I was wondering if any of you have or are currently dealing with this issue I am right now. I'm really pissed off at myself and for some reason can't seem to shake it.
Not to go too much into it but I'm currently dealing with some loose skin issues-since I'm losing weight and working out a lot I'm dealing with um...some rashes. Sorry-I know TMI. But last night it got me thinking and I started to get upset. I can't seem to stop being mad at the person I was four, five, or even ten years ago. I was never a yo yo dieter. I just never cared. I never watched what I ate and never exercised. It wasn't until about three years ago I decided to get my life together-and I've been overweight pretty much my own entire life.
So I'm having a hard time now that I'm working so hard to not be mad at myself. To not be mad at all of those wasted years of opportunity where I could have done something to stop myself from becoming so morbidly obese. I know I can't change the past and it does nothing to help my journey now to dwell on it. But I can't help but thinking about jumping into a time machine and screaming at my old self "hey chubby-put down the burger because THIS is what your future will be!!" Even as I type this now I have tears in my eyes. It just makes me so upset to think about.
Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what did you do to just move on?
08-10-2012, 10:50 AM
You are not alone, I go through this quite a bit about certain past decisions (pretty often). I feel likee going back in time and kicking my own butt into not being stupid. That said, the only thing we can do is make a good decision everytime we have a choice. The best thing is that skin is removable, especially once you lose your weight and having a medical record of loose skin causing rashes makes insurance more likely to pay for it. I don't get rashes anymore and I think it is because of my skin care regimen- I shower at least once/day using anti-bacterial soap (if the rash is fungal Head and shoulders can help), dry myself very well, and if I know I will be sweating, I use cornstarch powder or gold bond powder. If you have a recurrent rash you probably need rx meds. Try not to beat yourself up, celebrate all the good you're doing now.
08-10-2012, 11:14 AM
Yep, I was the same way - not a yo yo dieter - just flat out didn't care, and I'm 42, so I've not been caring for a really long time. Do I wish I would have started sooner? Of course I do. That's a normal feeling. Don't let the past weigh your present down!
I always think of "The Lion King" where the monkey hits Simba in the head and says, "what does it matter? It's in the past. The past can hurt, but you learn from it."
How many people NEVER have the motivation or commitment to lose weight - probably the majority. That puts you in the small percentage that are ready, able, and willing to do it. That's something to be proud of.
Regarding the rash... yeah it's annoying for sure I don't doubt. Like someone said though, if you ever want a tummy tuck that insurance will pay for, having a rash is like gold - it's one of the symptoms they look for. If you're willing to go to the dr, I'm sure they have something they can do to give you some relief.
08-10-2012, 11:32 AM
They say hindsight is 20/20. I know people who've felt the same way you are feeling now but they became examples and encouragers of others who were trying to turn their weight around.
Sometimes, I feel that I've wasted time. I know that I've been blessed to overcome health issues and recover from some bad conditions. There really is no point in beating yourself up over it. I was misdiagnosed for a long time and pressured over my weight by the same people who were misdiagnosing me. That was then, this is now. We learn from the past to make a brighter future. Forgiveness works wonders. You have to look to where you are going and decide what you'll do with the new skills and information that you have now and try to develop a sense of gratitude that change is possible. It's been years now but after my last surgery, I was so weak. I really didn't know how I'd ever recover, my legs were so weak, walking hurt so bad. I just told myself "as soon as they let me up out of this bed, despite the pain, I will put one foot in front of the other and move forward." I still tell myself that to this very day when I struggle "put one foot in front of the other and move forward".
We're all gonna struggle as humans with one thing or another but it's up to us if we stay stuck or stay determined. I hope you stay determined. :hug:
08-10-2012, 11:32 AM
Thank you guys-I actually feel better just venting. I know I'm not alone. I'm just excited to hear that my rash can actually help me in the long run. Never thought I would say I was actually thankful for a rash!
08-10-2012, 11:45 AM
It's unfortuate that we can't see into the future like we can look back at the past but it's important to remain hopeful b/c bad things do happen but so do really good things. :)
08-10-2012, 12:59 PM
Oh trust me, I have felt this way many, many times.
In the beginning it was "WHY did you let yourself get this way???"
Then after mild success dieting, "WHY did you stop 6 months ago? If you'd kept going, you would be at goal right now!"
Then it became "WHY did you let yourself regain 10lbs???"
The hardest lesson for me to learn - really, truly, fully learn - is how I will feel in a year if I give up now. That achieving goals (in any area of my life) doesn't happen by saying "I'll work on it Monday" or "I'll start tomorrow" or "I just ate something I shouldn't have, so I'm giving up for the rest of the day". It just never seems to quite sink in that to achieve my goals I have to actually do the work now.
08-10-2012, 01:28 PM
Your post reminded me of this post I saw last week about self forgiveness and compassion being the keys to willpower. I thought it made some great points and gave me some good food for thought.
I've felt that way many times, but I really believe that whether helping ourselves or helping others, compassion wins out over anger every time.
It's extremely difficult, almost impossible to truly help (and even harder to want to help) someone we're angry with, whether we're trying to help ourselves or others.
There's plenty of "blame" to go around when it comes to obesity. As a society and as an individual, we didn't get into this mess alone, and we're not going to get out of it that way either. We're taught (by the examples we've been given) many of the habits that got us here, but we're also taught that it's ALL our fault, and that we SHOULD be able to fix the proble without any help from others (in fact, needing help is often still seen as shameful).
One of the messages we're also given by society is that we're SUPPOSED to be angry at ourselves in order to change (the drill seargeant mentality), but research bears out the fact that anger doesn't help (even the military has changed the way actual drill seargeants behave), but when it comes to weight loss we still believe that yelling hurtful things at people helps them.
