100 lb. Club - Friend said her biggest fear is getting fat...
07-21-2012, 08:19 PM
So I was at a bridal shower earlier and we played that game where you guess the bride's favorite color, shoe size, favorite movie, ect.
We had to guess her biggest fear so I wrote "bees." The girls around me wrote "heights," "drowning," ect.
Turns out that she announced while we were grading the quiz that her biggest fear is "getting fat."
I know she didn't mean anything mean by it, but it just made me feel terrible. It still makes me feel bad. What do you guys think?
07-21-2012, 08:24 PM
That is her biggest fear and it had no reflection on how she feels about you. I wouldn't worry about it. I know that things like that can be hard to stomach but you have to take it for what it is. I have a few friends who talk about themselves like they are whales when they only need to lose 5 or 10 pounds and I just remind myself that it isn't a reflection of me at all-it only has to do with them.
07-21-2012, 08:24 PM
But, here's the thing: your friend doesn't define you as "fat." You're her friend, someone she knows and loves. So it wouldn't strike her as being insensitive to say that because, to her, it has nothing to do with you. I was chatting with a male friend once about some actor whose look included being bald and I said something about how that didn't do it for me and then I realized, oh crap, my friend is bald! I just didn't think of him as "bald." Does that make sense?
Still, I've been in situations like that and it's painful. Try not to dwell on it. You're doing great!
07-21-2012, 09:53 PM
I can understand being hurt by that comment. Try and not take it personally though. For what it is worth, ONE of my biggest fears is gaining all the weight back I worked so hard to lose. I did actually gain 30 pounds of it back, and need to re-lose. One of my fears is that I can't/won't, or just don't have enough will to do it. Even though I know I must find it.
07-21-2012, 09:55 PM
that wasn't very nice or sensitive of her, but I hope that she never does have to have bigger fears than that
07-21-2012, 10:19 PM
I agree with the poster that said it is just a personal thing. I, too, have been in situations where I was talking about someone else's attributes in a negative sort of way, and then realized that the person I was speaking with may have thought I was referring to them. But I didn't think of them in that way, so I said it not thinking it might hurt their feelings. She probably thinks of "getting fat" more like a loss of self, and self-esteem, rather than just a physical state or adjective. She probably highly identifies with her physical appearance, and may not be as connected to her emotional, intelectual, or spiritual sides. To lose the identity she has most connected with would be like losing her self. Does that make sense? I think of myself as living in my body, but not really being my body. I am more comfortable on an intellectual plane, just hangin' around thinkin'. That's probably some of how I get fat so easily. I just don't pay as much attention to my physical stuff, until it gets out of hand. Don't sweat it. We all have plenty of stuff to get offended over, and this isn't it. She's a friend who said something sensitive. That's all it really is. Don't look at it any other way, or overanalyze it. You'll drive yourself nuts! I'm sure she sees you for how you really are- a good friend and a good person. :cool: