General chatter - I am literally the only single person in my vicinity right now.




mimsyborogoves
04-30-2012, 12:56 AM
I've been thinking and especially with what happened last night -- I am incredibly lonely. All of my friends are caught up in serious relationships, either marriage or headed in that direction. Even my best guy friend doesn't really want anything to do with me unless he's not around his girlfriend. Being 22, this kind of sucks because since all of my friends are settling down and starting to play house, I have no one to hang out with.

I've always been socially awkward and never know what to say when meeting new people, especially men. I know I'm about to get into the work force and what not and I guess I'll eventually meet people, but I am so sick of waiting for "eventually". I don't know what to do now -- I took up volunteering, but there's no one at my volunteer job that's around my age. I don't really know what there is for me to do to meet people -- I don't like going and doing things like going to bars/movies/concerts by myself.

I've really just been really depressed lately and I'm lonely and I'm just so ready for my life to change. I know I need to be patient, but everything just SUCKS right now. Ugh. I hate to be all woe-is-me to y'all but I hate keeping this stuff in and I don't know what to do. I never know what to do. Blargh.


fitness4life
04-30-2012, 10:12 AM
Aw! I feel for you!

Buy the book called something like "What every 30 year old woman needs to know".

I say that because you are SO young. Life alone can be wonderful once you embrace it, because you really develop who you are and once you have a firm hold on that, moving into a relationship will be true to yourself.

Also, careful what you wish for. There are many of us (40 something - divorced parents) that rushed into the "dream" rather than thoughtfully and patiently waited for the right thing to happen.

I like that you volunteer. There is also no shame in on line dating, just be careful.

I wish you well, honey.

XLMuffnTop
04-30-2012, 10:19 AM
At 22 I wouldn't stress about finding someone to date. If I were in your shoes, I would focus on my passions and hobbies. I know here in town we have low cost ceramics, painting, guitar and photography classes that I'd do if I could. I wish I had more time to read. My butt would probably be parked at a bookstore constantly. I know people that met at bookstores and ended up married as well. These types of activities give you something common to discuss with those around you to start friendships or more serious relationships.

But, like fitness4life said, don't rush into marriage and family life. My family life is wonderful, I love my kids and I love my DH but I just wish it was pushed back 3-4 years but with the same outcome.


mimsyborogoves
04-30-2012, 10:52 AM
Oh, trust me, lol, I don't even want to think about starting a family right now. If I do end up having kids, I want to be well established in some sort of job and in a position to where I can actually take care of a child and it not be a burden on me. (Not that children are burdens, but right now for me, it would be a huge one.)

I just want single people my age to hang out with, male or female. People that can actually go out and have a good time without having to worry about being home to take care of a family. I want people who are on the same level as me. I'm going gym-hunting this afternoon, so maybe that'll help me out some.

SugarRomeoTango4852
04-30-2012, 11:01 AM
I've been thinking and especially with what happened last night -- I am incredibly lonely. All of my friends are caught up in serious relationships, either marriage or headed in that direction. Even my best guy friend doesn't really want anything to do with me unless he's not around his girlfriend. Being 22, this kind of sucks because since all of my friends are settling down and starting to play house, I have no one to hang out with.

I've always been socially awkward and never know what to say when meeting new people, especially men. I know I'm about to get into the work force and what not and I guess I'll eventually meet people, but I am so sick of waiting for "eventually". I don't know what to do now -- I took up volunteering, but there's no one at my volunteer job that's around my age. I don't really know what there is for me to do to meet people -- I don't like going and doing things like going to bars/movies/concerts by myself.

I've really just been really depressed lately and I'm lonely and I'm just so ready for my life to change. I know I need to be patient, but everything just SUCKS right now. Ugh. I hate to be all woe-is-me to y'all but I hate keeping this stuff in and I don't know what to do. I never know what to do. Blargh.

Don't take this the wrong way but I could kiss you!

I am in the same situation and it is really, really, really, starting to get to me. I have never been in a relationship (and only gone out on four dates) but all the other people in my immediate life are in relationships (or have regular "hook up" people).

