100 lb. Club - I have failed miserably

View Full Version : I have failed miserably

06-09-2012, 11:40 PM
No I am not dead, but sometimes I wish I was.

I have had a terrible time of it since I was last here. All my control, focus, determination is gone and I have gained 5 pounds as a result.

I am not eating right, not drinking my water and not exercising, and the sad part is I don't care.

I really have no idea what to do to find that "loving feeling" for myself again and get back on track.

I am defeated.

06-10-2012, 12:36 AM
Oh, hun! *HUG* I so feel for you! I've been there so many times. I set goals, fail miserably at them, and then beat myself up.

Please believe that you can continue on. You've reposted here. You didn't just disappear like so many do when they give up on their plan and find weight gaining back. Even gaining five pounds is nothing to gaining back what you've already lost.

Fifty pounds gone! That's amazing! That's more than most people will ever lose in their lives! Even if you take a break from losing and just hold on for a while, even with teeth and claws, you have succeeded!

Please try to remember why you began. Whatever your goals were, they probably haven't changed. It's the day-to-day craziness, and counting, and beating yourself up that can really get to you.

It's a journey. Look at my join date. I've been here for YEARS. Five pounds here, ten pounds gone, five pounds regained, etc. But I keep on. So can you.

Let us know how you're doing, sweetie. You are a part of our lives. Gaining, losing, succeeding, holding on by the skin of your teeth, you are part of this community, and we care for you.

Just hold on until that "loving feeling" comes back. It will.


06-10-2012, 12:48 AM
It is ok to fail you just have to forgive yourself and move on. I have been teetering around 260 for months including gaining and relosing the same darned 5-6 pounds. I understand not loving yourself, I really do.. something that I have found useful is to "fake it till you make it". Just take some deep breaths and get back on plan one step at a time. Diet and exercise takes a lot of energy and it is easy to get burnt out but you just have to take a breather, relax, and do the best you can. Some days your best sill be better than others. *hugs*I I i hope things ease up on you soon

06-10-2012, 02:30 AM
I lost a lot last summer. School started, and I gained back every single pound plus an additional 5.

I wanted to quit.... in fact I did for a few months. Didn't even try or have any love for myself anymore. (Hence the gain of 5 extra).

Getting back on is hard once you decide "SCREW THIS!" I quit for stress, emotions, EVERYTHING.

The wake up was the pant I suddenly had to buy that were a size my mother wore... and growing up I always told myself I would NEVER get that big. Well... I did... and I cried... a lot...

Write your goals down again. Look at photos. Realize WHY you started and realize WHY it will suck when you quit, or just throw in the towel. Trust me... you don't want to look in the mirror and go... "If I hadn't gave up... I'd Deffinately be at my goal right now... I could swim without feeling ashamed... I could have sex with the lights on... I could wear that cute dress hanging in my closet for the past year... all those things I know I wanted to do... if I only stuck with it..." That realization sucks. Because a year ago, I thought "being thin in a year and this slow weight loss SUCKS!" Now... I realize that I'd be there... instead of starting over, which DOES suck.

Next year... I won't be here.

06-10-2012, 07:27 AM
Aww Smallsteps! we have all been there. I have so many times I have lost track. I have lost 50 pounds several times.
I wish their was a motivation pill we can take to get "it" back. I am sure you know all the tricks. I try to think about what is coming up in my life. I am tired of having my picture taken and cringing over it. My son will be a high school senior and I am thinking of the pics that will be taken a year from now. I know they are coming and I can control how I look if I put my mind to it! I also want to do it for my health. It isn't good for my body to be carrying this weight and I don't want to tempt diabetes or high blood pressure. Several of my friends are like me, in their 40's and aren't as big as I am and are already type 2 diabetics and have high BP! it's scary!
Good luck and keep posting. We are here for you!! <3

06-10-2012, 09:13 AM
I'm also coming back after a hiatus, where I put back on 14 of the 27 kgs I lost last year.

I'm pissed off with myself (why couldn't I have stopped myself before putting so much weight back on?) but at least it didn't all go back on.

Just think of how far you have already come, stick around here, the motivation will rub off on you eventually.

One day at a time..... we will win the war against fat.

06-10-2012, 10:44 AM
We have all been where you are. Weight loss is not a stranight downward slope, but a series of peaks and valleys.

You haven't failed because you're here. Still posting. When I go off plan I stop posting. Worst thing I can do. And I do it because I'm ashamed. Which I know is ridiculous, because no one here is going to judge. Everyone understands. Your post has reminded me of this, and I'll keep checking in daily, whether I'm on plan or not.

If you keep posting and keeping your health in mind, you are doing so much more than the vast majority of people, and you are NOT a failure.

