Weight Loss Support - *sigh* i think i FINALLY hit the "fat wall"




shoeluver67
07-10-2012, 02:59 PM
so, on monday my boyfriend and i are going to Vegas for 4 days...i am in a total panic! i don't have ANY sweltering weather clothes...well, i shouldn't say that...i have some sun dresses, that i look HORRID in. my arms look like sausages, and i look 14 months pregnant. i can't BELIEVE i let myself get to this point...i don't even WANT to go now. My boyfriend is in such GREAT shape and here he is, having to walk around with his FAT girlfriend. I'm an embarrassment to him. We are now officially one of those "what is THAT guy doing with THAT girl when he can get someone hot??" kind of couples. He doesn't SAY that, he has been supportive, but i can't help but feel like i have let him down. I used to be this cute athletic girl wearing all those fun, sexy "Vegas" clothes, now i've let myself go and let him down...as well as myself. maybe this is what it took to wake me up...to make me FINALLY quit bullsh*tting myself. I'm going to confess right here that i HAVEN'T been trying my hardest...i've been half-a**ing it and fooling myself. no more. i can't live like this any longer...i'm miserable and i DESERVE to be happy...and dog gone it...i'm going to make myself healthy and make myself happy!

please tell me there are others out there who have gone thru this too...:?:


guacamole
07-10-2012, 03:22 PM
I have been there done that (minus the hot boyfriend in great shape!). I remember promising myself to get lose weight for a trip overseas a few years back, and it never happened. I remember shopping in the plus section for holiday/cruisewear/summery kind of clothes and feeling sick. I hated everything I wore on that trip, but the worst part for me was not being able to keep up with my family on all the hiking/walking we were doing. I felt ill the entire time and often had to go back to the hotel room after dinner while the rest of my family enjoyed further touring and night life. I am probably a good deal older than you at 42, but this trip happened when I was 37 - although I felt about 87.

What I would do is try and find some clothes that you feel comfortable in, get some cute accessories and shoes, do your hair and makeup, and be the best you that you can possibly be. DO use this feeling as a motivator to reach your goals in the future. Being overweight does not make you a bad person, nor does it make you ugly, nor does it make you any less fabulous than you are.

shoeluver67
07-10-2012, 03:29 PM
Actually Guacamole...i'm right there WITH you...i'm 44 years old, 5'5" and my weight right now is 212...my goal is where you are 150 (i look REALLY good at 150). so you are my HERO right now! What diet/exercise program did you find works best for you? Thank you for your help and advice...this really is a horrible, horrible place to be.


LockItUp
07-10-2012, 04:29 PM
Oh yes I can relate. My DH was a personal trainer up until recently (I used to be too), and I would NEVER go to his work functions because I was embarrassed of my appearance and figured that once his hot female clients saw that he had a big fat wife that they'd pursue him harder than they already were. (was never worried about DH, but who wants women after their man!?

He had to have a procedure done a few months back (before I started losing weight) and the doctor came in and introduced himself to both of us, then asked if I was a good supportive friend. I said no I'm his wife; the doctor just said oh and look surprised. I was humiliated!!!

And I was miserable in my own body, that's what made me change and start losing weight.

guacamole
07-10-2012, 08:37 PM
This sounds terrible, but at least because my husband is also overweight, I never had to go through that whole mismatch thing! We matched each other quite well! The problem is now more the other way around.

shoeluver67 - the basic answer is that I calorie count. I didn't start out calorie counting though. I started just by eliminating one unhealthy eating habit at a time and replacing it with a healthier option. I didn't eliminate things overnight, more like weaned off of them. For example, I went from drinking regular coca cola 8 times a day, to replacing a few cokes with diet soda and diet snapple. Eventually, I replaced all of my regular coca cola with diet drinks. Then I started replacing diet drinks with water. Eventually, I got to a point where I only drink water (and coffee or tea with skim milk and no sugar about once per day). I did this kind of thing with all kinds of foods I felt "addicted" to. Weaned myself slowly off of them with healthier alternatives.

At some point (maybe 25-30 lbs down) I started to plateau, and so I wanted to take a closer look at my foods and portion sizes to see where I could adjust. That's when I started using a calorie counter to track my food and beverage intake. It's been really helpful in keeping me accountable. Lately, I have begun to exercise regularly - 30-60 minutes of walking or biking 5-6 times per week. Sometimes I do 15 minutes of free weights for my arms. I don't know if it is helping me lose weight, but I do feel stronger and less flabby.
Hope that helps!

shoeluver67
07-10-2012, 09:04 PM
Thanks Guac and Lock! I appreciate the support and advice. I'm starting to log regularly again on myfitnesspal, holding myself more accountable and i'm really starting to make better choices. Like i said, maybe i just had to get to this point to really realize the unhealthy and unattractive mess i have gotten myself into. It's just a bad bad feeling...like hitting rock bottom. But i guess the upside to that is that the onlly place to go IS up!

