100 lb. Club - strange




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matt_H
03-31-2003, 02:28 PM
I'm down to wearing a size 46 pants (in the waist). However, I am not really happy with it. I thought when I started losing weight I would see this amazing change in my body. Frankly, when I look at myself I still see this amazingly fat man.

I can't notice any change at all. Even though my friends have. I wonder when I will reach a stage when I am not self-conscious about my weight, when I can walk down the street and not feel like everyone is looking at the fat man.

I don't even know what I weigh, so it is hard for me to judge exactly how obese I still am. How obese is a man with a 46 inch waist?? When will I be completely comfortable being in a crowd?

July 1st will be the 1 year anniversary of my weight loss journey. I hope to be down to a 42 by then (i'd even be happy at a 44). My progress has been alot slower than other people, but as long as I reach the finish line I will be happy.

BTW, how many of you have lost weight down to your "goal" before? Whats it like being skinny? I was a fat baby, fat child, and fat adult. I have no idea what it is like to "maintain" a weight. I'm already scared I will gain the weight back and I haven't even lost it yet.

I guess I am filled with negative thoughts today.


Charbar
03-31-2003, 03:00 PM
Matt! Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have done!!! You've taken 12 inches off your waist! - amazing. :bravo:

what kind of exercise are you doing? I have really noticed that on the days I exercise my outlook on life is so much better. Just food for thought :)

Think about this: you want to lose 24" off your waist - you've already done 12 - you are half way there!!!!!

Dana

SuchAPrettyFace
03-31-2003, 03:13 PM
Originally posted by matt_H
I can't notice any change at all. Even though my friends have. I wonder when I will reach a stage when I am not self-conscious about my weight, when I can walk down the street and not feel like everyone is looking at the fat man.

I hear ya! Went to a wedding this weekend, wore an outfit that I was uncomfortable in, but changed into jeans for the reception. I didn't care if everyone was looking @ the fat girl, I gotta be me & I gotta be comfy. Even when I lost weight on Phentermine, I still felt fat. It wasn't until I lost a good 60# that I began to notice changes.

When will you ever feel comfortable in a crowd, um, does anyone ever? I have a feeling I'll be a smaller person w/a fat person's brain for awhile after I make goal. I hear it isn't that uncommon.

As for being a skinny kid, I remember having to sit on a lot of laps during car trips & being told I had a bony butt.

The other thing I remember my aunties said about me was when I was about 4 & wearing a 2 piece swimsuit. I didn't quite fill out the back of it, so the material sagged a bit. Hence the nickname Beanbag Butt for that summer.

They sound really mean, but it was done in love. :p

As far as thinking positively goes: You're doing it! You will get there! You've come pretty far already. Slow & steady wins the race.


gonzostar
03-31-2003, 03:33 PM
you know why you don't see a difference? because you see yourself every single day!

your friends see you in intervals -- take a picture of yourself from before and after, and look at the two side by side. can you see the difference then?

i hear ya -- i don't see it in myself either, but i had to buy new jeans. so something MUST have happened!

Sandi
03-31-2003, 03:41 PM
Matt - I have never reached goal - been down 40 lbs a time or two, but that's about it. I wasn't always heavy. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder. I have that pair of size 12 jeans that I wore when I met my husband. (I like to think it's all his fault! :D) I remember wanting to lose 20 lbs, being normal. But I have been heavy or on my way for the past 12-14 years, so that is my memory now.

Soemtimes I notice my face looks thinner or I think, wow this shirt used to be tight, but mostly I still see myself as very obese and I get discouraged because after all this hard work, I am still huge. Baby steps Matt, that's what we have to do, baby steps. We will get there.

I think your better off not being a scale slave. Your numbers are amazing and you know that you are making progress becuase your sizes have gone down greatly. The scale is not always a good thing.