It doesn't help that I am extremely "flirty" but very shy when I am actually interested. It is a quandry and I haven't figured out how to escape it yet. I am not sure how to go out and meet people our age (I am 24) who I can relate to and just...relax and have a good time.

krampus
04-30-2012, 11:31 AM
Move to NY, no one here gets married or settled down until they're 30 ;)

Do your friends have single friends? Have you tried meetup.com or anything like that? It's hard - I struggle with it too (though I'm in a relationship).

MiZTaCCen
04-30-2012, 11:47 AM
I struggle sometimes because everyone I know, they don't know anyone to set me up with and the people they do know aren't my type and I wouldn't waste my time on them. So I'm screwed finding people myself. At the same time though there is so MUCH I WANT to do, that looking for a partner right now is not really in my books. Sure there are guys around me, and there are guys I semi like or really like. But it usually goes like this. "The guys I WANT, don't want me....the guys I DON'T want of course want me." I'm also very anti social, I like to be alone a lot (but I'm trying to work on that this year)

I go on dating bender's where a few months I have tones of guys, go out and enjoy myself...and other times I'm exhausted and don't bother dating anyone because I can't bring myself to go on another pointless date. Now that it's getting nicer out and not ridiculously cold I'm going to make myself mingle some more this summer to get out more and meet new people. I'm not really lonely but there are times I feel like I am. Even though I've only lost 12 pounds my confidence has rised a bit, I enjoy my new body and I'm going to continue to work towards my goals, not to mention there is so much I want to do that even though it would be nice to have a partner in crime, what I want probably wont mesh with who I date. So I'm going to enjoy being single, mingle a lot this summer, lose my weight and just enjoy life!

Move to NY, no one here gets married or settled down until they're 30 ;)



That's funny considering I always tell myself, my 20's are for learning, making mistakes and playing. My 30's are for settling down and children and whatever else grown ups do :P.

Megan1982
04-30-2012, 12:52 PM
I also wanted to chime in and say that I have been where you are. It's tough, but you will get through it. :hug:

Gyms are great places to meet people, as is volunteering, so I think you're on the right track. I was also going to suggest looking for clubs or groups in your area to try and meet people. What are your hobbies? I'm in a book club, a community theatre group, and a community choral group. I know people in cooking clubs, people who work at the local community gardens (another volunteer opportunity?), bike groups, running groups, things like that. Looking online for postings for groups like these. If you just keep putting yourself out there you'll start meeting more people.

I can also be very shy and feel awkward around those I don't know well. I actually "practice" conversations sometimes on my way to places where I don't know people very well. If you are seeing people you've met before, try to remind yourself of your last conversation to follow up on, if you're meeting new people, you can always ask things related to the event you're at, what they do for a living. If I have a few things in mind it keeps me from getting the deer-in-the-headlights feeling, and once a conversation is going I feel more comfortable and better able to handle myself. It just takes a little practice.

And yes, I second that there is nothing wrong with online dating!

Hang in there. :)

toastedsmoke
04-30-2012, 01:25 PM
Goodness I identify with so many of the things you all are saying. I'm 25 with slim to no prospects on the dating or meeting people front. And okay I don't help myself. I LOVE my house, it's like my sanctuary. I don't particularly like to go out, even when I'm with my best friends (only one of whom lives in the same country as I do now), I'm more a chill at home or quiet dinner out then chill at home type. The club/bar scene is my nightmare- crowded, noisy etc. But that's what most people here my age seem to be into.

I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward but I'm really shy around strangers and tend to either be silent or talk frenetically. My deepest fear is being thought to be forward or overfamiliar because amongst 20 something's here that is the pathway to a bad reputation. I'm sadly not even being dramatic.

