100 lb. Club - *Walks in, head down* AGAIN....Seriously???




famograham
09-11-2012, 01:32 PM
I just sent this in a PM to Sandi....but it's pretty fitting for the board.


Amelia is 19 months old now, and an amazing little firecracker.
After she was born, weight POURED off me effortlessly...I went from 268 at conception, to 255 at birth, to 210 about 10 weeks later. It was INSANE. I was SO happy, and felt so blessed for the free ride, almost halfway to goal!!

And then I don't know what happened, I stopped paying attention, had some marriage stuff....
And here I find myself...AGAIN. FATTER THAN EVER.
Only by 1-ish pound (270 just now, hence the visit to 3FC and the freakout!), but STILL....what the H E L L is wrong with me...why can't I ever make it all the way and stay there??? I'm so happy when I'm succeeding, why do I sabotage myself and let it go so far, *every * single * time*?????

I've managed before to gain back the confidence to believe I can do it every time before....but it seems like such a joke, to believe myself again!!! I'm so angry at this part of myself.

It's so weird. I really like myself, the person I am inside. It's a bizarre feeling to overall be confident, but absolutely abhor this ONE aspect of myself.

I need help...yet again.
Linda

PS I have missed some of my friends!!! Is anyone left who knows me? LOL! If you're here, you know this is NOT the normal me! :hug:

__________________


kateleestar
09-11-2012, 02:32 PM
Well, I don't know you.. but HELLO! :D

Goddess Jessica
09-11-2012, 02:46 PM
Hi Linda!

No shame. You're here. That's what's important. And SQUEEE! A baby!

I almost named mine Amelia! And Eleanor is 15 months old. Also, a firecracker. :)

Glad you're back, Chiquita.


RJR
09-11-2012, 02:50 PM
Welcome :) It's nice to meet you.

Hotpink88
09-11-2012, 03:00 PM
That's not bad at all. Keep trying for your goal.

famograham
09-11-2012, 04:49 PM
Thanks Mamas,

Jessica...you're killin' it, eh??? OMG!!!

:hug:

LockItUp
09-11-2012, 05:07 PM
Welcome back. I don't know if perhaps we did cross paths here on 3FC at some point, we joined around the same time! I also had lost and regained, then had 2 babies and re-started heavier than I'd ever been. It happens! No shame in it because you are trying again!

SmallSteps
09-11-2012, 05:58 PM
I don't know you but WELCOME BACK!!!!!

synger
09-11-2012, 07:17 PM
Welcome back! Glad to see you, even if I'm sorry you've had to return. Congrats on your baby!!

mandalinn82
09-11-2012, 07:26 PM
Hi, Famograham! I remember you! Congrats on the wee one!

No walking in head down...you're back, you know what you need to do, so now you just have to do it.

Can't wait to see you around more.

missaprylj
09-12-2012, 11:41 AM
Welcome back! I don't remember you, but I just returned to the 100lb Club yesterday after about 6-7 years away, so, you're gonna get that. :-P

Amelia is such a beautiful name. Congratulations.

DollyR
09-12-2012, 05:18 PM
I remember you! I have been back and forth over the years and have not lost anything significant in a long time. Recently I returned and right afterwards had a major set back. It will not be an easy road to say the least until I can at least walk but I am here and trying to watch what I eat. Good luck Linda! This a good place for support and venting.

NoSuchUser
09-12-2012, 07:03 PM
I understand your frustration!! After my son was born, I got a little free ride too! I lost 10lbs while pregnant, and then 30 more in the 5 months after. Thank you, lactation! Then yeah, stuff happened. I kept it off until it was time to TTC again (we started when he was 1), and it went back up in the almost 2 years of trying, and when I finally got pregnant again, I was pretty much back to square one!

You can do it. You can do it again!! You already know how good that 210 feels, and I can tell you the feeling you get when you go below that previous low weight, that feels fantastic, and you are going to get there!!

famograham
09-12-2012, 07:10 PM
Thanks so much Ladies :hug:

Dolly...I read about your ordeal. I'm SO glad you're here. I remember you from MANY years of this rollercoaster. :)

Enygirl
09-12-2012, 09:51 PM
You are officially my new 3FC BFF. 4 years ago, I joined 3FC at #199, in a few short months, I was at #185. Then I married "him" (God only knows why!) Through emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse, a pregnancy, and (THANKFULLY) a divorce, I came crawling back in May at my highest weight EVER; #247. Even then I wasn't all "You can do this!" until about a month ago when I rejoined. I'm moving forward, but it's hard. I'm in a MUCH MUCH better place, and it's all about me now!