FunSize
07-10-2012, 09:10 PM
I can totally relate!! I had my rock bottom moment a year ago! I am super short and my husband is very tall, slim, super good looking (I am not just saying that because he is my husband.. he is REALLY attractive!)..
and I feel like an oompa loompa next to this beautiful roman statue of a man lol
People say it's wrong to want to lose weight for anyone but yourself, but a large part of my inspiration is him. I am in this marriage for life and he deserves someone in shape!

madlioness
07-11-2012, 12:37 AM
Actually I have been there because my boyfriend is so in shape and I get to be called his mother when I walk next to him..... depressing I know but this keeps me motivated instead to try and find a solution to get back in shape...

Hotaruchan
07-11-2012, 07:21 AM
My boyfriend lost a ton of weight before we were together (and continued to lose as he then proceeded to join the Navy and go through boot camp) and I think he still has a "fat guy" mentality. He always tells me how tiny I am, not realizing that I weigh more than he does at 6'' shorter than him >.< Right now I'm really pushing hard because there's a chance he'll get leave and come see me in Japan next month and I really don't want to be the fat girl clinging to a gorgeous guy that makes everyone wonder "Wtf does he see in HER?"

I think that everyone has a certain degree of insecurity regarding their looks, which is only exacerbated when you're heavier than your partner. Just keep working at it...clearly there's something other than your weight attracting him to you (though in my case I've put serious thought into the possibility of having gotten my guy through gravitational pull...I can't seem to come up with any other reason he'd put up with me :p )

twinieten
07-11-2012, 09:33 AM
My husband is a small man. He's always been lean, fortunate to have good genetics where little effort is necessary to maintain his muscular frame. He's super strong, even though he doesn't have huge muscles. Only in his 40s has he had to switch to 34 inch waist pants from 32! Even at my thinnest, I was bigger than he was throughout our time together, except once. I was never able to wear his clothes when I was pregnant, that sort of thing. The first time I lost weight, one of the biggest thrills was when I was able to fit in to his 32 inch waist pants! That was a decade ago.

I reached that point that everyone does when I felt like the mismatched couple. My husband, lean and attractive and then there was me. Big fat cow. Like everyone else, we were the couple where everyone looked at him and wondered what the heck he was doing with a woman like me.

Fast forward, my fat wall, that moment of truth, was when I bought my first pair of size 16 shorts so I could have something nice to wear on Easter Sunday. There was a lot more going on at the time that contributed to my motivation and commitment, but the devastation I felt with that purchase was significant.

The weight loss was for me from the beginning. However, being more attractive for, and next to, my husband is a factor. I'm actually now hoping that in the near future, people will look at my husband and I and either think, "Wow, they are a friggin' beautiful couple!" Or they'll wonder "what's she doing with him?" LOL! I want to be the hot wife.

I've done a variety of diets to get to where I am. I started with a crash diet that I'm not allowed to mention here by name, switched to Bodybugg and calorie counting, threw another crash diet in there called Yoli to get me through a slump, and now I'm back to counting calories. I picked up jogging for the high calorie burn and the camaraderie among runners, recently started boot camp, and will plan on keeping fitness as part of my maintenance, long term.

shoeluver67
07-11-2012, 04:21 PM
You know what? I LOOOOVE these message boards. You guys are so awesome and supportive and incredible. Thank you so much. This is such a difficult and LONELY journey...and unless you have been through it, you can't comprehend the mental difficulty behind it. It feels so good to know that i'm NORMAL...and i LOVE hearing your stories of how you broke through the mental blocks and DID it. Thank you again...your support really is invaluable. :-)

Exhale15
07-11-2012, 04:34 PM
so, on monday my boyfriend and i are going to Vegas for 4 days...i am in a total panic! i don't have ANY sweltering weather clothes...well, i shouldn't say that...i have some sun dresses, that i look HORRID in. my arms look like sausages, and i look 14 months pregnant. i can't BELIEVE i let myself get to this point...i don't even WANT to go now. My boyfriend is in such GREAT shape and here he is, having to walk around with his FAT girlfriend. I'm an embarrassment to him. We are now officially one of those "what is THAT guy doing with THAT girl when he can get someone hot??" kind of couples. He doesn't SAY that, he has been supportive, but i can't help but feel like i have let him down. I used to be this cute athletic girl wearing all those fun, sexy "Vegas" clothes, now i've let myself go and let him down...as well as myself. maybe this is what it took to wake me up...to make me FINALLY quit bullsh*tting myself. I'm going to confess right here that i HAVEN'T been trying my hardest...i've been half-a**ing it and fooling myself. no more. i can't live like this any longer...i'm miserable and i DESERVE to be happy...and dog gone it...i'm going to make myself healthy and make myself happy!

please tell me there are others out there who have gone thru this too...:?:

