Weight Loss Support - trouble accepting compliments




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Unicorn67
07-30-2012, 02:54 PM
When I first started losing weight and no one noticed I was a bit offended that no one was saying anything.

Well now that people are saying things I really don't like it and have a hard time responding. I was just at the grocery store and the father of my son's best friend was there and he came over and says "I've been wanting to give you a big hug (and he did - they are very huggy people - I'm not). I couldn't imagine what the he** he was giving me a hug for and then he says "You've been working hard and it shows, that's a hug for a much smaller person".

And I just stand there looking blank and stupid. And then I get out to the parking lot and there is a lady I used to work with and she is telling me how great I look, blah, blah, blah and again I've got nothing to say.

How do you react to compliments? We're supposed to be getting together with some people who haven't seen me for about a year in a couple of weeks and I suppose to them it's going to be quite noticeable and I'll once again be standing there looking dumbstruck!


ilidawn
07-30-2012, 03:01 PM
Personally I would've been creeped out with the hug and the comment he made was odd. I don't do well with compliments either. I always say something stupid like "its just that I'm wearing black" lol I think after so much time being big its awkward to comments about having lost weight.

Exhale15
07-30-2012, 03:15 PM
Yea, for me getting a complement on weight loss is weird, because it's also a recognition that there was weight to lose. The best complement I've received is '...You're looking very well...'. That was nice, because to me it incorporates happy and healthy.

To keep your sanity, I'd just say 'thanks' and smile. When folks get into specifics with me, I just say I'm getting my act together, cutting back on some stuff and doing more of other stuff. Because if I tell them that I've cut out some bad foods they usually start with how they can't do this or that or how I won't be able to keep it up, etc. etc. etc.

Enjoy and celebrate your accomplishments ! Don't dread the comments - they are temporary :)


Garnet2727
07-30-2012, 03:15 PM
I smile and say "Thank you." In my experience, most people have good intentions. For those who don't have good intentions, and I've run across a few, my response may include some level of snark. But for the most part, people who have complimented my appearance now are doing so sincerely, even if some of them have been awkward about it.

stimkovs
07-30-2012, 03:50 PM
I have two "go to " responses.

if it's JUST a comment- one singular comment , i say "thanks" and move on.

if they are going to discuiss it, or "what i did", "what my trick is" - i say "oh i just showered".

ex:
"OMG SOF YOU LOOK SO GOOD, CONGRATS!! What did you do???"

"Thanks, I showered" (then i smirk, or wink, and move on to the next topic).

In my experience, if you throw in a really random comment, people get derailed from their train of thought and change the topic hahaha

luckystreak
07-30-2012, 03:52 PM
When I first started losing weight and no one noticed I was a bit offended that no one was saying anything.

Well now that people are saying things I really don't like it and have a hard time responding. I was just at the grocery store and the father of my son's best friend was there and he came over and says "I've been wanting to give you a big hug (and he did - they are very huggy people - I'm not). I couldn't imagine what the he** he was giving me a hug for and then he says "You've been working hard and it shows, that's a hug for a much smaller person".

And I just stand there looking blank and stupid. And then I get out to the parking lot and there is a lady I used to work with and she is telling me how great I look, blah, blah, blah and again I've got nothing to say.

How do you react to compliments? We're supposed to be getting together with some people who haven't seen me for about a year in a couple of weeks and I suppose to them it's going to be quite noticeable and I'll once again be standing there looking dumbstruck!


oh my god I am SO awkward with compliments about my weight loss. All I can ever say is "Yeah I've worked hard" and people continue and go on and on and I just smile and stand there and say thanks like a million times.. cant say it doesnt feel good though.

ValRock
07-30-2012, 04:13 PM
Just say "Thanks" and move on with a smile :).

