Weight Loss Support - Living with regret...




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CherryPie99
07-17-2012, 07:52 PM
This is from my blog post today. Despite being close to goal, I'm a little down today. Please tell me I'm not the only person that feels this way...

So now that I'm almost at goal, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I realized yesterday that I am really fit. Not only are my running times pretty damn decent for someone who has been running as short as a time I have, but between lifting weights and all the other workouts I do, I'm strong and just in good shape.



That led me to coulda, shoulda, woulda. What would my life have been like if I had made this decision to be thin and fit when I was in high school. Or even college. Or, ****, even 10 years ago??? I mean, I clearly have some athletic ability in me.



Which then leads to me to be REALLY super ANGRY at myself. I should not be 40 years old and making these discoveries. I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life being fat and unhealthy.



I intellectually know that every choice I've made has led me to where I am right now. And I think that I'm a pretty okay person. But still, it doesn't feel great to be full of regret.



I'm hoping that a little ways down the road that I can forgive myself and just enjoy where I'm at now. Better late then never, as they say. And life, well, it's pretty ****ing good today. However, I'm not anywhere close to forgiving and accepting myself.


seagirl
07-17-2012, 08:13 PM
40 here too. And a new runner. And I posted something similar on the weight loss confessions thread. Why did I wait this long? Why didn't I start running and doing races and triathlons when I was in my 20's? Why did I waste most of my 30's with the wrong guy?

I practice saying "I forgive myself" a lot. And just keep working at it. Like running, and weight loss it doesn't happen over night, and there is back sliding.

Arctic Mama
07-17-2012, 08:16 PM
It happens. Preface your regret with realizing that every step you took on your way to this point was necessary, even if it was painful or feels wasted. Life isn't for do-overs and regrets, and the challenges along the way give us empathy for others, wisdom to dispense, and humble gratitude for the chance to do better every new day we live.

Big hugs, and congratulations.


Steph7409
07-17-2012, 08:20 PM
I'm older than you, so I have more years of being overweight to regret. I try to deal with it the same way I've tried to deal with my compulsive eating, by telling the self-hating voice in my head to shut the **** up. I just give it a nod of acknowledgement that yes, my life would have been better had I been thin, but I can't change the past and I'm not going to let regret bring me down.

You've done a remarkable job of self-improvement and should be proud of yourself and looking ahead. Forgiving yourself is hard, but you've shown that you can do the hard stuff!

JohnP
07-17-2012, 08:29 PM
Ponder this...

"Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh." - Henry David Thoreau

sontaikle
07-17-2012, 08:34 PM
First: You are and always have been a big inspiration of mine :) You are AMAZING!

We are all the sum of our memories and life experiences. You are the person you are today partially because of your super awesome inspirational weight loss. You'd probably be someone else—not the you that you are now—if you hadn't gone through this.

I try to remember that whenever I start thinking: "why didn't I do this years ago?" I wasn't supposed to do this years ago—I was supposed to do it now. Going through this experience has taught me so much that I probably would have missed out on had I been thin "naturally" and I know in my heart that I just wasn't ready earlier in my life.

I can wonder how my life would have been had I be thin earlier, or I could be out there now, living it and making up for lost time ;)

KittyKatFan
07-17-2012, 09:52 PM
Wow, from 330+ to 121??? My new idol! :)

I feel very much the way you do. I feel that I have missed out on so much in life, trapped inside this at body. I should have addressed it once and for all soooo many years ago but didn't.

It does get me down and I feel so much regret, like life passed me by. But all I can do is try to be optimistic about the future. I look forward to the future now, instead of living with the fear that my obesity will kill me. I hope to get a promotion one day, and find a new boyfriend, and pursue travel, golf, hiking, and all the other activities that I can now do because of my weight loss.

shcirerf
07-18-2012, 12:13 AM
Learn from the past, live in the present, and embrace the future!:hug::D:carrot:

4star
07-18-2012, 09:36 AM
They say hindsight is 20/20. But please don't spend too long looking back. All of that was what spurned you to get to where you are now. Where you are going is always more important than where you've been.:hug:

lm3898
07-18-2012, 09:46 AM
Cherry - I'm so sorry you feel this way b/c you do look amazing. Another poster wondered why they were with the wrong guy for so long & it made me think, EVERYONE has regrets- your weight appears to be yours.

