Weight Loss Support - Ack! Glad I'm catching this now!




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mimsyborogoves
08-12-2012, 01:24 PM
So this is mostly what I call a "thinking out loud" thread, but I've just realized that I need to stop some behaviors RIGHTNOW.

I've had a couple friends that I had stopped talking to for awhile just recently come back into my life, and as much as I love these friends dearly... for a lack of a better way to put this, they are my fat friends from my fat days; the days when not a !!!! was given. And already, just by hanging out with them the past week -- the behaviors were starting to creep back. Going out to bars & drinking, which leads to eating, etcetcetc.

Like last night, we went to this restaurant so my friend could get dinner, and I was done with my calories for the day so I wasn't going to get anything to eat. But it was an Italian place, and of course they sit a basket of bread on the table... you know how that ended up; I was kind of hungry though, so I think I needed some of that, lmao. (Sure I did!) And then they kept talking about wine, and that made me want wine and I wanted to join them for wine, but the problem with that is the only wine I like is Arbor Mist and on a good night, I can -easily- kill the whole bottle; not for getting drunk, simply because it tastes so good, lol. Fortunately I just stuck to 1-2 glasses, but still -- I am seeing where the dangers are lying here.

I've come so far -- I don't want hanging out with them to screw it all up. But the temptations are there and it's so freakin' hard to say no sometimes, especially when the thing you're saying no to is right in your face and everyone else is having fun sharing the bread (or whatever else) and you have to sit there with a glass of water and fight with yourself the whole time, while also trying to have a pleasant social experience. That's not fun, and I don't want to have to do that. But I like these people and I don't want to stop hanging out with them either, especially since my alternative is to not have any friends/a life at all.

How can I make this easier on myself?


MissD
08-12-2012, 01:50 PM
Tricky... Could you explain that you love their company, but you can't risk undoing all the good work you have done and suggest seeing them in a different environment so that you don't end up being tempted?

If the are true friends they will understand and will support you.

Good luck, and whatever happens, remember that you have made such a fantastic change and come so far, don't stop now for the sake of some bread and wine!

((hugs))

kurisitaru
08-12-2012, 02:45 PM
I have a bit on this. I ALWAYS lose weight summer, then come fall I gain it back because my friends and stress. We want to go to bars, someone orders a pitcher of margaritas or beer. I indulge. Or we go to a restaurant that is calorific. Someone suggests Taco bell. List goes on and on.

I have actually accompanied my friends to these restaurants and had a sandwich in my purse ready to go. SO I know I'm getting 350 cal instead of the plate of lasagna for god knows how much. At first I was embarrassed at bringing my own food, I'm ashamed to admit I ate in the bathroom and told everyone I had dinner all ready and was going to stick to water. I actually stuck to just water too. It's about self control. Which is HARD to get a handle on.

Some tips:
-Ask that the bread basket gets moved across the table, where you can't reach it. Or ask your friends to take what they want out and have the waiter remove the basket completely. Basket gone! YAY! No worries.

-Water with lemon. It makes it a little more flavor so you don't crave as bad (at least for me.)

-If you ate and are sticking to water. Chew some gum. The flavor keeps your mouth busy and it's easy to ignore cravings with mint in your mouth.

-If you are hungry, ask if you can order a side of green beans or carrots. Lower calories, they will fill you up, and it's nothing to feel guilty over. (ask them to hold the salt if they are salted).

-Don't feel too guilty, this is a big one. You can't beat yourself up for a glass of wine once in a while. If you start making it a habit of doing it constantly then consider budgeting calories for wine or try to fine something lower calories you don't *love* as much. Trust me, if you find a wine you enjoy, but don't love, you can sip it slowly and just drink one. Wine isn't horrid if it's on occasion. And there are some lower calories ones out there.

Also, explain to your friends. I mean you LOST 50 LBS! That's AWESOME! And tell them it's been a struggle, you want to keep going, it's VERY important to you. Friends get that. Good ones anyway. If they want to go to McDonald's, maybe you suggest subway. If they insist, tell them you'll meet them there after you pick up your sandwich from Subway.

