South Beach Diet - My name is Natasha and I'm a fraud

08-20-2012, 07:10 PM
Yep, you heard me.

When I started I was SO gung ho about my new lifestyle and SWORE that I wasn't going to be one of those people that lose the weight and then come back w/ their tail tucked between their legs saying they had gained it back. Yet, here I am, 33 pounds heavier than my lowest weight. *sigh*

Truth be told, I've been cheating A LOT lately and it's showing. I can tell b/c when I take pictures now, I don't like ANY of them. I can tell my face is fatter. I put off stepping on the scale again for long enough, but I stepped on today and WHAM...284. F bombs galore!!!

I will say that my clothes are fitting a tiny bit snugger, but not what I would expect to have put that much weight back on. Hopefully that means that SOME of it is from muscle gained due to the 100 - 150 crunches I'm doing daily. Yeah, I know, not 33 pounds worth, though. LOL

So how do you do it, do you get past being pissed off at yourself and disgusted and move on to kicking your own butt back in to gear???

08-20-2012, 07:12 PM
Been there, done that, more than once. There's just no going backwards so put it behind you and take each day as it comes. And, if you are like me, you will feel so much better so quickly once back OP. Remind yourself what worked for you and plan, plan, plan. You can do this!!

08-20-2012, 07:23 PM
Been there done that too many times to count. But I keep coming back, I keep trying until I find something that works for me. I have to weigh myself every day, I know not too smart. Yes my weight fluctuates daily, but I can accept water weight some days others because I snack at times without hesitation. Deep down I do know I feel better when I eat better. My food looks better when it is colorful. I have to plan every day because I know I cannot be trusted. Like yesterday, I'll eat the panini but not the fries (yeah right). I'll have salad not pizza (uh no I'll have a slice and some of a calzone) I did this despite riding 24 miles yesterday on my bike. It's like there is a good me and a not so good me. Today when I woke up, I read the daily thread. It really does help me be accountable to me.

We all struggle at times and I bet you have given a kind word of encouragement to others too. Be kind to yourself. Each of those 33 rotten pounds will be gone and I bet they will take their rotten friends with them for good.

08-20-2012, 07:29 PM
Hey why don't you for the next month set weekly goals. Simple achievable ones that will encourage your progress. For example, drinking 64 ounces of water every day for a week. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Besides when you reach your goal, I would love to meet you in NYC it's only a train ride away.

08-20-2012, 08:02 PM
I think being gone from this site has REALLY hindered my progress, I'm going to try to be on here more often. Plus I've been spending too much time online playing games and chatting on my other forum.

I have nobody to blame but myself, that's for sure.

08-20-2012, 09:53 PM
I have done the same thing also. I know how you're feeling. Being angry with yourself will do little to no good. It is time to start over, and coming back here is step one. Go back on your plan and stick with it one day, or one meal at a time. Sometimes looking at the big picture can be overwhelming. I am not telling you not to have an end goal in mind, but focus on the short term goals it will help keep you motivated. My dietician always tells me "Persistance over Perfection". You can't always stay perfectly on plan, but you don't have to let one "bad" snack, make a whole bad day...or week.

Also echoing what jekel said PLAN! I find that is the key! Stayong on plan doesn't happen by chance.

You've taken a step in the right direction ... now just keep following the path!

08-20-2012, 10:03 PM
I like to make a checklist of small daily goals and then force myself to update it every night. I'm not above bribing myself for getting some number of points each week either. Weight loss is hard, maintaining weight loss is harder. I've been a bit off the rails myself the last couple of months and am about to create a new Daily Accountability chart.

Checking in here every day really makes a difference for me. I catch myself slipping a lot sooner if I'm showing my face in here.

Welcome back. You've kept most of it off and you know you can do it.

08-20-2012, 11:31 PM
Natasha -- after 13 months of staying mostly faithful to phase two I just came back a week ago after a two-month food bender and nasty regain. I knew that if I kept going the way I was I'd wind up back where I started -- and worse -- and that the longer I continue off track the longer it would take me to reach my long-term goals.

I'm not dwelling on it, but I did start phase 1 again (just finished week one of two) to re-establish my good habits that I let fall by the wayside. This site, particularly the recipes, the On Plan Thread, and all the fabulous ladies continue to be totally instrumental to my planning and staying on plan as well.

08-21-2012, 12:13 AM
Thanks, everybody, for your words of encouragement. :)

08-21-2012, 09:04 AM
Love you :hug: You know what to do and we're all here for you. PS you're not a gentle on yourself.

