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But I do want to stay friends with him and see what happened when he IS ready. How do I do that? T: Talking to him..our convos hit these lulls and it's awkward. How can I be around him and now feel odd? Also, how can I stop "trying too hard" or "coming on too strong" with the people I like?
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So be friends.
ANd just be YOU. And if silence feels awkward, go with it.
Be silent. Feel awkward. Own it -- the feeling of awkward. Sit with it. It goes away and lessens once you stop avoiding feeling it. Instead of "ACK! Awkward!" it becomes "Oh. The sitting getting to know you time with this new person. Yeah, I know that one from other people when they were first new to me."
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Also, how can I stop "trying too hard" or "coming on too strong" with the people I like?
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I don't know what you did that was too strong. What was it?
Just telling someone you like them is not coming on strong. You are being honest. Stalking them in the street is being a wacko.
If you just were honest, told him you like him and would like to date? That's just being honest in dating life. Now just let that simmer.
Just keep on living your regular life in the meanwhile. You planted a seed in his brain. Let it grow or not. That part is not up to you. It is out of your hands here -- seed does it's seed thing or not.
Spend time with him as a friend, but hang with others too while you see what becomes of the seed. Some blossom, some don't. No big. Doesn't mean you stink or are horrible or anything.
You do not know the destiny of this relationship -- friends, something else. There's all kinds of theories on love. Just enjoy however this one unfolds. It's not the only relationship you have right now and it's not the only relationship you will have EVER. But all relationship unfold at their own speed.
Just chill and see what happens.
When you hang out and chat?
I never understood the need to fill every second with nonstop chatter. Because that leaves no space for the other person to gather their thoughts, sort out ideas, open their mouth, and then break the silence themselves.
Don't make him fight to struggle to get a word in edgewise just because in your nervousness, you want to yakyakyak for something to DO in the awkward silence. Play fair, take turns in the get to know you time.
Just because he doesn't want to use his turn to talk out loud, doesn't mean it's not his turn. Take turns. Wait. Even if it is silence.
Find something else to do in the silence. Cloud pictures in the sky. Get a spinner ring and spin it in your finger. Breathe deep. People don't breathe deep enough. Doodle in a pad. Play checkers. Whatever.
And consider just being an empty cup. Ready to LISTEN. With your ears if he talks. With your eyes if he doesn't. What's the body language telling you? He's relaxed in your company? He's respectful? What else?
Wait a decent enough time and then take your turn to talk back and then talk all you want or be silent. It's your turn. Use it how you like. Then give him his turn to talk or be silent on his turn.
If he is wanting to be friends first, listen to him and his friend stories. BE a friend. Because who wants to date a stranger? Best relationships are friends TOO. In relationships you go at the speed of the slowest person -- if you care about someone you slow down to allow them to keep pace. You do not expect them to zoom on and endanger their well being.
If you were walking the block with lil ol' cane granny you slow down to her pace, right? Don't expect her to skateboard along and put herself in a position to sustain injury, right?
It's the same if the walk is actually an emotional one rather than a physical one. You go at the speed of the slowest -- and he's wanting to keep it at friends for now. Don't rush. (Don't stop living your OWN life waiting on him, you can be dating other people here too, but don't RUSH him along. You wouldn't like someone rushing you along the relationship highway faster than you can handle or are ready for.)
And even if you never get to the dating place so you can be friends AND more than friends... be just friends.
A friend is not to be undervalued.
Empty your cup. Embrace being silent sometimes. So you can LISTEN. You are the one who wants to learn more about him, right? Give him the space to share himself with you and see what he can teach you about himself so you can be good friends.
http://users.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/emptycup.html
A.