforcement, at least with the ones I've been lumped in this year. Maybe shouting once or twice works for my male colleagues who're bigger and taller than I, but when I do it, it just doesn't work without an additional hefty does of punishment. Well, so be it. I'm sorry about it, but so be it. I am NOT destroying myself spending a whole school year telling myself "I'm sh*t" because of some ungrateful brats who can't keep shutting their trap for more than thirty seconds.

At least I'm not stuffing myself with food out of stress. *This* is a positive outcome.

09-17-2012, 05:45 PM
Hi folks! Just a fly-by from me, work is busy lately. :D Happy new year to the folks celebrating Rosh Hashanah!

09-17-2012, 08:36 PM
Shana tova!

09-17-2012, 11:31 PM
Nasty, cold rain tonight in east Kentucky. We donned foul weather gear and slogged out a hike this evening anyway.

ICU - Kim Chee sounds interesting. We got a Harsch crock a few years ago that is great for kraut. Would love to try Kim Chee in it next.

Megan - We use MyFitnessPal as well. The inaccuracy of calories burned through exercise and their crazy projections are annoying. I'd weigh nothing at all by now according to it. But it's good for logging our meals. Very comprehensive food database. The only thing I've eaten I couldn't find was paw paws.

Vinegar and salt chickpeas sound pretty good! I do miss those chips sometimes. Recipe?

09-18-2012, 06:56 AM
I stayed OP yesterday, despite a visit to the hospital and my dad insulting me 3 times while in a conference with 2 doctors and an intern. I am going to stay away while they try to talk my dad into accepting a long-term care bed. He is still adamant about going "back home". My anger (which is triggered just by being in the same room with him) is causing me to open my mouth and blurt out stuff better not said.

This is his swan song (his cancer has spread) and he will have servants and attendants galore to do his bidding. If he so chooses. The only one not at the party is me.

Changing the subject entirely I bought a chip maker for the microwave a while back and DH got some potatoes a couple of weeks ago. We have not been motivated enough to make our own chips yet. Too much bats*^t going on right now.

Dagmar :tired:

09-18-2012, 10:01 AM
Morning all,

It is stormy here this morning. It rained a lot yesterday, last night, and the thunder woke me up around 6:15 this AM. I laid in bed for a while. I was sort of scared to get up and shower, the storm was so bad. I was glad I had a dog to walk yesterday afternoon. I was tired and could have easily sat like a lump and eaten a bunch of food. Instead I sucked it up and walked the dog, despite the rain, almost 4 miles (I'm sure Dagmar does this frequently :p). I still had two extra snacks when I got home from rehearsal. Will try to do better today. I slept a bit better last night but still not completely normally.

John, I really like how comprehensive the food database is, too. I used to use fitday on the computer and liked the detailed nutrition reports but had to enter a lot of my own custom foods. It seems I did turn off the "If every day were like this, you'd weigh XXX lbs in 5 weeks" feature, whew.

I'm at work so I don't want to go to the link but if you google "Oh She Glows" + "Salt and Vinegar Roasted Chickpeas" the recipe should pop right up. I love salt & vinegar flavor. These certain don't replace the chips, but are salty and crunchy and weirdly addicting.

Dagmar, at least your dad is on many official records as disregarding the doctor's advice. Hang in there. :hug: A friend loaned me one of those chip makers, too. I have yet to try it. I should just give it back. I don't need a rarely used item in my small kitchen.

Kery, you will take control over those kids! I know you can do it! My mom is a teacher and at the program she used to teach she had "good" classes and "bad" ones. The bad made her really appreciate the good.

Happy New Year to those who are celebrating!

I brought some iced tea from home as a "special" drink this afternoon, though I might switch to hot tea. I'll try to stick to tea and the healthy snacks this afternoon rather than give in to munchies. It's going to be a long, rainy day in the office. :dizzy:

09-18-2012, 10:30 AM
We've got an all-day rain in the forecast, which always puts me on edge.

Instead of luxuriating in a cup of coffee, I keep getting up from my Aeron & going to the windows & standing & staring meditatively, with panicky thoughts assaulting me: Are the storm drains in the back parking lot working? How high is the Bronx River? Has it covered the roadway under the bridge yet? Have the other tenants moved their cars to higher ground? How many inches of rain did the forecast say was coming, and in what period of time?

