Weight Loss Support - It's so difficult to stay on plan with a "naturally thin" spouse




lin43
04-29-2012, 04:40 PM
This is just a gripe post mainly (so feel free to join in with any comments). As many of you know, I lost 40-45 lbs. last year & have been maintaining since Nov. 2011. Some weeks have been easier than others, but I seem to be holding my on (I weigh myself twice a month & the last weigh in was 134.5). The main problem is that it is SO difficult to stay within my calorie range while living with my "naturally thin" spouse. I put that phrase in quotation marks because I know why my husband easily maintains a normal weight: He doesn't crave food like I do, but he does appreciate good food. Hence, he cooks food that is delicious but that I can eat just a bit of. As I speak, there is homemade bread cooking in the oven. Yes, I'll have some (and with some butter because . . . well, how can I not have it with butter?), but that's a red-light food for me, and I'm hoping I can stop with just one roll. Also, I'm down today, so I don't feel like cooking my usual "second meal" of broiled chicken for myself while he cooks his own delicious chicken dish with a fabulous sauce, so I'll just have a bit of what he's having. By my estimates, with just that roll, a bit of his chicken dish, and some of my homemade pasta fagioli (which I've already eaten because the smell of bread was making me HUNGRY), I'll hit almost 800 calories, and that's with no dessert.

It must be so much easier to live with a spouse that also has to watch his/her calories.

Okay, rant/whining session over.


mmr28
04-29-2012, 04:53 PM
Hello there! I understand how you feel completely! Congrats on that weight you have lost! :) but, my spouse always eats tons of fast food and NEVER gains weight it is very frustrating :mad:. I personally think its about mind power reminding your self constantly that you can't eat everything your spouse eats because your metabolisms are different.

**Maybe you could try to tell your spouse you both should eat and start cooking healthy for Health Reasons not weight lost. (Even though secretly its for weight loss for you ;) ) I sometimes wish my spouse was over weight so we could both be counting calories! lol


You have a done a GREAT job losing all that weight! So keep it up! :carrot:


-Michelle

free1
04-29-2012, 05:04 PM
No words of wisdom because I'm in the same boat....To be fair, my husband is a runner. However, I've watched him down over 800 calories for A SNACK and nothing...nada...zip. He pretty much stays the same weight and shape. He eats healthy most of the time but it burns me up to watch him go on a cake fest and gain absolutely nothing....


Wisertime
04-29-2012, 05:47 PM
Same here too! My boyfriend can literally eat anything he wants and never gains an ounce. Granted his job is pretty physical but still...come on! :)

I've told him if he could bottle it he would be a millionaire.

LilacGirl
04-29-2012, 05:48 PM
First of all, congrats for losing the weight and keeping it off!

My husband is 6'6" and 190 lbs. So yeah. He does run a lot and honestly does eat pretty healthy. He cooks and always give me huge portions. Usually I just try to eat less than he does and give him my leftovers.

It is very annoying because he actually seems to have no interest in any junk food. He can be very condescending when it comes to any food he feels is low quality or unhealthy. For example I bought some girl scout cookies from a coworker and he went on and on about he had one and it wasn't anything special and it certainly wasn't worth the trans fat or hfcs or whatever that was in the cookie. Lesson learned. If I want to eat crap, I just keep it at the office. *sigh*

Ok, I'm done with my rant for now.

lin43
04-29-2012, 06:01 PM
Thanks to you all!! It's nice to know I'm not alone.

My son in particular is so fussy with food that even if he's really, really hungry (as only a growing teenager is), he will not touch something which is not appealing to the eye or which is not cooked to perfection!

OMG! My husband is EXACTLY the same way! The thing is that some people would say that I'm picky about food, too: I mean, I eat organic (even when I eat "junk" food, it's organic--LOL!). But my husband makes me seem like a human garbage can. He's Italian but he doesn't like most "peasant foods"---yes, you guessed it: lasagna, eggplant parm---he eschews them all. Oh for that level of pickiness!

LeilaJey
04-29-2012, 06:04 PM
I know the feeling. My boyfriend can literally hoover up 2 plates of dinner (doesn't matter what it is, could be butter drenched anything) and he never puts on weight. I've seen him eat 10 sausages for breakfast on the same day too. So jealous. Today I was making a seperate dinner for myself and saw him put half a mozzarella ball on his stuffed pasta bolognaise. So jealous.

Only Me
04-29-2012, 06:11 PM
Dh isn't naturally thin, but his idea of going on a diet is giving up chocolate for a week. Not all sweets, just chocolate. He loses a couple of lbs. He's much taller than I am, so he can eat much more than I can just to maintain his weight. Then he runs and bikes a fair amount, so he burns lots of calories that way too.

Then, I have 4 kids, none of whom are overweight, and 2 of whom seem to need to put away amazing amounts of food just to grow at a normal rate.

