Weight Loss Support - Impatience is a bad thing.




View Full Version : Impatience is a bad thing.


nicole8705
07-12-2012, 10:33 AM
Okay so I have been big for more than 10 years (chubby in high school and getting bigger ever since). I always try to lose weight, drop some, then grow impatient at how the lose slows down. Last time I lost 30 just to gain it all and another 20 pounds.

Now I think I'm ready to change my lifestyle permanently. I have been eating healthy (watching my calories and following the food pyramid to make sure I get enough fruits, veggies, protein, and grains) and exercising steadily since June 16th. I am losing at what I thought was a great rate. 12 pounds so far.

My issue seems to be comparing myself to others on here. I see all these people dropping weight so much faster than myself (even those who weigh less than me). Especially since I am part of a daily weighing thread. I just feel inferior when I see how much more I have left to lose and others are blowing me out of the water.

I know I shouldn't care how others are doing and only focus on myself but it's hard to do that on here when I see so many successful people. I guess I'm afraid I just won't be able to one day post a thread in the GOAL section.

I'm probably being silly, maybe I need more sleep.
Thanks for listening.


PaintedButterfly
07-12-2012, 10:40 AM
My suggestion- stop using the daily weighing threads. I lose weight really slow (2lbs a month is average for me.. yes a month) and I was getting so disheartened using those threads. I now only use weekly ones (like the July weight loss challenge). I still weigh everyday but take my lowest weight each week and use that. Some people would probably think that's cheating but I really don't care because obviously if the lowest each week keeps decreasing over the months- I am losing weight and it is working. I've now lost 14lbs.
I also have a graphical ticker (which you can see in my signature). That helps me to see how far I've come. I only ever put the "goal" as two pounds beneath what I started at the month before and only work with 1 month at a time.
Don't feel you have to do it like everyone else :). Find what works for you and do that and do whatever works to keep you focussed on you whether it's daily weigh ins, monthly or not even at all.. or it's graphs or concentrating on how your clothes fit etc etc.

amandie
07-12-2012, 10:50 AM
They are successful because they kept at it. You will be too if you keep at it and never give up! Your progress is your own, sure it is normal to be a bit envious of others' losses but never ever dismiss your own.

If you continue to feel that way, maybe don't peruse that daily weigh-in thread. I know I couldn't because I always have weird fluctuations from day to day and to actually type it in kinda sets it in concrete even though it isn't an actual gain. I used to have the same issues as you when I first started out but over time, that went away and I fully focused on my progress.

You have done wonderfully with 26lbs! To reach goal, you just need to lose that about 4 more times. Not bad, huh?


JossFit
07-12-2012, 10:52 AM
Also keep in mind that while it may appear that some of those people lose a lot faster than you, it's just a snap shot of their lives at that moment. Who is to say that they don't then go on vacation and gain back 5 pounds over the course of a week?

Just do your thing at your pace and remember that it's more about the journey than the destination.

LiannaKole
07-12-2012, 11:07 AM
I feel that way sometimes, too. But you know what, I have to remind myself periodically of the deal I made with myself two years ago when I started losing weight.

I was obese and very uncomfortable with how trapped I felt under all the flesh, so I told myself that if I really wanted out, it would take a lot of time and a lot of work. It wouldn't be quick, it wouldn't be easy. And I made sure I was in it to stay.

Two years later, I'm still here. I've had struggles, doubts, regains, almost quit like 4 times. I also have had successes, really fun time, and I feel better at 10 lbs overweight than at 60 lbs overweight.

I promise you it's worth it to stick with it, even when it seems impossible, or like it's going too slow, or like you'llnever reach your goal. You CAN get there. Just stick with it and pick yourself up every time you fall.

The only way you won't make it is if you stop trying. I tell myself that a lot, and so far it's completely true.

sacha
07-12-2012, 11:15 AM
I think we always just need to do the best we can do and take everything with a grain of salt.

For example, you don't know if others are losing water, muscle, fat. You don't know their body composition, or heck, if they are even being honest!

Look at me! My ticker says I'm 135lbs! I'm 146lbs and pregnant! Just an example of you can't always believe what you read ;)

Not to say that I think others are lying, I don't think they are, but you can't gauge the whole picture from a written number on the screen. So you must do the best that YOU can do with your body, your circumstances, your life, your choices.