I'm really conscious of the fact that my mom met my dad when she was 14 and married him 12 years later at 26. I'm going to be that age in June. It's not even so much I'm desperate for a relationship, I have a lot of things I need to figure out first with my life (do I want to apply for more grad school? Possibly move to Canada? Take up a job offer? Continue to consult for non-profits? Expand my business? I'm still kind of very QLC and being single is one less complication). However, I am beginning to feel the pressure not from anyone, but more from myself and my friends' weddings and babies etc. Which of course is totally no reason to settle down. Besides, I lied a bit when I said I'm not socially awkward. I am. But only around guys. I went to strict, all-girls catholic junior and senior high school. And I don't mean the kind in a Britney video... I mean an uber uber strict Opus Dei one, where uniform skirts were measured with a ruler, no make up was allowed and our nails were checked till 12th grade and there were actual forbidden words and books in the school. And strangely it WAS an excellent experience academically and emotionally. I was focused, well-adjusted, ambitious, we all were. It just really sucks that I missed out on the whole social interaction with boys thing at a crucial age.

My New years resolution was to put myself out there more. I've tried a bit but I've not really found my "scene" yet you know. And all the people that are as naturally boring "home bodies" like me are married with kids and lives and don't have time to hang out with me. It doesn't help that my family is nearby and to be honest my parents and brother are my closest friends. They're really cool people. Cooler than most of the people I meet. My mom thinks that I'm not making enough of an effort and that I need to cut the apron strings (since evidently she has). I think she's probably right.

Munchy
04-30-2012, 01:30 PM
I want to agree with everyone saying to focus on yourself. I love to sing, so I go to karaoke by myself and I meet a lot of people. I also belong to a book club, and I find that volunteer work and classes (fitness to hobby) can be wonderful ways to meet people with similar interests.

sacha
04-30-2012, 01:32 PM
You're 22! Single, no kids, the world is your oyster.

When I was 22 and single, I sold my condo, blew up my Visa, and just traveled the world with no regrets on budget tours. Met my husband a month after I returned and 2 kids later, I am SO glad I did.

GO HAVE FUN!

astrophe
04-30-2012, 01:49 PM
This baffles me. You sound like you want to get out and about without the work of getting out? Socially awkward doesn't improve by magic. It changes by exercising it!

YES some of it will feel uncomfortable. So? That wears off. The whole "newbie" thing.

A friend of mine took a shyness class at the library -- see if anything like that is coming up at your library. If nothing else you meet OTHER shy people and get to exercise the skills, right?

Do you attend a church of some kind? There's usually young adult things -- classes, socials. If not, start 'em!

What about hobbies or interests? Local festivals for holiday or observances (ex earth dayfestival ) or themes (folk music jam) or whatever it is you enjoy (renn fairs)? You meet people with similar interests by going to the things that interest you. New friends don't just appear in your living room.

Bike riding clubs, Audobon, sierra club, planned parenthood, slow food, supper club, voter polling, thrift store selling, gardening, interning, retreats, pagan studies, herbalism, model rockets, community service, learning to crochet, fair trade towns, national org of women, women voters, learning to bake, making jewelry, making candles, making soap, weekly ceramics class, karate, dance class, martial swords, foraging in the wild...

I'm just running down my friends and they things they like to do are are involved in "out loud" there.

Just think about the things YOU like.

A.

djs06
04-30-2012, 02:11 PM
Socially awkward, in my experience, usually just means 'out of practice.' Force yourself to do something out of your comfort zone, say, once a week. Try new things. Do YOU! That's the best thing you can do for yourself and for any future relationship. And keep in mind that you're your own worst critic- I make fun of myself for being socially awkward all the time, and people have said that it's weird that I do that because I'm not. But I still feel like I am!

That said, if I had gotten serious with the gf I had at age 22, my life would be a living ****. I am in a very different place even 5-6 years later, we all go through a lot of personal growth in our 20s especially. Sometimes you're still with the same person, other times not. So enjoy, don't focus or stress about finding someone special, you have plenty of time.

And happy graduation, btw :)

:grouphug:

toastedsmoke
04-30-2012, 02:28 PM
"Socially-awkward= Out of practice"

I guess there is some truth to that. It's harder to bust out of a rut than to continue with the status quo. Sort of like with being overweight for a while, it's hard to make the change.

If everyone I meet through friends, acquaintances, family, church seems to be into the same things that I'm not into, then I guess I can't depend on those avenues to meet people. I need to make a bigger effort to meet other people. It's a valid point!