General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-19-2012, 03:41 PM   #1  
It's Kassie Baby!
Thread Starter
 
kassiebby1124's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 268

S/C/G: 250/206/150

Height: 5'4"

Default Staying "just friends" with someone you like?

So remember that guy I mentioned? Yeah he decided he "isn't quite ready to date." I'll admit, some of that was probably me. I came on WAYYY too strong. But I do want to stay friends with him and see what happened when he IS ready. How do I do that? T: Talking to him..our convos hit these lulls and it's awkward. How can I be around him and now feel odd? Also, how can I stop "trying too hard" or "coming on too strong" with the people I like?
kassiebby1124 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2012, 03:48 PM   #2  
Staying the Same
 
krampus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Troy, NY
Posts: 6,448

S/C/G: 160+/116-120/maintainer

Height: 5'5

Default

He might not like you that way...don't give up but on the other hand, don't get your hopes up.

Leave him alone for a little while...it's HARD not to text/message/email someone you really like, but a lull suggests there just isn't anything he wants to say to you right now. Hate sports metaphors but this will put the ball in his court, so to speak, and he can initiate a conversation with you if he wants .
krampus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2012, 03:52 PM   #3  
TX Fat Chick
 
melissakd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 179

S/C/G: 258/214/160

Height: 5' 3"

Default

One thing I have learned is that the only way to have a truly good relationship is to just always be who you are.

Don't feel odd, if y'all are friends then you still have things in common and smiliar interest. Just focus on those things and if something more is in the cards, it will happen. WITHOUT you forcing it.

Good Luck!!!
melissakd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2012, 04:31 PM   #4  
Senior Member
 
mrslynah's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Gulf Coast of Florida
Posts: 128

S/C/G: 180/136.5/130

Height: 5"6"

Default

I have been in this situation with a very dear friend of mine when we were in college. It went both ways, just never at the same time. He liked me, but I wanted to be friends. A year later, I wanted him SO bad, but he wasn't feeling it, and on and on. There was always chemistry, and we would fiddle with it, and it always just turned into a painful mess. If we hadn't been SUCH deep and true best friends, we probably would not even be speaking to eachother today, due to the pain we caused eachother. But that was ten years ago, and he moved out of state for school and I got married, and we both just naturally outgrew that infatuation. The thing is that if we were meant to be together, it would have worked the first or second or third time one of us went for it. So, keep that in mind and don't destroy a great friendship trying to force it into something more.

I don't know your story, and PLEASE don't take offense to this, but reading your post reminded me of the movie "He's Just Not that into You". You and me and a million others out there have become infatuated or even fallen in love with someone who didn't feel the same way or on the same level, and then we twist circumstances and words to try to fit into our dream of what will be or what that person will feel. And in the end, we really just hurt ourselves, because, there is a man down the road, over the hill, or just around the corner who will KNOCK DOWN THE DOOR to be with us. We all deserve that man. Good luck to you!
mrslynah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2012, 04:50 PM   #5  
PCOS/IR/Hypothyroid
 
astrophe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,855

Height: 5'8"

Default

Quote:
But I do want to stay friends with him and see what happened when he IS ready. How do I do that? T: Talking to him..our convos hit these lulls and it's awkward. How can I be around him and now feel odd? Also, how can I stop "trying too hard" or "coming on too strong" with the people I like?
So be friends.

ANd just be YOU. And if silence feels awkward, go with it.

Be silent. Feel awkward. Own it -- the feeling of awkward. Sit with it. It goes away and lessens once you stop avoiding feeling it. Instead of "ACK! Awkward!" it becomes "Oh. The sitting getting to know you time with this new person. Yeah, I know that one from other people when they were first new to me."

Quote:
Also, how can I stop "trying too hard" or "coming on too strong" with the people I like?
I don't know what you did that was too strong. What was it?

Just telling someone you like them is not coming on strong. You are being honest. Stalking them in the street is being a wacko.

If you just were honest, told him you like him and would like to date? That's just being honest in dating life. Now just let that simmer.

Just keep on living your regular life in the meanwhile. You planted a seed in his brain. Let it grow or not. That part is not up to you. It is out of your hands here -- seed does it's seed thing or not.

Spend time with him as a friend, but hang with others too while you see what becomes of the seed. Some blossom, some don't. No big. Doesn't mean you stink or are horrible or anything.

You do not know the destiny of this relationship -- friends, something else. There's all kinds of theories on love. Just enjoy however this one unfolds. It's not the only relationship you have right now and it's not the only relationship you will have EVER. But all relationship unfold at their own speed.

Just chill and see what happens.

Quote:
How do I do that?
When you hang out and chat?

I never understood the need to fill every second with nonstop chatter. Because that leaves no space for the other person to gather their thoughts, sort out ideas, open their mouth, and then break the silence themselves.

Don't make him fight to struggle to get a word in edgewise just because in your nervousness, you want to yakyakyak for something to DO in the awkward silence. Play fair, take turns in the get to know you time.