08-21-2012, 07:35 PM
Thanks, Lexxiss. I love you ladies, too. I'm going to try my best to check in here everyday to keep myself on track.

On a positive note, apparently some of that was just alcohol bloat from my Saturday night outing. 5 of those ugly pounds have left me already. :) I did make it a point to go to the gym after work this morning and felt much better for having done so.

08-21-2012, 09:00 PM
Aww. I'm sure most of us have done that to some degree. I'm guilty of "Oh, I've reached my goal, so now a little bit here and there won't hurt." Well, "here and there" turns to "here, here, here and more here", then a daily thing. Focusing harder now means less to lose later.

I personally don't make a plan but I don't have anything in the house that is not "on plan". I cook half of what I used to for my fiance and I and that is it. No going back for seconds, even if there is "just a little bit left".

I don't set goals because not meeting them discourages me beyond belief. I have it set in my mind to fit into my 14's again. No specific weight, although I do weigh myself once a week. I'm easily discouraged and even if in that week I only lost 1lb, I still feel it is a victory.

I don't chime in on here often but I visit every time I need to remind myself there are other people around that struggle, fail and succeed like I do.

08-21-2012, 09:40 PM
Thanks, Devlish...that helps a lot, actually. I've been struggling partly b/c I have 3 other family member living in my house (it's a long story, LOL) and NONE of them are on any diet plan. So having two meals cooked, one healthy and one not-so-healthy, is creating problems. Junk food wasn't in the house for almost 2 years and now it is again. The good news, though, is that I'm going to be moving in w/ someone in another state who hopefully will be more conducive to my way of eating. She's told me for years that she wishes I would come be her roommate and help her stay healthy, so hopefully this will be good for BOTH of us.

08-22-2012, 02:18 AM
I've tried 2 other times before while living with my fiance and both times failed. This time around he's doing it with me. I remember how difficult it was when I was either doing the diet solo (and cooking 2 meals) or making him do it with me the first time (and he complained, and complained...) Having support at home makes it 100 times easier. Hopefully when you move you two can be each others strength.

Also, one thing that has made it easier for me is a weekly visit to "Sweet Tomatoes" which is a ginormous salad bar here in AZ. Once a week we go to that and eat salads from some place else! (Exciting, I know) It mixes up the routine and saves me from cooking just one night. (which I appreciate) It feels like we are cheating when in reality we aren't.

I'm cheering for you!!!!!!!!!!!

08-22-2012, 05:05 AM
I've tried 2 other times before while living with my fiance and both times failed. This time around he's doing it with me. I remember how difficult it was when I was either doing the diet solo (and cooking 2 meals) or making him do it with me the first time (and he complained, and complained...) Having support at home makes it 100 times easier. Hopefully when you move you two can be each others strength.

Also, one thing that has made it easier for me is a weekly visit to "Sweet Tomatoes" which is a ginormous salad bar here in AZ. Once a week we go to that and eat salads from some place else! (Exciting, I know) It mixes up the routine and saves me from cooking just one night. (which I appreciate) It feels like we are cheating when in reality we aren't.

I'm cheering for you!!!!!!!!!!!

I've only been to Sweet Tomatoes once, but I loooooooooved it!!! Ooh, I wonder if there's one up around Fitchburg. The closest one to me where I live now is 2 hours away. :(

08-22-2012, 10:57 AM
I am back on this site after a 10 day bender as well....I ahev to be accountable and do better if I am checking in wit the beachers....we are having to admit my mom into a dementia unit this week and have used this as an excuse to eat crap....the guilt is awful...the irony is I was a charge nurse in an alz. unit for 11yrs. We did keep her home as long as possible ...but still

08-22-2012, 01:10 PM
I have also gained some weight back, and it is pretty discouraging. I'm trying to focus on getting back into a groove, with better planning ahead. I've decided to be more behavior oriented rather than results oriented, so that I have positive incentive to stick to healthy habits and also feel less guilty if the scale doesn't agree with me. Meanwhile, every healthy choice I make helps empower me for the next choice. Just gotta keep that healthy choice train rolling along.

08-22-2012, 09:38 PM
Not that I'm happy other people are going through the same thing, but it IS some small comfort to know I'm not alone.

08-24-2012, 05:13 PM
Oh - SOOOO not alone. Last year this time I was 160, thrilled, and running a half marathon. Today? Back to 179, and barely making it through 2 miles. I really let the last year run my life. GOTTA STOP. Here's to trying again, 'cause it isn't EVER the fall that makes a fail - it is the refusal to rise again.