Hang in there babe... we got this!

famograham
09-13-2012, 12:43 PM
Haha! Nice :)
I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, Enygirl. Proud of you for getting yourself out!
I went through an abusive situation MANY years ago as a 14-15 year old girl, with a much older "man" (term used very loosely).


I've been up and down on this fat rollercoaster for so long. It's very hard to keep the faith in myself.
I gain it back (the FAITH) very quickly once I'm on track, but I have this tendency to relax once I start to feel good, and never make it more than halfway. :mad:

sarahbelle17
09-14-2012, 01:09 AM
Oh, thank God I found you. My Ramona is 17 months old. I was 200 when I started TTC, 220 after my miscarriage when I got pregnant with Ramona, 280 when she was born, and lost 45 pounds in 6 weeks.

Somehow I have blown up to 268.

I broke down bawling this afternoon while she was napping. I want to have another baby but I have got to get under control. I have never felt less at home in my own body.

I have not figured out how to exercise regularly but that is not the problem. I like exercise.

The problem is food. Somehow it has become an idol. Its the altar that I worship at when I feel sad, stressed, angry and out of control. Its how I celebrate good things, and grieve hard things.

I don't even know where to start. 5 years ago when I got married I was 170 and that was after a 2 years on weight watchers (prior to my pregnancy my highest weight was 225).

But I can't go back to the diet that worked for me then (all processed low-calorie food, frozen mostly). I have a daughter who needs healthy whole unprocessed food. I can't afford WW meetings.

Low carb, no carb slow carb good carb bad carb. Low cal, low fat, low sugar, high protein?

Any advice would be wonderful. But more than that I need to know that I am not alone in this and that I CAN do it again. Because I don't believe it.

famograham
09-14-2012, 01:27 AM
Awwww :hug: Some similarities there for sure!!!
The plan itself...I'm really not sure it matters what you choose. I only track calories...that's it. I currently use Fitday.com
It all just simply about the math. I'm very good at it when I'm on the wagon!!

This time though, I definitely want to try and focus a bit more on my nutrition rather than strictly numbers.

You don't have to be able to afford any meetings, or anything to be able to do this.

My guess is that most of us could benefit for lower carb, higher protein, whole foods, fruits and veg. It sounds so bloody simple!!

My name is Linda, and I'm here!! You're not alone, and we're right where we need to be right now!!

Keep talking!
:hug:

PS: Biggest issue/barrier for me, emotions-wise, my marriage! How's your relationship with Hubby? I've been married for 16 years, together for 18. We've got a nearly 15 y/o DS, an 11 y/o DD and Baby Amelia, 19 mos.
My marriage is a rollercoaster JUST as much as my weight, and most likely directly linked, timewise.

Dumplin
09-14-2012, 05:41 AM
Hi famograham ! I remember you well ! Such a pretty baby in the pic ! You were always on fire with motivation and I love to read your post. Welcome back cute little Mommy . It's good to have you around ! I have been here for 3 years . Still trying to get below 200 . WOW ! I need to step it up for sure. Good Luck friend :O)

famograham
09-14-2012, 12:50 PM
:hug:

Goddess Jessica
09-14-2012, 04:11 PM
I love the name Ramona! So classic.

I would say that my advice is don't over think it. Make a change today that you can stick to -- maybe it's replacing all beverages with water or not eating after 7PM. Maybe it's just making sure you have washed fruits and veggies in the fridge and on hand. The first change is the easiest.

famograham
09-14-2012, 05:47 PM
Thanks GJ :)
I have one excellent day under my belt (yesterday). I find, almost every single time I re-start this journey...that all I need to remind myself I CAN DO IT!
Here's my thinking right now:

*Drink water*
*Take my vitamins*
*Maintain ANY calorie deficit*

That's it for now. Trying not to focus on how fast I lose, how MUCH I have to lose, or how long it's going to take.
Being kind to myself, and giving myself permission to believe, is my main focus.

:hug:

famograham
09-15-2012, 11:03 AM
Eleanor, Ramona and Amelia....how sweet!!!
Adorably classic, Like Jessica said :)

Heather
09-15-2012, 11:09 AM
I remember you, too. I've regained so much of what I lost, but am not giving up!

Welcome back!!

famograham
09-15-2012, 11:29 AM
Heather!!! :hug: Yay!