What do you think will happen if you say "I disagree with you here, so I'd rather not engage in a conversation about that? There are so many things we can talk about instead, let's choose one of those!" You mentioned that you don't want to let on that you don't think like them, is that because you're worried about the stress on your relationship? I'm just curious what you think would happen. Most of my extended family doesn't agree with my political beliefs but we don't discuss it and can still have positive relationships. Granted that's not my parents, who I am very close to, so I can imagine that would be pretty stressful if they are critical of your views and life choices (I don't understand why the type of movies you watch would be a concern for them unless you're going to the movies together!)
Honestly, if it were me and my parents didn't want to meet my future inlaws family for a dumb reason like that, I'd just let it be and not force the issue. If you honestly think that your parents would make offensive remarks (I'd think most parents would be on their best behavior, at least in a first meeting, but who knows?) then I'd just try to avoid that situation altogether. And I think 'prepping' beforehand would make it even worse, because then the person has the off-limits topics at the forefront of their minds going into the meeting.
You can disagree with them. You can tell them how you view people now. I would just say that it isn't right to judge others for how they live and that you don't feel comfortable with them talking about things like that. Yes, they are your parents, but you don't have to agree with them and in this case I'm glad you don't. Last time I checked nobody is perfect and I'm sure everybody has something about their lives that someone wouldn't approve of.
Let adults fend for themselves re your parents.
Lay down the law with your children. Topics a, b and c are
off limits. Stray from this and no grandchildren visits until
you mend your ways.
I have dealt with this my ENTIRE life. My mother isn't so bad, but my father is ridiculous. Terribly prejudice and SO insanely republican it hurts. For him everything fits into "labels". Republicans are good, Democrats are bad. White people are good, black people are bad.
As you can see by my avatar, I am not 100% white. Nobody believes that my dad could possibly be a bigot because he married interacially. Well in his mind.....only whites and asians are OK to marry.
God Forbid I ever brought a black man home. In true teenage rebellion fashion, I dated hispanic and black guys up until I met my fiance.
My solution? I live on the opposite coast from my parents. I don't tip toe when I talk to my father. If he doesn't like what I have to say, he can hang up the phone. I don't have an issue with him trying to "brainwash" my son either. I think I've raised him to see that people are different and that she shouldn't judge people based on looks/nationality/religion....etc.
I think if you raise your children to understand that some people can be closed minded, you wont have a problem.....and I agree with setting boundaries for topics that can and can not be discussed.
I am right there with you. My mother has passed, but my dad is over the top. I told him he could not influence my daughter when she was growing up and he was ok, not great, but better than his usual. I also live in a very conservative part of the country and when I was against George's invented War, people told me I wasn't Patriotic, What???? It is so very frustrating too when politicians take government freebies of some sort and then tell others "well, that's different" OH only their freedoms and beliefs count. I don't know what to say, other than I feel ya! I always base things on facts, not the propaganda we hear from the Limbaugh & Becks of the world and I call people on their prejudice remarks, hopefully, in some small way it will help to STOP the hate! good luck to you
Can we try to keep discussion to the "How to deal with parents with vastly different perspectives than your own" part, rather than the merits of politics of any particular group? 3FC does have a policy against political discussions, so keeping away from specific politics is necessary if this thread is to remain open.
I learned with my mother there were some subjects we do NOT discuss, religion being one, politics and divorce are others. Everything went a lot smoother when we just stayed away from controversial subjects. I will say, however she mellowed a little as she aged and became a little more broadminded.
I read somewhere in another post where you tell us about your father and how controlling he is - that he won't let your mom go out and calls on her to check that she's in the house. That just doesn't sound very healthy to me.
You just flat out won't be able to discuss certain things with them, and trust me, you'll be better off that you didn't. That's pretty easy for you to do, but once your future family becomes involved, be prepared for some tense times. It might be worthwhile, to mention to your boyfriend's family how your family is in order to at least prepare them just a bit.
Should you ever have kids, I agree with what others have said. Educate your kids that there's all sorts of viewpoints out there, and tell your parents outright should say something you don't want your kids to hear to stop. If they disagree, then leave.
I have a feeling in the future you may need to pull yourself away from your parents even more. Sad, but can see it coming.
I'm married to a person like that. His father was the same way.I do my best not to get sucked into discussions about race, politics, culture, gay rights, feminism, etc.with him.
I teach my children to treat humans and animal with respect, be considerate of other's values and believes.
I already started noticing, however that my 11 year old is starting to make racist remarks (quoting his father) and it bothers me greatly - I don't think that we can shield or children indefinitely from other people's views - just try to give them proper and healthy belief system, foundation and hope/pray for the best.
I'm as liberal as you can get, yet one of my best friends is what I affectionately call a crazy, right-wing nutjob (he calls me a commie). It's not politics that's at issue here, it's the bigotry and intolerance. I agree with the others who have said that you're entitled to set boundaries with your parents and can tell them you just don't want to discuss certain things with them.
RRB2, do you confront your son about the racist remarks that he's parroting? I'm not a parent, so I have no idea how I'd deal with that.
Dealing with Bigot Parents