Also, after a long wait, and a weekly phone call, the furniture restorer got back to me yesterday. He finished a job in someone's home. He promised to deliver some things to me today. But he may cancel if it rains all day. That fills me with deep disappointment, since I have not seen or heard from him since early in August.

I am trying to remind myself that when life is a mess, and work is stressful (as it was yesterday), the only thing I've got to depend on is me. And this body that I am inhabiting. So I'd better make it strong & take care of it. I did my weight routine thinking things like: This body is the only thing I own that I may be able to keep safe, and is the only thing I can take with me. This body is all I've got. Everything else beyond the surface of my skin is not at all within my control and is likely to be lost eventually.

traveling michele
09-18-2012, 11:26 AM
Saef-- I'm sorry but not surprised that the rain troubles you. When I owned my first car as a teenager-- I was 17 and had saved and bought it myself-- owned it for a month-- before I was caught up in a flash flood in Texas. Terrifying. I had to abandon the car and basically swim away. There were abandoned cars everywhere-- it looked like a parking lot-- it was in a neighborhood and cars washed up on top on lawns, etc. Ever since that day I get very antsy about driving in the rain. Just thinking about it now makes my heart race.

You are right to take care of what you can control.

09-18-2012, 11:29 AM
Out in the pouring rain (probably all day according to the forecast) - thank you inventor of Gortex. :D I have tried a number of cheaper alternatives but nothing keeps me drier than Gortex, without my being reduced to a sweaty mess inside the clothes. I'm kinda glad of the rain for the next few days. I really like fall and, given the stress I'm under, I can use some cool grey stuff for awhile.

saef I get why you're so anxious about all day rain but could part of this be that you're still not quite back "on" with your meds? All day rain is NOT a hurricane. Your apartment will be fine. And if it isn't you can come and kill me.


Dagmar :dizzy:

Shannon in ATL
09-18-2012, 02:05 PM
Dagmar - my heart goes out to you. :hug:

DH's uncle has been in at-home hospice care for a few weeks now. His uncle really stepped in with DH's dad left when he was 3 and filled the dad shoes, so this has been hard. This morning they moved him from in-home care to a facility. I think it is a good move - the family just can't take care of him effectively at home. He has advanced bone and lung cancer. The end is near. It is going to make eating and exercise hard for me for the next while. I'm going to have to not worry about it and just survive it.

Shannon in ATL
09-18-2012, 02:06 PM
And Saef, I'm watching the rain out of my window and thinking of you. I hope that you are well.

09-18-2012, 02:10 PM
Shannon, I am sorry for the pain you are having to go through right now.I am praying that you and DH will find peace at this time.

09-18-2012, 06:10 PM
Shannon :hug: It's very different when the person dying is someone who has cared for you and made a positive difference in your life. Then it's really hard to say goodbye. I hope you and DH find some peace among the sadness when your uncle passes away.


traveling michele
09-18-2012, 11:50 PM
Hugs to you and your dh Shannon.
My father has been gone for years and was not a great dad. I am very close to my only living relative-- my uncle-- who is now over 80 and in failing health. So I can really identify with your dh and his pain.

09-19-2012, 09:59 AM
Morning all,

Shannon, hugs to you and DH. :hug: DH's uncle sounds like a really good person to step into your DH's life like that. He, and you and DH, will be in my thoughts.

It seems petty in that light, but I was going to post about how I've hit my 1-1.5 week diet frustration that I always hit when really trying to cut cals and lose weight. The last several days I've been really hungry, cranky, and just waiting to get to my next planned meal or snack. Surely I should be seeing a scale reward for this kind of "suffering" (I know it's not really suffering!), but no. Cals seem high for weight loss, but I could not physically eat less the last few days. This is the point where I usually give up. I'm trying not to. Maybe I will do 7 day averages for both weight and cals consumed.

Saef, it's certainly natural that now that you are back in your home that once flooded you worry about it happening again. But it was a catastrophic event, not a daily rainfall, that caused the flooding. Could you talk to your therapist about coping mechanisms? Now that you are back downstate, can you set up regularly scheduled in-person appointments with him/her? Have your meds fully taken effect? :hug:

Back to work.

09-19-2012, 11:28 AM
I'm mesmerized with Kery's new "firm but b*otch inside" approach to dealing with ungrateful kids. Look forward to progress reports.

Hugs to Shannon, Michelle, and Dagmar for serious real life situations.

