100 lb. Club - Revenge weight loss

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09-10-2012, 02:00 AM
Had my first post-divorce date Friday. Tried online dating. Had this AMAZING connection with this guy, and was really looking forward to meeting him. Most. Awkward. Date. Ever. Maybe because I haven't dated in 18 years and I legit liked him? I was certainly not my usual ultra-charming self. :-P Anyway, our 100-texts-a-day friendship disappeared. :-(. 100 reasons for it, but I can't help blaming it on being fat, though I sent him an updated and accurate picture before we really got deep in the texting relationship. =/

No matter. I liked him, but it was, after all, merely a first date. I have found myself telling myself since then that I have to make this or that good choice so I can go find this guy and show him how good I look when I resemble some of our 3FC maintainers and make him regret his horrible choice. =p

I don't know how long this will last, and I promise I will never go find him. I have removed all his contact info from my phone, in fact. But I may call these next 10 or 20 pounds my revenge loss pounds. ;-)

Dating again! Crazy!

09-10-2012, 02:54 AM
Oh! I know how you feel. I just started dating again recently and went on what I thought was a great date last night. Sushi and a show....and no call back today, then I went on Facebook to send him a message and tell him I had a great time and he had deleted me from his friends list. Butt hurt ensued, lol.

But, sh** happens, connections sometimes are not felt on both sides...and yes, I think since this is such a small town and I know I'll probably see him again, the next few lbs will definitely be motivated by revenge. We should have a revenge club, lol!

09-10-2012, 03:19 AM
Oh, Ghost. So sorry you can relate! I know my guy liked me for a while. And that's enough at this stage as I learn to date. Deleting you from FB, though. Ugh! I hope he sees you and you get a chance to reject him!

Revenge pounds, see ya later!

09-10-2012, 07:41 AM
First of all, :congrat: on getting back out there! As a single lady, I know dating is not for the faint of heart!

It's so funny, but I totally get the whole "uber charming until romantic potential" syndrome. I pride myself on my people skills, but when you get me into a date situation. Oh geez. It's not pretty. Something happens (well, I know what happens--I let my insecurities get the best of me) and I start to self sabotage, or turn into a weirdo, crazy person (okay, it's probably not that bad, but I feel myself become less confident, and then I don't like myself as much as I usually do. And in fairness, I don't really think I should expect anyone one to fall deeply and madly in love with me if I'm not deeply, madly in love with myself! I'm working on it!)

I really do think dating is a practiced art, so keep trying..and let us know how it goes, because I loooove talking about romance, dating, and all that jazz! :-)

P.S. TOTALLY on board with revenge weight loss!!! There are so many dudes I imagine with their jaws hanging open when they see me slightly more svelte! Will they actually notice or care? Realistically, probably not too much, but at that point I'll feel so fly, it won't even matter!

P.S.S. ghost, he deleted you on Facebook?! As my mother would say: "What a weenie." ;-)

09-10-2012, 07:49 AM
i have all kinds of snarky reasons to lose weight. None as important as getting healthy of course, but if snarky feelings give you a lil boost of motivation (even short lived) i say go for it. losing weight is hard, and we all need moments of levity or lil boosts here and there lol

09-10-2012, 08:27 AM
Totally understand. My next big goal is to weigh less than my ex- so I know how you feel :p

Goddess Jessica
09-10-2012, 02:29 PM
One thing I will caution you against is blaming your weight. Although it certainly can be the cause (some guys don't get that yes, I'm fat. I sent you a pic!). I know a few ladies who only went back into the dating game after they lost weight and then were surprised that everything didn't fall magically into place. Sometimes dating is just hard! Fat or not!

I had a great connection with this guy and the first time we met in person, he totally was NOT interested. He told his friend (who set us up) that I was interesting and a fun person but he wasn't attracted to me in the least. WELL THEN. We ended up staying friends because we had a lot in common and then months later (after I had a boyfriend), he told me he was head over heels in love with me. Are you kidding me? You had your chance.

I just went into every date with the attitude that no matter what, it will probably make a great story to tell my friends. OH LAWDY, did I have stories to tell. :)

09-10-2012, 02:35 PM
I really do thank God that I am happily married for 30 yrs! I don't think I could handle dating again. lol.

Why is it so exceptable for men to be overweight, graying, balding, etc., yet they think their dates should look like Cindy Crawford? never understood that one!

09-10-2012, 04:04 PM
Why is it so exceptable for men to be overweight, graying, balding, etc., yet they think their dates should look like Cindy Crawford? never understood that one!

I had something similar happen to me as JESSICA did. This guy that had been interested in me before (we were long-time friends), then made it very clear he wasn't interested anymore, becuz I had gained some weight. So, I moved on. He was only average-looking himself, at best -- so I thought "Gee pal, would you take a look in the mirror again, please!" (Never would say that though, as then I would be judging him, right?)

Not long after that, I met my DH -- and when he found out I was getting married, he was devasated and sent a family member to tell me 1) that he was in love with me; and 2) why was I marrying the other guy? What? I felt really bad when she told me that he actually cried when she told him I was getting married; but, seems he totally forgot the rude way he had talked to me the last time I saw him ... :shrug:

So, I answered his questions 1) gee, you never told me that before; and 2) becuz this guy accepts me the way I am. He actually sent more messages back & forth trying to excuse his behavior. He said he didn't mean what he said, and so on -- but finally I just said, "I'm sorry, but it's too late for that now!" You know, he's still single to this day ...

OP ~ dating is difficult even if your looks & weight are not an issue. I didn't get married until I was 30 y/o. Sometimes, the guy wasn't serious or right for me; or I wasn't interested in the guy for good reasons. I could tell some stories too. After years of dating, I just got fed up and stopped; of course, that is when I met my DH. :lol:

As for the guy who cut you off like that; you don't wanna him anyways, trust me. Like Jessica says, it may or may NOT be about weight. Sometimes, there is just no chemistry. He's the one that passed up a great gal -- so keep on, keepin' on! :hug:

09-10-2012, 04:19 PM
Thanks for all the support and the relating! Jessica - I actually thought of you when deciding to be brave enough to just get out there, fat or not.

The disconnect was so many things. We had a great connection, but no particular compatibility. And I was truly awkward. Not because I am fat. Because I am completely unskilled at this. But I do think it would be easier if I wasn't fat.

Update - he texted me today. But you know what? Too late, baby. The way I felt the last few days combined with the aforementioned incompatibility = donesville. I just told him I would miss him. (And I will.) And I still want to take off some revenge pounds.

Now we start again! And this time, with a little more experience and a little less weight.

09-10-2012, 05:20 PM
I had a boyfriend who treated me like crap. He was always cheating on me but I could never prove it with solid evidence.

One time we were fooling around and he grabbed my stomach and said "I wish you didn't have this."

I got so mad but stayed with him for another few months! I was young and not too in touch with myself. Not to mention dealing with addiction.

Now, while I'm definitely doing this for myself and my health, I look back on that moment and think "Just you wait buddy, I'll get rid of that stomach but you won't be allowed within a 20 foot radius of my sexy self!" :flame::flame::flame::flame:

I tried dating a few weeks ago and had an amazing few dates with this girl but...I think I'm just not ready. I'm really not. My days are packed with work and school and by the time I get home I just want to put on my pajamas and sleep. Not to mention I still have a lot of self-esteem issues to work on. I don't want to dump all my baggage onto such a great person. :(

Sally Pineapple
09-11-2012, 11:58 AM
Revenge weight loss is great in my book. 32 years ago I started an affair with a married man who had never been with a fat woman. I still remember the look on his face the first time he saw me naked as we got into the bed.
This affair lasted a long time and when he got divorced he didn't want me because I was fat and ugly. I was just a screw.
I wanted revenge. I lost my weight and I looked damn good. I saw him that winter sitting in his patrol car and I walked up to him and sucked in my stomach, threw out my chest and opened my coat and told him proudly this is what you could have had if you hadn't dumped me for being fat and ugly! That look on his face was priceless!
He remarried a petite skinny little thing and as the years went by she got fat just in her stomach and looked like a 55 year old woman ready to give birth. Her stomach was so big he lost his sex life and I was not about to start back up with him since I was hurt and I gained all of that weight back since I did not want another man to look at me and hurt me the way he did.
He got divorced once again and I am fat and ugly still,, but this time he is fat and ugly now (he thinks) and wants to be with me. We are seeing each other because the passion has been there for 32 years and I have lost a lot of weight while he packed on an extra 90! He has through the years just started to look at the inner beauty of a person over the outer.
We are seeing each other, but I let him know that I will never marry him. He had that chance and lost it :)

09-11-2012, 08:59 PM
Wow Sally Pineapple, that is so sad. You two could have been so happy had he not been so vain.

09-12-2012, 12:39 PM
All weight things aside, online dating can be like that. Sometimes, really awesome "written chemistry" (email, text, IM) just doesn't translate to really good physical chemistry.

I was online (albeit long distance) with my boyfriend for over a year before we met in person. Everything translated perfectly, but we still had to figure out how to hold hands together, who walks where, whose head tilts which way ;) etc. It's just kind of the nature of the beast.

That being said, if that guy was a #%)@ because of your weight, GOOD RIDDANCE and either way, best of luck on your revenge loss!

Sally Pineapple
09-13-2012, 09:49 AM
Ghost, thank you for the kind words. Yes we could have had a wonderful life these past 32 years but alas it was not in the cards.
We are both seeing the same counselor and he said we would be great together.
Will it happen? Who knows, but if it doesn't, it is his loss.

09-13-2012, 10:07 AM
Apryl - you are absolutely right. I am learning these things, and a little embarrassment and disappointment is an acceptable cost. And he may or may not be losing out. I can be pretty intense. I am not for the faint of heart. But I am a great match for someone - who will be lucky to get me! In the meantime, I was privileged to get to know this guy a little bit.

09-13-2012, 10:39 AM
Hahaha wow! Once again a situation that I thought was only meant for me. I had a VERY similar experience a few months ago. I spent 60 days getting to know this guy through email, text and the phone. We live 4 hours apart so we finally made the leap and met half way in between. We both agreed that we had met our other half. The soul mates thing. When I opened the door for him I know for a fact that I saw him look me up and down and then I actually saw his shock. (I told him very honestly that I was a size 18/20 but I guess he didn't know what an 18/20 looks like on a girl who is 5'9"). It was a Friday and we had plans to be there till Sunday. So long story short we started our date Friday and actually had a really good time. Lots of laughing, lots of exchanged smiles. Lots of questions blah blah blah. Then the awkward part came. Time to sleep. Thank god I had ordered a room with two beds. We talked into the night and then fell asleep (or at least he did). I stayed up that night wondering how I could have been so wrong about this guy. I had told him - very bluntly about my weight. He had said it did not matter. I told him that I was not (at the time) a workout guru. Again he said it didn't matter... there was more to him than his workout regime. On Saturday morning I asked him what was going through his mind. Was I what he expected... He said I was what he expected but he didn't feel the chemistry. I immediately thought.... you mean you hate my body because I know you wanted my brain, my face, my heart.... Saturday was really hard. Saying goodbye to him was really hard... the drive home was fning hard.... the next 5 days were the worst, but then something happened. I had to look at the situation. I had to make sure I understood what had happened. What I understood, in the end, was I never wanted to feel the way I had felt that day I opened the door to him again. I never wanted a person to reject me, regardless of the person or situation, for my weight again. Although it really may have been a chemistry thing for him... it was not for me. For me it was an eye opener that made me stand up and realize I wouldn't date a person in the shape I was in so why did I expect that of him? That's when I started my weight loss journey. I did not do it for him (although I did experience some what if I saw him smaller moments) - I did this for me. That door is obviously shut. What I got out of the whole situation with him was a swift kick in the ***. I want to be in a good relationship and to do that I have to care about myself - physically. Others may have self esteem issues, control issues or whatever they may be. Mine always comes back to my weight - when I am rejected. So I have to deal with it.

Since then I have started dating someone else. We have known each other for over a year and dated a while back. I do adore him. He makes me feel like a special lady (when he has time). The only thing we deal with in this situation is our schedules. I am not a dater. I like to be in relationships. He is not a dater either and has a schedule that is frustrating for us both. At any rate I think we will work it out. He is worth the patience I will need to have to get past these next few months. (his schedule will slow down in January).

So no more sabotage. No more back burners or backup plans (to see old flames). This situation with this other guy (from a few months ago) really put things into perspective for me. Although he was a good guy. He was not the right guy. I am thankful we were able to talk about it and I was not left wondering. It allowed me to shut the door on him and open it for another.

Thank the Lord above.

09-13-2012, 01:43 PM
Sept - my education was less expensive than yours, but I am so happy to get your experience secondhand. I am happy to be moving forward. This guy was fun, and a great first post-divorce experience. And I may have learned that I am not a casual dater, either, no matter how much I want to be. We'll see what the next experience brings.