I've had a few awkward encounters, too. A guy at the gym once told me I looked like I was losing a lot of weight. Then he said "I'm just saying... I'm not a creeper... you weren't really fat before... or... yeah..." Awwwkwarrrrddddd

Be proud that people notice and use it as motivation to keep on truckin!

dancinginpaint
07-30-2012, 05:57 PM
I typically just say "thanks, I've been working on it." and try to take it as genuine. I certainly don't want to make them feel bad for giving me a compliment because the last thing I want them to think is that they should never compliment (me or anyone else) for fear of being rejected or shut down.
I personally find the whole idea of it being a dig because that means "I had weight to lose" ridiculous. Well, yeah I did. Do I expect them to not see my weight as plainly as my hair color? That's just silly to me. I hope you get to a place where you can take those compliments and use them to be some of your positive dialogue. Congrats on your success! :)


Sorry format is weird, posting from my phone.

DrivenByAmbition
07-30-2012, 06:09 PM
I don't know what to say either. It's like the people I'm around now have only saw me obese. Now that I'm approaching a normal weight, they are very complimentary, but almost like they are in shock.

LeilaJey
07-30-2012, 06:14 PM
if they are going to discuiss it, or "what i did", "what my trick is" - i say "oh i just showered".

In my experience, if you throw in a really random comment, people get derailed from their train of thought and change the topic hahaha

hahaha, I do this all the time too!

guacamole
07-30-2012, 06:41 PM
I usually just say "Thanks," or, "Thanks, so do you!" If people ask me how I lost the weight, I usually just answer, "Calorie counting." That sounds boring enough to most people to end the conversation right there. LOL!

I know exactly what you mean though. I actually wrote a thread on this topic last year about how embarrassed I am to get attention or receive compliments about my weight. Although, as far as problems go, it's not such a bad one to have - right? :)

DietVet
07-30-2012, 07:39 PM
I always say, "Thanks! I feel good!" which lets everyone know that while I'm less fat, the more important thing is that I'm a healthier, happier person, and seems a generous response to what is usually intended to be a compliment.

Most people aren't trying to hurt your feelings or imply that you are/were whalelike. No point in getting freaked out by it.

AwShucks
07-30-2012, 09:19 PM
I work with several young girls (20's) that are very fit. I don't think these girls have ever been around heavy people, and have never seen someone transform. They're kind of bemused by me. Several of them have asked me... :"Are you losing weight?" -- um yeah, about 60 lbs! -- I'm not sure they know what they're seeing. I've decided that I'm helping to "round out" their frame of reference -- life lessons, you know! I've decided that they're not malicious - they're clueless!
Also, I thought the hug comment sounded sweet. I guess it depends on how close you are to your son's friend's family -- but if the kid is your son's BEST friend, maybe the family feels closer to you than they really are.

Hotaruchan
07-31-2012, 04:03 AM
I can't accept compliments about ANYTHING, never mind weight loss. I turn all kinds of pretty colors and stare at my feet. I am the socially awkward penguin...

Vex
07-31-2012, 10:22 AM
I've been ok unless the comments are wacky - like my mother in law made a comment recently that 'OMG you're wasting away!"

Seriously. I'm 190 lbs, I'm not wasting away. I wanted to snark out some stupid comment on how she eats about 100 calories a day and to mind her own business, but I didn't, I just said nothing.

SerenityDiva
07-31-2012, 10:24 AM
I find it hard to accept compliments too, but I remember reading once years ago it's good manners to say thank you. Not "don't worry about it, it's no problem" or any of the other things we do to take the spotlight off us.

Now I do believe 99% of the time people are being honest. They may not say something correctly, but it generally comes from a place of decency. There are some people who are snarky no matter what, but thanking them just takes away whatever snark they are trying to use and/or makes them IMO look foolish.

Dreamer2012
07-31-2012, 10:43 AM
I've noticed I'm the same. When people compliment me I believe they are seeing a difference from when I weighed around 152lbs last year until now. Not from when I was 142lbs until now. My neighbour is forever saying "Look at the amount of weight you have lost!" or "Sit in there, you're only little!" I don't really know what to say so I tend to shrug and laugh a little. I think it's because I've only lost 6lbs (136lbs this morning, weigh in is Thursday though) which isn't a huge amount but possibly because I'm short you can see a difference. Another thing is I'm looking a lot fitter! I've lost 14inches off various parts of my body since so it is possible they can see that, I know I can see my stomach and hips going inwards. I think after I've lost 10lbs I'll react differently to when people compliment me. Weight is a really personal subject to me and I've had issues with it in the past so it isn't something I like to discuss openly. I think this is why I react the way I do at the moment. I think it's down to confidence too. If you have more confidence in yourself I believe you'd be able to turn around and say "Thanks very much! Yeah, I have lost a good bit" but if you're shy and reserved, you might struggle with this. I feel my confidence growing each day but it is still low but I know I'll get there.

