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So, my boyfriend has anger issues. Very bad. And 7/10 symptoms for depression
Recently I started taking Wellbutrin for depression. (A week and a half ago) and I'm feeling better than ever.
I suggested maybe he should talk to his doc about getting some. He said
"I don't believe in it" and I said "Why?" and he said "I don't think it actually does ANYTHING. It's fake"
...
I dunno why, but I was SO offended. Like it was a personal attack on me. I know it wasn't but sheesh.
I was obviously upset, and my first thought was "Oh, boyfriend has a snickers bar..." but instead of doing that, I'm writing this post
Oh, and better yet, on my way into my room for some alone time (to cool off because what he said upset me more than it should've) he looks at my 18 month old son and says "Nope. Mom doesn't like seeing you"
Some people think it's a sign of weakness to admit they might need help, and it's possible your BF falls into that category. He's either being stubborn or ignorant by stating that AD's are fake, because there's a lot of science that explains how they affect the Serotonin levels in the brain.
Anger issues run in my family and both my mom and grandpa take Paxil which helps them with their anger- they act normal when on AD's, and angry when off them.
I must agree with the previous poster about why you are with this guy, if your post is reflective of how he acts normally. It sounds like his anger/depression is being taken out on you and your son with passive aggressive and abusive comments. That can escalate into physical abuse. You should be cautious. With his current attitude, I think it's unlikely he's going to seek help. You need to ask yourself if you want to be with a guy like that permanently and more importantly whether you want your son to be around a guy like that permanently.
What does your boyfriend mean by fake? Just food for thought .. whether they work because they change the levels of serotonin in your brain or if they work because of the placebo effect (which is what I assume your boyfriend was referring to) who gives a crap? Either way they make you feel better and that's why they're worth it.
It's easy for us to say "are you sure you want to be with this person!??!" but you're obviously with him for a reason. I'm in a relationship that most don't approve of, but I have my reasons for staying with my boyfriend. I will tell you this though .. don't sell yourself short. If he talks to you and your son like that on a regular basis you may want to think about your relationship thoroughly. Of course I also highly suggest communicating with him about how you felt.
As per the meds, even the most well-meaning friends and family have made idle comments about me taking any-anxiety meds. Like I would ever think it is funny or something to joke about? One of my good friends actually said something about me basically being on uppers. That really hurt me.
Oh, and better yet, on my way into my room for some alone time (to cool off because what he said upset me more than it should've) he looks at my 18 month old son and says "Nope. Mom doesn't like seeing you"
Wtf.
My ex-husband used to say things like that to our daughter. Hence being the EX-husband.
That doesn't sound unintentionally mean at all. It sounds intentionally mean--especially the comment to your baby. That was certainly intended to hurt you and make you feel guilty.
If he doesn't want to try antidepressants, that's his problem. For me they are (literally) a life saver and make it possible for me to live a normal and productive life. If they help you, then his opinion really doesn't matter.
That said, if he continues to be a raging jerk and to refuse to take action to help himself, you might find (as you continue to feel better) that it becomes a dealbreaker. So be it. No one needs mean and toxic people in their lives, especially when you're dealing with depression/anxiety. Don't let HIS anger issues be YOUR problem.
i have a son who struggles with diagnosed ADHD and undiagnosed autistic traits....he was on medication for most of his elementary years in order to learn in school and to help him with his social skills (ie. think before you yell at a kid, in order for said kid to still want to sit and play with you)...
anyhow, i know alot of people tend to dismiss issues that stem from the brain, "mental" issues or whatever you want to term them...(ie. depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar etc)...and to dismiss the proven scientific medications that help these conditions
however, if you had a heart condition that required medication...or diabetes...or a sprained ankle...no one would be going "oh your heart meds are just fake" or "you dont need to medicate x-y-z condition"...
not that i have any good advice....just that i understand how people view conditions on the brain...but i would be pissed if someone said that to my kid...but that's another topic
Wow! I never expected this many replies. Thank you guys so, so much. :]
We're in sort of a strange living situation.
Though we know we're over (basically) neither of us really have a way to financially support ourselves individually. So we're sharing financial responsibilities and remaining in a relationship until we both have enough saved up to go different ways.
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anyhow, i know alot of people tend to dismiss issues that stem from the brain, "mental" issues or whatever you want to term them...(ie. depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar etc)...and to dismiss the proven scientific medications that help these conditions
Exactly. My mom does that, too. "If it's in your mind- it's imaginary" is sort of what she says. It breaks my heart a bit that everyone thinks I'm faking being this miserable :/
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If he doesn't want to try antidepressants, that's his problem. For me they are (literally) a life saver and make it possible for me to live a normal and productive life. If they help you, then his opinion really doesn't matter.
That said, if he continues to be a raging jerk and to refuse to take action to help himself, you might find (as you continue to feel better) that it becomes a dealbreaker. So be it. No one needs mean and toxic people in their lives, especially when you're dealing with depression/anxiety. Don't let HIS anger issues be YOUR problem.
(Is he the father of the baby?)
Yes he is the father :] And it's weird because he's a darned good dad unless he's having one of his weird moods...where everything becomes angry and passive aggressive. I basically told him that he needs to change this weird attitude, and just saying "I'm gonna change!" doesn't cut it. He either needs to see a therapist or a doctor or SOMETHING. I'm going to have a serious sit down with him soon. We'll see.
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He sounds kind of emotionally immature :\
Spot on. 100%. I'm 19, when I had my son I snapped out of all of the petty back and forth BS. He did not, however :I
@Trancedreamer. Thank you <3 :]
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You should be cautious. With his current attitude, I think it's unlikely he's going to seek help. You need to ask yourself if you want to be with a guy like that permanently and more importantly whether you want your son to be around a guy like that permanently.
I've been asking myself that for almost a full year, now. I think this is it. All I needed was someone to tell me "No, Autumn. You aren't overreacting. Your feelings are justified. Move on"
And I think I got that here, today. :] Which means a whole lot.
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What does your boyfriend mean by fake? Just food for thought .. whether they work because they change the levels of serotonin in your brain or if they work because of the placebo effect (which is what I assume your boyfriend was referring to) who gives a crap? Either way they make you feel better and that's why they're worth it.
Yep- he thinks it's a placebo effect. But whatever works. Y'know? It made me think he thought my lifelong struggle with depression was also just BS.
Thank you ladies so much. I dunno if you realize the amount you've helped me just by replying. I feel like maybe I can stand up for myself now. I think all I needed was proof that my feelings are valid and I'm not just being the 'crazy girlfriend'
In my opinion (sorry to be so blunt, but abuse pisses me off), if he truly cared about you, he wouldn't fill your son's head with filth. If he truly cared about your son, he wouldn't fill his head with filth. As the others have said, this guy seems very immature, resentful (probably because you're trying to get your life on track, and he doesn't have the strength to), bitter, and from what you said, very angry. I fear that it can escalate -- generally verbal/physical abuse does -- and you and your son will be in harms way.
I'd say kick his butt to the curb...and FAST. You deserve a backbone, not a bone crusher. Someone that's going to always boost you up and never EVER say something negative to a child that he would view as his own son.
Boyfriend is an unintentional? meanie.