The only thing that screws me over is that damn Starbucks.... I don't have self control when it comes to Starbucks... I tried getting tea then spend the whole day wanting my damn peppermint white mocha that I'm in LOVE with. Stressed? I need a Starbucks... Early morning!? Starbucks! Homework? Let me do this at Starbucks... Friends give me gift cards there, friends like to hang out there... And what's horrid.... it's EVERY WHERE! I need to get on their ban list somehow...


Vex
08-12-2012, 02:51 PM
Is there every going to be a time in our lives where we are completely devoid of people doing things we wish we were doing? We're always going to have people eating or drinking things around us that don't benefit our plan.

The solution is not to hide from those people and events, but to work on more self control. If you decide you would really like some wine, have a glass of wine, not three. If you decide you want a bread stick, have just one and not four. Plan to have those extra things in advance so that when you have them, it's part of your plan.

Easier said then done I know as I'm a wine and bread stick junkie myself.

Justwant2Bhealthy
08-12-2012, 05:02 PM
Planning ahead for the next time you are with these friends could help a lot. Find out where you will be going and look up the menu ahead of time, so you can to see if they have a low calorie option that you can have instead of the bread -- like soup or a salad (dressing on the side so you can limit it). Save up some calories for this; and even if it is spur of the moment, the damage won't be so bad.

Take that as a flex day/maintenance day for the week/month. Be sure to be on-plan the next day and that will even things out for you. You can suggest a place that has healthier options or just look the menu over for the lowest calorie thing you can find. Choose a place that has soup or salad available. Also, explain to them what you are trying to achieve so they can help you in the future. You may find them very supportive once you ask for their help.

Oh, and there is another option -- you can socialize with them somewhere else where there doesn't have to be any eating or drinking (it is optional), like going to a movie, a beach, a park, a concert, etc. :D

Rana
08-12-2012, 05:27 PM
My friends and I would socialize around food and drink.

I had to basically tell myself no. And the little child inside of me would say, "But why...? I want to play too with everyone else." I had to be the adult and tell that inner child that it was better for her to abstain and wait until the next day or the next week or whenever to eat/drink that lovely food.

And if I kept thinking about how much weight I would gain back if I just didn't care -- like I didn't care before -- then I would remember that I am choosing.... CHOOSING... to be thin. To be thin, I have to have different ways of relating to people and food.

My friends still go out to dinner and they still order bottles of wine. I just turn them down. And it's not about the food or the drink anymore. It's about talking to THEM, gossiping with THEM, finding out what's going on with THEM... the food and drink is just decoration to being with my friends.

Elladorine
08-12-2012, 07:00 PM
Tell yourself no and stick to it. The true agony lies in the indecision and anticipation of the choices laid out in front of you, so the sooner you make a decision you feel good about without question, the better.

Easier said than done I know, but practice helps. Keep it a conscious thought until it becomes second nature.

kelleyb
08-12-2012, 07:01 PM
Maybe you and your friends could do something like take a walk together or hike? At least some of the time. It doesn't all have to be about restaurants and bars!! Just one to two glasses of wine really spikes my appetite.

You have gotten some great advice- I like the chew gum and drink lemon water or for me, plain soda water is great. Also, planning to have some nights out works.

Honestly, I have a hard time denying myself anything (food and drink) if other people around me are having something good. That is one think I LOVE about IF- you can eat when you want to (like with your friends) and then fast some too to keep the calories down.

mimsyborogoves
08-12-2012, 07:54 PM
Thanks for all the advice, and I definitely will have to plan better in the future. Last night was just a big giant evening of being horribly unplanned -- I got to my friends' house, and next thing I knew we were piling in the car to go to Wal-mart, and then we didn't even go to Wal-mart. We went to that restaurant and CVS, lol.

The bar thing isn't going to stop because we go for karaoke -- that's one of my favorite things to do. However, I know that just because I'm at a bar doesn't mean I have to consume alcohol. Hello, they DO sell diet coke, lol! But those other moments are definitely going to be hard. I always feel like I'm punishing or depriving myself when that stuff happens, which is something I don't want to do.