Serenity100
04-29-2012, 06:28 PM
I don't know what plan you are on, but can you find some delicious recipes that fit your plan, and then ask Dh to make them? Why do you need to eat plain chicken when there are so many different options? There are so many recipes out there that taste as good as the original but have been modified to be healthy at the same time.

I would also flat out tell my dh that certain "trigger" foods are not allowed in the house. If he wants to eat those foods he can eat them out of the house.

Misa66
04-30-2012, 04:28 AM
Bahhh!

My boyfriend could have probably live off of chips and French fries and never gain weight...till now. I mean, he is such a picky water and when he is around a big bag of chips, he will finish that within a day or two. Oh and he loves pizza, can finish a whole medium pepperoni on his own. He is still very skinny, about 5'10" and weighs maybe 145-150lbs but in the last couple of months I've noticed a thin layer of fat growing on his stomach that's noticeable when he sits. I don't know if it's because hes not as active as he was when he was younger or all those fries are catching up to him but it's definately starting to show now. I've told him that I'm trying to lose weight and he was on the same boat but I don't see any improvement with him. He works out a few times a week but still eats the same junk he did before

sontaikle
04-30-2012, 06:50 AM
I can sympathize. I just had a conversation with my fiance (AGAIN) that he really needs to tell me what's going on when it comes to dinner when we're hanging out. We planned to go to Blimpie and get wraps but his mother wanted to cook for us instead. The problem is, her cooking is often unhealthy and for all of you people raised in households with Italian backgrounds, she uses store bought sauce so I can't even eat half the stuff she makes.

I've told him that he needs to either let me know if she's cooking and what she's cooking so I can plan ahead or TELL HER WE HAD PLANS TO GO OUT. There's been times where he hasn't done that and she tells me that she's cooking and I'll say "oh no, we're going out," but there's really only so many times I can do that.

He just doesn't get it. He shrugs his shoulders and says "what? we'll eat here instead." A;LSKDJG;LKEJ

Then he offered to take me out another day, but if we're going to be at my house (where there is an abundance of healthy food) then why would I go out???

nelie
04-30-2012, 07:14 AM
My husband is thin although I did manage to lose weight despite his needs to eat a lot more calories.

You have a couple options, mostly in getting your spouse on board. My husband and I eat a lot of the same things but I add extras to his meals. I also keep tortilla chips and peanu butter around for him.

You could also change your mentality a little. Why do you need butter on bread? Why not make it into a sandwich? Not sure what sauce your spouse was making but potentially eat the bread with the chicken? And if you are having bread, why not have a salad instead of pasta?

Also, something that can help is making sure you have your own food prepared. You can cook your chicken ahead of time and eat it for a couple days.

Men, in general, can eat more than women and not gain weight. So it can be rough, even if someone was trying to monitor their intake. You'd just have to tweak a little so you don't end up gaining.

lin43
04-30-2012, 08:01 AM
Thanks to all!

Serenity, thanks for your suggestions, but I guess I have a different philosophy about this: I don't think it is my right to forbid someone to have certain foods in the house because of a problem that I have with those foods. Now, I know others will disagree with that, pointing to the "alcoholics" analogy and having booze around the house. However, I just don't think it is fair to my husband for him to have to not have the foods he likes around because I'll eat them. At times, though, I have asked him to hide certain foods from me, and he has complied with that. As for recipes, I actually like to cook and often make tasty dishes. Some of them my husband eats as well, but he's a picky eater and most of the time, he and I have different tastes even when it comes to fattening foods. (But who doesn't like bread!)

Sontaikle, I feel the same way about restaurants most of the time. On Monday mornings my hubbie and I go out to eat breakfast because he loves doing that. However, all I can think of is that I'm paying for food that I can easily prepare at home but usually better results and with my calories in check.

Nelie, thanks for the tips. I don't "need" butter on my bread, but I guess we all chose our own poisons. I sacrificed with dessert so that I could have butter on my bread because freshly baked bread with butter is such a treat. I hear you, though. Sometimes it's just the timing of it all. I was in a weak state yesterday, but on other days, I'm much stronger and can resist the goodies.

Munchy
04-30-2012, 11:46 AM
I don't know what plan you are on, but can you find some delicious recipes that fit your plan, and then ask Dh to make them? Why do you need to eat plain chicken when there are so many different options? There are so many recipes out there that taste as good as the original but have been modified to be healthy at the same time.


That was my thought too. I hate plain chicken, but add some delicious sauce (http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/03/chicken-and-mushrooms-in-garlic-white.html) and I'm enjoying my meal for a few more calories.

Most meals can be tweaked in the same way and the whole family can enjoy them.

krampus
04-30-2012, 11:48 AM
I hear you. My boyfriend and I usually have dinner together (and eat the same amount) but he'll pack 2 apples, 2 big sandwiches, a Greek yogurt and a Clif bar for his breakfast and lunch at work. He's not "naturally thin" or "thin" but I'm just jealous that he can eat twice as much as me and still lose weight.