So shoeluver67, yesterday was a great day for you, you decided to start to take better care of yourself. What have you done, so far since your 'revelation' to support your new healthy life style? Jot it down in a little notebook. At the end of the day, review what you've written - are you satisfied with your efforts so far? Remember this is a daily thing, this being healthy....

shoeluver67
07-12-2012, 05:28 PM
Exhale15...so far so good! I do most of my logging on myfitnesspal.com...which i love (but i try not to go on their msg boards, too mean spirited). I've done 2 miles on the treadmill both yesterday and today, and i started doing "the new rules of lifting for women"...to incorporate some weight training (which i have been avoiding out of sheer ignorance). As far as my food intake...I've stayed away from the sweets and opted for some blueberries or strawberries with stevia instead, and i'm staying away from the bad carbs. We now have a treadmill workstation, at my work, so i've been doing an hour a day on that treadmill as well. my BIG accomplishment though, is that i've stayed away from the junk food at work. Work is my biggest "bad food" trigger. I do VERY well at home, but blow it at work because it is so available and i'm so stressed out...so being able to say "no" when someone does a food run, or brings in cupcakes, has been huge for me.

angie7896
07-12-2012, 05:40 PM
Thats awesome that you can say no to food at work! It feels so crappy when you say it but it feels so good later! Food at work is hard for me too. It is usually just sitting there all day long. People keep asking you if you've tried it. It is taunting me :devil:
It takes alot of will power to say no.

Alyj89
07-12-2012, 09:04 PM
I had many times like this where I just wouldn't go anywhere, and also my fiancÚ and I met online first and were together for about 5 years that way and I kept avoiding any meetings or suggestions of them because I was so nervous he would care too much that I was fat (I told him I was, so there was no lying - but things are different web it's really in front of you), after an incident with his father for the millionth time i told him to get all he had together and come live with me, before something very serious happened between them. so he did.

as scary as that was got me it somehow even didn't kick me into doing anything. 2 years went by. I avoided going to school events with him and stuff. I avoided attending a BBQ hosted by a group of close online friends that wanted to meet up. One day in the store there was a scale out on the floor, and I stepped on it for the first time in 10 years. I was fooling myself into thinking I was 210ish, nope, I was a shocking 252lbs. I broke down there, felt like dying, was very depressed for 2 days. And then I went shopping, threw out all my food and replaced it, and started changing my life.

it always seems to take a hard kick in the gut to get things moving for a lot of people and now that you've had it, maybe that was what you needed, like me. I'm 211 today, and already much happier, and feel much "hotter" and don't mind people seeing me with my fiancÚ anymore :)

Simi
07-12-2012, 09:46 PM
Thank you for starting this thread, shoeluver! I can so relate to you and many of the other posters here as I, too, am so much larger than my in-shape DH...and that's larger as in wider & heavier, not taller. :) I'm 43 and hope to be at my goal weight or even less by my anniversary next year.

My fat wall hit me when I finally had to give in and buy pants/shorts in a size 20 when I weighed 250lbs at 5'7". I had been squeezing myself in size 18 for awhile & was just in denial. You'd think I would have been inspired to lose weight for my various health issues or the incredulous looks I get from the skinny-minis at wondering why my DH is with me, but no...it was seeing the number 20 on my clothing tags.

Congrats to all of us for taking charge of our lives and doing something about our weight! I loved reading the posts here! :)

linJber
07-13-2012, 01:04 AM
I've been single for a very long time and when I was married, hubby and I were pretty equal in the weight department - both could have lost a few pounds, but it wasn't bad. I put the largest part of my weight on after we divorced. I'm not sure what wall I hit last January, but something just clicked in. I guess I was just tired of thinking things were "not so bad" until I'd see a photo. Or random reflection. Or notice that my shadow was fatter than the person I was walking next to. Once it settled in that I had to do something, I just seemed to fall into a routine of eating healthy meals, cutting out junk, and exercising almost every day. Glad you had your magic moment and can now move forward.

Have fun in Vegas. Who cares what anyone thinks? You know the truth and that's all that matters. You owe it to yourself to be happy at any weight. Just do what you can to turn things around to a healthy future.

Lin

alliesarang
07-13-2012, 11:49 PM
YYYEEEEESSSS!! I know how you feel. When my boyfriend (of 4.5 years) and I first got together he was almost 100lbs bigger than me. In 2011 I gained 55 and he lost 30. The wake up point for me was, of all things, a baseball game! At my job I feel like I have all these fancy clothes designed to cover up my flaws. But when I put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for the game (clothes I tend to avoid) I saw just how big I was. The pictures we took together from that game scared the crap out of me. He looked so good and I couldn't help but think that he deserved to be there with somebody who could rock a pair of jean shorts and a cute jersey!

Anyway, it was a great motivator for me. I know he loves me like crazy at any size but I thought he (and I!) deserve someone who feels confident, sexy and isn't weighed down my thoughts of inadequacy!

Here's to channeling negative thoughts into motivation. :)