06-10-2012, 12:20 PM
I know the feeling. I managed to let myself re-gain 40 lbs and as angry as I am about that, I'm still struggling to really re-dedicate to this. Forgive yourself and get back on track now, while the gain is only 5.

06-10-2012, 12:46 PM
If I sound a little bit like a drill sergeant, it's not for lack of compassion. This is a bit like fighting a war, and you can't wait until you feel like it to face the enemy (and the enemy is NOT YOU).

The enemy isn't you. It's not your body (not really). It's nature, evolution, the culture/world we live in.

Our bodies aren't made for this. The natural world MAKES it's children burn a whole lot of calories in the process of getting food and avoiding becoming food. Overpopulation occurs before widespread obesity, so there's barely enough (and sometimes not enough) food to go around. The survivors are those who are hungry all the time, can eat when they're not hungry and those who do not burn any more calories than they have to in order to survive.

20,000 years ago, you would be at the top of the food chain. You wouldn't be fat (because there wouldn't be enough food to make you fat, and you'ld have to be working very hard for your food).

Times have changed, and the modern world where physical work is mostly unnecessary and food (unnaturally high calorie food) is available (and being pushed upon us at every turn) constantly.

Times have changed, but our brains and bodies haven't. Welcome to the bleeping army. You're a food soldier now in the war on fat. You can desert, but you can't stop the war, and the war is going to kick you butt. Are you going to let it?

Get a grip. Gaining 5 lbs is not terrible failure. Regaining 100 lbs isn't terrible failure. Giving up and doing nothing and letting yourself be bombarded by the enemy - yep that's failure (but only if you don't get back up again).

You didn't club a baby seal to death, you didn't kick a baby - so you don't deserve to be punished. You deserve a decent life and to do that, you're going to have to get up and start fighting for it. No one's going to give it to you. The "enemy" certainly isn't going to do anything for you (remember that when you're not eating right, you're letting the enemy right on in to kill you. Don't lie down and die without a fight).

You're not worthless, you're not defeated, you hit a bump in the road. Get used to it - there are going to be a lot of bumps. There are going to be a lot of gains, and you're not always going to know why.

You can do absolutely everything right and still gain 5 lbs, so get up and get back into the fight.

You don't have to love yourself (but it sure helps), you don't have to like yourself (but that helps too), you don't even have to have the energy to do it, you just have to put one step in front of the other, and give yourself credit for what you HAVE accomplished.

You ARE NOT FAILING. You've successfully maintained a weight loss - do you know how awesome that is? How few people do it? Grab a hold of that success, and don't let anyone (even yourself) take that away from you.

Stand your ground, just not gaining is a victory against the enemy. If you don't think you can lose, don't you think you CAN do at least that much (that's how I started fighting the "enemy" by deciding that if I couldn't lose, I could "not gain" - and while I was at the business of "not gaining" I would try to lose "just one more" pound. I've lost 105 lbs, one pound at a time. You don't have to be a great soldier. You don't have to be the strongest or the fastest, or the meanest, as long as you don't decide to lay down and die, you're fighting the good fight).

And that's what'll happen if you give up. The 45 lbs will go the way of the other 5 and you'll have nothing on the scale to show for it (notice I didn't say you'll have nothing. Even then you would only be failing if you didn't learn from the mistakes and didn't pick yourself up again).

Celebrate the amazing success of keeping 40+ pounds off, and add to that success one pound (one ounce) at a time.

If you don't have the energy to lose, then put the energy into "not gaining" and celebrate the success of maintaining a 42 lb loss, until you decide do what it takes to lose just one more pound.

If you don't have the energy to do what you were doing, maybe you were doing too much, too soon and your body and brain have "burnt out." That's ok, this is a learning process, and the only failure is giving up and gaining it all back.

Stopping yourself before you gain it all back (and a little extra - that's how it always seems to go) isn't failure it's a miracle - because most of us follow the weight loss "traditions" we've been taught - which include gaining it all back before "starting fresh."

You don't have to start fresh, you don't have to start over, you just have to move on.

Good luck, soldier

06-10-2012, 01:22 PM
Hi there! I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself. Just try to remember that you are so much more than your weight. A person that is overweight is still a person, and it's important to love the person you are, not the fat you carry on your body. Just keep posting, and keep trying. Every time I feel like I can't do this anymore, I lose another pound. And I remember why I am doing this. I want to be able to run, I want to be able to go unnoticed in a room, until of course I'm ready to let loose with the real me, and then no one will be able to look away. But most of all, I want to live a long time without diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. The big picture is so much more important than just how jiggly our butts are. You are a person, and a worthwhile person, and you should be proud of what you have done, and looking forward to what you are going to do with your life.

06-10-2012, 04:33 PM
Belinda, YOU ARE NOT FAILING MISERABLY!!!!! You have recognized that you are having a hard time and have reached out for help, for support, and for friends to kick you in the butt :kickbutt: to help you get your mojo back.

My friend, I have just gone through a hellish week of not being on plan, leaving the teaching profession to become a nursing student, financial difficulties, etc. :stress: I did what you have done: I posted and asked for help. Take a look at the handle you gave yourself: "Small Steps"; this journey that we share begins & continues with small steps. Take a small step and get back on plan for one minute. If you can do it for one minute, then go for ten minutes and so on. Maybe it is just focusing on drinking your water or exercising. The main thing is to never give up!! :rollpin:

We love you :hug: and I join with kaplods in becoming your drill instructor :drill: because I know that if the situation were reversed you would be the first one to kick my behind. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and take those small steps to getting back on track!

salsa chip
06-10-2012, 05:20 PM
Hi Belinda,

Don't give up :)

As Beverlyjoy quoted from Beck on the Regainers/Relosers thread last week:

Tuesday Reality Check: If you were driving on the highway and missed your exit, you wouldn’t think, “Well, I’ve blown it now,” and continue driving four more hours in the wrong direction. No! You’d get off at the very next exit and turn around. The same is true for dieting – the moment you make a mistake, turn yourself around and get right back on track.

Now up and at it :) You can do this!

06-10-2012, 06:25 PM
I agree that you have not failed miserably. The previous post talks about missing an exit and driving in the wrong direction for hours. My own analogy is that if you hit your thumb one time with a hammer while doing a project, you don't continue to hit your thumb over and over on purpose. But - you know all this already. You're upbeat. You're successful in this weight loss endeavor. You recognize the behavior that has been your undoing. And, no matter what you say, you DO care. That's why you posted.

I'm not sure what to tell you to get you back on track. We all have our own things that motivate us. We all have out moments of "I'll do it later." We all have our own way of losing and pacing our losses that make it right for us. One thing that's helped me maintain within a reasonable amount is my "Think like a thin person" attitude. I don't want to bore you with all of it, but I came to the realization that thin people - most of them - think a bit differently than I used to think about food and about gaining a couple pounds. Most of the thin people i know don't hold steady at any given weight all the time. My DD is a great example. She eats healthy food MOST of the time. But when she pigs out, she pigs out with the best of them. And then immediately tightens things up for a week or so to undo the damage. And - she doesn't fret about it. I'm trying to do the same. Most days I watch carefully what I eat. Once in a while, I don't watch at all. Then I eat for a week like I did last year when I was losing. Think like a thin person. Those silly 5 pounds don't matter at all. You'll take them off in no time.

I think the big thing is realizing that you really do care. you care about getting healthy. And you care about how you look. This is just a little bump in the road. Maybe it's time to join a challenge or set up a reward. Maybe it's simply time for the rest of us to kick you in the butt just to get you moving again! You know you CAN do it - you just have to do it - as soon as you're ready. Remember - you're so worth the effort.


06-10-2012, 10:01 PM
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! I completely agree with all that has been said so far on this thread.

I am posting to be another voice letting you know that you are not alone. My story is that over the school year I regained all the weight I lost last summer. I am back and I am going to do it again, and I will lose even more than I did last time.

This is an open invitation to join all of us who have stumbled but who have picked ourselves back up and are at it again. We can do it!

06-10-2012, 11:06 PM
Hey, Envelope! Glad to see you back in here! You were my inspiration all last summer when you were running just ahead of me through all the decades. I wondered what happened to you. I'm really glad to see you're still here.


06-11-2012, 10:20 AM
I agree with everyone that you have not failed! I love all the posts but especially kaplod's.

I am very concerned by your statement "No I am not dead, but sometimes I wish I was." Could you possibly be suffering from depression? If so, there is help for you, please see a doctor. :hug:

06-11-2012, 12:36 PM
Smallsteps! Hang in there my friend! :hug: We all go through ups and downs so you are not alone. Just hang in there as well as you can and be gentle with yourself. You won't feel this down forever and when you feel a bit better, take a walk. Listen to some music. Whatever puts a smile on your face. You should be so proud of what you have accomplished thus far. You have been my inspiration ever since I started 3FC...and still are. I wish I could be as brave as you to post comparison pics and post at my lowest to reach out. We are all here rooting you on :cheer2: You got this girl :D

06-11-2012, 02:18 PM
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! I completely agree with all that has been said so far on this thread.

I am posting to be another voice letting you know that you are not alone. My story is that over the school year I regained all the weight I lost last summer. I am back and I am going to do it again, and I will lose even more than I did last time.