09-19-2012, 11:57 AM
Hugs to all dealing with relatives and other issues.

My daughter would beg to differ with Kery. She's currently studying psychology in hopes of getting into grad school to study positive psychology and how positive reinforcement works best in the classroom.

I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I've got an appointment to take both dogs and one cat to the vet all at once. I'll have a handful for sure!

09-19-2012, 06:24 PM
Hugs to all dealing with relatives and other issues.

My daughter would beg to differ with Kery. She's currently studying psychology in hopes of getting into grad school to study positive psychology and how positive reinforcement works best in the classroom.

I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I've got an appointment to take both dogs and one cat to the vet all at once. I'll have a handful for sure!

I think the vet techs will be glad to help you get all the pets in and out. I have to get a hand when bringing both cats by myself. Mudpie is fine but Mishka (the 19 lb. brute) lunges back and forth in the carrier, howling and peeing. He's a charmer at the vets. Has pooped on every single employee there at least once. :eek:

They love Mud - she's quiet, docile, and co-operative. Nothing like she is at home. :lol3:

Dagmar :p

traveling michele
09-20-2012, 11:19 AM
Dagmar-- I can just picture your kitties at the vet. When I worked as a vet tech, we saw many kitties like Mishka. They had a reputation. I was more afraid of trying to restrain those cats versus mean dogs. I could get a grip on a mean dog and hold them down but those kitties had a way of getting loose to bite and scratch anyone in the near vicinity!

Allison-- how did it go at the vet? I brought both my doggies last time by myself and that alone was a major juggling act.

I'm still not feeling great. 2 days until tough mudder. I don't really think I'm sick though.... or if I am it is just mild. I didn't exercise yesterday for the first time in over a month. Of course, my weight reflects that. I think I'll do bikram tonight to try to sweat as long as I feel okay. Tomorrow after work we drive to Tahoe and will not do any real exercise. We're hoping to jog or walk there tomorrow night to acclimate to the altitude but it will be dark so we'll have to see where the hotel is, etc.

09-20-2012, 11:21 AM
Having lost my father to cancer a few years back, I am finding that a lot of you have written posts that are haunting me. Hugs for you both. Whether the person who is dying is loved or unloved, it's a person who shaped and shook your worlds and whom you will never be able to forget.

I am finding that, in real life and online, when someone announces they've just discovered they have cancer, or someone close to them has cancer, I am not reacting well lately. I am awash with memories, some of them emotionally prostrating, and am freezing up and have trouble responding as warmly and optimistically as I ought to. I feel obscurely terrified, and not just for them. And freezing up seems to make me inexpressive, as if I did not even register what they said, when actually, I care deeply, so deeply that I can't even talk about it. Because I might cry. What I really want to do is hug them & cry: "This is awful. I wish the best for you." I am not good at the optimistic platitude part. Maybe because in my own experience with my father, the case was far-gone & hopeless at diagnosis, and any words claiming otherwise would have been utterly hollow.

It's easier to write it here.

Hang in there. What happens next will change your outlook on life forever.

09-20-2012, 11:30 AM
When my Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer she felt that too many people felt sorry for her and she didn't like that so she stopped telling people. She had always been rather stoic in that regard. Everyone reacts differently to it, I guess.

I haven't been to the vet yet (tomorrow). Neither of my cats is aggressive. Ringo wants to hide so he makes himself very small and cowers on my lap. Louie wants to explore and I have to make sure he doesn't get in behind their computer to play with the cords. What is it that seems to make them shed in excess when we're at the vet?

Sorry you're not feeling well, Michele. I hope it passes before your tough mudder.

DS is still all congested in his ear. I'm going to call the doctor to see if they can get him in tomorrow after school, but I'm not hopeful. I called yesterday at 4 PM and the office was closed. I doubt they'll take an appointment as late as I need it (3:30 or 3:45 would be best). I supposed if I can't get him in I'll take him to an urgent care instead. There's a really good one not far from my house that we use when we can't get into the doctor and they charge the same copay as the doctor.

09-20-2012, 11:36 AM
Dagmar-- I can just picture your kitties at the vet. When I worked as a vet tech, we saw many kitties like Mishka. They had a reputation. I was more afraid of trying to restrain those cats versus mean dogs. I could get a grip on a mean dog and hold them down but those kitties had a way of getting loose to bite and scratch anyone in the near vicinity!