I'm ready for maintenance mode, damnit, lol. Then I'll have 500 extra calories to play with and it won't be so damn hard anymore.

Elladorine
08-12-2012, 08:22 PM
I always feel like I'm punishing or depriving myself when that stuff happens, which is something I don't want to do.
Which is why it's so crucial to change your mindset. ;) You have to focus on what you truly want and do what it takes to get there in a positive manner. If you focus on what you can't have or can't do, you're only setting yourself up to cave in on those things. Nobody succeeds for long (if at all) by punishing and depriving themselves.

Like I was basically saying in my last post, make positive choices, stick with your decisions, and move on. :) The longer you stay indecisive or second-guess yourself, the more likely you'll make a decision you'll later regret.

theox
08-12-2012, 09:15 PM
Even though you're in something of a transition period right now, what with having recently graduated from college all, don't be afraid to branch out and try new things and meet new people. If your social circle isn't meeting all your needs, maybe you should consider trying to expand it. You wouldn't have to drop your old friends or spend all your time at the gym. Any non-food oriented activity, hobby, or volunteer work that interests you could be a good way to get out and socialize without feeling pressured to eat.

HungryHungryHippo
08-12-2012, 10:26 PM
Drinking situations are hard for me too. Right now, the way I'm handling it is I can have a glass of wine if I give up my nighttime fruit. I like that fruit enough that I really think about whether the wine is worth it. (Sometimes yes, and sometimes no.) And, I'm finding that as I weigh less, and drink less, one glass is almost enough to ge me buzzed! It has been a struggle to learn how to drink it slooooooow, though! I did just discover those Crystal Lite single-drink mix packs, in Mojito, Appletini and Margarita. It might help to bring them out with you, to pour into water.

stimkovs
08-12-2012, 11:17 PM
How can I make this easier on myself?

i appologize in advance, i only read your original post, not the rest of the replies in this tread (which i will go back and read right after i post this, but i feel very strongly about what you said.

i had the same issues, obviously were coming from the same place- i like to have fun, i like drinks, etc etc.

like wine? sorry to say, arbour mist is a chemical ****-storm. why not find a sweeter red/white/rose wine that you enjoy, that is a WINE that will give you good bang for your calorie buck? without all the super duper extra added sugars? and if it's not as sweet, you wont drink as much!

also- i have the same issue with self control, and wanting to have fun.

while at first i did exactly what you are talking about- i avoided these people.

then, i learnt to plan. friends that i have now, that like to go out, KNOW that they MUST make plans with me, at a minimum of 2 days in advance. why you say? so i can prepare myself. i will shift my meals/eat lighter/leave calories.

i also never have entrees and stick to deserts.

i often go out to "eat" with people to restaurants that have good COFFEE and i will have a coffee/ tea to keep myself busy.


i have also realized that food, doesn't really matter. yes there is delicious food- but i don't need it all, right now.

i can have a little, and truly enjoy, but in reality i am going out with friends to socialize, not to stuff my face!

this knowledge will come with time!

mimsyborogoves
08-13-2012, 12:08 AM
Oh I know Arbor Mist is awful for you, lol. But every other wine I drink is gross; of the experiences I can remember, one tasted like rotten grape juice, and one tasted like I was drinking soap. Arbor Mist has more of the fruit flavor and less of the strong fermented grape flavor, lol. I haven't found a real wine yet that I can handle, but I wanna drink it cause it looks classy! ;)

luckystreak
08-13-2012, 12:11 AM
Give them another chance but in a different setting and situation.

Maybe don't go out for dinner or if you do, make sure you can eat and eat something of a healthier choice. I think the biggest problem is when you're hungry and there lies the temptations... then its hard to stop yourself. When you're completely full and dont need to eat or have your own food infront of you, temptations are easy to reject.

