100 lb. Club - Insults just killed me yesterday !




Dumplin
06-28-2012, 04:09 PM
Oh my goodness ! Yesterday was the worse day I have had in a long time . I have a male friend at the gym that told me my belly wiggled when I walked and that I grunt because I have a belly and I should not be bragging about how much weight I have lost because people would be saying that I need to loose alot more. I do have a belly! however, I do not brag about the weight that I have lost because this is crazy but I dont want people that dont know me to ever think I had let myself get sooo out of control . I dont think I have ever been knocked down so hard . I am already at a stand still with my weight and cannot seem to get things moving which is really getting me down and now someone makes these remarks to my face. I am crying my eyes out right now and I am a grown woman .


guamvixen
06-28-2012, 04:17 PM
I'm sure you know this, but that is NOT a good friend. A friend isn't someone that puts you down so easily. I'm sure that male friend has lots of flaws that he wouldn't want pointed out. I say ignore what he said. Keep your eyes on the prize, and keep going! You can do it. I started at 250, and I am now 110 and your height! If I did it, you can. I used to run outside on a sidewalk off a busy street where cars would pass me by every single day. I just put my headphones on, listened to my jams, and said "To heck what others think!" A year later, I'm exactly where I wanted to be, and I'm glad I didn't let anyone make me believe that I was gross, disgusting, jiggly, and that I couldn't do it. Because I DID! And I know you can too! :)

time2lose
06-28-2012, 04:33 PM
:hug: People like that inspired the saying "With friends like that who needs enemies" I know that it hurt but please try to put it aside. You are doing great!


chubbybunny29
06-28-2012, 04:36 PM
I think you should start that sentence with "There an a$$ who I am wonderful enough to be nice to, in spite of his lack of a soul" He sounds like a mean, unhappy person, and you would be doing yourself a favor to not open yourself up to his vitriol anymore!

You should be insanely proud of how far you've come! You have lost 81 freaking pounds! I don't care if you fly a flag behind your car saying that, you earned it!

Just go and do your thing at the gym, don't worry what he thinks, and celebrate yourself!!!

graceandbalance
06-28-2012, 04:42 PM
Wow, what a jerk. I wonder if he is feeling threatened by your weight loss. I wonder if he is concerned that you will now think you deserve better friends than him. Well, you do!

Thedollylala
06-28-2012, 04:48 PM
I would.. De-friend him, and not bother telling him why, and let him figure it out

Exhale15
06-28-2012, 04:50 PM
He doesn't sound like much of a friend...has he always said things like this to you? You've got a combination of frustration at your 'standstill' and his non-constructive criticism. BUT, really, you are in charge of how much credence you are going to give this guy and how you respond to it. You are a grown woman, so don't give him so much control....You are the only one who can knock you down.

This too shall pass :strong:

Vex
06-28-2012, 04:54 PM
I didn't even know what to write after reading that. Real friends don't put you down like that.

It blows my mind really that we're d$^%*d if we do and d*&*%d if we don't. People complain when big people DON'T go to the gym and the same people complain about big people AT the gym doing something about it.

You've lost a fantastic amount of weight and it is something to be proud of! I wonder if he thinks you're bragging because maybe people are really starting to ask you about it around him?

*edited my swearing out!

calluna
06-28-2012, 04:56 PM
I'm not generally much in favor of defriending people over a single incident, but I think I could make an exception to that rule in this case. Anyone who says something like that is seriously lacking in either friend skills or friend commitment. Neither is one that you want.

One additional comment... every day you are walking around 81 lbs lighter than you used to be is a victory in your weight loss and health agenda. New losses will come... maintaining that 81 lb loss is a tangible, proven success every single day you do it.

:hug:

amandie
06-28-2012, 04:57 PM
A male "friend"- he isn't much of a friend. He might mean well but seriously, that is just downright rude. Easier said than done but ignore him! You have done fantastically with 80+lbs gone! You WILL get through this.

If that were me, I'd have been a huge b^%tch to him telling him off in front of everyone, "wow I cant believe you actually said that out loud. how embarrassing for you!" in a LOUD voice. :hug:

NYFLAgirl
06-28-2012, 05:27 PM
Yea, he doesn't seem like a very supportive friend at all. Is this friend struggling with his own weight issues? Not that that is an excuse AT ALL but sometimes that's where these hurtful insults can stem from. I have a "friend" who is normally a pretty good friend-except when it comes to my weight loss. She has said some pretty cruel things to me in regards to losing weight but I know its because she's really struggling with her weight and gets jealous that I'm losing. Some times its just a reflection of that person's own low self esteem and nothing to do with you. You have done an amazing job! You should be very proud of your weight loss!

patchworkpenguin
06-28-2012, 05:50 PM
Good for you for not hitting him over the head with a dumbbell!

Ignore him! Don't take what he says seriously. Just because he said it doesn't make it true. Only you can define yourself!

