100 lb. Club - Still rearing from "innocent" remark!




Mrsralphie
07-07-2012, 01:14 AM
So, I am not new to dieting, I am not new to 3fc, just dropped out for awhile while I was preggo.
So a little background info about me:

I am a nurse. For better or for worse, I am a nurse. I work for a busy local clinic. and the other day, I am told point blank: "You're going to die" :o


The patient tells me that is what his doctor told him before he lost all his weight. I have to say for a moment, I was speechless, which takes a lot for me. So I just said I appreciate your concern and walked out of the room. I understand that I am a big girl, I understand the health concerns, probably better than most. That is one of the many reasons why I more dedicated than ever to getting this weight off. While I understand, that the patient was probably just trying to help, it's just wildly inapprioate. I've dealt with a lot of touchy subjects in this job, I've always been kind and respectful. In fact, I deal with of our diabetic teaching for new Diabetes patients. I get how daunting it and I work with them. I know it was all meant to be innocent, but it really stung. I'm not sure what else I could have said. I just wanted to share with people that understand.


toobig
07-07-2012, 05:54 AM
People say the meanest stuff! How rude! And he said it at your job so you had to take it. Stuff like that makes me mad.

Congrats on your weightloss and that beautiful baby!

bargoo
07-07-2012, 07:06 AM
Congratulations on your loss you have made a great start. That was a cruel remark made by that person, You handled it very well. Some people have no filter and will say anything that pops into their head, no matter how thughtless or mean.


LaurieDawn
07-08-2012, 02:55 PM
It sounds like it might have intended to be helpful? Maybe that's what his doctor told him and it inspired him to change?

Regardless, it's not okay. He's not your doctor. You're not coming to him for advice. And obesity does NOT mean you are deathly ill. He doesn't know. He has never examined you medically or looked at your charts.

You're doing what you need to do for your health. Good for you! (And for that beautiful baby.) The comment has nothing to do with you and much more to do with that patient. Hope no one else deems it their responsibility to make judgments about your health and without any real information, let alone give you "advice."

TamTam
07-08-2012, 05:53 PM
I am so sorry that some one was so insensitive. I do understand, have had a few unkind remarks myself. My last one was a customer who came into one of my stores and I asked her how she was doing (she is not one of my favorite people, but I am still nice to her) and she said, "ok, I guess, you knowk, fat like you"! and it stunned me and I couldn't think of what to answer her. I KNOW I am fat, I DO NOT need you to remind me of that fact. People can be such butts at times.

Mrsralphie
07-08-2012, 11:09 PM
I'm sure it was all an effort to "help". Its was just jarring. I'm pretty thick skinned. Thanks for the kind words guys!

ghost
07-09-2012, 02:19 AM
Fact is, everybody is going to die, even that patient, no matter how healthy he thinks he is. Had I been in your shoes (I also work in the medical field) that would have been my very blunt response. You handled it with much more grace then I would have.

napalmtree
07-09-2012, 06:48 AM
Well, you are going to die...unless you're a vampire, of course. ;D

People are jerks. Don't let it get to you or slow you down. Let your haters be your motivators. xD

Goddess Jessica
07-09-2012, 10:12 AM
Isn't it odd what people think they can say to other people under the guise of being helpful?

My little sister is thin and gorgeous but she's been fighting acne since she was a teenager (she's in her 30's now). When she worked in the window treatment department, she was working with a woman on ordering some custom blinds. Little sis was explaining all the options to the woman and the woman looked at her thoughtfully and said, "Have you been to see a dermatologist about your acne?" Slack jawed, she almost burst into tears on the spot. She called me crying and I sympathized and she said, "How can you sympathize? You have perfect skin!" I said, "How many times have people recommended diets to me?" She was appalled that people would do that.

Often I wonder what the heck people are thinking before they open their mouth. What are they hoping to accomplish? Do they think all this time I had no idea I was fat? Did this guy think you would gasp and say, "Omigosh! I never knew there were medical consequences to being fat! What were they teaching me in nursing school!?!"

graceandbalance
07-09-2012, 04:37 PM
My grandmother was very prone to making "helpful" comments like these. She told my teenage sister that she was "praying for her skin to clear up", told a family friend that she hadn't seen for a while that he'd been "eating too many donuts", if you had a stomach ache she might say "it's because your pants are too tight since you've gained all that weight" etc. My mother told me she had been like this for a long time, not just in her old age when I knew her. In any case, she honestly believed she was being helpful, and she just didn't have a lot of social graces or tact.

I don't know if it helps, but this guy has probably been saying something like this to every overweight person he meets. Losing a lot of weight doesn't instantly give you a winning personality, as he's shown himself. It's his problem, not yours.

TamTam
07-09-2012, 09:29 PM
Well, you are going to die...unless you're a vampire, of course. ;D

People are jerks. Don't let it get to you or slow you down. Let your haters be your motivators. xD

Great point! I will have to remember that.

Mrsralphie
07-09-2012, 11:09 PM
Yes! I must remember that! I'd love for that to be my comeback..."Thank you for your concern... But I am a vampire and will never die!" Muah hah hahaha! Dang I would have loved it!

TamTam
07-10-2012, 09:03 PM
Yes! I must remember that! I'd love for that to be my comeback..."Thank you for your concern... But I am a vampire and will never die!" Muah hah hahaha! Dang I would have loved it!

Bazinga!:D

MrsN2Be
07-10-2012, 10:58 PM
That sucks he was so insensitive.

I was @ my future sister-in-law's wedding last summer & a guest asked her if I was pregnant (she's a bigger gal too) and she replied with "I hope not, she's trashed" (I had drank a drink or two .. ok, five or six.
I was hurt when she told me, like really do people think that because we're fat we don't have feelings???

Chubbygirl253
07-10-2012, 10:59 PM
People can be jerks. They are often insensitive but you have to try not to let it get you down. Don't give him the power to hurt you. Annoy, sure. But don't let it get under your skin.

I worked retail in a plus-size store and once a woman asked me if I was pregnant. I'm overweight but I am proportionate. I don't look preggo. Well I flat out told the woman that its a plus size store where all the employees happened to be plus sized. I also said that I think it shows very little tact to ask a stranger if they're pregnant. She thought I was rude! Oh well, guess we're even.

EagleRiverDee
07-11-2012, 06:26 PM
I agree it was a harsh thing to say, and clearly he doesn't know this is a priority for you and that you have lost weight already.

I do feel certain, however, that he probably felt he was doing the right thing. Odds are he felt his doctor saved his life by saying something harsh, and so he was -um- paying it forward? I know I've had some tough stuff said to me by my doctor. I asked my doc once if he thought I was obese, and he didn't even hesitate and said, "Oh, yeah. Definitely." I told him once that I was having trouble because if I didn't eat regularly I would get ravenously hungry and his response was, "So? Is it going to kill you?" And then the most momentous of all- which I hear all the time here but had never heard before my doctor said it was "You lose weight with diet, you get fit with exercise." At the time, I actually didn't believe my doctor about exercise not being an effective weight loss tool but it turned out he was right. About all that stuff. Harsh as it sounded. That said, I don't see myself offering that as unsolicited advice to a stranger at the doctor's office. ;-)