Weight Loss Support - How Do I Tell Them to Shut Up




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wundawoman
03-21-2003, 02:37 PM
I've got friends who are on a variety of diets, but I find the ones on the low-carb diets particularly annoying. While I'm happy for their successes, I can longer stand being with them because they feel compelled to talk about every detail of their diet, what they're eating and not eating, what color their "pee-stick" is that day, and even worse, they comment on everything everyone else is eating. These folks seem to be everywhere!

F'rinstance, I was recently on a bus trip after a long hard day of legislative work and was about to snack on a fruit-and-cereal bar (there was no time for lunch). As I was about to take a bite, a man yelled at me from across the aisle, "Don't eat that!!!!" I asked him if it were poisoned or something. He said, "Do you know how many carbs are in that thing." I told him that I really didn't care. Then he went on that he had lost 20 lbs., etc. by severely limiting his carbs. I told him that was wonderful and added that I had lost 60, even while eating carbs. To each his own. Did he stop there? Nope. He began going into every detail of his program and found an audience of people around him.

Now maybe I'm more sensitive because I've been at a plateau for quite some time, but I've maintained my loss for almost 2 years. (Depending on whose chart you use, I could probably lose 25-30 more, but my doctor says that I'm perfectly healthy the way I am, so there's no urgency.) But this ridiculous!!!! One irony is that because my diet is so "normal," no one has ever known I was on a diet nor has asked how I lost 60 lbs. Maybe no one noticed because I did it slowly rather than blitz it off in a few weeks.

How do I deal with these people, particularly my dear friends, without offending them? They've become insufferable.


jackslady
03-21-2003, 05:31 PM
I am on a cal counting/fat calorie diet and hear the same bologna from a family member. I listened politely (which you have already done obviously) then told her in nice but no uncertain terms, that "Every person's body is different and I chose the diet that works best for me. I wish you good luck with yours." If that doesn't seem to keep them quiet, tell them you can appreciate the interest they have in their programs and would gladly be the first to cheer their losses, but are not really interested in how they got there as it is not your program of choice. If that fails, I would get up and leave! You then have the opportunity to be blunt and I would take it. I personally find this type of diet dangerous in more than one way and feel it is NO WAY to ever obtain a permanent weight loss, but whatever rocks their boat! Good luck to you! (OH, by the way, be sure and let them know when your program works too! Weight loss from your side of the fence may SHUT THEM UP!)

Donna :)

2cute2Bfat
03-21-2003, 06:34 PM
I send you great sympathy. LOL
I wish I had a line for you and also for those who bad mouth other weight loss plans... including WW, Jenny Craig, Low carb, pills, surgery, whatever. Why do anyone have to be the know it all ???

I believe in finding what works for YOU and ignoring what others feel about it. Low carb does work for many.... but not for all. The same is true for WW and other plans.

I would treat them as I treat door to door salesman.
I am polite but simply say... "Thank you, but I am not interested" and then shut the door. :D


Or maybe say... "I don't recall asking for your opinion". or "You do your thing and I will do mine"


wundawoman
03-21-2003, 09:00 PM
Thanks, ladies, for your support. I don't mind telling strangers off, but I have trouble when they are good friends. (I could use all the friends I can get. LOL!) One thing I forgot to mention, in this couple, the husband is very competitive, even with his wife. So he keeps crowing about how he lost 7 lbs. in 3 days while she's struggling. (Mind you, this guy, an athelete yet, keeps gaining and losing the same 10.) I truly feel for her.

I saw her the other day and she has lost quite a bit of weight already. I wanted to say something about it and give her support, but I was afraid if I did, she'd go into her litany again. Sigh.

jackslady
03-22-2003, 02:31 PM
I know what you mean. I talk a big game, but tend to "not want to rock the boat." I do think what I said can be said to them and not offensive, though it sounds like the guy is a piece of work and would only hear himself talking! Good luck to you and good luck on your weight loss journey!

Donna

Freckles
03-22-2003, 04:19 PM
Hi!