Or, you can even suggest a healthier way to hang out.. maybe coffee or a walk in the park, etc.

linJber
08-13-2012, 08:20 AM
Don't yell at me, but the worst reason I've ever heard for drinking is "because it looks classy." If that's your reason, get water in a wine glass and add some Mio or Crystal Lite. Or just drink the water. Save yourself hundreds of calories per outing. And learn to just say no.

Lin

krampus
08-13-2012, 12:11 PM
I dunno, I go out to eat and drink socially several times per week and manage to not gain weight. The trick for me is knowing ahead of time so I can plan to eat less beforehand - so I can actually "afford" a meal out or a couple drinks (only a couple!). I guess since I'm "maintaining" or whatever that might make a difference, but I never stopped going out when I was losing, either.

Of course, self-control is an important skill etc and you don't need alcohol to live, but karaoke night with diet Coke is pretty weak sometimes. ;)

mimsyborogoves
08-13-2012, 01:28 PM
Don't yell at me, but the worst reason I've ever heard for drinking is "because it looks classy." If that's your reason, get water in a wine glass and add some Mio or Crystal Lite. Or just drink the water. Save yourself hundreds of calories per outing. And learn to just say no.

Lin


RAGE! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME NOT TO DRINK BECAUSE IT LOOKS CLASSY! LOUD VOICES! ANGER ANGER ANGER!

Lol, I'm totally kidding. I know my reasoning is silly. It's really not so much because it looks classy (well, some of it is, lol) but it's a lot better for you than beer/liquor/smirnoff ice-y type beverages, and sometimes I want to have an alcoholic beverage that's just that: a nice alcoholic beverage.

lm3898
08-13-2012, 02:52 PM
Mimsy - I am a wine LOVER and I have to say, it's not a lot better for you than the other beverages...A vodka soda would, calorie wise, be MUCH smarter. I drink wine b/c I love it - otherwise, I'd stick to a healthier alcoholic beverage.

I'm lucky in a sense b/c I am for the most part ok w/ food/restaurants/etc. If I overeat b/c of an outing, etc. I take the calories from the next day or add an additional workout etc. maybe you can work the occasional extra dinner/snack that into your week, rather than day's worth of calories...

I understand what you are talking about so well though b/c that's how I feel about smoking. I quit smoking just under 5 months ago [which was about 8 months into my diet]. For awhile, I wasn't drinking etc. b/c of the triggers and I really didn't want to fail but eventually I realized that it's a choice you have to make. A lot of my friends smoke & I am around that a lot [the same way you are with food] and it's tempting but I know that I will be healthier, and overall, much happier if I refrain. Every day that I do, I add a check in the calendar and I remind myself of all the wonderful things that have happened since I quit smoking [i.e. gearing up to run my first half marathon]. I suggest you bring a reminder of your current accomplishments since working on your health to remember what is important.

mimsyborogoves
08-13-2012, 03:18 PM
Oh I can relate to smoking, too, haha. That's a whole different ball game. Fortunately I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I can't not smoke if there's a cigarette in front of me. I can turn down food easier than I can a cigarette. I quit buying packs in an effort to make it easier, but I have a smoker for a mother and a brother and most of my closest friends are smokers, all of my exes have been smokers -- my whole life is surrounded by smokers. That's the next step once I get the weight off, getting off cigarettes completely.

Arctic Mama
08-13-2012, 03:25 PM
If it makes any difference, I find both smoking and drinking in social settings looks LESS classy than someone who is comfortable without any obvious props. Self confidence and social ease are the classiest thing you can have, and calorie free, too ;)

mimsyborogoves
08-13-2012, 03:55 PM
If it makes any difference, I find both smoking and drinking in social settings looks LESS classy than someone who is comfortable without any obvious props. Self confidence and social ease are the classiest thing you can have, and calorie free, too ;)

Hahaha, if I'm in a bar, I'm having a beer and a cigarette, lol. Different drinks for different settings -- if I want alcohol at a restaurant, I'd rather have wine or a cocktail and no cigarette. It's kind of like how you wouldn't wear jeans and a t-shirt to a wedding; certain things are just more appropriate for certain situations.