xdementedx
07-31-2012, 04:48 PM
Awww :) Compliments can have a negative and positive effect on you. Ive been there back in 2009 before I gained back what I had lost I got compliments all the time and good looks from guys. The advice I can give to you now is accept every bit of it with a smile because you deserve it and you know its working if people are noticing! :) Consider it a success if you get a compliment just dont get bummed out if no one says anything, there probably just being respectful or jealous! Either way you win!

Thousandsunny
07-31-2012, 05:08 PM
I smile and say "Thank you." In my experience, most people have good intentions.

I agree with the good intentions, people get carried away and sometimes say some things they mean as compliments but sound...odd. I, personally, love the "You've lost so much weight, I can hardly recognize you!" line. As if to say I don't look like myself anymore. I know it's all good but still, always puts me off a bit; like I looked like a lousier version of myself when I was larger.

I think the smile and thanks is a great approach, it just gets annoying when the person doesn't leave it at that! A good family friend kept saying things after we had moved on like "boy, I just can't believe it!" or "Seriously, you look good!" in the middle of OTHER conversations! It was super awkward. I try to smile and move on but I do agree, it can get creepy.

But like Hotaruchan also mentioned, I take compliments poorly anyway; I'm a socially awkward penguin myself. I'm famous for the reply of, "Not much you?" to "How are you?"

Madame Souza
07-31-2012, 06:50 PM
I have always had a hard time with compliments even before my weight loss. When people would compliment me, I would not register it or brush it off in some way. Now, I am feeling like the compliments are more sincere and heartfelt. I don't think they are, I think it's just my reaction to them that has changed. I appreciate them more. I have also been working on giving more sincere compliments and looking for things to compliment people on.

KittyKatFan
07-31-2012, 10:34 PM
I generally appreciate the positive comments, but something happened last week that was so embarrassing I just about died.

I have to wear a badge at work and my pre-weight loss picture is on the badge. I was in a meeting with four executives (I'm not an exec) and the leader said "hold up your badge and show everybody!". I said I didn't want to but he wouldn't let it go until I showed everybody my badge with the ugly picture. I could feel myself getting red in the face. I am extremely shy, so this attention from four people at once, all of whom are higher than e in the organization, was humiliating.:(

KittyKatFan
07-31-2012, 10:36 PM
And I HATE it when people say "hey skinny!" to me. I am NOT skinny, everyone knows I'm not skinny, so it feels so fake to me.

alaskanlaughter
07-31-2012, 11:32 PM
ive had a few people tell me that i look good, or look like i'm losing weight and i just say "thanks, im trying" and move on...some people have asked how i'm doing it and i tell them i like to run...that usually stops the conversation right there LOL

i do NOT like talking about my weight loss with people in any aspect...in fact one of my good friends from the school that i work at posted on facebook asking for advice on a good weight loss plan....i didnt even feel comfortable commenting on her status about what i've been doing although i genuinely wanted to answer her question...so i sent her a PM on facebook about what worked for me and how much i've lost...i can't believe i didnt feel comfortable even commenting on it in public lol

and also last weekend i ran a section of a marathon....granted, not a long section, but it was a success for me personally to get out there with "real runners" and do it...it was SUPER intimidating lol...i had someone take a picture of me after the finish line and i reallyyyyy hesitated whether i should post it on facebook....i ended up doing it, mostly because i wanted my weight loss forum buddies on there to see it...i was almost embarrassed or something to put it up

alaskanlaughter
07-31-2012, 11:35 PM
oh and since i get off topic up there....the most embarrassing weight loss conversation EVER was just last weekend with my BIL...he asked me what i did that day and i showed him the marathon pic on my phone and told him what i'd been up to...he tried to say that he's noticed i've lost alot of weight and am looking really good but TOTALLY stumbled around, trying not to sound like he meant i was fat before or didn't look good before...and then bumbled on about how my DH (his little brother) says i look hot and how he (BIL) doesn't know whether to agree or not, without sounding like he's disagreeing or actually thinks i'm hot LMAO!!! he was soooo awkward but i understand he was trying to compliment me without the creepy BIL aspect of it LOL....i just kept saying "i know, i understand" and changed the subject as quick as i could

linJber
08-01-2012, 08:02 AM
I think the fact that so many of us are uncomfortable with compliments is an indicator of our overall lack of self confidence or of a poor self image.

