Some of you here have been "friends" with me for a very long time, some over 10 years
A lot of you pretty much know my life story
I won't go through all of that again but briefly, 23 years ago my first wife left me. She divorced me a year later. She even tried to, unsuccessfully, take my children from me. I was crushed beyond measure. I cannot stress enough the sadness
I eventually got past the feelings of "extreme" sadness, for the most part and the "other" feelings that some of us go through. Some of you may understand...
the feelings of "no matter what, I'll take them back"
"If only I stay single she/he will see they made a mistake"
"I'll never marry again"
"I hope nothing ever good happens for them"
"I will be so happy to hear her admit she wronged myself and our kids"
blah-blah-blah
I eventually got past those thoughts, at least to the extreme.
As most of my "friends" here know I met my
wife 5 years later. Angie and I have been married for 16 years
And for the most part, my ex-wife and I and Angie have been friends w/o issues for a very-very long time. We do many family things together and actually Angie and my ex-wife do things together from time to time.
The one constant on-going issue is the "jealousy" my ex-wife has towards Angie and me with our kids. And actually the relationship that Angie and I have together. It is quite obvious from all of our friends and loved ones.
My children and I go out of our way to not have those "jealousy" issues arise as they can be quite ugly and
scary...causing those old "why don't you just go live with your dad and Angie EVERY day then" to poke their ugly head up.
My kids and I are being extra cautious right now so as not to have
GRANDdaughters1&2 issues with her...
that's not working out too well! But we do what we can.
I have never gone out of my way to hurt her...or make her jealous. I never needed too. My kids and I have always been close.
Some of you may have noticed I am a bit fond of
GRANDdaughters1&2 And have no intentions of ever changing my time with them so as to please my ex. It doesn't matter if she sees them...as the kids say, she just doesn't want me to see them
Things have always been like that.
I plan to keep on being the best GRANDpa I can be...or Ta Taw, as
GRANDdaughter1 calls me
Side note ~ My kids and I "protecting" my ex from those feelings has caused some issues with my wife, daughter in law and the kidnapper. They understand but feel we should just be who we are. Seriously, for the most part that's what we do...but yet we still try to
STOP those
ugly feelings from rising and causing days of B.S. and DRAMA!
Anyway I would never wish divorce on anyone...
I wish it had never happened...
but...
If I knew how wonderful my life was going to be w/o my ex-wife...
When she said she wanted out (3 years before she left)...
I would have helped her pack her bags!
Saving me from all the pain I went through
Over the years those feelings I had changed to...
"I would never take her back"
"Why did I take it so hard"
Feelings of not wanting good things to happen for her changed to wanting good things to happen.
Feelings of so glad she was struggling financially (because when I asked her why she was leaving now, after telling me she was for 4 years...she said "because I am able to financially able to support myself") changed to, I wish she didn't have so many $$$ issues.
Feelings of glad she wasn't as close to the kids as I am changed to I wish she had the same relationship with them as I do.
I could go on but I think you all get the point
My ex-wife has had a SO for about 17-18 years. He and I get along fine. I am always welcomed in their home, until he hurt his back and went on disablity, he was my mechanic...a very good one.
He has several children, now "they" have grandchildren...She is Grandma B to them, she cares about them and his children. His oldest daughter, in her 40's, is a real sweetheart...I always enjoy her company on the few occasions we have been together. She is close to my children, she has always treated them well.
She is in the process of leaving and divorcing her husband of 20+ years. My ex-wife and her dad are her "go to" for advice....he usually passes the baton to my ex
A couple of days ago my daughter and
GRANDdaughter2 came up and spent a few hours with my ex....then most of the day with me before going to see her MIL just a mile away. She left me saying "sorry we missed Angie but I have to go before MIL leaves for a meeting, then mom wants me to stop by on my way home. I also need to get home because KIDNAPPER and I are going shopping for a stroller that MIL can lift".
Well, daughter came back, saying KIDNAPPER was going to be late from work so shopping was off and she wanted to see Angie. It just so happened to be BUNKO night here, so since
GRANDdaughter2 was getting a lot of attetion from (margarita drinkin' one more day of school) teachers, my daughter was real late getting back to her mom's.
We both thought there was a possible
jealousy disaster
in the making...going back to dad's to see that "other" Grandma (Nonni-my wife refused to be Grandma Angie, not wanting to impose on MIL Grandma and ex-wife Grandma's space...besides she's 1/2 Italian and her grandma was a Nonna...so Nonni works well for her)
Well, Angie and I went down yesterday to visit my daughter and
GRANDdaughter2 and I asked her if mom got upset because they came back to my house to see Nonni and she stayed for awhile with the BUNKO gals...
She
laughed and said no but I was
shocked! I
heard her say something I NEVER thought she would say ( my ex-wife is quite stubborn!)...
"She just got off the phone with SO's daughter. So she was focused on having a "purpose" and not on feeling sorry for herself and jealous of you and Angie, daddy. But she said, I am so upset with SO's daughter right now. No matter what I say I can't get through to her that she shouldn't divorce for her reasons. She just doesn't see she will ruin her life, I am so very sad
for her and her children (17 and 20). She just doesn't get it."
I said, wow, I never thought I'd hear her say thay to anyone...
then daughter tells me this...
"Oh, it gets better daddy...she said "I wish I could make SO's daughter see that my divorcing you father was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life and I have regretted it for years....I have lost so much."
I was SHOCKED! I never ever thought I would hear that, and I am sure she will never tell me to my face
I remember her sister telling me once, soon after the divorce, that if she ever felt she was wrong she will NEVER admit it...I, myself, her family and mine all agreed on that....
But it came out...it did...
and of course I knew that for a long-long time. It was obvious. It was obvious when I met Angie, it was way obvious the night before we married...we were all at a high school basketball game my son was in...she sat with us but just kept crying...I asked my daughter "what's wrong with mom?..she said..You are marrying Angie tomorrow...oh...I felt
for her but oh so
for me.
Sorry this was so long
I just wanted to share...
Words I thought would make me happy so many years ago were said...
I, honestly, am glad the words came out...
just so I knew for sure...
Words I thought would make me so happy
made me sad
But then I KNEW that many years ago.
22 Years Later She Said IT!!!!
