Will I ever be happy? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

caramelkitty · 07-17-2012, 11:46 AM

On March 20th 2011, if someone had told me I'd be sitting here 16 months later, at my original goal, I'd laugh and say "I'd be the happiest girl in the world".

So why aren't I happy with what I've accomplished?

I know I look great, everyone and their mother keeps telling me.
I've been told how proud they are of me, how I proved to everyone that it *CAN* be done.

I've lost 75lb. I never in my life thought I could do that, but I did. Now as I look in the mirror, I only see the flaws. I only see what I can change. And I rarely ever see what I've already changed.

I still see myself as the 220lb girl that had to cover up.
I still feel self conscious about wearing sleeveless shirts, or shorts, or skirts, or anything that shows some extra skin.

If you guys would only see how WHITE the rest of my body is compared to my arms and feet from being covered all these years LOL It's pretty funny.

I am changing my goal to 135 to see if I still feel this way at that weight, but I have a large frame, and my face is already starting to get really skinny (it's the first place I lose weight) and my collar bones and chest bones as well as ribs are prominent and pretty visible even through clothing.

I don't wanna look sick, and God Forbid people start thinking I have an ED again. I'm starting to lift weights to see if maybe toning will help my self esteem.

I guess what my rant is asking for is advice, how do you guys deal with your new image? How do you accept that this is the new you? How do you see yourself the way you are supposed to and not the way you used to be?

I love you guys so much, I have made such amazing friends on this journey and I will never ever forget this. I'm hoping the last 10 will come off easily and I know that with the motivation I get here it will. Thanks in advance for the advice xoxo

alaskanlaughter · 07-17-2012, 11:52 AM

for me, it has simply taken TIME...time to be at the weight that i've gotten down to, to let my body and mind adjust to it...granted i havent lost as much as you have, i got down to low 190s from a high of 230 and have just been maintaining that for awhile...and it took a long time to wrap my mind around the differences in my body

on a side note, about being WHITE lol, if it truly bothers you, perhaps try some tanning lotions or a safe way of getting some color on your skin (i read that tanning beds arent so safe anymore? not sure)....i have lived my whole life in alaska, EveryThing about me is white LOL! and if i was in a position where i'd want to show more skin, i'd look at the tanning lotions or something...however in alaska, it's always cold so even though i'm smaller i'm still not showing much skin, i'd freeze!

caramelkitty · 07-17-2012, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alaskanlaughter

for me, it has simply taken TIME...time to be at the weight that i've gotten down to, to let my body and mind adjust to it...granted i havent lost as much as you have, i got down to low 190s from a high of 230 and have just been maintaining that for awhile...and it took a long time to wrap my mind around the differences in my body

on a side note, about being WHITE lol, if it truly bothers you, perhaps try some tanning lotions or a safe way of getting some color on your skin (i read that tanning beds arent so safe anymore? not sure)....i have lived my whole life in alaska, EveryThing about me is white LOL! and if i was in a position where i'd want to show more skin, i'd look at the tanning lotions or something...however in alaska, it's always cold so even though i'm smaller i'm still not showing much skin, i'd freeze!

You're right. I guess I just need to give myself time to accept myself and to love myself for who I am and who I have become.

As for being white, I don't mind it per se. It's just funny to see if I wear a bikini. But then again, one day on the beach and that's pretty much taken care of (I tan pretty quickly). It's just funny to see how much I've covered my body over the years. My stomach has NEVER seen the sunlight

.

Riddy · 07-17-2012, 12:05 PM

I have no great advice, but I can sympathize.

I'm not at goal yet, but I've lost a lot, and don't see it most of the time. I've heard it takes a while for us to really see it in the mirror. We look at ourselves in the mirror every day, and the changes have been gradual to us. I still look like ME to me. I tend to really "see" it in photos.

I had a big moment a couple weeks ago - I had a picture taken with my pregnant SIL and her best friend. To me they were always normal sized - my SIL is maybe a 10 and her bestie is probably a 12. Yeah, I'm a 12 now, but I still think of myself as the fat friend. I saw the photo of the 3 of us and freaked out - I LOOKED THE SAME SIZE AS THE NORMAL GIRLS. It blew my mind.

I'm thinking I should get out my "before" jeans and take a look at them for a little perspective.

So hang in there, and I hope your brain catches up with your body soon.

caramelkitty · 07-17-2012, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Riddy

I have no great advice, but I can sympathize.

I'm not at goal yet, but I've lost a lot, and don't see it most of the time. I've heard it takes a while for us to really see it in the mirror. We look at ourselves in the mirror every day, and the changes have been gradual to us. I still look like ME to me. I tend to really "see" it in photos.

I had a big moment a couple weeks ago - I had a picture taken with my pregnant SIL and her best friend. To me they were always normal sized - my SIL is maybe a 10 and her bestie is probably a 12. Yeah, I'm a 12 now, but I still think of myself as the fat friend. I saw the photo of the 3 of us and freaked out - I LOOKED THE SAME SIZE AS THE NORMAL GIRLS. It blew my mind.

I'm thinking I should get out my "before" jeans and take a look at them for a little perspective.

So hang in there, and I hope your brain catches up with your body soon.

Congrats on losing nearly 100lb!! I know exactly the situation you went through!! I only sort of "see" it in pictures as well. I went out on Friday night with my "tiny/skinny" friends. And well in the picture, we pretty much look the same size. And these girls weigh 110-and 130.