I was over 250 pounds for about 25 years. How could people not notice? Many people in my life only knew me as obese. It takes time for people to start to see the difference, but when they do, the compliments start coming. people mean well.

Dancingpaint said, "I personally find the whole idea of it being a dig because that means "I had weight to lose" ridiculous. Well, yeah I did. Do I expect them to not see my weight as plainly as my hair color? That's just silly to me. I hope you get to a place where you can take those compliments and use them to be some of your positive dialogue." I agree with this 100%.

You have to take each situation based on who is making the comment. I work with a general contractor once in a while who is very outspoken in every aspect of what he does. How could I expect he wouldn't be outspoken about noticing my weight? He now calls me "Skinny." As in, "Hey, Skinny - do you have that information on the countertops that I need?" It doesn't bother me in the least. There is an older man at church who said nothing to me for about a year. We are not truly "friends" but are way more than just people who see each other in church. His first comment was, "Have you been sick? Or did you lose weight on purpose?" He's old. His filters are faulty and stuff just comes out as he thinks it.

If someone asks how much I lost, they usually have a reaction when I tell them 90 pounds. I never thought I looked as big as the number on the scale, so sometimes that even surprises me. When I get the "OMG. 90 pounds!" reaction, I just say, "Amazing isn't it. How the he!! did I get that fat to begin with?" We laugh and that's the end of it.

I, too, find that telling people that I did it by cutting portions and going to a gym is so boring that unless they really are interested in hearing more, the weight loss conversation ends right there. A few have point blank asked if I had surgery. My answer to that is, "No. I did it the easy way." (Please - any of you who have had surgery or are thinking of it - do not take this as a slam. With about only about 100 pounds to lose, I felt that for me, this was the easy way. Surgery scares me and is very difficult on the follow through. I mean no offense.)

As I said, each situation warrants its own answer. If you had worked very hard on planting a flower garden or knitting a sweater or building a ship in a bottle and someone told you that you did a great job, you'd be thrilled with the compliment. Try to take personal compliments in the same light. I'm sure they're being given in only a positive way.

Lin

Smiling_Sara
08-01-2012, 02:58 PM
I am very uncomfortable with compliments. I don't want anyone telling me how awesome I look. In fact, I think part of the reason of my weight gain back (30 pounds ) is that I was getting to many men starting to make compliments about my body. The only way I knew how to handle this was to eat. :(

tea2
08-01-2012, 03:05 PM
I have trouble with this too. I tend to make comments that deflect from the compliment or minimize it. Both my b/f and I do this so much that we say "WHOOSH!" to each other--the sound of a compliment going unacknowledged over our heads. :D

DietVet
08-02-2012, 11:50 AM
I have trouble with this too. I tend to make comments that deflect from the compliment or minimize it. Both my b/f and I do this so much that we say "WHOOSH!" to each other--the sound of a compliment going unacknowledged over our heads. :D

That's really cute. :)

PinkLotus
08-02-2012, 04:19 PM
I really don't think that complimenting someone's weight loss is pointing out there was weight to lose in the first place. Maybe if they said "Hey, you've lost a lot of weight! Good, you sure needed to!" or something like that. But simply noticing you've lost weight is to me, just that...stating a fact. Whether you needed to lose weight or not, you did, and they're acknowledging that. For me, it's not like it's a secret that I have weight to lose anyway. Sure it would kind of sting if someone did actually mention that, but it is the truth. Just my opinion though. :)
I love getting compliments about my weight loss. I don't always know how to respond to them, but they help motivate me to keep going.