08-24-2012, 07:52 PM
Going back to Phase I has helped me tremendously. 9.5 of those ugly pounds are gone!!! :D

08-24-2012, 10:50 PM
Natasha that is awesome!!! Way to go!!!

08-24-2012, 11:45 PM
For me, being disgusted with myself never helped, in fact it gave me an excuse to keep acting like the person I felt I was because of the binge (the disgusting, lazy, crazy, stupid, selfish idiot who had no control over her eating despite feeling like crap before, during, and after the binge).

I finally concluded that it isn't easy to help someone we're angry with, even when (and maybe especially when) the person is ourself.

So, I decided "this time" that self-recriminations would be off the table completely. If I started to hate, badger, berate, or torture myself, I would stand up to my internal bully and make her stop. I reminded myself that weight loss was damned difficult and that most people fail at it. That didn't mean I would fail, but it did mean that just "staying in the game" made me a winner, not a loser at weight loss).

My doctor actually gave me this idea. When I first started, I was losing incredibly slowly (I was practically an invalid so exercise consisted of taking my plate to the kitchen, or folding some towels, or washing dishes during a commercial... well at first I couldn't even make it through one whole commercial).

At the time, I was barely managing to lose 1 lb a month, so I complained to my doctor that I "should be losing at least 2 lbs a week like a normal person," and he scolded me, telling me that "normal" was losing nothing. Normal was losing a little, giving up and gaining more back.

He reminded me (even though I already knew) that almost 100% of people in my situation never lost ANY weight without weight loss surgery (and at least half of weight loss surgery patients gain it all back). Weight loss is HARD, and most people can't accomplish it. Even at 300 lbs, just losing the first 20 was an amazing accomplishment worth preserving. And my doctor knew what he was talking about because he struggled with his own weight (he's not morbidly obese like I am, but he's struggled with his weight and knows how hard it is to do, even if you succeed at everything else you try in life).

That doctor really changed my life. He made me see that weight loss is like running a big city marathon. We decide that we're failing, and must be nearly in last place because we see 5,000 people running ahead of us, failing to see the 25,000 who are running behind us, envying our success.

We're taught to define anything less than 1 lb per week as failure, even though most people don't accomplish even that one pound per month. We're taught to define success in a way that not even 1% are able to accomplish. We're taught to call anything slower than the top 5% as "slow weight loss." If most people don't acheive 1 lb a week, shouldn't 1 lb a week be considered dramatically, amazingly, super-sonicallly rapid weight loss.

Shouldn't doing better than 50% of people (hey you're above average) be considered rapid, amazing weight loss.

How can we define success in such a way that 95% of people who try fail. It doesn't make sense, but that's what we do with weight loss. If you're not perfect, you're less than dog doo.

I decided to stop trying to punish myself thin, and to start livng as if I was worth being loved and cared for. I decided to pamper myself thinner, by bringing the weight loss spa atmosphere to me.

When I stumbled, I didn't say "I deserve to be punished more," I said "How can I make this process more rewarding, more enjoyable, more fun?"

And I don't ever have to suffer again, which makes it much less tempting to "go off plan." I'm not dieting, I'm not punishing myself until I can't stand it anymore and binge just to have a little break from the pain of the weight loss. I eat amazing food (and focus on buying the best quality and flavors I can afford). I choose physical activity that I find fun and challenging.

And I praise my brains out, for every small accomplishment (I even resort to sticker charts, and charm bracelets earning a small $5 or cheaper bead for every lb of weight loss).... It not only works for 5 year olds, it works for me, and I'm not too proud to use my inner 5 year old to succeed.

It was hard to make the transition from berating myself to rewarding myself for every small acheivement. I felt I "deserved" to be punished for being so lazy, crazy, stupid, worthless..... and it felt "crazy" to tell myself that I wasn't any of those things and that I deserved wonderful things in my life at any weight. But once I got started, I realized that it is easier to help someone you love, respect, and feel proud of, especially when the someone is yourself.

I like me a whole lot better than I did when I was punishing myself, and I find that I live up to my expectations (just as I once lived down to them).

08-25-2012, 08:09 PM
Thanks for your post, kaplods. Very well said!!!

I'm down another 3 pounds, so that's 12.5 pounds since I started this thread. I think that I'm going to have to be one of those people who goes to Phase 1.5 instead of Phase 2. Bread is my weakness and I think that's what has been my undoing. So I'll just add fruits back instead of bread and only have very limited servings of bread if I'm having a burger or something like that.