Mishi has never ever even attempted to bite or scratch anyone. He relied on fearsome vocalizations at the first two vets. Bengal tiger screams, growls, yowls, etc. etc. He has quite a repertoire.

Then he accidentally peed all over himself in the carrier at the third vet. Even his dim little brain was able to figure out that everyone who had to handle him, covered in stinky cat urine, was grossed out. Then he upped the ante by trying the pooping - vets 4 and 5.

We now have a woman vet who understands how to handle him. She has escaped unscathed - no pee or poop - but he still pees on the way home so I have to handle him and clean him up. And DH no longer walks him 'cause Mishi pees all over the couch or DH whenever he sees the harness.

Dagmar :lol3: (it is funny in it's gross little own way)

09-20-2012, 11:51 AM
saef,re your comments about cancer and how you respond to those with cancer. I understand how you feel. It is strange for me as I have cancer and really don't wish any special treatment, other than medical personnel. When I hear someone has cancer I just don't know what to say,there are no right words that I know of. My feeling is that I am just a normal person who happens to have cancer if you want to ask me about it that is OK, but I can do without the tsk tsk, too bad comments.

09-20-2012, 01:12 PM
bargoo, I can relate. People ask me how my Mom is doing, and it's hard for me to know what to say, too. It's kind of a complex answer, and not something I can put into just a few words to someone I run into at the grocery store or whatever. So, I usually say something along the lines of, "Well, she's hanging in there.", which I know is not a very satisfying answer. She actually stopped going to church for a while (her main social outlet) because people always wanted to talk to her about her cancer. It's nice that they ask; she understands it is out of love and concern, but she wants to just be normal sometimes.

09-20-2012, 02:07 PM
bargoo, I can relate. People ask me how my Mom is doing, and it's hard for me to know what to say, too. It's kind of a complex answer, and not something I can put into just a few words to someone I run into at the grocery store or whatever. So, I usually say something along the lines of, "Well, she's hanging in there.", which I know is not a very satisfying answer. She actually stopped going to church for a while (her main social outlet) because people always wanted to talk to her about her cancer. It's nice that they ask; she understands it is out of love and concern, but she wants to just be normal sometimes.

ward, give your Mom a hug from me , another cancer patient just wanting to be normal. Your reply is a good one. I think people want to show their concern but just don't know how to go about it.

Shannon in ATL
09-20-2012, 03:00 PM
Bargoo - I can understand the desire to be 'normal' and not have to answer the questions or deal with the looks. I think I wouldn't want to share with too many people if I had a major health situation - I too would want to still be just me without the illness.

Ward - another hug to you and your mother.

Saef - I'm not good with the comforting and soothing either, or I feel like I'm not. DH says that I'm wonderful at making people feel comforted and safe in these situations, but I think I say stupid things and put my foot in my mouth more than anything. Maybe the reality is that the people I'm talking to also want to be normal and feel better when I'm more straightforward. Dunno.

Michele - I'm sorry that your uncle isn't in good health as well. I remember you saying you had a tough relationship with your dad, I'm glad that you have your uncle to fill that gap, and my DH as well. I can't imagine not having the relationship I have with my dad during my life.

It has been a hard week - thanks for all the thoughts. He is holding his own now, is actually rallying a little now that he is settled at the hospice facility. The nurses figure it will be a couple more days. They use such delicate phrasing - "the process is continuing slower than we first thought when he got here, it looks like another day or two before things step back up and start resolving". I know they are trying to keep us calmer with words like "process" instead of decline and "resolve" instead of die. I get that. At 3am though the soft words can make you as angry as the more direct ones....

traveling michele
09-20-2012, 03:14 PM
More hugs to you Shannon. I don't know if you've dealt with hospice before, but they were incredible with my mom. I've never met such amazing and caring people in my life. They truly helped us at such a difficult time.

09-20-2012, 03:14 PM
I remember when my Mom was in hospice. The doctor came in to evaluate her (she was still pretty lucid at that point). The doctor explained what was going on, etc. and then said to my Mom, "is there anything you want to tell me?" To which my Mom said, "you have pretty eyes." Always one to divert attention. (I'm sure I've shared this story before.)

I downloaded a book the other day Bald in the Land of Big Hair which is a memoir of a woman in Texas who has lymphoma and lost her hair. It is supposed to be quite humorous. They say laughter is the best medicine. I'd sure rather laugh than to feel sorry for myself if I were dealing with cancer or any major illness.