TurboLaura
06-28-2012, 05:53 PM
I'm so sorry that happened to you. BE PROUD of what you've accomplished!!! 81 pounds is amazing and clearly you're working out, which is awesome. Perhaps he's jealous of what you've been able to do...People can be so nasty. UGH. :hug: to you.

Kitcherella
06-28-2012, 06:03 PM
Like everybody said he doesn't sound like a friend.
I would personally jiggle my belly in front of him till he got dizzy and I would grunt and brag till I was red in the face.
Come on, you know you are above this! You've achieved so much! :yay:

caramelkitty
06-28-2012, 06:38 PM
See... the thing with boys -- and I say boys, not men, is that they assume what they're doing is constructive criticism.

My twin brother used to do that until I told him off :lol:

. Now there's two ways you can go about this:
1) either tell him to f^&$ off and stop talking to him
2) you talk to him calmly and tell him that what he's doing isn't helping and it's hurtful, if he's a friend he should be supporting you and be proud of what you've accomplished so far!

I know I'm proud of you :hug:

Beverlyjoy
06-28-2012, 07:04 PM
Wow.... he doesn't have a brain. What makes a person thinks it's OK to say unkind things. When people 'cut down' others it's usually in compensation for something negative or a struggle within them. When they are cutting down on others- it somehow elevates his sorry butt. (only in HIS brain)

I am sorry you had to deal with his remarks. You have made an awesome incredible accomplishment. Carry on... you are fabulous.

Martine
06-28-2012, 07:27 PM
Dumplin, forget about that guy, he is a total jerk. This is just another example that as a society, we have a long way to go it the way overweight people are treated. How dare ANYONE say such nasty things to you. You ought to be proud of every single pound you have lost and if you feel like bragging about it then more power to you.

You are braver than a lot of us (myself included) for going to a gym, you've taken control of your life and your health and this MAJOR accomplishment should be celebrated, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Stand tall and proud, in all your beauty and strength.

hatgirlie
06-28-2012, 07:29 PM
You're doing great. Keep up the good work. Don't give your 'friend' ANY power over you. Tell him to go blow. Don't go to the gym with him again. You need positive encouragement, not negative discouragement.

Guamvixen - Wow, congrats! You look fantastic. How'd you do it?

goal4agirl
06-28-2012, 10:48 PM
What's his address dumplin?? http://www.pic4ever.com/images/vahidrk.gif

astrophe
06-28-2012, 11:05 PM
QTIP.

(Q)uit (T)aking (I)t (P)ersonally.

Now you know the situation best -- you were there and know the man.

Is this a case of man clueless? Cuz they come at everything all "Boot Camp" and think somehow this is helping/supportive? Don't get hung on the words -- look at his feelings behind the words if you think he's basically a friend with bad communication skills with women.



"my belly wiggled when I walked" (True enough? ok, clumsy, but then get it go.)

"I grunt because I have a belly" (True enough? Ok clumsy, then let it go.)

"I should not be bragging about how much weight I have lost because people would be saying that I need to loose alot more." (How are you "bragging?" And why does it bug him so? Or does people talking about you bug him? Why is HE anxious about YOUR body? Why is he worried about what others say or think about you? That one I'd want clarification on.)


Or is this a case of actual mean?

If former, tell him to knock it off and boot camp his man pals. With his women pals, he needs to talk woman talk or else he comes off sounding like a dunderhead.

If mean, dump him. That's not a real friend.

Either way -- QTIP!!! You were working out and have lost 81 lbs already. A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT most people will never have to do! Including him probably.

:hug:
A.

Amarantha2
06-28-2012, 11:20 PM
Being male really doesn't excuse that kind of remark, although probably he didn't actually think he was saying anything out of the ordinary (because he is an idiot, obviously, and probably says things like that to everyone).

Don't give it house room in the brain, honestly. He is NOT your friend. Move on. Be happy and proud of your achievement and know that everyone experiences hurtful remarks like that, especially people who have lost weight or are successful at any achievement.

People are jealous of success. Hugs, you are doing great!

TiffNeedsChange
06-29-2012, 01:08 AM
What's his address dumplin?? http://www.pic4ever.com/images/vahidrk.gif

I got your back! hehe :s:

d0lcevita
06-30-2012, 06:01 PM
That is not ok! I wouldn't even consider that a friend. That is the farthest thing from constructive critism, if that was his goal. I get that men can be blunt but that's just plain old rude and disgusting. I would have told him off and yes, you are allowed to 'brag' about your success. You lost 81 lbs, that's a whole lot to be proud of and you deserve to be able to feel good about your hard work. It's sad that everyone battling weight loss also has to battle the ignorance of society's idiots. Ignore him, better yet.. use his cruel words as fuel and freeze him out.

I hope you feel better! You are an inspiration and should be proud. Don't be sad!