I couldn't help noticing this thread. Great topic!! What seems to work best for me with these type of people is say: Thanks, been there, done that & tell them how you lost your 60#. Also, find some negative articles on their plan & show them in plain black & white. I feel that eating in moderation, along with an exercise program that you do at least 3 x's p/wk works best for me. I'm giving weight watchers some thought. Do you know what my pet peeve is? It's normally my mother telling me that I have to lose weight or how nice I looked in a picture a few years back. The thing is-the only way that it works for most people is when you do it for yourself! When they tell you how to do it, or when to do it, it may just put you in the wrong direction by eating the wrong foods out of plain depression. Am I making any sense? Oh!- By the way....I just loved the Pee-Stick part of the story! :lol:

2cute2Bfat
03-22-2003, 05:29 PM
I don't usually come back and reply a second time to a single topic but I just wanted to make sure I was not "misunderstood".

I was not downgrading low carb diets.
I was not downgrading ANY diet plan.

EVERYONE has their own way of thinking as far as weight loss paths. That is the MAIN POINT I was trying to make.
We just shouldn't push our way of thinking onto others.

I believe knocking their way is "just as bad" as them shoving theirs down your throat.
Why is it that we seem to have to "prove" each other wrong.???

Let them follow the food plan they choose and you follow the plan you choose. Do you "actually" believe that you running down their plan is "morally correct" but them sharing what works for them is not????

What ever happened to "support" for each other.
Okay... THEY were too pushy.... but......
Two wrongs don't make a right.

wundawoman
03-22-2003, 09:22 PM
2Cute --

I agree. I don't want to run down what anyone else does (unless it's a real threat to someone's health, but I know they won't listen anyway). I just want them to quit with the details and this air of superiority. Besides, I couldn't follow their diet anyway. Low carb diets are bad news for people prone to kidney problems, and the way kidneys fail in my family, I'm stockpiling them in my freezer! :D

The best way to lose weight in my book is to keep one's mouth shut...in more ways than one.:lol:

Keep those cards and letters coming folks. -- Wunda

2cute2Bfat
03-23-2003, 01:12 AM
Hi wunda... by the way ... I love your avatar. :D
Sorry... sometimes I get a little paranoid. :o
I did not want anyone to think I was bad mouthing Low carb.
I am a true believer in "Live and let live"

A slogan that helps me is...
"Everyone has the right to be wrong" :lol:

Another cute one is...
"Those of you who think you know it all is annoying to those of us who do. " :lol:

Have a GREAT day.

Misti in Seattle
03-23-2003, 02:10 AM
Hi -- I am sure we can all relate as we have had people telling us all about what we are doing wrong! :lol:

When someone says something like that to me... or asks rude questions... I've found the perfect solution, at least for me. I smile (important!! so I am not coming across like the jerk) and look at them incredulously -- like I can't quite believe they said it -- as if I am totally serious, and say... "You're getting kind of PERSONAL, aren't you???" It brings some interesting looks to people's faces... and quite often shuts them up.

Sue

Freckles
03-23-2003, 10:30 AM
Hi!

I just wanted to pop in to let you all know that I'm really not cutting down anyone's plan. Each plan works differently with each person. I know low-carb doesn't work for me, but it could be fine for another person. The point I was trying to get at is sticking up for ourselves & if we get offended, to be able to let others know we have our own opinions toward certain issues. Once our feelings get hurt, it sometimes takes a long time to mend them. If we don't let people know when we are offended, they'll just keep on attacking us. I'm normally a "peace maker" so don't take me the wrong way. I hope this clears things up on my end. I hope everyone is enjoying this nice weather that we're getting all over the U.S. If you are able to do so, get out for a walk & enjoy the nice weather! Take Care Everyone! :flow2:

Freckles
03-23-2003, 10:39 AM
Hi!

It's me again! I wanted to let Sue/Dance4Joy know that in the past, we were informed if we use more than 7-10 smilies/icon's in one post the program might not take the post. So....if you're ever baffled about where your post may have ended up, it may be that it was deleted. This has happened to me, so I know through experience. Oh! One more thing: My congratulations goes out to all the "losers" that have posted here. Keep up the good work! You give me incentive to keep on going with my weightloss journey. ;)

Lunula
03-23-2003, 02:10 PM
LOL, I can't believe anyone would be so rude & superior as to assault you on public bus about what you were eating. Holy freakin' cow!