I agree, Shannon, I'm not very good at making others feel better. I feel like an oaf. I never know what to say and I'm convinced everything I do say is completely wrong. I'm kind of like that in any social situation as well. Shyness? Inferiority complex? Who knows, but it's there and I'm constantly having to deal with it.

09-20-2012, 03:46 PM
Shannon, my experience with hospice workers is like Michele's. My father wanted to die at home, so we set up a bed in the middle of the living room. My parents also finally splurged & replaced their old TV set with a huge digital TV, which they'd been postponing buying. My father could also look out the atrium doors and watch birds that came to the bird feeder. The hospice workers were there every day, sometimes several of them at different times. They also talked with me & my mother. They tried to prepare us, but my father had a harder and more ghastly death than they'd thought. Very upsetting to remember, as he did not go gently. It was like watching someone drown in just a few traumatic minutes, with my mother & I panicking, raising the bed up & down. I found some of the hospice workers to be extremely straightforward after I made clear to them how I wanted them to communicate with me. I wanted them to be direct and accurate, because I had a lot of pressure on me about how long, exactly,my leave from work was going to last.

I would rather talk about it directly, and be openly sad, and then get on with doing as much living as we can while waiting.

I have no regrets about my time spent with my father, my demeanor toward him, or anything we said to each other. I don't think I left anything unsaid.

This is not to say it was easy. He was an angry man for much of his time dying. Very angry. And he did not mince words, being as he was in a place beyond tact or euphemisms. I dealt with it on my own, at the gym, and by meditating, because for that time, it had to be about him, and so I was okay with it. I had very clear priorities and that made it easier.

Shannon in ATL
09-20-2012, 05:20 PM
The hospice workers have been fantastic - I've only had two other experiences in hospice, one long one with DH's aunt a few years ago, one very quick one with my grandfather. These guys have been wonderful - we started the uncle at home, with a hospital bed in the dining room. They moved him to the facility on Monday - things went so bad on Sunday night, and the family just couldn't handle it. It was the main hospice nurse who encouraged his wife to move him, she was so patient and really helped our aunt resolve the guilt of him not being at home. He is so much more peaceful now then he was at home.

09-20-2012, 05:37 PM
It's odd that no one wants to use the word dying, dead, etc.

My group therapist (from long ago) related a story about her alcoholic mother. The mom was in a care facility and wasn't expected to live very long. She was a feisty old gal though and was still getting up to mischief at the care facility (including breaking out and going across the street in her hospital gown, robe, and slippers to beg change outside the liquor store until she could buy a bottle).

She died quite suddenly. My therapist's brother called her and said "mom's gone". My therapist thought "woo hoo! Mom has broken out again and is loose on the streets." She presented this as an anecdote that was genuinely funny to herself.


09-21-2012, 09:56 AM
This has been a good week, weight wise. Tomorrow i will check the average for the week, something I haven't done before.

09-21-2012, 11:11 AM
I had to take DS to urgent care yesterday. He had a cold last week that seemed to have settled in his left ear. He said he thought it was actually ear wax buildup, but I wasn't convinced. He used a wax removal kit several times during the week and it wasn't helping. I couldn't get him in to our regular doctor because his office closes early in September and I didn't want to take him out of school and interrupt his 6 AP classes. Anyway, it was ear wax (2nd time this year). He bought the wax removal kit months ago and was supposed to use it "regularly" to keep his ears clean. Obviously that went by the wayside. Maybe this time the lesson will sink in.

The week has been good. I feel it in my shorts--they're feeling a lot looser than usual although I haven't seen any dramatic reduction in weight.

I have planned my weekend dinners (zucchini lasagna or zucchini spaghetti and fajitas using a rotisserie chicken) and if I can just get myself to sidestep the fast food lunches I think I'll be good to go for a no gain weekend.

09-22-2012, 10:56 AM
My fellas are in the woods today for Michigan's youth gun hunt. DS13 is allowed a doe with a gun pre-season, as he's completed safety training, and DH is accompanying him (unarmed). It'd be nice to get some venison in the freezer; I hope all goes well with DS's first deer.

I've been following the chat about death and dying. As I have not had a close friend or relative in that situation, I don't have anything to offer, and it makes me squeamish to even imagine how I will react when this becomes part of my life experience. I do what people like me tend to do - drop off lasagnas and casseroles, and sympathy cards with "call me if you need anything" notes.