This is an open invitation to join all of us who have stumbled but who have picked ourselves back up and are at it again. We can do it!

Same story. And I think I remember you from Sarges boot camp.

06-11-2012, 02:20 PM
Have you ever considered joining in on a group setting? Spending time with others going through the same thing can be a great help. :) TOPS is non-for-profit so it's cheap to be a member and any plan is allowed.

This is not meant to be spam at all; it's just that I noticed we live in the same area and it's something that's been a big help to me. :hug:

06-11-2012, 10:15 PM
Thank you each and everyone of you for helping me pick myself up and begin to move forward again. I ate well this weekend for the most part, increased my water intake again and actually swam some laps in the pool. My reward was a 2.4 pound loss on the scale this morning even with the arrival of TOM expected in the next couple of days. So who knows by the end of the week I may have gotten rid of those 5 pounds and gotten myself back on track.

I found this quote today and it seemed appropriate:

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.”

Thank you all again for your unconditional love and support!

06-11-2012, 10:52 PM
kurisitaru - I remember you too. :)

smallsteps - continue taking those small steps forward!

06-11-2012, 11:10 PM
I also recommend TOPS - it really helps you put "normal" into perspective. Most chapters read the net gain or loss for the week (take that and divide it by the number of members) and you see that the average weight loss is far, far less than one pound per week.

Our chapter has almost 30 members, most are trying hard - and our "average" weight loss on a good week is .25 lbs (I think our record was half a pound).

And yet we beat ourselves up if we haven't acheived a loss of 2 lbs or more.

You're a cheetah not a turtle, we're just taught to see everyone as a turtle because of the rare super-cheetahs who end up on magazine covers and on television (not everyone on a magazine cover is a cheetah, but the magazines do tend to emphasize the super-speedy when it comes to weight loss. Despite the fact that most people don't accomplish it, it's hard to find a story about anyone who took longer than a year to lose all their weight. We only want to hear about superhuman weight loss, not average weight loss.

06-11-2012, 11:16 PM
Exactly one week ago, I was feeling exactly what you are feeling now. I returned from a two-week vacation full of binging and gorging...the only thing that saved me was doing a lot of walking and hiking when I was gone. I didn't weigh myself when I got back (I don't weigh myself often because it depresses me) but I felt sooo bloated. My pants were so tight. I was depressed because I had plans to exercise and be in control when I was gone, but I didn't do it.

I wanted to give up, I felt so down. I wanted to just keep eating and postpone going back to my diet for another week. Fortunately I made a one-year commitment to stay on track, so as soon as I got back I got back on plan. But last week was HARD.

But I kept going. And now I am back in a positive frame of mind. The bloating has largely gone away and the pants fit again. I didn't let those negative thoughts get to me. I told myself that I'm too old to do this weight loss thing again, so I'm not going to give up.

You have done so well. Don't give up now. You will regret it. So you've gained five pounds. Big deal! You can lose that in 2-3 weeks. But losing 50 - again - is tough. Take a short break if you need to. Eat a bit more or exercise a bit less and just maintain for a week. Then te right back on it once you feel more positive. Just don't slip back. You can do it!

06-11-2012, 11:24 PM
After a low-blow to the progress in December (I had a miscarriage and it wrecked me for a while), I did a lot wrong and just did.not.care. AT ALL. So, here I am right back at where I started. However, I've found some sites that really helped me with self-esteem and acceptance which I believe is how I've been able to make better, more healthful decisions even without weight loss. To me, being healthy is far more important than being thin and they don't always go hand in hand.

Here are the blogs I learned a lot from:

Your success and failure as a human should be based on more than the size of your body. I hope that one day you can find freedom in that.

06-11-2012, 11:34 PM
Hang in there, girl! :hug:

You have NOT failed, unless you give up. You're struggling, and have had a setback. Don't give up. YOU ARE WORTH IT, even if you don't really believe it right now.

And here's another :hug: for good measure.

06-11-2012, 11:52 PM
Hugs. And the fact that you are here says it all. It says you still do care.

06-12-2012, 09:55 PM
5 lbs is not all that much. You should have no problem getting rid of that weight and getting back on track.

Sometimes I get really frustrated with my weight loss. I've just gotten past a really stuck spot that lasted a good six months. I was about 230 lbs in October, gained weight in November and December (about 10 lbs) and then took the whole spring to lose it again. It's June and I'm just now getting below that number. Pitiful.

But I think there is some value in continuing to do the best that you can, even if it isn't perfect. You'll lose less ground that way. And I like the idea of getting involved with a face-to-face group. It can help a lot with motivation, as long as you don't get caught up in losing weight at a different pace than everyone else.