Orchestrated
07-12-2012, 11:36 AM
First of all, congratulations with the 26 pound weight loss! I agree with the other posters about not weighing in daily (I weigh weekly, usually - because if I have a day when I eat out or hormonal fluctuations they can "skew" my progress).

Also, it might be easier to have lifestyle change goals, instead of weight loss goals; it can be dangerous to say "I will lose 10 pounds in a month" because everyone goes at different rates. Instead, you can make a concrete goal like "I will work out three/four days a week" which you can definitely manage!

packgirl
07-12-2012, 12:22 PM
Don't put a time table on being healthy and successful! You've done great and lost a lot since June! Keep it up!

PinkLotus
07-12-2012, 01:01 PM
My weight loss has been slow as well. I've lost 26lbs since the end of January, so about 5.5 months. I had a vacation in there that set me back almost a month, but still, it's been a fairly slow process.
I totally understand where you are coming from, and it's way easier said than done, but just keep doing what you are doing and the weight will continue to come off at whatever rate it chooses to. :)
There is just no good that can come from comparing yourself to others like that. Don't let it take away from the fact that you have lost 26lbs, and that is AWESOME, no matter how long it took.
To get discouraged and frustrated at times is normal - just do not let it derail your progress. Just keep going. Sometimes that might be hard, but what's the alternative?
Best of luck. You're doing great. :)

kaplods
07-12-2012, 01:02 PM
Weight loss is like a huge city marathon. It's easy to think you're in last place when you see 5,000 people ahead of you, not realizing there are 25,000 people behind you. You can be in the top 5% and feel like you're in the bottom - because we don't get to (and often choose not to) see all the people who are eating our dust.

When I started this journey, I was losing less than a pound a month (and I'm not losing much faster now). At my size at the time, this felt very discouraging, but when I confided to my doctor that I was getting discouraged because I "should be able to lose at least two pounds a week like a normal person," my doctor scolded me, saying that "normal" wasn't losing 2 lbs a week. Normal was losing nothing, or losing a little and then gaining a lot. Normal was giving up or not even trying in the first place. He told me that just staying in the game was extraordinary, not normal.

Even just "not gaining" is extraordinary, and that's what I've focused on. I do weigh daily (usually twice a day, because I love seeing a loss first thing in the morning, even if I know it's not a "real" loss - so I weigh myself before bed (usually my heaviest time of day) and then first thing in the morning (my lightest time of the day). So every day I get to "see" a loss, and almost every day I get to celebrate "not gaining."

For me, that was the key to loving slow weight loss. I had to change my goal from losing (which I couldn't do every day) to "not gaining" (which I could manage most days). Although I did have to change my definition of "not gaining" because it wouldn't be fare to count my monthly water weight gain with PMS/TOM as a real gain - so I don't compare todays weight to yesterday's - I compare it to my weight to last month's and the month before's.

The scale can't discourage you, in fact - nothing and no one can discourage you - only you can do that - and it all hinges on your beliefs and attitudes. If you believe you "should" be losing faster, you will become discouraged.

And we're all taught to believe we "should be losing faster." If you're not losing 12 lbs a week like The Biggest Loser contestants, chances are you're not happy with your weight loss speed. And not being happy with your success - defining that success as only partial success (or worse as failure) is what discourages us, not what appears on the scale. It's our interpretation of what's on the scale.

I've lost incredibly slow. Partially because I don't have the willpower I used to have. My health issues, especially the fibromyalgia and the IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) do not respond well to any drastic change in diet or exercise. I've had to make very gradual changes, or face flares of pain, fatigue, cognitive impairments, and what we used to call in college, "explosive diarrhea."

Gradual changes have made weight loss seem effortless to me, because I choose to see it that way. Though it was hard to see it that way, because we never seen anyone on a magazine or television show proudly proclaiming, "How I lost 1/2 the weight I wanted to, and only took 10 years to do it."

But the fact is those stories are still mad successes, because most people don't accomplish it in ten years or in a lifetime. 95% (and that's a conservative estimate) of all weight loss attempts fail - so why do we not see "not gaining" or "losing slowly" as the amazing, awe-inspiring success that it is - instead of only rewarding the folks who can do it almost overnight?

Because we're idiots. We've culturally determined that only 2 lbs per week or more is success. We've decided that "not losing" is almost every bit as bad as gaining (so if we're not going to lose as much or as quickly as we want, we might as well be gaining and get to eat what we want...)