Today's lineup is to insulate my bathroom ceiling before the drywall goes up next week (now that the roof leak is resolved), and replace the leaky kitchen faucet part with the new one. It'd be a nice victory to check those boxes off from the to-do list. That, and to not aimlessly graze and/or mindlessly binge while at home alone, with no witnesses. :club:

09-23-2012, 06:51 AM
becky How's the weekend alone going so far?

Dagmar :cool:

09-23-2012, 10:20 AM
My week is starting on an upswing as the scale was down today.

09-23-2012, 11:16 AM
Well, it became clear that insulating a ceiling works better after the drywall is up. Suffice to say I ended the day with the batts staged in the attic, and many pieces cut to size. Fiberglass is NOT fun. Today I want to finish the faucet repair and get expanding foam in the corner gaps. I made some really horrible food choices yesterday even though the calorie damage wasn't that bad. :p. Thank goodness I have the rest of my life to practice doing better!

09-26-2012, 12:39 AM
*tip toes in*

Things status quo here.


Busy working and getting the garden canned and frozen.

Will check back in with more over the weekend!:D

09-26-2012, 07:22 AM
Re: cancer issues --> I never know either how to react, how to comfort people. I think I've already mentioned it here once, but this particular topic has always made me very squeamish and frightened. I've had nightmares about it, way more frightening than monsters and endless falls and other "traditional" nightmares. So I just don't know how to react, other than being scared myself. :( But, well... hang on?

Re: positive reinforcement --> Yeah, in theory, it's great, and I tried to go with that for the past few years. Let's just say the results weren't as great as they were made out to be. :( Probably it works way better with smaller groups, but not with 27 to 30 12- or 13-year-old kids who'd like to be anywhere but at school. And some of them are clearly 'out to get you' (they're not particularly discreet about it; where I work, it's not seldom to see a whole class act as one on a particular day to 'make the Music teacher cry' or whatever.)

To be fair, I *use* positive reinforcement, and will go on doing so. I always congratulate my pupils when they found the right answer, and it doesn't matter if the kid is a 'good pupil' or the one who I had to punish not two minutes ago. I want them to know that punishment isn't against them as people, and that if they do something nice, then they get nice things in turn. I also use songs in class, I bring movies, things that are beyond the dull old dialogue in the English book. But using only positive reinforcement is, unfortunately, not enough. If we don't regularly punish kids who cause ruckus in the class, then they just cause more and more, no matter how many times they get rewards for good things. (Also, it's as if whatever comes from the teacher is necessarily bad. I mean, seriously, when I bring a movie to class, I'd like to hear something else than "pffff, it's in English, it sucks". Yeah, I teach English, how illogical and ill-advised of me to bring English-dubbed movies. :roll:)

((Sidenote of the day, I'm still amazed that almost one month into dealing with annoying classes in one of the most difficult schools in town, I haven't given in to bingeing. But then, I also bike to and from school, which probably helps in calming my nerves *before* hitting home and kitchen table?))

09-26-2012, 08:07 AM
Kery Punishment has it's place. Sometimes something negative IS required. And you're dealing with that age group who are just starting to challenge authority (the dog equivalent is 8 months - 16 months old) so congrats for staying on top of the situation and not caving in to the eating.

You are working with a "tough crowd"!

I certainly punish the dogs when they need it. In their case it's a quick tap to the side of the head and a "shht" a la "Dog Whisperer". I am firm, fast, and fair when doling out taps. And treats. Good behaviour and sometimes just being cute or sitting and asking for one produces a treat from me.

There are other dogs with other handlers who require shoves, and knees in the chest, and various other things. The dogs are totally OK with this - they naturally "punish" each other to establish boundaries and rules within their pack.

The people, on the other hand, tend to be really weird about it. I always get a chuckle out of people who chastise the dog verbally, at length. Their dogs are so obviously NOT listening - it's like they have their paws over their ears and are yelling out "la, la, la".

Dagmar :dizzy:

09-26-2012, 08:13 AM
Well, sometimes it's with kids just as with dogs, it seems: "Be quiet!" or "Silence!" works so much better than "Please, class, don't talk, because if you chat, then you can't hear the lesson and blah blah blah..." *drowned into oblivion* :lol: