40-Somethings - Hopeless and need help

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Sweet stuff
09-05-2012, 10:29 AM
Hi everyone,

I'm new here. I just turned 40 last April. I am married with three kids. I have a cake decorating business that I love and I'm really excited about it. I am currently fifty pounds overweight and I'm very depressed about it. I miss what I used to look like. After my youngest son was born six years ago I was thinner than ever. I lost it with WW. I have tried WW again and again and again.

I have developed some awful habits. Soda and seconds. Eating anything I want whenever I want. I have no willpower. I let my mind sabatogue me too. It's weird. I am gung ho in the morning but then in the afternoon it's like it doesn't matter. I also feel like I can't do it.

I want to try a different plan but not sure what is best for me. And I get awful sugar cravings. They are almost impossible and then the diet is over. It doesnt help I work with cake.

I really could use some help and advice. Maybe a mentor to get me through the hard times. Thank for listening.:)

09-05-2012, 10:42 AM
hey..sounds like it was me talking there. Everything u said fits me perfectly..
lets get together here and keep tracks and make plans and lose it !!!
Wht i need is a real hard kick......

Sweet stuff
09-05-2012, 11:12 AM
That sounds great! I need a friend in the same boat. :) have you chosen a diet plan.

09-05-2012, 04:16 PM
We ALL have struggles here and somehow the anonymity of the message board helps us to be honest with one another.
Since none of us has any reason to lie about our success or failures you can count on someone here to have a good thought for you every day.

I, for one, have found that the accountability that this board provides me is invaluable in success (small as it is) so far.

Join in the conversation... It is FUN! :cb:

09-05-2012, 06:59 PM
I agree with the accountability. When I went to WW the first time, I attended weekly meetings and was bound and determined to NOT have a week where I gained while I was paying to go.

After I hit maintenance, I slowly stopped going to meetings and gained weight back. Now, I refuse to go because I don't want to or have the money to pay again. I am trying to get back to goal so I can go to meetings for free.

Keep yourself accountable in some way!

09-05-2012, 07:04 PM
What is going on in the afternoon that causes you to go off plan?

Can you try changing your eating schedule or altering your environment (having different foods around you) to try and get past that afternoon moment when you veer off plan?

You had success with Weight Watchers in the past - why do you think it wasn't working for you more recently? What about the plan makes it hard for you to stick to? Maybe you can work with that to figure out ways to tweak the plan into something more suitable.

Of course, I recommend starting with calorie counting - if you have a smartphone get a free app like MyFitnessPal and start measuring and recording what you eat, even if you aren't trying to restrict it. Just the act of seeing the number written down ("That little glass of soda was 120 calories? it hardly lasted 30 seconds") can help push you toward better choices.

You can do this. It definitely takes some application of discipline and effort, especially early on when you are trying to figure out what works for you and what doesn't, but you can do it. Just take it one bite at a time, one choice at a time. Make your next food choice an on-plan food choice. Then repeat.

Sweet stuff
09-05-2012, 09:14 PM
Thank you for all the great advice!

09-05-2012, 09:42 PM
And I get awful sugar cravings. They are almost impossible and then the diet is over. It doesnt help I work with cake.

I really could use some help and advice. Maybe a mentor to get me through the hard times. Thank for listening.:)

My advice is to give up sugar. In my experience, the more you eat, the more you crave. I've been sugar-free since January, and can tell you that it really does get easier as you go along. At first, it's really hard, but once the sugar gets out of your system, you really don't want it. Find some artificially sweetened treats or fresh fruit to get you through the tough times. Sugarless gum is great, too! Best of luck to you!

09-06-2012, 01:47 AM
no, i do not have a diet plan as such except to eat less and eat healthy....which i am not having much success at. In fact , i have some good days but more bad days....
Thinking of maintaining a food journal so tht it makes me accountable. really really need a buddy or a boot camp to kickstart me into doing it right.

09-06-2012, 12:31 PM
Hi there! My "get fit" journey started the year I turned 40, too. So much good advice here on 3FC, but I'll add my .02, as well.

My husband got involved in "getting healthy" before me, so he was already on board when I decided to get moving. I started with the Zumba DVDs, in the privacy of my own home (hah!) and I loved it. It was fun and a great work out, I dropped about 15 on my own without any drastic changes to anything else. Then I joined WW (I'd done it a few times in the past, as well) - but this time, I decided to only do it online. It worked for me. Not long after that, I joined the local YMCA and started taking every single class there. Found out I liked other things, too, and it keeps my work outs varied. I work out 4-5x per week now.

I also try and read/watch any and everything to support my goals. One thing my DH downloaded for me was the "Beck Diet Solution" - it really was helpful and I would recommend it. I also read some great books. Two I'd recommend are: "Thin for Life" and "Mindless Eating" - both had a lot of great ideas and insights. We also cook a lot more and have even been taking cooking classes at our local Whole Foods, which is great. Finally, I have NOTHING in my house that I can binge on - nothing. No snacks, not even ingredients I could mix together to make something to binge on. On days when I feel "extra vulnerable" to binging, I lock up my credit cards, check book and money in a little steel lock box (we bought it for travel) and DH takes the key with him to work (I work from home, so temptation is ever-present). I know this isn't as viable an option for some, but we don't have kids and DH wants to maintain his weight loss, too, so getting rid of junk works for him, also.

All I can say is - DO IT and STICK WITH IT. I turned 41 in April and I have to say, my life has improved 100% since I took control, lost the weight and changed my attitude. It's not easy, but being fat was harder!

Sweet stuff
09-06-2012, 02:29 PM
Thank you everyone for taking the time to give me your advice. I have decided to take it one day at a time. I have opened up a MyFitness Plan account on my iPhone. I have decided to count calories because I have never gone that route. I am just tired of WW and want a fresh start with something different. Today at work we ordered out and I ordered a healthy wrap. Normally I say forget it and order the sandwich with bacon and cheese. And I think it's a good idea for me to stay here and be accountable. Will let you all know tomorrow how the rest of the day went. Thank you!

09-09-2012, 11:06 AM
I agree with getting away from sugar and might also add processed carbohydrates like white bread, crackers, and white rice to the list. They don't add much nutritional value, and because they are so heavily processed, your body will turn them into sugars pretty quickly.

Depending on your plan, you don't have to give them up completely, but I do think your cravings for sugar may decrease. I still eat some refined carbs, for example I may have Subway once every two or three weeks, and an occasional bowl of cereal, but pretty rarely.

I can't honestly say that getting sugars and refined carbs out of my diet has totally made me not want them anymore, but I do see a huge difference in the number and intensity of cravings I have for these foods. Even when I was very strict about carbs and sugars and followed South Beach a few years ago, I still wanted carbs occasionally. But I didn't crave them nearly so much as I used to.

Good luck; you can win this battle.

09-09-2012, 04:23 PM
All you need to do is portion control, count your calories and exercise. I have to say that my only exercise has been walking on treadmill at about 3.2 - 4.0 mph for about 30-60 minutes 3 - 4 x a week. I also stopped eating fried foods.

09-09-2012, 11:06 PM

I'm kind of new here, myself, but not new to trying to lose weight :) One thing mentioned upstream that I'd like to repeat - find materials (books, podcasts, videos, audio books, etc.) that support what you're trying to do. The more you feed your brain the right messages, the easier it is to make good choices and get through the tough times. I feel like I have to declare TOTAL WAR on these pounds hahahahaha

I have a stack of books that i keep on hand to read through whenever I start slipping. Some are pure motivational type stuff, some are more educational (I'm doing a carb-controlled plan and need to keep reading the how's and why's of the impact of sugar and carbs in the body...hoping that I eventually know it all by heart, but it's a lot of info to keep track of!) . I also have a supply of healty eating and exercise podcasts to plug into whenever I need a boost, or when I'm doing laundry or something mindless. It's like having a team of support staff motivating me anytime I need it.

Put reminder cards around the house, with motivational phrases or key points that you're trying to remember. Posters, pictures - maybe some pics of healthy food choices, or athletes in action, activities you'd like to participate in, locations that make you happy, etc. i keep healthy recipe pics in my kitchen, to remind myself to make something good for me, not just 'good'. I have issues of healthy magazines on the table in the livingroom and in my office so i see the headlines and cover pics daily.

All this is on top of sticking to a good food and exercise plan. Honestly, the biggest battle is in your head - once you get your brain on board with the whole thing, the nuts and bolts are really pretty easy. Any diet plan will work if you stick to it, and any exercise is going to boost your results. I do controlled carb (started with something called TLS, but am moving towards a DIY south beach-ish kind of plan. Carbs are my total downfall, but I'm making so much progress on that front that it amazes me daily.) I also believe in trying to stay active every day in some way or another. Weightloss is 80% diet, but looking good is 80% fitness.

If you're jumping in this week, give a shout! Maybe you'll be my motivation to take the re-commitment plunge ;) I was kind of maintaining for the past few months because our schedule was kind of crazy, and I was looking for a point to re-start with serious intention.

Good luck - don't be hopeless!! There's always hope, and you have a lot of people here who would cheer you on through the journey. Hang in there and give it a shot!