We're taught to fail, so we have to "unlearn" all the crap we've learned, including the craptastic bit of crap that tells us that losing slowly isn't really success.

It's taken me seven years (most of it in the last four) to lose 105 lbs. In the past, I would have defined weight loss this slow as failure - not because I was lazy, crazy, or stupid - but because I believed what my culture told me - that anything less than 2 lbs per week was failure and that if I couldn't succeed I might as well give up - at least until I could "start fresh" tomorrow, Monday, next month, or the new year (depending on how close I was to the next socially-sanctioned "starting over point").

You're only seeing the people passing you by, you're not seeing the millions (and there are millions) behind you, envying YOUR success. They're out there, and there are a whole lot more people behind you than ahead of you, and the longer you stay in the race, the further ahead you are - because just not giving up, and "not gaining" puts you in the winner's circle. So remember that, and celebrate it.

Remember that the real accomplishment isn't losing, it's "not gaining" and if you remember that, and always focus on the not gaining part, you will eventually reach your goal, which is more that can be said for those who choose the ACTUAL "normal" path.

Hang in there, it's all you really need to do to succeed. If you stay focused and aimed in the right direction, you will move closer and closer to your ultimate goal. If you allow yourself to feel like a failure, you're only a step away from failure. If you strive to focus on what you've accomplished and not what you have yet to accomplish, you succeed every minute you choose to see it.

Jez
07-12-2012, 01:34 PM
Have you tried tweaking your program? Exercise more, change your caloric intake, focus on food quality? Grains/gluten are very inflammatory. Many people have issues with dairy. Conventional wisdom is not all its cracked up to be. definitely do your homework and use your own judgment on what is healthy or not. Food quality is important, not just the number of calories.

nicole8705
07-12-2012, 05:04 PM
Thanks for all the advice (especially kaplods). I guess I need to change my ticker because I lost 18 of the 26 like 3 years ago when I was on prolonged bedrest, but thank you all for reminding me of that. I just think of 257 which is what I weighed in June.

Jez, I already exercise 6-7 days a week. 3-4 of just cardio (Tues, Thurs, and Sat, and sometimes Sun) and the other 3 (MWF) cardio and weight lifting. I stick to 1500-1800 calories except for one day where I go up to 2000. I'm not sure what to change.

I have to weigh daily or else I slack off too much. I know from past experiences, when I would stop weighing daily, I stopped sticking to my diet.

I guess I need to just focus on myself and not compare myself with others. Plus I think my TOM is coming any day now. I imagine that would effect my progress for a few days.

Again, thanks for the help.

amandie
07-13-2012, 12:43 PM
TOM affects my progress for up to a week and half (takes a while for the water weight to go byebye after I'm done) so you are lucky if it is just for a few days! ;)

Exhale15
07-13-2012, 12:52 PM
Definitely don't look at what others are 'doing' as far as how quickly they are losing weight. Weight loss is not 'fair'. As long as you are in the right direction, you're fine. Slow but sure is the way to go.

Having said that, many people do well cutting back on the grains, starches, and processed sugars. So have a look at that.

There are almost as many ways to 'succeed' as they are people trying to. Go your own way and make it work for you :)

ValRock
07-13-2012, 01:02 PM
They are successful because they kept at it. You will be too if you keep at it and never give up! Your progress is your own, sure it is normal to be a bit envious of others' losses but never ever dismiss your own.


This, Exactly! I'm a slow loser, too. Sometimes I get totally discouraged... but you can't compare yourself to others. This is your journey and only you can make it a successful one. I often remind myself that if I just keep on trucking those little losses add up into big ones. I can look back in a year and have made TONS of progress, when I add it all up... or I can give up and go the other direction. It's a choice I have to make every. single. day.

You can do this!! :carrot: Keep on truckin'!

eternalflame30
07-13-2012, 01:09 PM
I have that same fear, and what I learnd about fears, they keep you from achieiving what is possible because they make it seem Impossible. You have to push the fear aside and don't think "what if I don't." instead "I can't wait until I do." You have done good so far with your weight loss keep going at it and keep in the frame of mind, this too will pass and be accomplished.

I look at it now that it's a game of life, I want to succeed in loosing. I'm on weight watchers and for every five pounds they give you a star, it's like a game for me to see how many stars I can get until I reach goal.

Best of luck and I know I will see you in the Goal forum. :)

Lisa