Had you had a different weight/start at a younger age, who knows where you might be today right?? It could have led to other regrets - the shoulda/coulda road is TOO hard to contemplate honestly.

Also - 40 is NOT old - you have decades ahead of you to enjoy honestly. I really hope you forgive yourself soon b/c you might look back in another 10 years and regret being so angry...


"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

twinieten
07-18-2012, 09:48 AM
The are the thoughts I've been having too. Shoulda' Woulda' Coulda'. I hate that feeling.

MablesGirl
07-18-2012, 10:15 AM
Cherry, I understand exactly how you feel. Of course, right now mine is "how could I let myself go this way?" type of coulda. why did I wait so long is sort of my next goal, I suppose. But thanks so everyone for all the great advice, and I'll try to remember it myself.

LaurieDawn
07-18-2012, 02:28 PM
Weight loss is HARD. And maintaining that loss is even harder. I won't add to the great advice about your regrets, but I would encourage you to celebrate the past accomplishments and steel yourself for the hard work of future accomplishments. Who knows? You might find yourself in a career as a motivational speaker or fitness specialist or reality TV star. I'm not really a big "everything happens for a reason" person. But I am a HUGE "This is how it is, and check out how amazing it is now" person.

Garnet2727
07-18-2012, 02:45 PM
I have similar regrets. It hit me very forcefully at my last weigh in that if I had done this in high school, I'd be finished with losing weight and on maintenance now. As it is, I'm 48 and I've got around 90 more pounds to go. It's hard not to have regrets but I have to focus on the fact that I am losing weight and getting more fit now. I can't change the past; I can only move forward.

freelancemomma
07-18-2012, 03:48 PM
That led me to coulda, shoulda, woulda. What would my life have been like if I had made this decision to be thin and fit when I was in high school. Or even college. Or, ****, even 10 years ago??? I mean, I clearly have some athletic ability in me.

You can spin it the other way: What if you had waited another 10 years? 20 years? Good thing you did it now, right? From where I'm sitting (55), 40 is very young! And there are lots of athletic events where you can still shine, including some geared to specific age categories.

F.

CherryPie99
07-18-2012, 03:55 PM
Thanks everyone for the support and also for letting me know that I'm not the only one that has these thoughts.

You have all given me a lot to think about. Yes, what type of person would I have been if I had been fit all these years? I work as a counselor - would I be not as good at my job? You know, things like that...

I should be celebrating getting close to goal, and hopefully this will be a temporary feeling and I will just be able to be glad I made this change and be happy about it. For now I just have to try to not be so hard on myself....

sept2012
07-18-2012, 04:25 PM
Listen, I am sure we all have regrets similar to what you have posted. I was small in my 20's and I was a runner back then, but now I am 40 and not small and not a runner. I aspire to be that again soon, but I refuse to let those old ugly thoughts of regret get me down. I could have spent the last 20 years in shape. I didn't and now I have to start over but the great thing is there is lots of years left to enjoy this new found freedom you have. The insight you have. I was reading a post the other day about the difference's between what you know in your 20's 30's and 40's. For those of us who are in their 40's we are just late bloomers and now because you know who you are in your 40's and you realize that you are in control of your life 100% you have the knowledge and power to keep realizing your dreams and controlling what you do and what you don't do. I wish sometimes someone would have told me this when I was younger, but honestly I may not have listened and I wouldn't have really understood what it all meant. I get it now and I can't have a second of regret or sadness because those two feelings are something I can control and if I let it - they could eat me up and put me into a place I may never recover from. You did an excellent job getting where you are. Live every single day without letting those regrets creep up on you.

ringmaster
07-18-2012, 11:03 PM
Atleast you get to enjoy it now and will be healthy and fit into old age. Some 40 years olds are still struggling with weight or just have begun struggling with it. some people grow old and are still obese and that's when alot of the health problems start creeping up, atleast you won't have to deal with those issues. My point just is, it could of been worse :)

smalltownok
07-18-2012, 11:06 PM
Awesome advice!

Listen, I am sure we all have regrets similar to what you have posted. I was small in my 20's and I was a runner back then, but now I am 40 and not small and not a runner. I aspire to be that again soon, but I refuse to let those old ugly thoughts of regret get me down. I could have spent the last 20 years in shape. I didn't and now I have to start over but the great thing is there is lots of years left to enjoy this new found freedom you have. The insight you have. I was reading a post the other day about the difference's between what you know in your 20's 30's and 40's. For those of us who are in their 40's we are just late bloomers and now because you know who you are in your 40's and you realize that you are in control of your life 100% you have the knowledge and power to keep realizing your dreams and controlling what you do and what you don't do. I wish sometimes someone would have told me this when I was younger, but honestly I may not have listened and I wouldn't have really understood what it all meant. I get it now and I can't have a second of regret or sadness because those two feelings are something I can control and if I let it - they could eat me up and put me into a place I may never recover from. You did an excellent job getting where you are. Live every single day without letting those regrets creep up on you.

grabec
07-18-2012, 11:22 PM
I have so many regrets. When I hear this topic I always think "I have so many regrets." And I did not handle everything well in my past some times out of ignorance and some times on purpose but would sure do a lot of things differently. So glad for this topic. I often think that past can sure affect the now to some extent.



http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar083/weather01/lb//135/187.8/.png (http://www.3fatchicks.com/)

Hotaruchan
07-19-2012, 04:39 AM
You make it sound like a whole life has been wasted...cheer up, you're still young! ****, looking at your old weight and the absolutely amazing progress you've made, you've probably even gained a few years on your life expectancy. Look at it that way...it makes you comparatively younger! :p You're healthy now, and have many years yet to enjoy.

Asking "what if...?" only undermines how much you've accomplished, both with your loss and in your life. Everyone has things that they wish hadn't happened or that they wish they'd done, but on the other hand, you might not have the things that make your life awesome (or the same appreciation for them) if you had been thin from the start and not been forced to overcome the obstacles you've faced in your life.

Vex
07-19-2012, 10:08 AM
40 is not too late! Ok, so maybe you won't earn the high school track record, because there is an age limit for that. As far as I know there's no sports with age limits unless they have specific brackets for ages. It's all about how much your body can do.

We've all seen people competing well into their sixties - especially in running. Regret does nothing healthy for you at all. Do your best to let it go and look towards the future.

MyLilSweetPeas
07-19-2012, 11:26 AM
Congratulations on your success! You have come a long way. If you didn't have that journey under your belt it would be hard to appreciate where you are now. Now you can appreciate where you are and have empathy for others who are where you once were and can help others through your experience.

laciemn
07-19-2012, 01:02 PM
why not embrace this? you are just now discovering what people have taken for granted for a long time, you know. you deserve to enjoy it, really enjoy it. its a great thing especially after 40. it might give you that extra energy you need to stay healthy and strong far longer than your peers.

djs06
07-19-2012, 04:38 PM
You have all given me a lot to think about. Yes, what type of person would I have been if I had been fit all these years? I work as a counselor - would I be not as good at my job? You know, things like that...



You know... I'm nowhere near my goal, but I do think that being overweight has made me a more understanding and compassionate person in general. I hope to hit my goal weight by 30, but thinking that I won't experience my teens and 20s as a normal weight person is sad. But it's not the end of the world.

But I do think it's better late than never! Just keep telling yourself that things happen when they do for a reason. You weren't ready for awhile, and as soon as you were, you made a huge change for the better. You still have a lot to experience and look forward to, and you are now doing it as a thin, fit person!

PS- you are totally inspirational.