And I wore my "before size 18 jeans" not long ago and put both legs in one pant leg. It doesn't take a genius to see I lost weight, but apparently my brain is a little delayed. lol

SugarRomeoTango4852 · 07-17-2012, 12:14 PM

My cousin calls this problem "Mental Weight". We can lose the PHYSICAL weight as fast as we want but there is still a large amount of mental weight that came with the stigma of being over weight. She has lost around 60 lbs and tells me, when she looks in the mirror, all she sees if herself at that same weight. So you aren't alone.

That weight seems to take a lot of time to get rid of.

However, have you considered that it is something aside from your weight making you, not unhappy, but at least disatisfied in general? The weight may just be the easiest target to blame it on. ^_^

You should be extremely proud of what you have lost and, if you think losing those extra pounds will help, I am all for it!

bargoo · 07-17-2012, 12:16 PM

I know I am smaller my clothes closet is full of smaller size clothing and the style of my clothes is much different, yet when I look in the mirror I don't really notice much. My face looks a little thinner but I do not have a full length mirror at at home. Now, when I go to the mall or someplace with a lot of mirrors and see my reflection it is always a little bit of a surprise. I think , wow ! that is me.
I show weight loss in my face, first, too but in a little while that will even itself out and it won't be so noticeable.
I don't have advice just sharing that I have some of the same thought as you , I am not disappointed , this is what I want and what I have worked for. I am much healthier and wearing smaller clothes and looking better is just a bonus to the improvement in my health.

Arctic Mama · 07-17-2012, 12:59 PM

Time is the best relief for this, and maybe a lower goal if you really aren't happy with what you see in the mirror.

kelly315 · 07-17-2012, 01:04 PM

Last time around, I lost 130ish pounds, and was feeling much the same as you are. The good news is, most experts say that body dysmorphia will fade if you give it time. I've also heard that incorporating shaping exercises will help with loose skin or feeling generally "soft" and flabby. Exercise (especially one not just focused on appearances, like martial arts, running, dance, and yoga) can help you appreciate your new body as something more than it's looks.

stimkovs · 07-17-2012, 01:51 PM

the suggestions on here, have been great.

you know what's funny? i didn't realize how AMAZING i looked, until i regained 15 lbs.

the brain does take time to catch up- give it time, keep working, keep getting stronger, and healthier!

another thing that has helped me, personally, is bikram yoga. i know yoga has been mentioned, but bikram, is a VERY hot, standardized form of yoga, and you get the greatest results in postures wearing as little as you can. while it took me a LONG, LONG time to accept my body enough to be able to practice in teeny tiny shorts and a sports bra, even having regained some weight, i still do so. now, when i practice, i stand in a corner, between two mirrors, and i watch my body. i watch my loose skin, and i admire it. they are not stretch marks, they are battle scars, they are a source of pride. while you may still have slight imperfections that you see in yourself, nobody is perfect, and you have to see the positive light, and the strength of your body as well as the determination in your mind!

Flattum2be · 07-21-2012, 05:00 PM

Hi CaramelKitty, I don't have any advise as I am still struggling just to start out (and have been for the past almost 3 years). I just wanted to say that you are one of the people who I see as a HUGE inspration for me. I was just showing your ice cream to my sister the other day,I am really amazed at your willpower and at what you have achieved. YOU LOOK AMAZING and you should maybe just step back and look at your accomplishments and see what all of us see.

Flattum2be · 07-21-2012, 05:01 PM

Ice cream STORY,lol. Sorry.

Justwant2Bhealthy · 07-21-2012, 05:30 PM

I think the longer you maintain your new weight; and see yourself that way -- your mind & brain will eventually accept that as the real you. It may take a couple of years. Pictures do help us to see how much we've changed; I noticed that for me, so I take them out and look at them. I had noticed in the mirror that I was getting slimmer, and new pictures verified that for me.

I think that we are all self-critical to some degree. Like another poster said, it may not be the new physical you that is causing your dissatifaction. It may be something else. Sometimes, people think that losing weight will change their lives drastically, and while it can change some things (like helping us to feel more comfortable & confident); it cannot change how you feel about yourself inside.

Plus, it won't change things on the outside either -- like our relationships with other people, for instance (sometimes, new issues arise). You will still have to work on those things no matter what weight you are. You may gain more confidence to go after things that you dreamed of though; maybe going back to school or travelling, and that will be a benefit. Take advantage of the new you, and pursue all the things that you always wanted to do. That may help you with this feeling as well.

IsobelRose22 · 07-21-2012, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SugarRomeoTango4852

My cousin calls this problem "Mental Weight". We can lose the PHYSICAL weight as fast as we want but there is still a large amount of mental weight that came with the stigma of being over weight. She has lost around 60 lbs and tells me, when she looks in the mirror, all she sees if herself at that same weight. So you aren't alone.

That weight seems to take a lot of time to get rid of

I can so relate to this! its exactly what I am going through, ad I'm sure most people who lose weight feel like this at some point, it just taes some people longer than others to get past it.

asharksrevenge · 07-21-2012, 08:12 PM

I am not at my goal weight, but I'd like to suggest you use your "new" body for something useful outside of yourself, something you never did at 200+ lbs. Perhaps a charity run/walk? In this way, you'd be giving back to your community (there are tons of fun run/walks for all kinds of charity organizations) and you'd be working your body in a way you couldn't have done before, which might help you to see that your body is so much more capable of doing great things now that you're fit than it ever was before, and that all of your personal sacrifices can also be used to benefit others.