BTW - gaining it all back is my BIGGEST fear. Look at 2003 so far - Jan (-11); Feb (-10); Mar (+8.5). I have never been able to maintain.

mthrgoos68
03-31-2003, 04:12 PM
Matt,

I think you're doing great and making amazing progress!!! I know exactly what you mean, I lost over 50 pounds before anyone even noticed at all. I thought, Wow, I'm so huge that 50 pounds doesn't even make a difference, but people are starting to notice now, and your friends are already noticing, so you know you've done great.

As soon as I fit into the next size down of jeans, I always start trying on the next size only a week later, and of course it takes much longer than that. It's a better monitor than the scales though, so you know you're making progress and getting that smaller waist size. Keep doing what you're doing because you're really making great progress.

I have lost a bunch of the weight once, I was down to 136 and I still have those size 4 jeans in my closet. At that time I still wasn't happy because I wanted to weigh 120, now my goal is 140! I was really stupid and didn't change my bad habits and gained it all back and then some.

You're an inspiration and a motivation!! Keep up the great work!

muelledk
03-31-2003, 05:42 PM
Matt, the before and after picture is the only way I can ever tell weight loss (that and when clothes that never fit suddenly do or don't). Remember that you look at yourself everyday, and have been seeing the change gradually.
I don't think that you will ever really think of yourself as thin. I mean who really does? Even those little things who weigh a buck o five, say they should lose five pounds. I know that I have never felt thin, even when I was. Maybe I have really low self-esteem, but I don't think so. I think that it is going to take a long time to get to where you think of yourself as thin.
I've never had the pleasure of reaching a goal. The closest I've been is + 25 pounds. I do worry about regaining. I think that for me, the key is to continue my weekly weigh-ins in order to tell if I gained in the week. I can then readdress my diet to get back down.
Matt, you have lost 12 pounds. That in itself if something in itself. You have been doing great, and have been a great inspiration to me. Keep up your good work.

glynne
03-31-2003, 05:53 PM
Hi Matt!

I can identify with how you are feeling. At one point I had lost 40 pounds, and was almost half way to goal. But when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't see that I looked any different. I was smaller, because I was able to fit into smaller clothes. I wonder why our mind won't let us see the difference. You are not alone.

You have done great ~ you keep up the good work.

I worry too about maintaining once I get there. I have not ever reached goal yet. I've got to conquer that first.

Take care ~ glynne (Gayle)
220/184/236/130

matt_H
03-31-2003, 05:59 PM
Thanks everyone!

I guess I have just been in a depressed mood lately.

Dana, the exercise that I mostly do is walking. It is easy, cheap, and I already know how to do it. I have a few weights at home, but I haven't been lifting them as much as I would like.

RavenToy
03-31-2003, 07:30 PM
Matt, have you tried pilates? That one is kicking my rear but I definitely am noticing a difference. You can get several different tapes, and even though it's rather a love/hate thing with me, I'd recommend it highly.

KittyMilk
04-01-2003, 02:39 AM
When your weighing machine arrives (if I remember corretly you've ordered one) It will make a big difference being able to judge week by week seeing those numbers go down. It was about 4-5 months before I even got a comment apart from my dh and often my measurments don't seem to do alot but my weight keeps going down so I know I'm getting smaller just in an all over way. As for feeling good in a crowd well you'll sure know it when you get there :) Keep on keeping on and one day you'll be so happy at how far you've come and how little you have left to go.

Kitty

jiffypop
04-02-2003, 12:35 AM
<groan> you've hit a major nerve here. i've lost 260+ pounds, and for the life of me, i feel as if i've lost about 50!! i have no sense of my size, i have no connection with my body. but there's no longer a double [triple?] chin, and my collar bones are showing and i feel so vulnerable!

my company's website posts our pictures on it. and the graphics guys have been terrific. they grab me on a regular basis whenever i've changed dramatically. but do i look at the pics?? NO!!!!! But doing that on a regular basis really is the only way to tell. unless you want to do those people outlines on a regular basis. but that's a bother.

a therapist once told me that all heavy people had one thing in common: they had no connection with their bodies. and the day they make that connection, they can't stand it. maybe it just takes us a long LONG time to establish it.

but bottom line, matt, you've done a terrific job, even if you can't tell. please don't give up.