I also just hate having to constantly watch what I eat. The other day I was at a decadent pancake place and saw a very thin (probably underweight) woman order a stack of pancakes and literally take two bites. What a miserable existence!

valalltogether
04-30-2012, 12:23 PM
The other day I was at a decadent pancake place and saw a very thin (probably underweight) woman order a stack of pancakes and literally take two bites. What a miserable existence!

that is so wasteful, too .. :\


but you reminded me. there is a woman who comes into the restaurant i work at from time to time. she is very thin. she will order a burger (maybe even a double burger) with cheese and bacon, and wash it down with a milkshake. i don't see her very often. it's gotta be her cheat day or something. either that, or she goes and hacks it all up into the toilet. interesting..

lm3898
04-30-2012, 04:56 PM
No words of wisdom because I'm in the same boat....To be fair, my husband is a runner. However, I've watched him down over 800 calories for A SNACK and nothing...nada...zip. He pretty much stays the same weight and shape. He eats healthy most of the time but it burns me up to watch him go on a cake fest and gain absolutely nothing....

Ditto - I watched my husband eat 6 of the 8 slices of the large pizza we got last night and then have ice cream - he's 6'3" and weighs like 165...he LOVES to go to the gym and run...he actually loves it...

MOLE
04-30-2012, 06:30 PM
I have walked and AM WALKING in your shoes!!! I live with my boyfriend (who is THIN)--and his father just moved in after suffering a massive stroke....I cook dinner for them EVERY night--I HAVE to prepare all my food seprately which is a pain....but it is something I HAVE to do--This house is FULL of cheese cakes, cookies, pies, and EVERY variety of candy and chocolate known to man. Never eating all the junk is a challenge but (for me) getting this wieght off definatly OUT-weighs bad foods. Hang in there--I know how you feel!

berryblondeboys
04-30-2012, 07:56 PM
I am a gourmet cook and baker. I live with my mother in law, my husband, m teenage son and a 7 year old son. There is stuff around me ALL THE TIME. Right now on my kitchen counter there is a tray of cupcakes I made for yesterday, a container of monster cookies I made last week, a box of pizza I picked up for dinner tonight and then a drawer FULL of chocolates that is alway stocked and then there is bread on the counter I made and on and on and on.

I figured I needed to learn to be around food if I wanted to be successful in keeping this weight off. I can't live in a vacuum where temptations aren't around me. I just needed to learn what I can eat and what I can't.

Since I do all the cooking, I do have control over the calories, but besides skipping the starch, I eat normal meals - the same meals my family eats. I just watch the amount. Tonight, I didn't eat any of the pizza, but that as because I was hungry earlier in the day and ate my calorie allotment earlier. Sure, I would have loved a slice of pizza, but I wasn't hungry. It just sounded and smelled good. I sat at the table with them all, but didn't eat - just drank my water. It's a choice I've had to make.

And I dont' want to choose eating separately from the rest of the family in general. Just means sometimes my dinner portions are smaller.

Elladorine
04-30-2012, 09:14 PM
My husband literally eats double to quadruple the portions I do, yet remains 50 pounds lighter than me (we're the same height). If I make sandwiches, I'll have one while he'll have four! I'll take one scoop of no-sugar-added ice cream and his bowl will be overflowing with the full-sugar stuff. I rarely drink soda (maybe once a month, if that) and he'll easily go through a 12-pack a day. :dizzy:

We do tend to eat a lot of the same things, but I'll have a very small portion and will add some kind of healthy side or alternate main course to eat with it. Sometimes on the weekends he wants McDonald's for breakfast, usually three sandwiches (he's cut down, he used to get five!) and I'll hit the drive-thru for him. I might get an Egg McMuffin for myself, but I usually just grab what he wants and fix myself some oatmeal once I get home.

He's got plenty of tempting treats in the house, but technically speaking, I do too. And I'm fine with that, as I've been feeling pretty in control lately. :) I've got a containers of dark chocolate raspberry & mint M&M's tucked away in the cabinet, and I have a small amount every so often. He's got his ice cream, soda, tortillas, donuts, muffins, etc., and I leave them alone. I heated up a medium deli pizza from Walmart tonight, ate just one slice (he ate the rest!), and made myself a big spinach & arugula salad with homemade dressing to eat along with it.

Now mind you, it's taken me lots of time and realizations to reach this frame of mind, and I'm hoping it's something I can keep. I recently realized that I've been angry and bitter a long time over not feeling like I can eat like a "normal" person. Spending all of that energy feeling angry is not only wasteful, it's self-sabotage! If he wants to stop at DQ for example, I used to feel obligated to order something, like I was missing out if I didn't get a big treat too! I'm getting over that now. The last time we made a stop there on the way home from shopping, he got a milkshake, and instead of me getting my usual Blizzard, I shrugged off getting anything at all. And I was totally fine with it.

I think I've finally accepted the fact that I have to be careful with both my choices and my portions and that I can't worry about what the people around me are eating. And it's been quite liberating. :)