Just remember, these are the same people who are rude & superior about everything in life - it's not just their diet... it's their politics, religious beliefs, how they raise their families, etc., etc. Some people are so insecure about how they're living & what they "believe" that they feel they must convert everyone else to prove "their way is the right way."

I've tried tons of diet plans (including low-carb) - and I had someone at work try to extol the virtues of her plan (it was low-carb) - my reply, "Wow, I'm glad it's working for you, however, I'm happy with the way I do things and don't feel the need to be converted to anything else" and then I walked away, lol. If people ask me how I'm doing it, I tell them... but unsolicited "advice" just isn't my style. Why? Because I'm confident enough in what I'm doing not to worry about what others think. Wundawoman, sounds like you are, too. :)

wundawoman
03-23-2003, 02:20 PM
Wow! It's nice to know that all you folks are out there and many of you have had the same experience. Funny, my husband doesn't understand why I get so bent out of shape when people pontificate at me. (He was also shocked to learn that I had lost 60 lbs over the past few years. I could see in his eyes that he was trying to calculate what I used to weigh and is probably freaking out right now. Shows you how much he takes notice).
Somehow guys don't take this stuff personally or as an indictment of themselves and their behavior. It's more a "gal" thing, I guess. I've got to become more thick-skinned about my thick thighs. LOL! (And re the icon -- I'm a librarian professionally, so I thought it appropriate.)

Angel26519
03-23-2003, 02:43 PM
Hello - Here is a story that you can tell the low carbers -

I started on the low carb diet and was on it for about a week... started noticing how my lower back was really hurting and was chatting with a friend.... she told me it was the low carb diet and to get off.... I did.... two weeks later I happened to have my yearly physical.... the doctor called me back several days later and asked me if I was a heavy drinker.... I said if you think twice a year is heavy.... she said my readings came back like those who have drank for years heavily.... we went back and forth trying to figure out what is wrong and finally I had mentioned that I had been on a low carb diet about three weeks ago and had gotten off of it in about 6 days.... she had a fit.... was telling me to never do that again and telling me about all the dangers that you always hear of.... I was and still am a big water drinker and it still took over 2 months to get my readings back to normal.... she did say that if I had stayed on it for a month or more I could have done permanent damage.... something to think about....

Also, I have friends that have been on this diet and have had success with it and had no medical problems at all and so I know it does work for some and more power to them.... but I also know 3 people that when they came off it they gained all their weight back within a month and then some...

Just some amunition if they keep at you....

Wish everyone luck in their personal journey whichever it may be.

SuchAPrettyFace
03-23-2003, 04:08 PM
I find that **anyone** who is "crowing" to others how they lost weight so quickly to be pretty darned annoying. Any time someone brings up low-carb to me, I tell them 2 things: I have polycystic kidney disease. My nephrologist told me that I am NOT, under ANY circumstances, to go high protein/low carb. and 2, I'm Italian. There is no way to cut out 20-some years of eating bread & pasta whenever I want it. Cut down on portion sizes, yes. Completely eliminate these things from my life, not a chance.

I would like to know how you lost 60#, wundawoman, but I suspect it's just like we all know: watching what you're eating, regular exercise?

I'm not knocking anyone else's plan, either. But when a dr tells me not to do something, I listen to him. :)

wundawoman
03-23-2003, 04:18 PM
Dear Such --

I lost it pretty much as you said -- watching portion sizes and exercising more. Nothing was forbidden. I could eat what I wanted, but not as much and not as often. The hard part is keeping it off. I've kept nearly all of it off for two years now, regaining and losing 3-5 lbs. to keep it steady (holidays, water weight, etc.). I just wish I could lose another 20 or so. But that would mean cutting back even more (tried it once for a week and was starving all the time. What a diff 200-250 cals. a day make) and/or adding another 1/2 hour to my exercise, which in my already busy day ain't easy. The sad part of all this is that with all these folks "reaching their goals" in record time is that I feel what I'm doing doesn't mean much...but then again, who am I doing this for, them or me?

Everybody hang in there! :cool:

Misti in Seattle
03-25-2003, 01:55 AM
Hi Jackie

Thanks for letting me know about the smilies... guess I had best find myself another award method. :lol:

Sue