Elladorine
08-13-2012, 04:59 PM
No offense, but I fail to understand why you keep asking for all this advice about various things when you continuously tend to laugh off much of what is said while simultaneously justifying the [self-admittedly] poor choices you already make. :?:

For what it's worth, I eat out several times a week and attend family functions so I deal with temptation and social pressure constantly. You just have to figure out where you want to draw the line and stick to it. You want alcohol? Go ahead, but know when to stop. You want that greasy appetizer? Go ahead and order it, but plan for the calories. Feel yourself slipping? Stop and reassess your priorities. The fact that you're saying you can't not have something just because it's front of you (regardless that you're only speaking cigarettes) is cause for alarm in other areas of your life and health. And before anyone can say I don't understand, I used to be a smoker/drinker so I've been there too.

Arctic Mama
08-13-2012, 05:58 PM
Nm, not worth mentioning. Carry on.

sontaikle
08-13-2012, 07:04 PM
I think this is the part of my life where I'm glad I'm a boring, early bird, introvert. Eating late at night and drinking in general doesn't appeal to me in the slightest (neither does staying out late!).

That said, you CAN still go out and have fun with your friends—you just have to figure out a way to fit it into your plan. Or you can find friends who more align with your lifestyle; it's something you really have to decide.

I have friends who like to go out and drink, etc. and I do hang out with them. Luckily they're awesome and if I object to a restaurant or decide not to eat then they're cool with that. At this point they also don't see it weird that I don't drink (I never have in all the years they've known me). Talk to your friends, you might be surprised at how supportive they are.

I do like hanging out with my fellow introverts though, I admit. We go to a place we can walk around and avoid crowded areas and then we eat at my usual dinner time at a relatively healthy place. Then we usually hang out at one of our houses and play video games, watch movies, and mess around on our laptops—my idea of a fun night, tbh. :dizzy: I find myself hanging out with them more than the other group of friends just because their lifestyles better align with mine.


For what it's worth, I eat out several times a week and attend family functions so I deal with temptation and social pressure constantly. You just have to figure out where you want to draw the line and stick to it. You want alcohol? Go ahead, but know when to stop. You want that greasy appetizer? Go ahead and order it, but plan for the calories. Feel yourself slipping? Stop and reassess your priorities. The fact that you're saying you can't not have something just because it's front of you (regardless that you're only speaking cigarettes) is cause for alarm in other areas of your life and health. And before anyone can say I don't understand, I used to be a smoker/drinker so I've been there too.

Exactly. I eat out quite a bit and I ate out even more when I was losing, actually. I like having the burger, fries, greasy things, etc., but I portion it out and don't eat it all or I plan for it in the day's calories.

I've been viewing eating out as more of a social experience rather than an eating one though. Thinking of it as a way to spend more time with friends and loved ones has helped me with my eating too.

Just like tomorrow I'm going to a buffet with my family. I used to skip these things due to the fear that I would go overboard, but now that I see it as a way to spend time with my family I plan ahead and know when to reign myself in. I did this a few months ago, so I'm hoping for a repeat :)

mimsyborogoves
08-13-2012, 07:26 PM
I'm not trying to laugh you guys off; that wasn't my intent at all. Most of the time if I throw in "Lols" and "hahas", I'm laughing at myself. I don't mean for y'all to feel like I'm directing it at you guys.

Y'all are really helpful and I have read and I take everything y'all say into consideration, and honestly, what every single one of you has said is true. Really, I probably already knew it anyway -- sometimes you just need to let off steam and let everyone else remind you why you're here and why you're doing what you're doing. Unfortunately for y'all, I'm stubborn and argumentative by nature, so I really do apologize when that side of me comes out. A lot of times I just feel like I'm having a conversation; I'm not trying to defend myself or anything or make y'all feel bad either. Sometimes I'm also trying to figure out how to have my cake and eat it too -- and the reality is life doesn't always work that way. And this was a bad week, diet-wise, and unfortunately y'all get the steam from it.

I'm sorry for annoying anyone. =/