For most people, it doesn't work that way, at least not in the long term. Which means that for many, perhaps even most of us we can have anger or we can have success. I choose success.
Most of my life, I tried to power weight loss with anger. Anger at myself for getting fat, anger at others for being cruel to me for my fat... but anger is a fuel that burns out quickly. And when the anger is gone, or even just weakened, so is the motivation. And often even if the anger doesn't weaken, the motivation still does, because of the fact that it's hard to sustain motivation when helping someone we're angry with. "Why should I bother?" we ask ourselves.
This time has been different. I've forgiven myself and others, and I've decided that I am worth the effort, and that being thinner and healthier isn't about punishing the fat me, it's about rewarding the current me. Doing the best I can for the person I am now. And "pampering myself thin," has been far more successful than trying to punish myself thin ever was.
If we don't let go of angers of the past, we end up living there.
That doesn't mean it's easy to give up the anger, but it is necessary. And compassion and anger can't take up the same space, so when you find yourself feeling that anger, you can choose compassionate self-talk to drown out the anger. Acknowledge the feeling, but substitute a compassionate and encouraging message. Drown out the anger with love and compassion for yourself.
And if you can't, then pretend your talking to someone you love and care about (because you should be). Don't let yourself become an internal bully. Otherwise you not only have wasted the past, you also end up wasting your present and your future.
08-10-2012, 01:32 PM
...after mild success dieting, "WHY did you stop 6 months ago? If you'd kept going, you would be at goal right now!"
Then it became "WHY did you let yourself regain 10lbs???"
I do this all the time and I know it's not the healthiest mindset. I constantly say, "If I had started going to the gym more 4 months ago, I'd be down 20 pounds by now!" I know it's not fair to myself but I can't help getting so angry with "past me." Even though, at some point, "past me" was "present me" and I didn't get off my butt when I should have. I just have to remember that I'm "just me" and get motivated in the now and stop blaming myself for... myself!
08-10-2012, 01:47 PM
As always Kaplods has given some great insight. Thank you!
08-10-2012, 02:03 PM
Thank you all so much for your replies! I never even thought that I wasn't being compassionate towards myself. That's normally something I reserve for others-but I do need to start forgiving and being compassionate towards myself if I want to keep going. As always-you all give out the best advice!
08-10-2012, 02:44 PM
Even if you only meant to vent, I'm so glad you brought this up. It's got me thinking. Like everyone, I regret past weight-gaining behaviors. But I also find myself regretting all sorts of past events - like classes I did/didn't take in college, or missed job opportunities, or something stupid I said when I was 18 or someone's birthday I forgot. It's like there's no statute of limitations - I'm an equal opportunity worrier/regretter. Now, that is really silly.
Today I'm practicing forward thinking!!!
08-10-2012, 03:08 PM
:hug: You aren't alone!
As a kid I was like "by the time I'm 16, it'll be different!" then it turned to 18, then 20, then I gave up until recently. If there were time machines I'd go back and chew my butt out! I still struggle too with being so mad at myself but all we can do is take a deep breath and acknowledge that this is now and be happy it's now and not later.
08-10-2012, 04:29 PM
Yep, I can relate. I think it's a pretty normal feeling really. I just think, 'how did I let myself get like that?', but you have to put it behind you and move on. You are making changes for the better now, so in a few more months, years, whatever, you can look back and say "YES, I made the change!".
08-10-2012, 05:15 PM
I can relate to what some of you ladies have said.
In my mind, there is a calendar/ clock ticking ticking ticking. I set a goal several months out, and I'm optimistic, so I set the bar high; then I get sidetracked mid-way and start thinking, "oh, no! I'm never going to make my goal!"
That's what I've been dealing with this week. My goal was to reach 130 by my 30th birthday, Sept 17th. Then, in my mind, I adjusted the goal to 125, because that's the weight I REALLY want to be. Nevermind that I haven't weighed that since I was a teenager. I was doing great, then LIFE happened. Nothing huge, just slacking, busy, caring for my kids, exhausted at the end of the day, get up the next day and do it all again. So here I am, stalled out at 147 for over a month, and freaking out that I'm not going to make my big goal for my birthday. Every day, it's closer and I'm freaking out a little more and feeling completely overwhelmed and like I can't reach my goal that quick no matter what I do.
The other goal I had was to pay off my car by my birthday. At the time that I set the goal, it was realistic. Now, it's not. And that definitely won't happen, bc it's not logistically possible.
Setting goals too high? Not accounting for life getting in the way? Or just not staying coarse the way I can and should? I don't know, ladies. I'm just glad none of us is alone!
08-10-2012, 10:55 PM
I think we can all "what if" ourselves crazy. And not just about weight. What if I hadn't married the guy I'm now divorced from? What if I hadn't bought that car that turned out to be a lemon? What if I had studied harder in school? What if I had moved to New York City instead of staying in my hometown? We can all add to the list. We can all guess. None of us can change the past.
Use the feelings you have to keep you motivated and to get and stay healthy. I was over 250 pounds for about 25 years. I wasn't always heavy - I gained big time in my late 30s. Not while I was pregnant. Not because I was raised in the fast food era (I wasn't.) Not because I didn't know better. No excuses. I just ate whatever I wanted. Junk and good stuff together. I thought of myself as being fat but fit. I had no health problems and felt like I could do anything. It's amazing how that perspective changes once you start to lose. Just keep working at it. Any loss is a good loss. Accept the new you the same way you accepted the old you. You're worth it.