Just because he doesn't want to use his turn to talk out loud, doesn't mean it's not his turn. Take turns. Wait. Even if it is silence.

Find something else to do in the silence. Cloud pictures in the sky. Get a spinner ring and spin it in your finger. Breathe deep. People don't breathe deep enough. Doodle in a pad. Play checkers. Whatever.

And consider just being an empty cup. Ready to LISTEN. With your ears if he talks. With your eyes if he doesn't. What's the body language telling you? He's relaxed in your company? He's respectful? What else?

Wait a decent enough time and then take your turn to talk back and then talk all you want or be silent. It's your turn. Use it how you like. Then give him his turn to talk or be silent on his turn.

If he is wanting to be friends first, listen to him and his friend stories. BE a friend. Because who wants to date a stranger? Best relationships are friends TOO. In relationships you go at the speed of the slowest person -- if you care about someone you slow down to allow them to keep pace. You do not expect them to zoom on and endanger their well being.

If you were walking the block with lil ol' cane granny you slow down to her pace, right? Don't expect her to skateboard along and put herself in a position to sustain injury, right?

It's the same if the walk is actually an emotional one rather than a physical one. You go at the speed of the slowest -- and he's wanting to keep it at friends for now. Don't rush. (Don't stop living your OWN life waiting on him, you can be dating other people here too, but don't RUSH him along. You wouldn't like someone rushing you along the relationship highway faster than you can handle or are ready for.)

And even if you never get to the dating place so you can be friends AND more than friends... be just friends.

A friend is not to be undervalued.

Empty your cup. Embrace being silent sometimes. So you can LISTEN. You are the one who wants to learn more about him, right? Give him the space to share himself with you and see what he can teach you about himself so you can be good friends.

http://users.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/emptycup.html

A.

Last edited by astrophe; 06-19-2012 at 05:18 PM.
astrophe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2012, 09:12 PM   #6  
Summer 2012! :)
 
trancedreamer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Surrey, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 62

S/C/G: 350/165/165

Height: 5'11

Default

maybe just hang out w/ him as friends in his social settings/gatherings. he'll still be part of your life.

& who knows. you may begin to see similar characteristics in his friends (or brothers? ) that you found so irresistible in him. so, network. branch out. people meet their hubby through friends all the time.

or you may meet someone equally as special - or even more so - at the social gathering!

Last edited by trancedreamer; 06-19-2012 at 09:13 PM.
trancedreamer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2012, 08:59 AM   #7  
Member
 
daniprice's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 57

S/C/G: 231/162/165

Height: 6'

Default

I would step away to deal with the disappointment. It's disappointing when we like someone and they don't return the feelings. I wouldn't start hanging out with him again until I am genuinely ready to just be friends...meaning if he starts dating someone else. I'd be okay with it and ready to accept her as an acquaintance. You may find that you will never be ready to think of him as just a friend again and that to me would signal that your friendship has reached its end. As mentioned previously, this definitely sounds like a "he's just not that into you" situation
daniprice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2012, 09:43 AM   #8  
Senior Member
 
mammasita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: VA
Posts: 1,147

S/C/G: 218/207/155

Height: 5'7"

Default

I wouldn't stay friends. I've done it and its just plain painful to be in that position.

If its meant to be in the future when he's ready, it will happen. In the mean time, distance yourself. No new doors will open until you close that one.
mammasita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2012, 10:10 AM   #9  
Senior Member
 
LAgreeneyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 725

S/C/G: S-218/C-170/G-159 & 24.9 BMI

Height: 5'7"-BMI-26.6=OVERWEIGHT

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mammasita View Post
I wouldn't stay friends. I've done it and its just plain painful to be in that position.

If its meant to be in the future when he's ready, it will happen. In the mean time, distance yourself. No new doors will open until you close that one.

I agree.
LAgreeneyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2012, 10:16 AM   #10  
Junior Member
 
Fat2slimgirl12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9

Default

Me personally i wouldnt stay friends it would hurt me too much if i see him talking about another girl since i have feelings for him so what i would do is i would take some time apart from him go out with my other friends have fun with my life and just try to move on as best as i can at the end of the day if you are meant to be it will happen in the mean time just have fun and date other people if he doesnt want to be a relationship with you no use keeping him around it will just hurt you more let him go and open yourself up to other people maybe its for the best good luck .
Fat2slimgirl12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2012, 10:23 AM   #11  
Senior Member
 
LAgreeneyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 725

S/C/G: S-218/C-170/G-159 & 24.9 BMI

Height: 5'7"-BMI-26.6=OVERWEIGHT

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat2slimgirl12 View Post
Me personally i wouldnt stay friends it would hurt me too much if i see him talking about another girl since i have feelings for him so what i would do is i would take some time apart from him go out with my other friends have fun with my life and just try to move on as best as i can at the end of the day if you are meant to be it will happen in the mean time just have fun and date other people if he doesnt want to be a relationship with you no use keeping him around it will just hurt you more let him go and open yourself up to other people maybe its for the best good luck .
VERY well said. I agree. It would hurt me too much as well.
LAgreeneyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:08 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.